Gadianton Slayer wrote: ↑January 7th, 2022, 6:57 am
Recent issues have given us quite a few filters to take into consideration while trying to find a partner
- no mask
- unvaxxed
- takes responsibility for their health
- doesn’t trust government
- loves Jesus more than ever
- trusts God above men
Lucky me, I’m 20
still got plenty of time, I’m not worrying about the dating world atm. Keep your eyes open and you’ll find the right person when the Lord needs you to. That’s how I’ve felt promoted to approach this.
Good points, I think it's much harder for the younger generation to date now than it was when I was younger. The world has changed a lot over the last 20+ years.
Another huge issue that needs to be addressed is the world's ideology of embracing the natural man, including many in the Church. I am constantly surprised at how many Church members are not only supportive of Same-Sex marriage (even though it can never be a marriage), but they for some reason think that there is nothing wrong with it. So yet another can of worms to open up on a date.
There are also misconceptions of what marriage is or ought to be, especially if you have never been married before. I can say that I definitely had no idea what I was getting into the first time around. Here is some advice for those of you that are in the dating world right now though.
1- Take your time, don't rush it. Study a little psychology and know what red flags to look out for. The last thing you want to do is shoot yourself in the foot and marry someone with some serious psychological issues. I'd recommend a year or two of consistent dating to really get to know the other person. If they have psychological issues you'll start recognizing red flags. To get you started here's a fun article to read:
https://shrink4men.com/2012/03/27/the-t ... rincesses/
2- Realize what marriage is, and what you plan to bring to the table. A good marriage is about a lot of things that are working well together. This includes at the top of the list good, effective communication. Both of you need to be able to effectively communicate with each other, listen to each other, and respect one another's opinions. That doesn't mean you necessarily agree constantly, but you ought to, at the very least, respect and allow your partner to have their own opinions.
Go into the marriage with the attitude that you are going to put her needs first. Of course, if you are marrying the right person she ought to be doing the same thing. If not, the song "Highway to Hell" is going to take on a whole other meaning for you. In a healthy marriage, both partners ought to do their best to put their partner's needs first, and things will naturally work out as you are both selflessly serving each other. The problem comes when one party is taking advantage of the other, and it becomes a very abusive one-sided relationship.
3- During counseling I learned a different acronym for CTR that is very appropriate. CTR stands for - Commitment, Trust, and Respect. All 3 of these ought to be part of a healthy relationship. Both of you should be fully committed for the long haul, and go in with the mentality that sometimes things are going to get really hard. There are going to be good days, and there are going to be really bad days. Trust is extremely important in a relationship and very easy to break. Sometimes that trust can be permanently broken in a marriage, and that marriage is doomed. Respect is very important as it is what will hold you together through the rough patches.
4- Know what your deal breakers are, and stick with them while looking for a spouse. Believe it or not, but at the end of the day, a good marriage is worth its weight in gold. I would much rather that my sons marry someone that is semi-attractive and have an amazing great marriage than to have them marry an extremely attractive woman that treats them like garbage. The problem with a lot of us men (I'm speaking from experience), is that we tend to let a womans' beauty have more power than it ought to. In other words, there have been many men that have married the wrong woman because she was beautiful, even though the relationship was horrible. It either ends up in divorce or a lot of pain and misery.
Do yourself a favor, and avoid the trap. Focus on the qualities that she has, and brings to the relationship. It's better to marry a woman with a heart of gold than it is to marry a beautiful woman just for the sake of beauty. At the end of the day, beauty fades and all that remains is how you treat each other.
5 - Some people don't want to leave the town they grew up in, or want to live close to their parents. This can have ramifications on what jobs you can take, where you live, and your quality of life. All things to consider prior to getting into a serious relationship.
6- Be on the same page with Finances. This is a huge issue in today's society. Both of you ought to decide beforehand how finances will be handled. If she expects to stay home and raise the kids, have a game plan in place that will accommodate this. If you both plan on working, plan on how you will raise your kids. Many a marriage has been ruined over two people having very different plans when it comes to money. I would advise being educated on some basic principles when it comes to money. A good place to start with is listening to Dave Ramsey and Robert Kiyosaki. Gives you a place to start with that gives you a couple of different perspectives of how to make wise moves when it comes to finances.
7- Decide how you will raise your kids, and what values are important to you. This will include your deal breakers. For example, some people think that you should not spank a child regardless of the situation or age, others strongly disagree with that. Something as simple as this can cause a lot of problems when you are in the midst of a marriage, and both of you have two very different ideas on how to raise your kids. What values do you want to instill with your children will have an impact on their lives and will help to mold and shape who they are, and how they interact with others. This ought to be part of the conversation when things start getting serious. Who is going to be there taking care of the kids, how is this going to look? What type of values do you want to instill in your children?
8- Do not try to be a White Knight, do not try to save someone from themselves. Do not expect to fix someone else. You have to be willing to accept the other person just as they are flaws, warts, and all. This should be a two-way street though. Of course, it's best if both of you are willing to continually work on supporting each other in being the best versions of yourself that you can be. There is a huge difference between being supportive of your Spouse's goals to be the best version of themselves vs. trying to fix what annoys you about your spouse. Understanding the difference is key. You should be willing to continue working on making positive changes in your life that you feel are important to you, and hopefully, your spouse will want to do the same. You ought to let each other decide what is important, rather than to try to point out each other's flaws.
9 - Set expectations of what each of you expects out of the marriage? Find out how each of you was raised, and what you agree/disagree with. Talk about what you expect a typical day/week/month to look like. Have something that triggers you, better let her know before you get too serious. Ask each other how you handle difficult situations, so you know what to expect. Not be blindsided like me, and find yourself on the receiving end of a Butcher Knife (true story).
These are just a few things to consider when looking into getting into a serious relationship with the end goal of getting married. This is a good place to start having those difficult conversations before you get married. This is why it is important to really get to know each other before committing to each other. Good relationships can work, they just take a lot of work and patience. Good Luck!
then afterwards, 1/2 shut.] To love is to have the willingness to interpret someone’s not very appealing behavior on the surface to find more benevolent reasons why it might be unfolding.”
