Who am I?
Posted: September 28th, 2023, 8:05 pm
Hi everyone!
This is Emily
I am writing this because I want to explain some things to people so they don't misunderstand me any longer in my posts. I know most people are not trying to be mean or anything but I do notice that my posts tend to make people misunderstand me. I am very grateful that there are so many that suggest so many things for me to understand. However, I am not trying to say this to be frustrating but just to clarify a few things. I am not saying any posts in general to be argumentative ever. I am not trying to make people frustrated at me or angry in general. I don't post things to make people wonder either. I am posting to make it clear what's going on in my life. I hope to clarify a few things about myself a little bit so that people know that I'm a kind person and not trying to argue with anyone. If for some reason my posts bother you, please let me know so I can help you understand what I mean. I am not a judgemental, mean, unkind, argumentative person. I am also not frustrating to deal with usually, so if my posts somehow make you feel frustrated I'm not trying to do that. I like discussions, where people ask questions, I ask questions and we all are okay with each other's opinions, but I love those types of discussions but they are very hard to find online because people are very argumentative. I will say one thing about myself, I don't have arguments in my personal life but online sometimes people say things to be mean but I don't know how to respond to that sometimes. I try to figure out usually what the other person is seeing and what they say in general to me, but it usually confuses me at this point because I am trying to see something I never see. It's hard to do that, but there is truth in general when there are opinions. Some opinions can be better than others and others can be worse. This is true. If I said "abortion is fine" then that opinion is not true and is not a good opinion compared to "Abortion is evil." But some opinions are really hard to discern sometimes because they are not something fully accurate in all areas. So someone might say "I am seeing something in your opinion that is not correct in this scenario," and that's fine to point out, but when people say "Well, you're incorrect so much that you're an idiot!" this is not how to have a discussion. I keep having a few people misunderstand me so much that I need to write a post about myself so that people can stop wondering about me in a certain way.
I am going to respond to a few comments in this post because I was misunderstood so heavily that if I don't clarify people will wonder about me.
I am not insane. This discussion is open for questions. I am not someone who refuses to listen to people's opinions about me. I love listening to people on how I can improve actually but I do know for a fact that I am not insane, crazy, or schizophrenic or emotionally ill. I am not ill. I am not mentally unstable either. I do not go around thinking that I am not insane when I should think that I am. I know people like this, and you can see it, and so can they sometimes, and this happens wth people sometimes who have mental issues. I am not like this. I am actually very sane. The way you can tell is by my own writing at this point. I am not saying suddenly "I am GOD! LISTEN TO ME!" and then saying "I am fine." I am not saying something like this when I claim that I am a Servant. I am claiming to be someone that helps God. I know that being a prophet is great in some people's eyes, but in my eyes it's a servant. It's not someone who is so great that they should be worshipped. If someone claims that I am crazy for thinking I am so great, I do not believe this in general with this idea. When people understand who I actually am they will not wonder about that area. People claim that if you are a prophet and claiming such things that you are either nuts, or fake. I am not either of those.
I may explain a little about this but when people say "you're nuts for thinking you're God's servant, you are truly insane," this is not okay to tell someone who is actually fine. Seeing something different in yourself is never a problem but if you see something so great in yourself it's a problem. I understand this. I am not doing something like that. I also want to say this much about my mental health, I am fine. I do not have mental illness because someone claims I have it. People claim many things in life and that doesn't mean that someone is actually mentally ill. However, I have had actual doctors all agree that I have something wrong with me. However, none of you know the true story about it.
I will explain a little bit about my situation. I was at a temple and I was reading scriptures and I said to someone "I have a devil near me, I need him gone! I'm trying to get rid of him! God will help me!" and that's all I said. Someone called the cops because of how odd that phrase was. Not because of something I did, or something else I said. But because of that sentence. I have freedom of religion and speech I should have all the right to be able to say that out loud. I do not know much about the law but I do know this was illegal to do to me. They took me to a mental institution and said to me "show me why you're not crazy." Instead of asking me questions, they already assumed I was nuts. Assumptions should not be used in this kind of situation. I was not a bad person or doing something weird or strange or odd. I was sitting in the temple and reading scriptures and talked to someone about my beliefs. I was thrown into a mental institution as a christian and I am persecuted because of my beliefs. This can happen to all of you. Not just me. All of you. This is so nuts sounding but it actually happened to a sane person who believes in a devil and God. So, that is true. That is what happened. Any other accounts about what happened are false. This is because they are wicked and mean, and unkind people who understand it differently. If they were a good person then they could have a say in what happened, but honestly when people are that evil or wicked it doesn't matter what they think about the situation because it will be incorrect somehow. For 7 years almost 8 I have had forced medicine in my body that has damaged my brain so heavily that I cannot even walk anymore without assistance. My abilities to do anything in general were nonexistent after a while because of this medicine they refused to not have me on. I am a victim to this evil system in this country. You cannot get out when you're in it. They told me this actually. You cannot get out when you enter it. This is true. I have been medicated more than anyone I know with this system. I have seen men who take off their clothing and scream and shout at the top of their lungs, they get out of the mental ward faster than I do. I told one person "I believe in devils, I believe in them this is fine." and they took it the wrong way so much that I am appalled at this person for medicating me forever because I said the wrong thing to the wrong person.
You cannot just medicate a normal person because of what they think they don't have. You cannot medicate a sane person who doesn't want medicine. If someone is a mentally ill person you do not have any right to medicate that person outside of their will. This is evil. I understand people who are dangerous might have a problem, I understand some people who are struggling with their suicidal thoughts all day long, I understand this, but you still cannot medicate people against their will in America. This system is so pure evil that it has destroyed my life so heavily that I couldn't do anything for over 7 years in certain areas of my mind and my capabilities to play any sport disappeared instantly. I used to be able to play the piano well enough to have people sing along at church and compliment me with my playing, however, I lost all of that because of my medicine. I lost all of my memories. I lost all of my abilities to think properly enough that I said "2+2=7" and so I ended up mentally retarded because of all of this medicine. They refuse to take me off because they think that the stories they hear are true. They think that because I walked around the mental institution for a few hours to pass the time that they think I'm nuts. I said absolutely nothing to these people sometimes in these mental institutions and they still sent me home with medicine that I must take or I would be sent to some scarier mental unit and never get out. They threatened that with me. They don't see this normally. I see it perfectly clear. I am not a nutjob for saying that a doctor doesn't understand that I am not schizophrenic.
