Endless Questions Sends a Cease and Desist Letter Because His Stake President is a Secret Society Member...

[endlessQuestions]

Thanks for the feedback. I genuinely appreciate it.

Just one quick point of clarification: I'm not asking for my calling back. I'm still the Ward Clerk. They've just taken away my systems access, so I can't do my job. If you needed me to cut you a check, I imagine your position might be a little different than it is from where you are in the cheap seats.

I'm not the first person who has stood up for their rights who has been accused of being mentally disturbed, am I? It's kind of how the abuse game is played. Turn the screws a bit, wait for the person to react, then call them crazy for reacting. Invoke the trauma response, plead your innocence, and blame the victim. Nothing new under the sun.

Have a great night!

I don’t think that you are mentally disturbed at all. I think that is how it comes off. The totality of the emails. Rash, petulant, making leaps of reason to accusations of the worst kind. Maybe mentally disturbed is not the right phrasing. I think mentally unstable might be a better way to put it. I do not know if you are mentally unstable. There have been many times in my life when I was not mentally stable. I just don’t think those emails did you justice or any good. I think you should not have picked that particular calling battle bc that is not your main problem with the church and it just made you look bad.

Sure.

You’re free to your opinion.

I’m amazed at how many people enjoy sitting on the sidelines, coping in their two cents.

I’ll just say this: the people who take the time to actually contact me don’t ever seem to walk away feeling that I’m mentally unstable. You’re free to reach out as well, to judge for yourself, if you’d like. Then you can report back here and tell people what you think.

I’m just telling you how those emails come across. I have prayed for the Lord to help you in your predicament. I hope the best for you. I worry that you are taking the wrong approach. I don’t know if you can see how it is coming across. I think you are too close to the situation and need a trusted friend to vet your communications for unintended undertones. I respect that you are trying to stay on the church and work from that side. I know that the Lord loves you and knows all that is going on in your life.
The two cents you see me giving you, you are giving your stake president and president of the church so I didn’t think you would mind so much. I honestly think you need to know what it looks like from this side and no one is honest enough to tell you and help you out.

I truly do appreciate it.

It takes courage to say what you’re saying to me, and I admire that.

Continue to pray for me, and maybe the Lord will be able to work with me more.

I consider any man or woman who is honest with me to be a friend. Even people like The Duke, who are far less kind than you are in their critiques of my approach.

Have a blessed evening, and keep me posted on your thoughts!

Justin

[tmac]

Since this thread now seems to be on a little bit of a roll, thanks to True, Justin I’m going to throw-out a little bit of additional food for thought.

From my perspective, there is plenty of merit — especially when doing the kind of stuff you’re doing — in utilizing a sounding board, and seeking other perspectives that you may not be seeing. And, as opposed to some others, it appears that is what True is attempting to do — offer genuine feedback from his/her perspective. And candidly, there may be some degree of validity to that perspective, which then does raise a few other questions.

For starters, what are your motivations — all of them? Especially with respect to your current effort to take on your local leaders? I know you say that you are simply doing what the Lord is directing you to do, and if that is the case, no further explanation is needed. If you are simply going about your Father’s work, as directed, there is no need to return and report to anyone here. There is no need to convince anyone here. Our thoughts and opinions are completely meaningless and irrelevant compared to the Lord’s. There is no need for any validation here.

But it does feel, to a certain extent, like you are seeking and/or craving some degree of validation for essentially everything you are doing in this particular regard. And in some ways it does feel/seem like you may be going too far in that quest You seem to be trying a little too hard to convince both us, and your leaders, of the merits of what you are doing. And that doesn’t really make much logical sense, because if you are on the Lord’s errand, what we/they think doesn’t even really matter.

If, on the other hand, you believe that you are doing the right thing, and you believe it might be the Lord’s errand, but you are feeling a little insecure and unsure about it, so you’re seeking reinforcement, then it would probably pay to candidly re-examine all of that, and scrutinize all your motivations for everything you have been doing in this regard. Some of it may be very good, and on unquestionably solid footing. In other instances, you may be trying/pushing too hard, and going too far. Only you will know.

But the bottom line is, if the Lord is, indeed, directing your every step, what any of us thinks about it is essentially irrelevant.

A meaningful life is not a popularity contest. In the end, our standing with the Lord is really the only thing that matters.
'
God bless.

[endlessQuestions]

Since this thread now seems to be on a little bit of a roll, thanks to True, Justin I’m going to throw-out a little bit of additional food for thought.

From my perspective, there is plenty of merit — especially when doing the kind of stuff you’re doing — in utilizing a sounding board, and seeking other perspectives that you may not be seeing. And, as opposed to some others, it appears that is what True is attempting to do — offer genuine feedback from his/her perspective. And candidly, there may be some degree of validity to that perspective, which then does raise a few other questions.

What are your motivations — all of them? I know you say that you are simply doing what the Lord is directing you to do, and if that is the case, no further explanation is needed. If you are simply going about your Father’s work, as directed, there is no need to return and report here. There is no need to convince anyone here. Our thoughts and opinions are completely meaningless and irrelevant compared to the Lord’s. There is no need for any validation here.

But it does feel, to a certain extent, like you are seeking and craving validation for essentially everything you are doing. And in some ways it does feel/seem like you may be going too far in that regard. You seem to be trying a little too hard to convince us of the merits of what you are doing. And that doesn’t really make much logical sense, because if you are on the Lord’s errand, what we think doesn’t even matter.

If, on the other hand, you believe that you are doing the right thing, and you believe it might be the Lord’s errand, but you are feeling a little insecure and unsure about it, so you’re seeking reinforcement, then it would probably pay to candidly re-examine all of that, and scrutinize all your motivations for all of what you have been doing in this regard. Some of it may be very good, and on unquestionably solid footing. In other instances, you may be trying too hard, and going too far.

But the bottom line is, if the Lord is, indeed, directing your every step, what any of us thinks about it is essentially irrelevant.

A meaningful life is not a popularity contest.

Everything needs to be documented.

Well, almost everything.

Don’t worry, come April, y’all will get a six month reprieve from my “mental instability”. And come October, who knows? That’s a long ways away and we’ll just have to see what’s going on at that point. Hopefully I’ll be harvesting things from my beautiful garden… have to keep the faith!

[endlessQuestions]

https://sigmachi.org/wp-content/uploads ... 5-1980.pdf

For those interested in race relations I recommend pp. 288-293.

Turns out the fraternal order was wondering what to do about darker skinned people and the brotherhood, too, and it nearly tore them apart as an organization.

