Greetings, community!
Posted: March 14th, 2023, 6:21 pm
I am a young man who has been faithful and orthodox my whole life, but I have been unable to drag myself to church or participate in any community for my whole adult life. I regularly pray and do a meager to earnest amount of scripture study, depending on lunar phases and astrological indicators.
I went to college for a year hoping to get published as an expert in math and cryptography. I ended up dropping out after I kept flunking classes that were taught primarily by socialists, the DEI politics became an issue of dignity violation for me, it was very inefficient for learning compared to what I could manage on my own, and a conviction in the need for independence and self-sufficiency meant I was also working jobs alongside school to pay rent and I frankly recognized the opportunity cost that goes with investing into the system that I think may have been at times a false idol for me up to that point-- chasing accolades in academia.
I didn't take the stimulus checks owing to a young adult libertarian view of it being a violation of principle to accept it, even as I had a minimum wage job in food service until the plague. I worked in Portland that summer commuting as a pedestrian alone in low daylight or at night, during the BLM protests as a white guy without any of the status symbols of intersectional unionization like earring studs or Hasanabi glasses. And I came to recognize that success in academia requires abandoning your values at some point to rent status and position, so since then I've been working jobs that really aren't fulfilling, nor will lead to increased prospects. I worked in commercial fishing, but I feel worse every day I see gasping fish beheaded and their kidneys removed, but the nature of the industry mandates a boot camp style employment for a season requiring 16 hour days and 7 day weeks. They don't like requests for religious accommodations, and I don't like asking for them, owing to a more lasseiz-faire sympathy to agreements between people (to a point). I can't really do it any more, despite it being 11k per month without strings attached, without a barrier to entry.
I'm trying to figure out where to go now. I'm a bit washed up, because I don't have sources of motivation to put effort into improving my skills.
I can't recover from a chronic pornography problem I've had and felt guilty over since 13. I was pushed into baptizing my brother unworthily with no way out but to tell my mom for a second time about it, and by extension my extended family and church network. The problem got to Hannibal Lecter level pretty fast. I made every effort to stop it since the first time I consciously decided to seek it out. But I'll say it's at least an effective narcotic.
At the very least, it seems like something I do feel I know about my calling in life is that I want to start a homestead and protect liberty by giving people alternatives like locally grown, certified Lupron-free produce and products at market prices backing the crypto economy.
I'm working on a hobby project in RTOS development for the Raspberry Pi (no website or prototype available for it yet) that can implement protocols that replace the design for what I consider to be backdoors masquerading as security protocols and useful services, such as SSL/TLS and certificate authorization, 2FA, proprietary firmware and CPU design, VPN services, centralized DNS registries and servers, and Javascript as a whole. I understand the basics of circuit analysis and complex analysis, out of practice as I may be.
I've never thought lower than I do now of licensing, certification, schooling, or elitism, so I'm sort of stuck with warehouse labor until I can save enough to move and start conducting commerce. I don't know how I can prove to others or myself without betraying my petty ire for titles and certifications that I'm doing something well enough to be trusted to do things for them, and I recognize there's a legitimate necessity to make sure licensing exists to prevent harm so the reputation of the industry as a minefield for consumers or a harm to the environment is preserved, but I have had really bad experiences with recruiting/HR types who seem to like being a gatekeeper for things people want; after what is happening with Jordan Peterson, we need alternative authorities to the first option and probably a softening entirely in requirements for licensing where possible. Apprenticeships seem nice, but you have to go to school and take classes that will appropriate funds from these classes that will fund an institution that guilt-trips people that men make more playing soccer than women for colleges or insist that women face undue barriers, underrepresentation, and a lack of role models to inspire a career in construction management. One would like to believe this is fringe campaigning, but people around me at rates of at least 15% of people I went to high school with and still hear of, are the types to promote provocative, aggressive rhetoric where they're perpetually angry about what's trending, including the late-term abortion stuff, joking about assassinating or harassing people, January 6th reruns, and the "book banning" issue that even I thought was beyond what I'd ever see even being accustomed to the last iteration of the education system. A lot of teachers and people I held in high regard seem to be ideological telemarketers at night in a way that seems to transcend what I expected.