I went to these institutions and they are kind of creepy sometimes and other times they're fine, and sometimes they scare the living $#!% out of you.
I was forced medicine that locked my jaw open and then they said "you're fine, we'll try something else." and then I screamed mentally because they were so evil.
I am not fine. Fine is when the medicine works, not when it doesn't work. I was not fine in that moment. I am fine now only because God healed my mind. I can comprehend what I'm saying in this post. Usually, I cannot comprehend anything that is said with anything in my life.
I went to institutions because of evil people and wicked people. I didn't go because I am insane. Insanity is taking off your clothing and running up against the window for women to see everything that you have and screaming bloody murder. That is insanity. However, some people are quiet and suicidal. I have never been suicidal.
This is not my story that only I understand. Plenty of people who I talk to know that I am not nuts.
I am not schizophrenic. I don't relate to any of the symptoms. I don't relate to any other mental illness that is suggested. I am fine.
If you have questions please ask. I'm fine with that.
I lost my ability to walk because of the devil. I lost my hearing. All of this has been restored. I can walk again and I can hear again.
This is because God came and fixed it. I am not lying. However, whatever to people who don't believe at this point.
I am not a lunatic for believing God fixed my hearing or my ability to walk.
When you have more questions than answers right now, please just read the statement as if I was a good person being persecuted. That will make more sense in general.
I have another area I must discuss.
I am not a bad person or a bad lady who claims to be a servant. I need to say that because people do go around like Denver Snuffer and claim to be prophets and they don't have miracles. One way to know if a person is truly a miracle worker is to ask them in the moment to do a miracle if they can't then they are a fake prophet.
I am not mean as a person. I don't go around forcing people to believe me, or make people believe me. But I need to make sure that people on here understand that I'm a good person and not trying to harm people. I am not a bad person in general but I don't fake things online ever. Not on Instagram or Facebook. I don't fake it. I don't just share only good things either. If people wonder about me a little, think about it this way why would someone do this? Why would someone care to post this? Why does anyone think this is a good idea? If you cannot answer these questions with something positive then you do not know what is going on.
I will share a few instances that show you who I am as a person.
I am a good person in general so I don't need to defend myself in general, but the reason I talk about this is to help people truly understand that I am not one of those people who goes around saying "I'm nice." and then they are mean. I am not a hypocrite.
I went to church one day and said "I wonder who to help today," and I said that in my house right before I left to church. The holy spirit said with words in my mind "you need to say your testimony." And I said "ok I'll do that." and so I shared my testimony. It was beautiful. It was not a fake testimony either. It was real. However, people stood up and said "how dare you ever say such things to me! You do not know who I am!" and I never claimed to know anything about anyone. Repentance is for all. I am not a hateful person. I love people. I go around saying in my head all day long "I like you!" or "I care about you!" and I really mean it. I go around to shop sometimes and hope to see someone that I know and to say hi. I hope in my heart to help homeless people when I see them. I hope to help. This is not the intentions of a wicked, hateful person. This is the opposite. I don't go around hating people and who they are and then say "repent you are bad!" and then feel better about myself, I say "repent, or you'll be burned" because I actually want to help them. When you say something like "repent" to people, some people have better reactions than others but that doesn't mean that I am the bad person because someone else reacted so negatively. It's like bringing cookies to your neighbor and then having a terrible time with them shutting the door in your face because you said something like "I care, would you come to church?" and then they shut the door because they hate something about it. That is not the person who brought cookies. It's not. I was brining life giving ideas to people. If I brought something like a piece of crap to someone and threw it at them then that would be a problem. That's like saying at church "it's fine to abort children." and then say "it's fine," this is crap. This evil. Do not mix the two up because you think that I am some strange lady who goes to churches teaching people life giving ideas and then saying "I was harmed by this church." This is not something odd to do in churches. people who are pastors teach their congregation about repentance all day long. Some people hear it better than others, and this is what happens. I am not bringing some satanic idea to someone and saying "if you don't do this I will force you somehow to do it," this is evil. I did not force anyone to repent. I said something. Words do not harm people. People choose to be harmed by ideas like repentance because they are wicked. I am not telling someone "I hate you" at all. I am saying to them "I need you to know that if you don't repent, and I will share this because I want to help you, if you don't repent, you will not be in Heaven." I said this and this upset so many people in the audience who come to church to be better than others that they got up and pushed me out of the church building. That is what happened.
I am the good person in this story and everyone else was a problem. This can happen when you're around a group of wicked people. This is true.
That is all I'll say about this area.
The next area I would like to share is how much I care about people.
I care more than you think. I go around thinking all day "how do I help people in this world?" and then I go do something for someone I care about and even random strangers that I don't know as well. I don't go around just helping people either, I actually go online and solve problems for them. If they have a problem and they know me, I will send them information about how to fix it. I believe that people only need someone to prompt them sometimes to do something. I know this happens because I've helped hundreds of people with what I do.
I don't just help a little I truly help people. I look at people and say "how does this person need help?" and then I go to work to help them. I only have so much energy right now, but usually I have so little that I just focus on a few people at a time. But now I have more energy and I can serve more because of this. I helped my friend be able to have work, a place to live, and even food for the week. But I've done more than this for this person. I have helped them with many areas. Emotionally I've helped them, physically I've helped them, this person is not in my life anymore but I was constantly helping this person with life. I have a new person I'm helping right now who is in Africa. My friend is good and mormon but he cannot afford most things in life. I was able to earn up from my family many things for him to have.
i even spent my entire paycheck to help house this person for the rest of his life.
He is not a thief, many people wonder this, but just because you're african doesn't mean you'll steal. This is true.