The Constantine Award is described thusly:

The Order of Constantine is the Fraternity's highest honor for long
and distinguished service within the Fraternity, at the General, province or chapter level. Its name is based on the Fraternity's historical inheritance from the Emperor Constantine and the Roman Empire.

And p. 553-556 deals with hazing problems, including explicit instruction to end the idea of servitude. SMH

The list of prohibited activities sheds light on how these "brothers" were treating one another as they sought to "enlighten" one another through their indoctrination process, as it explicitly states:

"These are practices which have been done in the past and there are thousands of others also equally unacceptable. These are a few examples..."

Here's the list:

EXAMPLES OF PROHIBITED ACTIVITIES:
Actions and activities which are explicitly prohibited include, but are not limited to the following:

- Calisthenics; sit-ups and push ups.
-Running stairs while reciting material.
- Purposeless runs for the sake of creating unity."
-Yelling and screaming or use of obscenities at pledges during the
line-ups.
-Telling pledge he's failed by snuffing out candles in front of him.
-Brothers intentionally mess up the house or room after pledges
clean it.
-Pledges blindfolded, told that everyone before them has jumped
onto a "nail," and they must too (they not knowing there is no nail, as
such).
-Pledges booed and hissed or demeaned when they make a mistake
in recitation in front of the chapter.
-Calling pledges "scums" and other degrading terms.
-Wearing burlap bags or other embarrassing or uncomfortable garments.
-Less than six hours of sleep each night during the week prior to
Initiation.
-Deception designed to convince the pledge he won't be initiated.
-Dropping eggs in pledges' mouths.
-Excessively loud music played during I- Week and between portions of various ceremonies.
-Paddle swats.
- Pushing, shoving or tackling pledges during movement to various
events.
-Pledges awakened time and again during the night, quizzed and/or
harassed, told their answers are wrong no matter how they answer.
-Pledges dragged onto the floor when awakened.
-Pledges write list of their faults or "sins," believing they must read
them to the chapter or brothers.
-Bracing and finger-snapping in pledges' ears during Initiation.
- Any violation of Ritual instructions, procedures or Statutes.
-Brothers using Ritual materials before Initiation.

[HereWeGo]

Since this thread now seems to be on a little bit of a roll, thanks to True, Justin I’m going to throw-out a little bit of additional food for thought.

From my perspective, there is plenty of merit — especially when doing the kind of stuff you’re doing — in utilizing a sounding board, and seeking other perspectives that you may not be seeing. And, as opposed to some others, it appears that is what True is attempting to do — offer genuine feedback from his/her perspective. And candidly, there may be some degree of validity to that perspective, which then does raise a few other questions.

What are your motivations — all of them? I know you say that you are simply doing what the Lord is directing you to do, and if that is the case, no further explanation is needed. If you are simply going about your Father’s work, as directed, there is no need to return and report here. There is no need to convince anyone here. Our thoughts and opinions are completely meaningless and irrelevant compared to the Lord’s. There is no need for any validation here.

But it does feel, to a certain extent, like you are seeking and craving validation for essentially everything you are doing. And in some ways it does feel/seem like you may be going too far in that regard. You seem to be trying a little too hard to convince us of the merits of what you are doing. And that doesn’t really make much logical sense, because if you are on the Lord’s errand, what we think doesn’t even matter.

If, on the other hand, you believe that you are doing the right thing, and you believe it might be the Lord’s errand, but you are feeling a little insecure and unsure about it, so you’re seeking reinforcement, then it would probably pay to candidly re-examine all of that, and scrutinize all your motivations for all of what you have been doing in this regard. Some of it may be very good, and on unquestionably solid footing. In other instances, you may be trying too hard, and going too far.

But the bottom line is, if the Lord is, indeed, directing your every step, what any of us thinks about it is essentially irrelevant.

A meaningful life is not a popularity contest.

I think True and TMAC are trying to give honest feedback.

If your stated desire is to remain within the church, it looks to many of us like you are doing everything you can to get kicked out and be asked not to return. Your letters show that you do not fit into the quiet, obedient member you need to be in order to be in good standing. Your letters also have a demanding tone to them. I fear the only way you will be able to remain a member would be to bow down to them and ask for mercy. I couldn't do this knowing what I know.

I will follow your journey with interest. I actually think being kicked out of the church could be part of the Lord's journey for you. It would explain the zeal you have for going after the leaders of the church.

[endlessQuestions]

Since this thread now seems to be on a little bit of a roll, thanks to True, Justin I’m going to throw-out a little bit of additional food for thought.

From my perspective, there is plenty of merit — especially when doing the kind of stuff you’re doing — in utilizing a sounding board, and seeking other perspectives that you may not be seeing. And, as opposed to some others, it appears that is what True is attempting to do — offer genuine feedback from his/her perspective. And candidly, there may be some degree of validity to that perspective, which then does raise a few other questions.

What are your motivations — all of them? I know you say that you are simply doing what the Lord is directing you to do, and if that is the case, no further explanation is needed. If you are simply going about your Father’s work, as directed, there is no need to return and report here. There is no need to convince anyone here. Our thoughts and opinions are completely meaningless and irrelevant compared to the Lord’s. There is no need for any validation here.

But it does feel, to a certain extent, like you are seeking and craving validation for essentially everything you are doing. And in some ways it does feel/seem like you may be going too far in that regard. You seem to be trying a little too hard to convince us of the merits of what you are doing. And that doesn’t really make much logical sense, because if you are on the Lord’s errand, what we think doesn’t even matter.

If, on the other hand, you believe that you are doing the right thing, and you believe it might be the Lord’s errand, but you are feeling a little insecure and unsure about it, so you’re seeking reinforcement, then it would probably pay to candidly re-examine all of that, and scrutinize all your motivations for all of what you have been doing in this regard. Some of it may be very good, and on unquestionably solid footing. In other instances, you may be trying too hard, and going too far.

But the bottom line is, if the Lord is, indeed, directing your every step, what any of us thinks about it is essentially irrelevant.

A meaningful life is not a popularity contest.

I think True and TMAC are trying to give honest feedback.

If your stated desire is to remain within the church, it looks to many of us like you are doing everything you can to get kicked out and be asked not to return. Your letters show that you do not fit into the quiet, obedient member you need to be in order to be in good standing. Your letters also have a demanding tone to them. I fear the only way you will be able to remain a member would be to bow down to them and ask for mercy. I couldn't do this knowing what I know.

I will follow your journey with interest. I actually think being kicked out of the church could be part of the Lord's journey for you. It would explain the zeal you have for going after the leaders of the church.

Oh, this helps me better understand what people are saying, perhaps.