Hats off to licensed professionals and teachers doing good work out there, too. I'm here looking for a bit of a morale boost and to get advice from a community familiar with the nature of the LDS mindset and with the conspiratorial stuff that nobody near me is too concerned about.
I went to college for a year hoping to get published as an expert in math and cryptography. I ended up dropping out after I kept flunking classes that were taught primarily by socialists, the DEI politics became an issue of dignity violation for me, it was very inefficient for learning compared to what I could manage on my own, and a conviction in the need for independence and self-sufficiency meant I was also working jobs alongside school to pay rent and I frankly recognized the opportunity cost that goes with investing into the system that I think may have been at times a false idol for me up to that point-- chasing accolades in academia.
I didn't take the stimulus checks owing to a young adult libertarian view of it being a violation of principle to accept it, even as I had a minimum wage job in food service until the plague. I worked in Portland that summer commuting as a pedestrian alone in low daylight or at night, during the BLM protests as a white guy without any of the status symbols of intersectional unionization like earring studs or Hasanabi glasses. And I came to recognize that success in academia requires abandoning your values at some point to rent status and position, so since then I've been working jobs that really aren't fulfilling, nor will lead to increased prospects. I worked in commercial fishing, but I feel worse every day I see gasping fish beheaded and their kidneys removed, but the nature of the industry mandates a boot camp style employment for a season requiring 16 hour days and 7 day weeks. They don't like requests for religious accommodations, and I don't like asking for them, owing to a more lasseiz-faire sympathy to agreements between people (to a point). I can't really do it any more, despite it being 11k per month without strings attached, without a barrier to entry.
I'm trying to figure out where to go now. I'm a bit washed up, because I don't have sources of motivation to put effort into improving my skills.
I can't recover from a chronic pornography problem I've had and felt guilty over since 13. I was pushed into baptizing my brother unworthily with no way out but to tell my mom for a second time about it, and by extension my extended family and church network. The problem got to Hannibal Lecter level pretty fast. I made every effort to stop it since the first time I consciously decided to seek it out. But I'll say it's at least an effective narcotic.
At the very least, it seems like something I do feel I know about my calling in life is that I want to start a homestead and protect liberty by giving people alternatives like locally grown, certified Lupron-free produce and products at market prices backing the crypto economy.
I'm working on a hobby project in RTOS development for the Raspberry Pi (no website or prototype available for it yet) that can implement protocols that replace the design for what I consider to be backdoors masquerading as security protocols and useful services, such as SSL/TLS and certificate authorization, 2FA, proprietary firmware and CPU design, VPN services, centralized DNS registries and servers, and Javascript as a whole. I understand the basics of circuit analysis and complex analysis, out of practice as I may be.
I've never thought lower than I do now of licensing, certification, schooling, or elitism, so I'm sort of stuck with warehouse labor until I can save enough to move and start conducting commerce. I don't know how I can prove to others or myself without betraying my petty ire for titles and certifications that I'm doing something well enough to be trusted to do things for them, and I recognize there's a legitimate necessity to make sure licensing exists to prevent harm so the reputation of the industry as a minefield for consumers or a harm to the environment is preserved, but I have had really bad experiences with recruiting/HR types who seem to like being a gatekeeper for things people want; after what is happening with Jordan Peterson, we need alternative authorities to the first option and probably a softening entirely in requirements for licensing where possible. Apprenticeships seem nice, but you have to go to school and take classes that will appropriate funds from these classes that will fund an institution that guilt-trips people that men make more playing soccer than women for colleges or insist that women face undue barriers, underrepresentation, and a lack of role models to inspire a career in construction management. One would like to believe this is fringe campaigning, but people around me at rates of at least 15% of people I went to high school with and still hear of, are the types to promote provocative, aggressive rhetoric where they're perpetually angry about what's trending, including the late-term abortion stuff, joking about assassinating or harassing people, January 6th reruns, and the "book banning" issue that even I thought was beyond what I'd ever see even being accustomed to the last iteration of the education system. A lot of teachers and people I held in high regard seem to be ideological telemarketers at night in a way that seems to transcend what I expected.
Hats off to licensed professionals and teachers doing good work out there, too. I'm here looking for a bit of a morale boost and to get advice from a community familiar with the nature of the LDS mindset and with the conspiratorial stuff that nobody near me is too concerned about.