I have given this person life giving amounts of help. He is alive because I helped him. Alive. You don't understand what happens to people when they are not cared for in Africa. They end up poor and then dying because they cannot afford to eat. My friend finally moved because of my efforts and help and got a job for the first time in a long time. He is finally doing well in certain areas. He is still poor but has work to feed himself. This is monumental for someone who is starving. However, I still have work to do. He is not lying to me. Trust me. He goes around taking pictures of everything he buys and shows me and talks to me and shows everything that happens and does not lie. This person is able to live a better life.
My other friend I helped, I saved her life as well, twice. And she does not appreciate it. So, whatever happened to my other friend was not my fault.
The reason I share this is to not brag about myself being so great, but to show you that I go around trying to help people, not hurt them. I don't share things like "repent or be burned!" because I am being mean.
The next area I would like to share is this area.
I have done nothing wrong to my family all my life. There are claims that will probably pop up because they are offended at me just like those who were offended at my words at the pulpit. I have done nothing wrong to them.
I am not a bad person who suddenly changes from being kind to being unkind. That is true.
This other area I need to speak about a little bit.
This is about being an honest person. I am honest. However, why would I need to say this? Because people claim that I am nuts even when I am saying I am not. This is saying that I am a liar. I am very honest about myself and who I am. I know my own self very well. The reason some people think I am a problem is because they think I'm kind of lying or something, not full blown lying, but sort of lying. They think that if I share something that somehow I'm kind of being a liar somehow. This is because people say things like "are you sure this isn't some joke?" this is not me.
The next area I need to share is this.
I am a very interesting person but when it comes to being interesting in real life, I do tell people I'm a servant. They laugh at me. They mock me. They say mean things to me. They even claim that if I share any more crazy crap on facebook that I'll be kicked out of my house. I cannot tell you everything about this, but I don't go around trying to be better than other people just because I said something interesting.
Then there's people who think I'm dangerous.
You are making my life living hell because I am a good person and sharing good things and you are making my life hell. You are not kind, you are being mean and not nice. This is when people say "you're a bit weird..." or even "you're a bit scary..." this is so weird to me for people to say that I am dangerous. I save baby birds on the side of the road and I don't step on ants sometimes. I try to be good. You don't understand what you're saying when you say "you're kind of strange..." this is a way to say that there is something very wrong with me. If you do not know me you have no right to say that I'm dangerous, unless you saw me do something dangerous. If I said something dangerous online it would be obvious. Not something like "repent and be saved." Language is never a problem. Ever. It's not. If people have that much of a problem with language then they are a problem. There is a group of people who do think that I'm a problem actually. These people are dangerous to me actually. They go around and medicate me for being a good person. This is true.
When people are actually dangerous they are dangerous not because of words, but because of actions. Always. I have not been dangerous all my life. I am very safe to be around. People claim online to know who I am because I believe I'm a Servant. Being a Servant of God is an actual calling in life. If you have people claiming that I am somehow a danger they are the ones that are dangerous.
I go around giving people good experiences all day long. Sometimes even spiritual experiences. I give people opportunities to know themselves better. I smile at people and truly say words of encouragement. I will share more once I share this. I go around asking people in my head all day long "are you okay? Can I help?" and they usually just smile at me and so I figure they're okay a little bit, but I actually feel deep down that people are unhappy and so I try to help them be happy with my interaction with them. Does this sound dangerous ever?
Now to the next area.
I am a good person and I will share with you what I do everyday. I record what I do everyday to report back to God what I have done for the day. I do this very often.
Let me choose a date with something random in my journal that I write this down in and I will show you a few days of what I do.
Dec 5, 2019
1. Gave my first healing blessing to Ranelle. This blessing was written down first so that I knew what to say so that she felt better about life and herself. I gave her the letter that I was inspired to write. This is to help her mentally forever. I was giving this to her so that she could be actually healed from something, but I didn't notice much at all that changed. I tried having faith like moving a mountain but it didn't work for some reason. I tried really hard with this person in this blessing that I prayed to know what to say and focused so heavily to help her that I made sure I said all I should so she would feel less sad and suicidal and bad in life. I shared this blessing with her so she could have something to remember about our relationship as well, I wanted her to have something special.
2. Felt the spirit strongly. This was because I was doing what was right today and I felt it so strongly I cried. I felt it and I said "I will keep being good God! I love being good!" I believe that when I feel something this strong this is a message from God. I then felt holy feelings about Ranelle and about the relationship we had so far. This is true. I said to myself "this is my best friend!" I was excited to finally have a best friend.
3. Walked a little. I was struggling with my emotions that day but I tried really hard for Ranelle. Then I tried to keep myself healthy. I believe in being healthy and trying to keep my body functioning well. This was not just a normal walk, I would think about God the whole time and I would wonder about life and questions I had and I would ask him mentally about them. This walk was good.
4. ate fruit. I did something good today for my body. I learned to eat more and more vegetables and fruit lately because I felt the spirit strongly say to me "you need to eat more of this, if you don't you'll be unhappy more." I knew what that meant and so I went and bought fruit that week and so I ate something the spirit told me to eat. This made me very happy.
5. Saved Ranelle and Lamp. I was in the right place at the right time because of the spirit. I said "I need to do something over here and then walk this way. I'm not sure why." and then when Ranelle slipped I caught her and her very expensive lamp from falling hard on the ground. I saved ranelle a surgery in my opinion. She is very fragile. I want to help her feel better too so I hugged her.
6. worked out. This was a challenge today because I had no energy mentally because of all of the rape I was having from the Devil. I said "I need to do this, despite all the pain." and so without a second glance I went and worked out. I felt better afterwards but it still doesn't mean I wasn't dealing with something terrible.
7. Smiled. I smiled often that day. I did well with this area. I was always hoping someone would tell me they like my smile and someone did later on tell me how much they liked my smile.
8. Bought beautiful lamp. I bought a lamp this day and it is my favorite lamp still. I am always happy when I look at it. The spirit told me to buy the lamp and I said "ok I will." and I notice a lift in many areas of my life because I had followed the spirit promptly.
9. talked about book. I was writing a book back then and I knew that it was a great book, I wanted to know other people's opinions about it, and I felt better sharing about it. The spirit led me to this conversation.
10. Read scriptures. I am always trying to be more like God. He is trying to help me always. I try to help him by reading scriptures and doing what he asks throughout the day. I am happier when I read usually. I am always trying my best to be better. I read scriptures to help myself feel better and do better. I listen to the scriptures like they are God's word. I am always trying to follow God.