I DO want to stay a member of the Church. If I wanted to leave the church, I would go to the website and fill out the form. And if I wanted to harm the Church, I could have done it a thousand different ways - I had access to all the financial and membership information, as well as all the LCR tools, for crying out loud (not to mention the shredder, which was so much fun to use last night).

I also know there's almost zero probability of me retaining my membership at this point. I'm pretty sure Abinidi knew when he went to King Noah's court, things weren't going to end well. Many of these men have shown, over a period of seven years, a complete unwillingness to make agreements, offer counterproposals, use logic, reason, or revelation to solve problems, or follow the precepts of the standard works. Do I really believe they're going to change now? Not really. But do I want to give them EVERY opportunity to repent that I can before they kick me out of the Church? Absolutely!

Look, these are not wicked, evil men. They are men who have been culturally conditioned to believe that the entirety of the gospel of Jesus Christ is "do what your leaders tell you to". Doing what their leaders tell them to has led them to great prosperity, great comfort, and great power and influence. By all temporal metrics, they are on top of the world! The problem with that is that as they climb the corporate and fraternal ladder, they are leaving in their wake a scene of heartache, hurt, anger, bitterness, and all kinds of other negative consequences. I spend most of my time counseling with and ministering to people who have been hurt by the leadership of this stake in some way, shape, or form for the last 20 years. Nearly everybody I speak to has at least one experience to relate, although how traumatized they are by their experience varies wildly. I simply can't tell you the number of people I've worked with who feel completely hopeless that they'll ever have a positive Church experience unless they move and find another place to be, so they just bear down, grit their teeth, put on that fake Mormon smile we all know so well, and continue to die inside. That breaks my heart.

I need to be very, very clear about something. I am NOT "going after" any of my local leaders. I believe that they are engaging in behavior that could best be described as institutional abuse (see https://themendproject.com/institutional-abuse/ for details). They are acting out their parts inside of an institution that demands they behave this way, or else they will become targets themselves (as many here have astutely pointed out). Will they be accountable for their actions? Yes. But does the institution bear a greater weight of guilt because they have indoctrinated them and abused them in ways that led them to behave this way? In my opinion, the answer to that question is: absolutely. This entire forum is a testament to the subtle and not so subtle forms of abuse that the institutional church has heaped upon its members since at least the days of Brigham Young.

The time has come for good men and women who are still members of the Church to stand up and demand accountability from their leadership. Will anyone else do so? I have no idea. But when I have my interview with the Lord and we talk about things, I will be able to look him in the eye and say I did everything I could to stay in the Church while giving my leaders abundant opportunities to repent. Am I doing it perfectly? Nope. Am I blameless? Also nope. I am a traumatized, broken-brained man who is just doing his very best to be as Christlike as possible as I go through this gauntlet. I make mistakes - lots of them. But I also repent of them very, very quickly.

Does this help people understand? Digital communication is an absolutely terrible way of communicating, so I'm not at all surprised that there's a great deal of confusion about who EQ is, what he's up to, and what his motives are. As always, I'm available to talk to anyone who would like to by phone, as I've plastered my number all over the forum in the past year or so.

Let me know if there are any other questions, but I will be leaving town tomorrow, and not checking the board until Monday once I head out. I need a break.

Justin

[John Tavner]

Since this thread now seems to be on a little bit of a roll, thanks to True, Justin I’m going to throw-out a little bit of additional food for thought.

From my perspective, there is plenty of merit — especially when doing the kind of stuff you’re doing — in utilizing a sounding board, and seeking other perspectives that you may not be seeing. And, as opposed to some others, it appears that is what True is attempting to do — offer genuine feedback from his/her perspective. And candidly, there may be some degree of validity to that perspective, which then does raise a few other questions.

What are your motivations — all of them? I know you say that you are simply doing what the Lord is directing you to do, and if that is the case, no further explanation is needed. If you are simply going about your Father’s work, as directed, there is no need to return and report here. There is no need to convince anyone here. Our thoughts and opinions are completely meaningless and irrelevant compared to the Lord’s. There is no need for any validation here.

But it does feel, to a certain extent, like you are seeking and craving validation for essentially everything you are doing. And in some ways it does feel/seem like you may be going too far in that regard. You seem to be trying a little too hard to convince us of the merits of what you are doing. And that doesn’t really make much logical sense, because if you are on the Lord’s errand, what we think doesn’t even matter.

If, on the other hand, you believe that you are doing the right thing, and you believe it might be the Lord’s errand, but you are feeling a little insecure and unsure about it, so you’re seeking reinforcement, then it would probably pay to candidly re-examine all of that, and scrutinize all your motivations for all of what you have been doing in this regard. Some of it may be very good, and on unquestionably solid footing. In other instances, you may be trying too hard, and going too far.

But the bottom line is, if the Lord is, indeed, directing your every step, what any of us thinks about it is essentially irrelevant.

A meaningful life is not a popularity contest.

I think True and TMAC are trying to give honest feedback.

If your stated desire is to remain within the church, it looks to many of us like you are doing everything you can to get kicked out and be asked not to return. Your letters show that you do not fit into the quiet, obedient member you need to be in order to be in good standing. Your letters also have a demanding tone to them. I fear the only way you will be able to remain a member would be to bow down to them and ask for mercy. I couldn't do this knowing what I know.

I will follow your journey with interest. I actually think being kicked out of the church could be part of the Lord's journey for you. It would explain the zeal you have for going after the leaders of the church.

Oh, this helps me better understand what people are saying, perhaps.

I DO want to stay a member of the Church. If I wanted to leave the church, I would go to the website and fill out the form. And if I wanted to harm the Church, I could have done it a thousand different ways - I had access to all the financial and membership information, as well as all the LCR tools, for crying out loud (not to mention the shredder, which was so much fun to use last night).

I also know there's almost zero probability of me retaining my membership at this point. I'm pretty sure Abinidi knew when he went to King Noah's court, things weren't going to end well. Many of these men have shown, over a period of seven years, a complete unwillingness to make agreements, offer counterproposals, use logic, reason, or revelation to solve problems, or follow the precepts of the standard works. Do I really believe they're going to change now? Not really. But do I want to give them EVERY opportunity to repent that I can before they kick me out of the Church? Absolutely!

Look, these are not wicked, evil men. They are men who have been culturally conditioned to believe that the entirety of the gospel of Jesus Christ is "do what your leaders tell you to". Doing what their leaders tell them to has led them to great prosperity, great comfort, and great power and influence. By all temporal metrics, they are on top of the world! The problem with that is that as they climb the corporate and fraternal ladder, they are leaving in their wake a scene of heartache, hurt, anger, bitterness, and all kinds of other negative consequences. I spend most of my time counseling with and ministering to people who have been hurt by the leadership of this stake in some way, shape, or form for the last 20 years. Nearly everybody I speak to has at least one experience to relate, although how traumatized they are by their experience varies wildly. I simply can't tell you the number of people I've worked with who feel completely hopeless that they'll ever have a positive Church experience unless they move and find another place to be, so they just bear down, grit their teeth, put on that fake Mormon smile we all know so well, and continue to die inside. That breaks my heart.

