LDS Freedom Forum

Just wondering why I feel a sense of depression as we approach the marriage of our last child…

Not sure I’m happy about turning the corner into being “empty-nesters”…

I haven’t gotten there yet. But I have realized how temporary time with our kids in our home is.

Have you talked with your kids about keeping in touch - regular get-togethers etc?

We were happy when our last got married and moved out. Our marriage has been focused on being a loving couple who are doing our best to raise children. The goal was to raise children who were mature enough to leave the home and function well on their own. When the last child moved out, we rejoiced that our goals had been met. We enjoyed the kids, their friends and the fun of raising them. We now really enjoy this latest part of our lives where it is quiet at home, we aren't picking up after kids and their friends and have time to do things that were lower priority when we had kids at home,

We also know couples who didn't have a good relationship who lived their life for their children--kids were #1. When the last child left, they were miserable because they only had each other now. They usually ended their marriage. I see a divorce coming for one of my best friends because his wife spends mega time with her married kids now that they are empty nesters. She obviously bonded to the kids instead of her husband. He realizes this and is lonely since her time and efforts seldom include him. They are both good people, but the wife has over-bonded to her kids and can't move on without them. Her kids are sick of her inserting herself into their lives. They even tell her so but she can't stop herself. Married kids want to go off on their own and start their own family and traditions. One of the lessons we had to learn is that married kids don't want your unsolicited advice. When they ask for our opinion, we give it to them. When we see them making a questionable choice, we keep our opinions to ourselves.

JK, this is a time to develop a special relationship with your spouse, taking advantage of the new opportunities soon coming that are only available to empty nesters. Good luck.

I'm not there yet, but I did feel a sense of depression with my oldest because we used to be close. Now he barely talks to me. He is married and his wife is both good for him and bad for him at the same time. On the one hand, she pushes him to keep room and board rather then stay drifting. On the other hand, she doesn't think she should EVER have to work outside the home, depsite him being on social security and on very little at that. She still thinks he should support her high end tastes, and she has pretty much isolated him away from us. That and she accuses us of being racist. Since being with her all the time, he is also jumping on the whole, "society is racist" bandwagon.

We regularly ask the Lord to give our children experiences that will help them grow the most in this life. We realize that he may give them trials that we would not wish on them. We trust Him to know what is best and that he will help them to overcome and learn from their trials.