That is some of the things I did that day. I am a good person. I don't go around harming people while I do this either. I don't go around saying something mean, unkind, or wicked to someone. I go around always positive and trying to help.
This is another day
4/9/20
Prayed for the Virus to leave the Earth
4/9/20 fasted for everyone on this earth
A prayer and a fast in 2020
I prayed for gifts so that I could be a leader and be a better person in so many areas that I wont describe it. I asked for so many things but I am good at many of them. However, I don't have what God has. I am good, but not God. So I asked for these blessings.
Bless me with the gift of Charity. This was to help me be even more loving than I was.
Bless me with all of my gifts to be tenfold so I can help others even better than before.
Bless me with more service opportunities than 1 hour a day. I want more than 1 hour a day at the temple.
Bless me with ideas for being a leader and what to say and what to do for people more. I want to be a good general in God's army.
Bless me with missionary ideas so that I can act on them even more than I do now.
Protect me from the Devil. I am being attacked by him as if I were someone special. Please get rid of him! Please! I beg you!
Bless my family will come closer to christ.
Bless me with more success in my baptism idea. I wish to baptize millions of people in this lifetime and help them come to God. I have 7,000 baptisms right now and I'm not stopping, I want to help more!
Please heal my Body from the torture and rape and medicine they are forcing on me!
Bless me with more obedience than I have which is very strong in general, bless me with prophecy so I can lead better.
Bless the homeless that they may have a place to stay, let me help them if I have the funds. Please give me enough strength to do this.
Bless these people in my life shelli, greg, jessica, katie, ryoma, takenori, samuel, my family and others.
This is my prayer and fast. I did more than one fast. I did more than 30 in a few months.
I am praying not only for myself but for others. I am praying for myself to be better so that I can help others better. This is true.
I have many days that I have explained on paper what I do, and these are a few of these days. This is normal for me. This is not some type of incredible idea I had. This is normal.
Now on to the next subject.
I am a Servant. I don't force that belief on people, but I do have passion about it, because it's true. However, whatever people say about me is their own opinion and they do not know me usually.
I am not going to share more about myself in a certain area, but I will say a few things about my own opinion of myself.
I am a good person in my opinion. I am nice, kind and good, but I don't go around saying lies to people online to be interesting.
I am a sane person. I know this and this is true. This part I will say carefully, I am not better than others, but I live better than most people live, I don't yell ever, I don't scream ever, I don't go around harming people on purpose ever, this is true. But I am not better than others, I just live a more kind life than many people do. I won't say more.
I hope this clarifies more about who I am and what I've done a little bit. However, if you want to know my statistics I'll give them to you.
Here's some:
1. I have done more than 3,000 hours of service in a few years. I won't share how much service I give but I have given that much at least.
2. I have not yelled at all in my entire life. I am not manipulative either.
3. I have never ignored a prompting in my life from God. NEVER. I have not done it once.
4. I am very goal oriented and very spiritually minded at the same time. This is a perfect combination because you get to do the will of God and then also have success in life. I have done over 7,000 hours of goals and habits in 3.5 years. This is 6 hours a day. I have done so many habits and so many hours of study on habits that I am an expert at this point.
5. I have accomplished a few things in life, but my biggest accomplishment is getting to the top part of Heaven. I am given this for a reason.
This is not all. I won't share that much because it will sound unrealistic and it's already sounding pretty close to that in certain areas.
When people ask me for their opinion about my own self, I just say "I'm good, and valiant and kind, and loving." and that's about it.
I will not speak more about myself in this area.
Now I am not someone who is a loser in life, however, I am someone who doesn't have work. I cannot work most of the time. Why? Because I have a learning disability. This disability is so bad that I cannot remember what I wrote just paragraphs before I wrote this. I was in 9th grade when I was still doing the same chapter in 6th grade math that I had been on for 3 months at least in the same chapter and I couldn't understand what it meant. I am that disabled. I cannot learn a cash register, and pushing carts is out of the option. I cannot do work. However, I can do goals and figure things out that way, but my brain when i learn something new, I cannot learn it. It takes about 3 or 4 weeks to understand some of the buttons on the cash register.
There is a reason I am not a millionaire and famous by now. There is a reason, it's because I'm disabled. Not insane, not because I'm lazy and bad but because I'm disabled.
When people assume I'm disabled they assume I'm also nuts. But that's not what's going on and I won't explain more.
However, I am not a loser in life. I won the best prize that life can offer, a spot in a kingdom that God lives in. Most people don't make it in those areas. There is a reason and I won't say much but they need to stop yelling at each other.
I have incredible success with my life in spiritual areas and other areas like this, but I do not have success that most people have, such as, a job, friends, and even something like vacations and house and even items they want in life. I cannot afford anything at this point. I am not a loser however because I don't have a job. people have jobs and scream at their children and damage them forever because of it. I am at least not harming people in life, I may not have a job, but at least I don't yell and scream at people.
When I share this topic people think I'm kind of not great.
I am not saying I am greater than others, but I am saying I am better at living life than others in areas that matter the most. Money can be earned. But taking back words you said is not possible.
I know I do not have friends. I may have friends on here a bit, but I don't talk to them much and I don't have people's support in most areas. However, I do know a few of you and some of you have helped me tremendously, but I don't know you.
I don't have friends not because I'm a weirdo, loser, or even strange but I am friendless because the spirit warns me not to have friends right now. I am following God about this area.
I do not have a college degree. This is impossible. I cannot do this at all. However, I am not a loser, dumb, or lazy. I am not. I work to hard on my habits and goals to say that.
I know I would be a millionaire or even more by now financially if my mind was able to remember things well.
I know this is a problem. I am aware of it. This is not something I want, or can help. People tend to think I'm nuts however, and I'm not.
It's like having no leg and not being able to run as fast as usual because of it. That's what's happening to me.
That is all I'll say about myself. Now let me conclude with this post.
I am a good person, but the reason I wrote this is to clarify who I am more. People still are saying things they shouldn't say about me when they don't even know me.