I need to be very, very clear about something. I am NOT "going after" any of my local leaders. I believe that they are engaging in behavior that could best be described as institutional abuse (see https://themendproject.com/institutional-abuse/ for details). They are acting out their parts inside of an institution that demands they behave this way, or else they will become targets themselves (as many here have astutely pointed out). Will they be accountable for their actions? Yes. But does the institution bear a greater weight of guilt because they have indoctrinated them and abused them in ways that led them to behave this way? In my opinion, the answer to that question is: absolutely. This entire forum is a testament to the subtle and not so subtle forms of abuse that the institutional church has heaped upon its members since at least the days of Brigham Young.

The time has come for good men and women who are still members of the Church to stand up and demand accountability from their leadership. Will anyone else do so? I have no idea. But when I have my interview with the Lord and we talk about things, I will be able to look him in the eye and say I did everything I could to stay in the Church while giving my leaders abundant opportunities to repent. Am I doing it perfectly? Nope. Am I blameless? Also nope. I am a traumatized, broken-brained man who is just doing his very best to be as Christlike as possible as I go through this gauntlet. I make mistakes - lots of them. But I also repent of them very, very quickly.

Does this help people understand? Digital communication is an absolutely terrible way of communicating, so I'm not at all surprised that there's a great deal of confusion about who EQ is, what he's up to, and what his motives are. As always, I'm available to talk to anyone who would like to by phone, as I've plastered my number all over the forum in the past year or so.

Let me know if there are any other questions, but I will be leaving town tomorrow, and not checking the board until Monday once I head out. I need a break.

Justin

You should tell them this, then. Explain institutional abuse and what you see. I feel like you're missing the forest for the trees by focusing on a tree, rather than describing the forest situation to them... at least from what I've read of your letters, that is my understanding.. I may have missed a letter you sent/ posted.

[endlessQuestions]

Since this thread now seems to be on a little bit of a roll, thanks to True, Justin I’m going to throw-out a little bit of additional food for thought.

From my perspective, there is plenty of merit — especially when doing the kind of stuff you’re doing — in utilizing a sounding board, and seeking other perspectives that you may not be seeing. And, as opposed to some others, it appears that is what True is attempting to do — offer genuine feedback from his/her perspective. And candidly, there may be some degree of validity to that perspective, which then does raise a few other questions.

What are your motivations — all of them? I know you say that you are simply doing what the Lord is directing you to do, and if that is the case, no further explanation is needed. If you are simply going about your Father’s work, as directed, there is no need to return and report here. There is no need to convince anyone here. Our thoughts and opinions are completely meaningless and irrelevant compared to the Lord’s. There is no need for any validation here.

But it does feel, to a certain extent, like you are seeking and craving validation for essentially everything you are doing. And in some ways it does feel/seem like you may be going too far in that regard. You seem to be trying a little too hard to convince us of the merits of what you are doing. And that doesn’t really make much logical sense, because if you are on the Lord’s errand, what we think doesn’t even matter.

If, on the other hand, you believe that you are doing the right thing, and you believe it might be the Lord’s errand, but you are feeling a little insecure and unsure about it, so you’re seeking reinforcement, then it would probably pay to candidly re-examine all of that, and scrutinize all your motivations for all of what you have been doing in this regard. Some of it may be very good, and on unquestionably solid footing. In other instances, you may be trying too hard, and going too far.

But the bottom line is, if the Lord is, indeed, directing your every step, what any of us thinks about it is essentially irrelevant.

A meaningful life is not a popularity contest.

I think True and TMAC are trying to give honest feedback.

If your stated desire is to remain within the church, it looks to many of us like you are doing everything you can to get kicked out and be asked not to return. Your letters show that you do not fit into the quiet, obedient member you need to be in order to be in good standing. Your letters also have a demanding tone to them. I fear the only way you will be able to remain a member would be to bow down to them and ask for mercy. I couldn't do this knowing what I know.

I will follow your journey with interest. I actually think being kicked out of the church could be part of the Lord's journey for you. It would explain the zeal you have for going after the leaders of the church.

Oh, this helps me better understand what people are saying, perhaps.

I DO want to stay a member of the Church. If I wanted to leave the church, I would go to the website and fill out the form. And if I wanted to harm the Church, I could have done it a thousand different ways - I had access to all the financial and membership information, as well as all the LCR tools, for crying out loud (not to mention the shredder, which was so much fun to use last night).

I also know there's almost zero probability of me retaining my membership at this point. I'm pretty sure Abinidi knew when he went to King Noah's court, things weren't going to end well. Many of these men have shown, over a period of seven years, a complete unwillingness to make agreements, offer counterproposals, use logic, reason, or revelation to solve problems, or follow the precepts of the standard works. Do I really believe they're going to change now? Not really. But do I want to give them EVERY opportunity to repent that I can before they kick me out of the Church? Absolutely!

Look, these are not wicked, evil men. They are men who have been culturally conditioned to believe that the entirety of the gospel of Jesus Christ is "do what your leaders tell you to". Doing what their leaders tell them to has led them to great prosperity, great comfort, and great power and influence. By all temporal metrics, they are on top of the world! The problem with that is that as they climb the corporate and fraternal ladder, they are leaving in their wake a scene of heartache, hurt, anger, bitterness, and all kinds of other negative consequences. I spend most of my time counseling with and ministering to people who have been hurt by the leadership of this stake in some way, shape, or form for the last 20 years. Nearly everybody I speak to has at least one experience to relate, although how traumatized they are by their experience varies wildly. I simply can't tell you the number of people I've worked with who feel completely hopeless that they'll ever have a positive Church experience unless they move and find another place to be, so they just bear down, grit their teeth, put on that fake Mormon smile we all know so well, and continue to die inside. That breaks my heart.

I need to be very, very clear about something. I am NOT "going after" any of my local leaders. I believe that they are engaging in behavior that could best be described as institutional abuse (see https://themendproject.com/institutional-abuse/ for details). They are acting out their parts inside of an institution that demands they behave this way, or else they will become targets themselves (as many here have astutely pointed out). Will they be accountable for their actions? Yes. But does the institution bear a greater weight of guilt because they have indoctrinated them and abused them in ways that led them to behave this way? In my opinion, the answer to that question is: absolutely. This entire forum is a testament to the subtle and not so subtle forms of abuse that the institutional church has heaped upon its members since at least the days of Brigham Young.