That is all I'll say about this.
God is good and founded Heaven.
This is Emily
I am writing this because I want to explain some things to people so they don't misunderstand me any longer in my posts. I know most people are not trying to be mean or anything but I do notice that my posts tend to make people misunderstand me. I am very grateful that there are so many that suggest so many things for me to understand. However, I am not trying to say this to be frustrating but just to clarify a few things. I am not saying any posts in general to be argumentative ever. I am not trying to make people frustrated at me or angry in general. I don't post things to make people wonder either. I am posting to make it clear what's going on in my life. I hope to clarify a few things about myself a little bit so that people know that I'm a kind person and not trying to argue with anyone. If for some reason my posts bother you, please let me know so I can help you understand what I mean. I am not a judgemental, mean, unkind, argumentative person. I am also not frustrating to deal with usually, so if my posts somehow make you feel frustrated I'm not trying to do that. I like discussions, where people ask questions, I ask questions and we all are okay with each other's opinions, but I love those types of discussions but they are very hard to find online because people are very argumentative. I will say one thing about myself, I don't have arguments in my personal life but online sometimes people say things to be mean but I don't know how to respond to that sometimes. I try to figure out usually what the other person is seeing and what they say in general to me, but it usually confuses me at this point because I am trying to see something I never see. It's hard to do that, but there is truth in general when there are opinions. Some opinions can be better than others and others can be worse. This is true. If I said "abortion is fine" then that opinion is not true and is not a good opinion compared to "Abortion is evil." But some opinions are really hard to discern sometimes because they are not something fully accurate in all areas. So someone might say "I am seeing something in your opinion that is not correct in this scenario," and that's fine to point out, but when people say "Well, you're incorrect so much that you're an idiot!" this is not how to have a discussion. I keep having a few people misunderstand me so much that I need to write a post about myself so that people can stop wondering about me in a certain way.
I am going to respond to a few comments in this post because I was misunderstood so heavily that if I don't clarify people will wonder about me.
I am not insane. This discussion is open for questions. I am not someone who refuses to listen to people's opinions about me. I love listening to people on how I can improve actually but I do know for a fact that I am not insane, crazy, or schizophrenic or emotionally ill. I am not ill. I am not mentally unstable either. I do not go around thinking that I am not insane when I should think that I am. I know people like this, and you can see it, and so can they sometimes, and this happens wth people sometimes who have mental issues. I am not like this. I am actually very sane. The way you can tell is by my own writing at this point. I am not saying suddenly "I am GOD! LISTEN TO ME!" and then saying "I am fine." I am not saying something like this when I claim that I am a Servant. I am claiming to be someone that helps God. I know that being a prophet is great in some people's eyes, but in my eyes it's a servant. It's not someone who is so great that they should be worshipped. If someone claims that I am crazy for thinking I am so great, I do not believe this in general with this idea. When people understand who I actually am they will not wonder about that area. People claim that if you are a prophet and claiming such things that you are either nuts, or fake. I am not either of those.
I may explain a little about this but when people say "you're nuts for thinking you're God's servant, you are truly insane," this is not okay to tell someone who is actually fine. Seeing something different in yourself is never a problem but if you see something so great in yourself it's a problem. I understand this. I am not doing something like that. I also want to say this much about my mental health, I am fine. I do not have mental illness because someone claims I have it. People claim many things in life and that doesn't mean that someone is actually mentally ill. However, I have had actual doctors all agree that I have something wrong with me. However, none of you know the true story about it.
I will explain a little bit about my situation. I was at a temple and I was reading scriptures and I said to someone "I have a devil near me, I need him gone! I'm trying to get rid of him! God will help me!" and that's all I said. Someone called the cops because of how odd that phrase was. Not because of something I did, or something else I said. But because of that sentence. I have freedom of religion and speech I should have all the right to be able to say that out loud. I do not know much about the law but I do know this was illegal to do to me. They took me to a mental institution and said to me "show me why you're not crazy." Instead of asking me questions, they already assumed I was nuts. Assumptions should not be used in this kind of situation. I was not a bad person or doing something weird or strange or odd. I was sitting in the temple and reading scriptures and talked to someone about my beliefs. I was thrown into a mental institution as a christian and I am persecuted because of my beliefs. This can happen to all of you. Not just me. All of you. This is so nuts sounding but it actually happened to a sane person who believes in a devil and God. So, that is true. That is what happened. Any other accounts about what happened are false. This is because they are wicked and mean, and unkind people who understand it differently. If they were a good person then they could have a say in what happened, but honestly when people are that evil or wicked it doesn't matter what they think about the situation because it will be incorrect somehow. For 7 years almost 8 I have had forced medicine in my body that has damaged my brain so heavily that I cannot even walk anymore without assistance. My abilities to do anything in general were nonexistent after a while because of this medicine they refused to not have me on. I am a victim to this evil system in this country. You cannot get out when you're in it. They told me this actually. You cannot get out when you enter it. This is true. I have been medicated more than anyone I know with this system. I have seen men who take off their clothing and scream and shout at the top of their lungs, they get out of the mental ward faster than I do. I told one person "I believe in devils, I believe in them this is fine." and they took it the wrong way so much that I am appalled at this person for medicating me forever because I said the wrong thing to the wrong person.
You cannot just medicate a normal person because of what they think they don't have. You cannot medicate a sane person who doesn't want medicine. If someone is a mentally ill person you do not have any right to medicate that person outside of their will. This is evil. I understand people who are dangerous might have a problem, I understand some people who are struggling with their suicidal thoughts all day long, I understand this, but you still cannot medicate people against their will in America. This system is so pure evil that it has destroyed my life so heavily that I couldn't do anything for over 7 years in certain areas of my mind and my capabilities to play any sport disappeared instantly. I used to be able to play the piano well enough to have people sing along at church and compliment me with my playing, however, I lost all of that because of my medicine. I lost all of my memories. I lost all of my abilities to think properly enough that I said "2+2=7" and so I ended up mentally retarded because of all of this medicine. They refuse to take me off because they think that the stories they hear are true. They think that because I walked around the mental institution for a few hours to pass the time that they think I'm nuts. I said absolutely nothing to these people sometimes in these mental institutions and they still sent me home with medicine that I must take or I would be sent to some scarier mental unit and never get out. They threatened that with me. They don't see this normally. I see it perfectly clear. I am not a nutjob for saying that a doctor doesn't understand that I am not schizophrenic.
I went to these institutions and they are kind of creepy sometimes and other times they're fine, and sometimes they scare the living $#!% out of you.
I was forced medicine that locked my jaw open and then they said "you're fine, we'll try something else." and then I screamed mentally because they were so evil.
I am not fine. Fine is when the medicine works, not when it doesn't work. I was not fine in that moment. I am fine now only because God healed my mind. I can comprehend what I'm saying in this post. Usually, I cannot comprehend anything that is said with anything in my life.
I went to institutions because of evil people and wicked people. I didn't go because I am insane. Insanity is taking off your clothing and running up against the window for women to see everything that you have and screaming bloody murder. That is insanity. However, some people are quiet and suicidal. I have never been suicidal.
This is not my story that only I understand. Plenty of people who I talk to know that I am not nuts.
I am not schizophrenic. I don't relate to any of the symptoms. I don't relate to any other mental illness that is suggested. I am fine.
If you have questions please ask. I'm fine with that.
I lost my ability to walk because of the devil. I lost my hearing. All of this has been restored. I can walk again and I can hear again.
This is because God came and fixed it. I am not lying. However, whatever to people who don't believe at this point.
I am not a lunatic for believing God fixed my hearing or my ability to walk.
When you have more questions than answers right now, please just read the statement as if I was a good person being persecuted. That will make more sense in general.
I have another area I must discuss.
I am not a bad person or a bad lady who claims to be a servant. I need to say that because people do go around like Denver Snuffer and claim to be prophets and they don't have miracles. One way to know if a person is truly a miracle worker is to ask them in the moment to do a miracle if they can't then they are a fake prophet.
I am not mean as a person. I don't go around forcing people to believe me, or make people believe me. But I need to make sure that people on here understand that I'm a good person and not trying to harm people. I am not a bad person in general but I don't fake things online ever. Not on Instagram or Facebook. I don't fake it. I don't just share only good things either. If people wonder about me a little, think about it this way why would someone do this? Why would someone care to post this? Why does anyone think this is a good idea? If you cannot answer these questions with something positive then you do not know what is going on.
I will share a few instances that show you who I am as a person.
I am a good person in general so I don't need to defend myself in general, but the reason I talk about this is to help people truly understand that I am not one of those people who goes around saying "I'm nice." and then they are mean. I am not a hypocrite.
I went to church one day and said "I wonder who to help today," and I said that in my house right before I left to church. The holy spirit said with words in my mind "you need to say your testimony." And I said "ok I'll do that." and so I shared my testimony. It was beautiful. It was not a fake testimony either. It was real. However, people stood up and said "how dare you ever say such things to me! You do not know who I am!" and I never claimed to know anything about anyone. Repentance is for all. I am not a hateful person. I love people. I go around saying in my head all day long "I like you!" or "I care about you!" and I really mean it. I go around to shop sometimes and hope to see someone that I know and to say hi. I hope in my heart to help homeless people when I see them. I hope to help. This is not the intentions of a wicked, hateful person. This is the opposite. I don't go around hating people and who they are and then say "repent you are bad!" and then feel better about myself, I say "repent, or you'll be burned" because I actually want to help them. When you say something like "repent" to people, some people have better reactions than others but that doesn't mean that I am the bad person because someone else reacted so negatively. It's like bringing cookies to your neighbor and then having a terrible time with them shutting the door in your face because you said something like "I care, would you come to church?" and then they shut the door because they hate something about it. That is not the person who brought cookies. It's not. I was brining life giving ideas to people. If I brought something like a piece of crap to someone and threw it at them then that would be a problem. That's like saying at church "it's fine to abort children." and then say "it's fine," this is crap. This evil. Do not mix the two up because you think that I am some strange lady who goes to churches teaching people life giving ideas and then saying "I was harmed by this church." This is not something odd to do in churches. people who are pastors teach their congregation about repentance all day long. Some people hear it better than others, and this is what happens. I am not bringing some satanic idea to someone and saying "if you don't do this I will force you somehow to do it," this is evil. I did not force anyone to repent. I said something. Words do not harm people. People choose to be harmed by ideas like repentance because they are wicked. I am not telling someone "I hate you" at all. I am saying to them "I need you to know that if you don't repent, and I will share this because I want to help you, if you don't repent, you will not be in Heaven." I said this and this upset so many people in the audience who come to church to be better than others that they got up and pushed me out of the church building. That is what happened.
I am the good person in this story and everyone else was a problem. This can happen when you're around a group of wicked people. This is true.
That is all I'll say about this area.
The next area I would like to share is how much I care about people.
I care more than you think. I go around thinking all day "how do I help people in this world?" and then I go do something for someone I care about and even random strangers that I don't know as well. I don't go around just helping people either, I actually go online and solve problems for them. If they have a problem and they know me, I will send them information about how to fix it. I believe that people only need someone to prompt them sometimes to do something. I know this happens because I've helped hundreds of people with what I do.
I don't just help a little I truly help people. I look at people and say "how does this person need help?" and then I go to work to help them. I only have so much energy right now, but usually I have so little that I just focus on a few people at a time. But now I have more energy and I can serve more because of this. I helped my friend be able to have work, a place to live, and even food for the week. But I've done more than this for this person. I have helped them with many areas. Emotionally I've helped them, physically I've helped them, this person is not in my life anymore but I was constantly helping this person with life. I have a new person I'm helping right now who is in Africa. My friend is good and mormon but he cannot afford most things in life. I was able to earn up from my family many things for him to have.
i even spent my entire paycheck to help house this person for the rest of his life.
He is not a thief, many people wonder this, but just because you're african doesn't mean you'll steal. This is true.
I have given this person life giving amounts of help. He is alive because I helped him. Alive. You don't understand what happens to people when they are not cared for in Africa. They end up poor and then dying because they cannot afford to eat. My friend finally moved because of my efforts and help and got a job for the first time in a long time. He is finally doing well in certain areas. He is still poor but has work to feed himself. This is monumental for someone who is starving. However, I still have work to do. He is not lying to me. Trust me. He goes around taking pictures of everything he buys and shows me and talks to me and shows everything that happens and does not lie. This person is able to live a better life.