The time has come for good men and women who are still members of the Church to stand up and demand accountability from their leadership. Will anyone else do so? I have no idea. But when I have my interview with the Lord and we talk about things, I will be able to look him in the eye and say I did everything I could to stay in the Church while giving my leaders abundant opportunities to repent. Am I doing it perfectly? Nope. Am I blameless? Also nope. I am a traumatized, broken-brained man who is just doing his very best to be as Christlike as possible as I go through this gauntlet. I make mistakes - lots of them. But I also repent of them very, very quickly.

Does this help people understand? Digital communication is an absolutely terrible way of communicating, so I'm not at all surprised that there's a great deal of confusion about who EQ is, what he's up to, and what his motives are. As always, I'm available to talk to anyone who would like to by phone, as I've plastered my number all over the forum in the past year or so.

Let me know if there are any other questions, but I will be leaving town tomorrow, and not checking the board until Monday once I head out. I need a break.

Justin

You should tell them this, then. Explain institutional abuse and what you see. I feel like you're missing the forest for the trees by focusing on a tree, rather than describing the forest situation to them... at least from what I've read of your letters, that is my understanding.. I may have missed a letter you sent/ posted.

Excellent advice. And I have done this, on multiple occasions, with multiple leaders. I've given them the link I posted here, as well as others with specific examples of how unhealthy churches engage in this type of behavior.

Did you, perchance, read the article?

It might help you understand the challenges that come along with informing your abuser that you've become aware that you're being abused, and asking them to help bind up your wounds and work together to end the abuse.

A bit of a sticky wicket, if you will.

[John Tavner]

I think True and TMAC are trying to give honest feedback.

If your stated desire is to remain within the church, it looks to many of us like you are doing everything you can to get kicked out and be asked not to return. Your letters show that you do not fit into the quiet, obedient member you need to be in order to be in good standing. Your letters also have a demanding tone to them. I fear the only way you will be able to remain a member would be to bow down to them and ask for mercy. I couldn't do this knowing what I know.

I will follow your journey with interest. I actually think being kicked out of the church could be part of the Lord's journey for you. It would explain the zeal you have for going after the leaders of the church.

Oh, this helps me better understand what people are saying, perhaps.

I DO want to stay a member of the Church. If I wanted to leave the church, I would go to the website and fill out the form. And if I wanted to harm the Church, I could have done it a thousand different ways - I had access to all the financial and membership information, as well as all the LCR tools, for crying out loud (not to mention the shredder, which was so much fun to use last night).

I also know there's almost zero probability of me retaining my membership at this point. I'm pretty sure Abinidi knew when he went to King Noah's court, things weren't going to end well. Many of these men have shown, over a period of seven years, a complete unwillingness to make agreements, offer counterproposals, use logic, reason, or revelation to solve problems, or follow the precepts of the standard works. Do I really believe they're going to change now? Not really. But do I want to give them EVERY opportunity to repent that I can before they kick me out of the Church? Absolutely!

Look, these are not wicked, evil men. They are men who have been culturally conditioned to believe that the entirety of the gospel of Jesus Christ is "do what your leaders tell you to". Doing what their leaders tell them to has led them to great prosperity, great comfort, and great power and influence. By all temporal metrics, they are on top of the world! The problem with that is that as they climb the corporate and fraternal ladder, they are leaving in their wake a scene of heartache, hurt, anger, bitterness, and all kinds of other negative consequences. I spend most of my time counseling with and ministering to people who have been hurt by the leadership of this stake in some way, shape, or form for the last 20 years. Nearly everybody I speak to has at least one experience to relate, although how traumatized they are by their experience varies wildly. I simply can't tell you the number of people I've worked with who feel completely hopeless that they'll ever have a positive Church experience unless they move and find another place to be, so they just bear down, grit their teeth, put on that fake Mormon smile we all know so well, and continue to die inside. That breaks my heart.

I need to be very, very clear about something. I am NOT "going after" any of my local leaders. I believe that they are engaging in behavior that could best be described as institutional abuse (see https://themendproject.com/institutional-abuse/ for details). They are acting out their parts inside of an institution that demands they behave this way, or else they will become targets themselves (as many here have astutely pointed out). Will they be accountable for their actions? Yes. But does the institution bear a greater weight of guilt because they have indoctrinated them and abused them in ways that led them to behave this way? In my opinion, the answer to that question is: absolutely. This entire forum is a testament to the subtle and not so subtle forms of abuse that the institutional church has heaped upon its members since at least the days of Brigham Young.

The time has come for good men and women who are still members of the Church to stand up and demand accountability from their leadership. Will anyone else do so? I have no idea. But when I have my interview with the Lord and we talk about things, I will be able to look him in the eye and say I did everything I could to stay in the Church while giving my leaders abundant opportunities to repent. Am I doing it perfectly? Nope. Am I blameless? Also nope. I am a traumatized, broken-brained man who is just doing his very best to be as Christlike as possible as I go through this gauntlet. I make mistakes - lots of them. But I also repent of them very, very quickly.

Does this help people understand? Digital communication is an absolutely terrible way of communicating, so I'm not at all surprised that there's a great deal of confusion about who EQ is, what he's up to, and what his motives are. As always, I'm available to talk to anyone who would like to by phone, as I've plastered my number all over the forum in the past year or so.

Let me know if there are any other questions, but I will be leaving town tomorrow, and not checking the board until Monday once I head out. I need a break.

Justin

You should tell them this, then. Explain institutional abuse and what you see. I feel like you're missing the forest for the trees by focusing on a tree, rather than describing the forest situation to them... at least from what I've read of your letters, that is my understanding.. I may have missed a letter you sent/ posted.

Excellent advice. And I have done this, on multiple occasions, with multiple leaders. I've given them the link I posted here, as well as others with specific examples of how unhealthy churches engage in this type of behavior.

Did you, perchance, read the article?

It might help you understand the challenges that come along with informing your abuser that you've become aware that you're being abused, and asking them to help bind up your wounds and work together to end the abuse.

A bit of a sticky wicket, if you will.

I glanced at the article, but I don't really read things like that anymore.

A lot of people might disagree and might not understand, but I don't generally feel abused anymore, I have almost forgotten what that feel like. I used to, but I'm not a victim- despite the fact they tried to make me one. So I don't "need" any help binding up my wounds when I talk to people that do those things. It isn't one of those "I don't care what you think" obstinate remarks either, I just don't let it effect me because I perceive the world differently. Jesus has bound my wounds and my identity is in Him, and no one else. If an abuser needs to help bind up wounds, it means they still have power. When they no longer have power in your eyes it becomes really simple to talk with them because they can't emotionally make you react. It often wrecks them and no matter how hard they try, they still can't get a reaction out of you to justify their own actions and the truth of who you are and the truth you speak cuts them, because it isn't about you as the victim anymore, because you aren't the victim. I don't "need" them to admit mistakes, but it is good for them if they do. I can actually serve the one who attempts to abuse- it often disarms them- it is what Jesus did for us.