My other friend I helped, I saved her life as well, twice. And she does not appreciate it. So, whatever happened to my other friend was not my fault.
The reason I share this is to not brag about myself being so great, but to show you that I go around trying to help people, not hurt them. I don't share things like "repent or be burned!" because I am being mean.
The next area I would like to share is this area.
I have done nothing wrong to my family all my life. There are claims that will probably pop up because they are offended at me just like those who were offended at my words at the pulpit. I have done nothing wrong to them.
I am not a bad person who suddenly changes from being kind to being unkind. That is true.
This other area I need to speak about a little bit.
This is about being an honest person. I am honest. However, why would I need to say this? Because people claim that I am nuts even when I am saying I am not. This is saying that I am a liar. I am very honest about myself and who I am. I know my own self very well. The reason some people think I am a problem is because they think I'm kind of lying or something, not full blown lying, but sort of lying. They think that if I share something that somehow I'm kind of being a liar somehow. This is because people say things like "are you sure this isn't some joke?" this is not me.
The next area I need to share is this.
I am a very interesting person but when it comes to being interesting in real life, I do tell people I'm a servant. They laugh at me. They mock me. They say mean things to me. They even claim that if I share any more crazy crap on facebook that I'll be kicked out of my house. I cannot tell you everything about this, but I don't go around trying to be better than other people just because I said something interesting.
Then there's people who think I'm dangerous.
You are making my life living hell because I am a good person and sharing good things and you are making my life hell. You are not kind, you are being mean and not nice. This is when people say "you're a bit weird..." or even "you're a bit scary..." this is so weird to me for people to say that I am dangerous. I save baby birds on the side of the road and I don't step on ants sometimes. I try to be good. You don't understand what you're saying when you say "you're kind of strange..." this is a way to say that there is something very wrong with me. If you do not know me you have no right to say that I'm dangerous, unless you saw me do something dangerous. If I said something dangerous online it would be obvious. Not something like "repent and be saved." Language is never a problem. Ever. It's not. If people have that much of a problem with language then they are a problem. There is a group of people who do think that I'm a problem actually. These people are dangerous to me actually. They go around and medicate me for being a good person. This is true.
When people are actually dangerous they are dangerous not because of words, but because of actions. Always. I have not been dangerous all my life. I am very safe to be around. People claim online to know who I am because I believe I'm a Servant. Being a Servant of God is an actual calling in life. If you have people claiming that I am somehow a danger they are the ones that are dangerous.
I go around giving people good experiences all day long. Sometimes even spiritual experiences. I give people opportunities to know themselves better. I smile at people and truly say words of encouragement. I will share more once I share this. I go around asking people in my head all day long "are you okay? Can I help?" and they usually just smile at me and so I figure they're okay a little bit, but I actually feel deep down that people are unhappy and so I try to help them be happy with my interaction with them. Does this sound dangerous ever?
Now to the next area.
I am a good person and I will share with you what I do everyday. I record what I do everyday to report back to God what I have done for the day. I do this very often.
Let me choose a date with something random in my journal that I write this down in and I will show you a few days of what I do.
Dec 5, 2019
1. Gave my first healing blessing to Ranelle. This blessing was written down first so that I knew what to say so that she felt better about life and herself. I gave her the letter that I was inspired to write. This is to help her mentally forever. I was giving this to her so that she could be actually healed from something, but I didn't notice much at all that changed. I tried having faith like moving a mountain but it didn't work for some reason. I tried really hard with this person in this blessing that I prayed to know what to say and focused so heavily to help her that I made sure I said all I should so she would feel less sad and suicidal and bad in life. I shared this blessing with her so she could have something to remember about our relationship as well, I wanted her to have something special.
2. Felt the spirit strongly. This was because I was doing what was right today and I felt it so strongly I cried. I felt it and I said "I will keep being good God! I love being good!" I believe that when I feel something this strong this is a message from God. I then felt holy feelings about Ranelle and about the relationship we had so far. This is true. I said to myself "this is my best friend!" I was excited to finally have a best friend.
3. Walked a little. I was struggling with my emotions that day but I tried really hard for Ranelle. Then I tried to keep myself healthy. I believe in being healthy and trying to keep my body functioning well. This was not just a normal walk, I would think about God the whole time and I would wonder about life and questions I had and I would ask him mentally about them. This walk was good.
4. ate fruit. I did something good today for my body. I learned to eat more and more vegetables and fruit lately because I felt the spirit strongly say to me "you need to eat more of this, if you don't you'll be unhappy more." I knew what that meant and so I went and bought fruit that week and so I ate something the spirit told me to eat. This made me very happy.
5. Saved Ranelle and Lamp. I was in the right place at the right time because of the spirit. I said "I need to do something over here and then walk this way. I'm not sure why." and then when Ranelle slipped I caught her and her very expensive lamp from falling hard on the ground. I saved ranelle a surgery in my opinion. She is very fragile. I want to help her feel better too so I hugged her.
6. worked out. This was a challenge today because I had no energy mentally because of all of the rape I was having from the Devil. I said "I need to do this, despite all the pain." and so without a second glance I went and worked out. I felt better afterwards but it still doesn't mean I wasn't dealing with something terrible.
7. Smiled. I smiled often that day. I did well with this area. I was always hoping someone would tell me they like my smile and someone did later on tell me how much they liked my smile.
8. Bought beautiful lamp. I bought a lamp this day and it is my favorite lamp still. I am always happy when I look at it. The spirit told me to buy the lamp and I said "ok I will." and I notice a lift in many areas of my life because I had followed the spirit promptly.
9. talked about book. I was writing a book back then and I knew that it was a great book, I wanted to know other people's opinions about it, and I felt better sharing about it. The spirit led me to this conversation.
10. Read scriptures. I am always trying to be more like God. He is trying to help me always. I try to help him by reading scriptures and doing what he asks throughout the day. I am happier when I read usually. I am always trying my best to be better. I read scriptures to help myself feel better and do better. I listen to the scriptures like they are God's word. I am always trying to follow God.
That is some of the things I did that day. I am a good person. I don't go around harming people while I do this either. I don't go around saying something mean, unkind, or wicked to someone. I go around always positive and trying to help.
This is another day
4/9/20
Prayed for the Virus to leave the Earth
4/9/20 fasted for everyone on this earth
A prayer and a fast in 2020
I prayed for gifts so that I could be a leader and be a better person in so many areas that I wont describe it. I asked for so many things but I am good at many of them. However, I don't have what God has. I am good, but not God. So I asked for these blessings.
Bless me with the gift of Charity. This was to help me be even more loving than I was.
Bless me with all of my gifts to be tenfold so I can help others even better than before.
Bless me with more service opportunities than 1 hour a day. I want more than 1 hour a day at the temple.
Bless me with ideas for being a leader and what to say and what to do for people more. I want to be a good general in God's army.
Bless me with missionary ideas so that I can act on them even more than I do now.
Protect me from the Devil. I am being attacked by him as if I were someone special. Please get rid of him! Please! I beg you!
Bless my family will come closer to christ.
Bless me with more success in my baptism idea. I wish to baptize millions of people in this lifetime and help them come to God. I have 7,000 baptisms right now and I'm not stopping, I want to help more!
Please heal my Body from the torture and rape and medicine they are forcing on me!
Bless me with more obedience than I have which is very strong in general, bless me with prophecy so I can lead better.
Bless the homeless that they may have a place to stay, let me help them if I have the funds. Please give me enough strength to do this.
Bless these people in my life shelli, greg, jessica, katie, ryoma, takenori, samuel, my family and others.
This is my prayer and fast. I did more than one fast. I did more than 30 in a few months.
I am praying not only for myself but for others. I am praying for myself to be better so that I can help others better. This is true.
I have many days that I have explained on paper what I do, and these are a few of these days. This is normal for me. This is not some type of incredible idea I had. This is normal.
Now on to the next subject.
I am a Servant. I don't force that belief on people, but I do have passion about it, because it's true. However, whatever people say about me is their own opinion and they do not know me usually.
I am not going to share more about myself in a certain area, but I will say a few things about my own opinion of myself.
I am a good person in my opinion. I am nice, kind and good, but I don't go around saying lies to people online to be interesting.
I am a sane person. I know this and this is true. This part I will say carefully, I am not better than others, but I live better than most people live, I don't yell ever, I don't scream ever, I don't go around harming people on purpose ever, this is true. But I am not better than others, I just live a more kind life than many people do. I won't say more.
I hope this clarifies more about who I am and what I've done a little bit. However, if you want to know my statistics I'll give them to you.
Here's some:
1. I have done more than 3,000 hours of service in a few years. I won't share how much service I give but I have given that much at least.
2. I have not yelled at all in my entire life. I am not manipulative either.
3. I have never ignored a prompting in my life from God. NEVER. I have not done it once.
4. I am very goal oriented and very spiritually minded at the same time. This is a perfect combination because you get to do the will of God and then also have success in life. I have done over 7,000 hours of goals and habits in 3.5 years. This is 6 hours a day. I have done so many habits and so many hours of study on habits that I am an expert at this point.
5. I have accomplished a few things in life, but my biggest accomplishment is getting to the top part of Heaven. I am given this for a reason.
This is not all. I won't share that much because it will sound unrealistic and it's already sounding pretty close to that in certain areas.
When people ask me for their opinion about my own self, I just say "I'm good, and valiant and kind, and loving." and that's about it.
I will not speak more about myself in this area.
Now I am not someone who is a loser in life, however, I am someone who doesn't have work. I cannot work most of the time. Why? Because I have a learning disability. This disability is so bad that I cannot remember what I wrote just paragraphs before I wrote this. I was in 9th grade when I was still doing the same chapter in 6th grade math that I had been on for 3 months at least in the same chapter and I couldn't understand what it meant. I am that disabled. I cannot learn a cash register, and pushing carts is out of the option. I cannot do work. However, I can do goals and figure things out that way, but my brain when i learn something new, I cannot learn it. It takes about 3 or 4 weeks to understand some of the buttons on the cash register.
There is a reason I am not a millionaire and famous by now. There is a reason, it's because I'm disabled. Not insane, not because I'm lazy and bad but because I'm disabled.
When people assume I'm disabled they assume I'm also nuts. But that's not what's going on and I won't explain more.
However, I am not a loser in life. I won the best prize that life can offer, a spot in a kingdom that God lives in. Most people don't make it in those areas. There is a reason and I won't say much but they need to stop yelling at each other.
I have incredible success with my life in spiritual areas and other areas like this, but I do not have success that most people have, such as, a job, friends, and even something like vacations and house and even items they want in life. I cannot afford anything at this point. I am not a loser however because I don't have a job. people have jobs and scream at their children and damage them forever because of it. I am at least not harming people in life, I may not have a job, but at least I don't yell and scream at people.
When I share this topic people think I'm kind of not great.
I am not saying I am greater than others, but I am saying I am better at living life than others in areas that matter the most. Money can be earned. But taking back words you said is not possible.
I know I do not have friends. I may have friends on here a bit, but I don't talk to them much and I don't have people's support in most areas. However, I do know a few of you and some of you have helped me tremendously, but I don't know you.
I don't have friends not because I'm a weirdo, loser, or even strange but I am friendless because the spirit warns me not to have friends right now. I am following God about this area.
I do not have a college degree. This is impossible. I cannot do this at all. However, I am not a loser, dumb, or lazy. I am not. I work to hard on my habits and goals to say that.
I know I would be a millionaire or even more by now financially if my mind was able to remember things well.
I know this is a problem. I am aware of it. This is not something I want, or can help. People tend to think I'm nuts however, and I'm not.
It's like having no leg and not being able to run as fast as usual because of it. That's what's happening to me.
That is all I'll say about myself. Now let me conclude with this post.
I am a good person, but the reason I wrote this is to clarify who I am more. People still are saying things they shouldn't say about me when they don't even know me.
That is all I'll say about this.
God is good and founded Heaven.