[ransomme]

I don’t think that you are mentally disturbed at all. I think that is how it comes off. The totality of the emails. Rash, petulant, making leaps of reason to accusations of the worst kind. Maybe mentally disturbed is not the right phrasing. I think mentally unstable might be a better way to put it. I do not know if you are mentally unstable. There have been many times in my life when I was not mentally stable. I just don’t think those emails did you justice or any good. I think you should not have picked that particular calling battle bc that is not your main problem with the church and it just made you look bad.

Sure.

You’re free to your opinion.

I’m amazed at how many people enjoy sitting on the sidelines, coping in their two cents.

I’ll just say this: the people who take the time to actually contact me don’t ever seem to walk away feeling that I’m mentally unstable. You’re free to reach out as well, to judge for yourself, if you’d like. Then you can report back here and tell people what you think.

I’m just telling you how those emails come across. I have prayed for the Lord to help you in your predicament. I hope the best for you. I worry that you are taking the wrong approach. I don’t know if you can see how it is coming across. I think you are too close to the situation and need a trusted friend to vet your communications for unintended undertones. I respect that you are trying to stay on the church and work from that side. I know that the Lord loves you and knows all that is going on in your life.
The two cents you see me giving you, you are giving your stake president and president of the church so I didn’t think you would mind so much. I honestly think you need to know what it looks like from this side and no one is honest enough to tell you and help you out.

I truly do appreciate it.

It takes courage to say what you’re saying to me, and I admire that.

Continue to pray for me, and maybe the Lord will be able to work with me more.

I consider any man or woman who is honest with me to be a friend. Even people like The Duke, who are far less kind than you are in their critiques of my approach.

Have a blessed evening, and keep me posted on your thoughts!

Justin

People will read into whatever you say, whatever they want.

I don't know how detailing your POV in writing to your PH leaders would be considered a "wrong approach", especially when there is a bit of detail and context to convey.

If they don't take the time to read and reply (or discuss in person) to clarify and understand, then they are "lazy leaders".

Writing it down should least to more understanding not less overtime. And it is best to have it documented.

There way the year this and you will speak volumes.

[Cruiserdude]

Oh, this helps me better understand what people are saying, perhaps.

I DO want to stay a member of the Church. If I wanted to leave the church, I would go to the website and fill out the form. And if I wanted to harm the Church, I could have done it a thousand different ways - I had access to all the financial and membership information, as well as all the LCR tools, for crying out loud (not to mention the shredder, which was so much fun to use last night).

I also know there's almost zero probability of me retaining my membership at this point. I'm pretty sure Abinidi knew when he went to King Noah's court, things weren't going to end well. Many of these men have shown, over a period of seven years, a complete unwillingness to make agreements, offer counterproposals, use logic, reason, or revelation to solve problems, or follow the precepts of the standard works. Do I really believe they're going to change now? Not really. But do I want to give them EVERY opportunity to repent that I can before they kick me out of the Church? Absolutely!

Look, these are not wicked, evil men. They are men who have been culturally conditioned to believe that the entirety of the gospel of Jesus Christ is "do what your leaders tell you to". Doing what their leaders tell them to has led them to great prosperity, great comfort, and great power and influence. By all temporal metrics, they are on top of the world! The problem with that is that as they climb the corporate and fraternal ladder, they are leaving in their wake a scene of heartache, hurt, anger, bitterness, and all kinds of other negative consequences. I spend most of my time counseling with and ministering to people who have been hurt by the leadership of this stake in some way, shape, or form for the last 20 years. Nearly everybody I speak to has at least one experience to relate, although how traumatized they are by their experience varies wildly. I simply can't tell you the number of people I've worked with who feel completely hopeless that they'll ever have a positive Church experience unless they move and find another place to be, so they just bear down, grit their teeth, put on that fake Mormon smile we all know so well, and continue to die inside. That breaks my heart.

I need to be very, very clear about something. I am NOT "going after" any of my local leaders. I believe that they are engaging in behavior that could best be described as institutional abuse (see https://themendproject.com/institutional-abuse/ for details). They are acting out their parts inside of an institution that demands they behave this way, or else they will become targets themselves (as many here have astutely pointed out). Will they be accountable for their actions? Yes. But does the institution bear a greater weight of guilt because they have indoctrinated them and abused them in ways that led them to behave this way? In my opinion, the answer to that question is: absolutely. This entire forum is a testament to the subtle and not so subtle forms of abuse that the institutional church has heaped upon its members since at least the days of Brigham Young.

The time has come for good men and women who are still members of the Church to stand up and demand accountability from their leadership. Will anyone else do so? I have no idea. But when I have my interview with the Lord and we talk about things, I will be able to look him in the eye and say I did everything I could to stay in the Church while giving my leaders abundant opportunities to repent. Am I doing it perfectly? Nope. Am I blameless? Also nope. I am a traumatized, broken-brained man who is just doing his very best to be as Christlike as possible as I go through this gauntlet. I make mistakes - lots of them. But I also repent of them very, very quickly.

Does this help people understand? Digital communication is an absolutely terrible way of communicating, so I'm not at all surprised that there's a great deal of confusion about who EQ is, what he's up to, and what his motives are. As always, I'm available to talk to anyone who would like to by phone, as I've plastered my number all over the forum in the past year or so.

Let me know if there are any other questions, but I will be leaving town tomorrow, and not checking the board until Monday once I head out. I need a break.

Justin

You should tell them this, then. Explain institutional abuse and what you see. I feel like you're missing the forest for the trees by focusing on a tree, rather than describing the forest situation to them... at least from what I've read of your letters, that is my understanding.. I may have missed a letter you sent/ posted.

Excellent advice. And I have done this, on multiple occasions, with multiple leaders. I've given them the link I posted here, as well as others with specific examples of how unhealthy churches engage in this type of behavior.

Did you, perchance, read the article?

It might help you understand the challenges that come along with informing your abuser that you've become aware that you're being abused, and asking them to help bind up your wounds and work together to end the abuse.

A bit of a sticky wicket, if you will.

I glanced at the article, but I don't really read things like that anymore.

A lot of people might disagree and might not understand, but I don't generally feel abused anymore, I have almost forgotten what that feel like. I used to, but I'm not a victim- despite the fact they tried to make me one. So I don't "need" any help binding up my wounds when I talk to people that do those things. It isn't one of those "I don't care what you think" obstinate remarks either, I just don't let it effect me because I perceive the world differently. Jesus has bound my wounds and my identity is in Him, and no one else. If an abuser needs to help bind up wounds, it means they still have power. When they no longer have power in your eyes it becomes really simple to talk with them because they can't emotionally make you react. It often wrecks them and no matter how hard they try, they still can't get a reaction out of you to justify their own actions and the truth of who you are and the truth you speak cuts them, because it isn't about you as the victim anymore, because you aren't the victim. I don't "need" them to admit mistakes, but it is good for them if they do. I can actually serve the one who attempts to abuse- it often disarms them- it is what Jesus did for us.

My spirit brother, I've been through and feel the same. And it's a wonderful, peaceful feeling

[endlessQuestions]

https://wikileaks.org/wiki/Talk:The_sec ... _Chi,_2002

This is fascinating. It’s the response of the secret society members to Wikileaks when the document was published. There aren’t many responses so I’m going to post them one at a time. I think you’ll be amazed at how familiar this all sounds.

[endlessQuestions]

“ THE TRUTH The secret of Sigma Chi has never been written word. It is shown! So to everyong who thinks that this is the ritual book or that there is a book, can keep on thinking what ever they want. I think this is actually an old pledge book from another fraternity.
The secret is revealed during the initiation NOT written in some book - and every sigma chi who has been given the favor and distinction knows this!!!!
I love Sigma Chi and everything it stands for- If you are on a college campus you may want to see if your worthy to have the greatest SECRET ritual revealed to you.
Sigma Chi is not for everybody-”

[endlessQuestions]

“ The Sigma Chi Ritual, while its secrecy is guarded well, does not make or break the Brotherhood in full. It being up on this site is offensive, but wholly ineffective at its purpose - to sell you on the idea of what Sigma Chi is. The Ritual takes study in order to comprehend its significance in a Sigs life. Unfortunately many Sigs don't even fully comprehend its full beauty and finely detailed intricacies. The ritual itself means nothing without a solid foundation for preparing for it. This is the Preparation for Brotherhood program and I-Week. Without it, the ritual can only be read. By having this (somewhat falsified) Ritual of Sigma Chi, the big picture is still missing. If you were to slam any character building fraternity or organization for yearning to achieve something greater in life (not through an elitist philosophy but through grounded, personal growth), it is only shedding light on your own lack of maturity and passion for a successful life, internally and externally. Link titlesigma chi”

[endlessQuestions]

“Not Your Place...

I'm a brother of Theta Chi (and the general Greek community), and I find it highly offensive that someone would post any chapter's Ritual online. Of course it doesnt contain anything interesting to the general public, as it is the Ritual book of a specific organization of men. The Ritual is the binding oaths among brothers, and frankly a Ritual book has no place on this site, seeing as it is an "Anti-Censureship" site. Whoever posted it most likely had a bad Greek experience and that blows; however, it's not their place to post something held dear by hundreds of thousands of brothers, especially for no purpose....

[endlessQuestions]

“ Doctored

As a Phi Kappa Psi, (not a sig, sorry) I can attest that no fraternity actually writes out everything like this, because if some @#$#%@! actually found it and did this, we wouldn't want anyone to have even a speck of understanding. Only the most least part of our ritual is written down. Everything secret and significant is left out, only to be recorded in memory. Even if it was written in there, nobody who just read it would get it. And that's the point. It's a sacred bond between only our brothers. And the same for other fraternities. If you read anything like this, you're never going to even remotely understand its deepest meanings. I can't read this, because I know it's simply appropriate. The only fraternity ritual that will ever mean anything real to me is MY fraternity's ritual.”

[endlessQuestions]

“THANKS FOR THE FREE PUBLICITY - SIGMA CHI IS FASCINATING

FYI-
THE RITUAL IS NOT WRITTEN DOWN. THE SIGMA CHI RITUAL IS VERY SECRET AND VERY WELL GUARDED. MAYBE WE WILL GET A HISTORY CHANNEL EPISODE LIKE THE MASONS (THAT WE ARE NOT).
MANY SIGMA CHI MEMBERS DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE BEAUTY OF THE RITUAL WHEN THEY SEE IT. FOR MYSELF IT WAS A FEW DAYS LATER WHEN THE PURITY WAS BESTOWED UPON ME AND IN MY HEART. AND WHEN IT DOES "HIT YOU" IT IS THE GREATEST RITUAL ON EARTH.
THE REASON "IT" IS GUARDED SO WELL IS BECAUSE IT IS NOT WRITTEN DOWN OR DISPLAYED........IT IS WAY TO PERSONAL AND COMPLICATED FOR THAT.
MAYBE THIS BOOK POSTED HERE WILL HELP THE CUB SCOUTS RUN A MEETING. AS FAR AS THE SECRET TO SIGMA CHI, IT IS ONLY REVEALED TO MEMBERS...SO SORRY TO THOSE LOOKING FOR THE GREATEST FRATERNITY IN THE COUNTRY'S SECRETS.”

[endlessQuestions]

“ Sigma Chi Ritual

My Chapter at Oklahoma State has a fantastic reputation of our sacred ritual, at least it did in 1985. I asked a well known Sigma Chi at the time if I went through what my grandfather did in February of 1923 and his answer was " to the tee" The Sigma Chi ritual and initiation process has stuck with me since March 3rd of 1985. It is now 2009 .I loved the experience and each step we went through. I have done my best to live to the Jordan Standard and to remember the moments of that time. Our ritual and initiation is deep, beautiful and meaningful. The issue with any organization though is people and how they act and what they do after the events and that is a simple expression of their underlying motives as to how they internalize the lessons...so do and some don't”

[endlessQuestions]

“Absolute disgrace

As a proud Sigma Nu (not a sigma chi, sorry) I am absolutely appalled that any fraternity's sacred ritual would ever be posted online. Fraternities are not secret because they are evil or in someway bad, fraternities are secret because they are SACRED. As a proud greek I absolutely refuse to ruin the sanctity of another fraternity's ritual by even looking at it. If I were afuck you douchebag..take this $#!% off“

[endlessQuestions]

There’s a LOT one can learn from those responses that tell us why no fraternity or sorority member should EVER hold a position of trust or instruction in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

[tmac]

EQ, you continue to bring forth interesting stuff that completely supports your position — evidence of worldly, dark, anti-Christian secret combinations (like/including the Masons) that is inappropriate and should not be tolerated in Church leadership. So, what you are doing does feel like a legitimate call to repentance of sorts. As you have mentioned, one of you objectives is to simply document all these things. It seems, more than that, you are shining light on works of darkness for a very small handful of folks — which is still a good thing. But, I’m curious, what are the rest of your objectives? What are you hoping to see come if this?

In my case, I haven’t actually known the details of much of this, but just like the stuff about BC, etc., very little of it actually surprises me. I have so little faith and confidence in the institution and its leadership at this point that I am not really expecting any change for the better. If anything, I expect to see them double-down.

But EQ, what are your full objectives? What are you expecting to see happen. Where do you think things will go from here?

[BigT]

Jordan Standard

The Jordan Standard

The confidence of the Founders of Sigma Chi was based on a belief that the principles which they professed and the ideal of the Fraternity which they sought were but imperfectly realized in the organizations by which they were surrounded.

The standard with which the Fraternity started was declared by Isaac M. Jordan to be that of admitting no man to membership in Sigma Chi who is not believed to be:

A Man of Good Character
A Student of Fair Ability
With Ambitious Purposes
A Congenial Disposition
Possessed of Good Morals
Having a High Sense of Honor and
A Deep Sense of Personal Responsibility

[endlessQuestions]

Jordan Standard

The Jordan Standard

The confidence of the Founders of Sigma Chi was based on a belief that the principles which they professed and the ideal of the Fraternity which they sought were but imperfectly realized in the organizations by which they were surrounded.

The standard with which the Fraternity started was declared by Isaac M. Jordan to be that of admitting no man to membership in Sigma Chi who is not believed to be:

A Man of Good Character
A Student of Fair Ability
With Ambitious Purposes
A Congenial Disposition
Possessed of Good Morals
Having a High Sense of Honor and
A Deep Sense of Personal Responsibility

In my opinion, the available evidence would suggest that they have, by and large, failed in their stated goal. Which would make sense since they built their foundation on the philosophies of men, mingled with scripture.

[endlessQuestions]

EQ, you continue to bring forth interesting stuff that completely supports your position — evidence of worldly, dark, anti-Christian secret combinations (like/including the Masons) that is inappropriate and should not be tolerated in Church leadership. So, what you are doing does feel like a legitimate call to repentance of sorts. As you have mentioned, one of you objectives is to simply document all these things. It seems, more than that, you are shining light on works of darkness for a very small handful of folks — which is still a good thing. But, I’m curious, what are the rest of your objectives? What are you hoping to see come if this?

In my case, I haven’t actually known the details of much of this, but just like the stuff about BC, etc., very little of it actually surprises me. I have so little faith and confidence in the institution and its leadership at this point that I am not really expecting any change for the better. If anything, I expect to see them double-down.

But EQ, what are your full objectives? What are you expecting to see happen. Where do you think things will go from here?

tmac,

I appreciate your patience with me, and your attempt to help me clarify my thinking and express it in a way others can understand.

God has not revealed to me what the "end game" is. My scriptures tell me that it is my job to waste and wear out my life doing all that I can to expose the secret works of darkness, and so that is what I'm doing. Would I like to have a bigger audience? Of course. I think these things are critical for people to understand so we can be delivered from the bondage we are in. However, I think we can all agree I'm probably not the right guy to put up in front of an audience of millions. I'm too hurt, too damaged, too traumatized, too impulsive, too imbalanced, and, to be frank - too proud. So in leaving all these breadcrumbs everywhere, maybe I'm hoping somebody more capable, more humble, and more prepared, can come along and take the TRUTH I'm spreading and use it to create behavioral change inside the institution known as The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Perhaps I'll be a part of that effort. Perhaps not. I don't really care, as long as the systems change so the body of Christ can heal from all the abuses that have been heaped upon them by these double-minded, hypocritical, self-serving, prideful, vain, ambitious men and women who have co-opted the Church.

In the end, I know that it is His work to come and destroy these secret works of darkness. That tells me I am not going to accomplish anything that looks like "final victory" through my efforts. But, my intention is to ensure that when I sit down for my final interview, I can look my Savior in the eyes and tell Him I loved Him, I stood up for Him, and I sacrificed everything He asked me to trying to beat back the growing tide of filth that was polluting His church while I went through my mortal probation.

How am I doing? Does that make any more sense?

[Hogmeister]

EQ, you continue to bring forth interesting stuff that completely supports your position — evidence of worldly, dark, anti-Christian secret combinations (like/including the Masons) that is inappropriate and should not be tolerated in Church leadership. So, what you are doing does feel like a legitimate call to repentance of sorts. As you have mentioned, one of you objectives is to simply document all these things. It seems, more than that, you are shining light on works of darkness for a very small handful of folks — which is still a good thing. But, I’m curious, what are the rest of your objectives? What are you hoping to see come if this?

In my case, I haven’t actually known the details of much of this, but just like the stuff about BC, etc., very little of it actually surprises me. I have so little faith and confidence in the institution and its leadership at this point that I am not really expecting any change for the better. If anything, I expect to see them double-down.

But EQ, what are your full objectives? What are you expecting to see happen. Where do you think things will go from here?

tmac,

I appreciate your patience with me, and your attempt to help me clarify my thinking and express it in a way others can understand.

God has not revealed to me what the "end game" is. My scriptures tell me that it is my job to waste and wear out my life doing all that I can to expose the secret works of darkness, and so that is what I'm doing. Would I like to have a bigger audience? Of course. I think these things are critical for people to understand so we can be delivered from the bondage we are in. However, I think we can all agree I'm probably not the right guy to put up in front of an audience of millions. I'm too hurt, too damaged, too traumatized, too impulsive, too imbalanced, and, to be frank - too proud. So in leaving all these breadcrumbs everywhere, maybe I'm hoping somebody more capable, more humble, and more prepared, can come along and take the TRUTH I'm spreading and use it to create behavioral change inside the institution known as The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Perhaps I'll be a part of that effort. Perhaps not. I don't really care, as long as the systems change so the body of Christ can heal from all the abuses that have been heaped upon them by these double-minded, hypocritical, self-serving, prideful, vain, ambitious men and women who have co-opted the Church.

In the end, I know that it is His work to come and destroy these secret works of darkness. That tells me I am not going to accomplish anything that looks like "final victory" through my efforts. But, my intention is to ensure that when I sit down for my final interview, I can look my Savior in the eyes and tell Him I loved Him, I stood up for Him, and I sacrificed everything He asked me to trying to beat back the growing tide of filth that was polluting His church while I went through my mortal probation.

How am I doing? Does that make any more sense?

I appreciate your efforts. I think more people of sound minds will join you. It is when the people with sound minds and humble character joins you that the corrupt powers will shake. Raving exmos are no real threat.