Caught my wife watching pornography

[Lexew1899]

Doubtful.
https://www.the-exponent.com/50-shades- ... book-club/

[Nan]

Love the assumption that only women watch romantic movies! I never watch them as I stated before. My husband is the one that does. So following the logic of the men in the post I guess I got screwed both ways. One when he did struggle with porn (has been clean 12 years). And now forever because he likes romantic movies. Sorry but I know the difference between someone using porn and someone who likes watching romantic movies and I call you guys on your crap again.

[MMbelieve]

I walked in on my wife watching pornography.

It was a movie in which a woman was in love with a man, and he took his shirt off on the beach, with his six-pack abs. She immediately dropped her bags, and was sexually aroused.

Next scene was them having sex together, without genitalia or breasts exposed (acceptable?).

She ended up marrying him, but eventually became disillusioned and fantasized about a former flame of hers, who she ran into. She then tried going back to that guy, but by then he was married. I didn't see how it ended, but I assume they somehow both divorced and got together, and were finally happy.

I immediately felt inadequate, and unloved. Does my wife also feel dissatisfied with me and want to go elsewhere? I see so many women who "settled" for their husband, then divorced for a supposedly better guy who will treat them better, or have more money, or is more romantic or better looking, etc.

What should I do about my wife's addiction?

Should I report her to the bishop for fantasizing about other men?

What disciplinary action should the church take against her?

What kind of counseling should she receive for her addiction?

Should I tell my family and her family and ward members about her problem?

Should she confess publicly in front of the ward?

What should I tell our children about the shameful, disgusting addiction of their mother?

How can I undo all the damage to the children caused by their mother's porn habit?

Is there any hope for our marriage? Should I consider divorce before she divorces me to pursue her fantasies?

How can we regain trust now that it is broken and she has cheated?

The way you described that was just a normal movie. And the way you reacted to it, looks like you have serious sychological problems. Your wife is not fantasizing, you are just jealous no confident man. Man up, and do what is right and stop shaming your wife on this forum. You are disgrace and by divorcing you, she would make her self a big favor.

Stop Shaming all the husbands who are neglected by their wives because the wives are so concerned about showing off to others in the ward about how righteous they are and spending time doing things that take them away from their husbands.. If the husbands are driven to it because of the actions or lack of actions of the wife they are the ones who need to be shamed.. not the men. This is not taking responsibility for ones actions, it’s immature to blame others or seek to excuse your poor choices on someone else. No gender bias here, we all are required to be responsible. I doubt the judgement bar allows for such passing of blame.

Also I bet almost 99% of marriages that end are because the wife wants out.. not the husband.. the husband is humbled and willing to change just to keep his marriage because he loves his wife and children.. the wife uses this as an excuse to get out.. well guess what.. If we were living the higher law.. there would be no DIVORCE.. you would have to work with your husband to figure something out..
I really want to put a challenge to this idea. IF the husband was humbled and willing to change then maybe they wouldn’t be getting a divorce in the first place. It’s common fact that men are less likely to take action on repairing a marriage than women do. Relationships mean more to women than they do to men. This is a fact. Women seek resources and counseling and advice first too. Men are reluctant to join their wife. It’s why so many things are written to women.

It’s zero surprise that women are the ones most likely to file for divorce just like they are most likely to point out issues and seek to fix and discuss and seek assistance when needed. Men get apathetic and aloof and check out. Women see things men do not see, another fact, and they seek to fix it. Men seem to have an issue with this process if it involves anything about himself.

"Normal" lol I hear people at church talking about "GAME OF THRONES" and how awesome it is.. and guess what .. it has soo much nudity in it.. so thats just a show and not porn?

Game of thrones is absolutely porn.

[Thinker]

I hear it a lot in here but I haven’t seen the church using shame or guilt to harm people.

Today in church, I heard and often in general conferences I’ve heard pornography mentioned as shameful. Not only does this prove to backfire, but also what about other more harmful sins like overeating (which contributes to the #1 killer in the US)? My guess is that porn is essentially serving as a scapegoat - to shift blame - when much more harmful things are happening.

I have seen strange dynamics in extended family and friends. A woman I’ve known my entire life has been addicted to tv and food - for most of her life & yet has broken up a marriage and large family because he had watched porn. She has gone on social media and defamed his character, while she watches trash for 8 hours every day. When I came over to her house with my kids, I asked if we could please turn off the tv - because it seemed rated-R.

Some stats...
Studies estimate that the typical American child will view 16,000 murders and 200,000 acts of violence on TV by the time they graduate high school.

Women are more likely to be parked in front of the TV on any given day, watching on average nearly 40 minutes more than their male counterparts.

One study showed that among teens, those who watched the most tended to be about 14 pounds heavier on average.
https://www.creditdonkey.com/television-statistics.html

15 percent of ads studied used sex as a selling point in 1983. That percentage grew to 27 percent in 2003
https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/2649- ... -more.html

“...sex in the media is often condemned —there’s too much of it, it’s too blatant, it will encourage kids to be promiscuous, etc.” But, she concludes, sex in the media “has far more to do with trivializing sex than with promoting it. The problem is not that it is sinful but that it is synthetic and cynical. We are offered a pseudo-sexuality that makes it far more difficult to discover our own unique and authentic sexuality.”
https://mediasmarts.ca/digital-media-li ... hips-media

On television (TV), which remains the predominant medium in terms of time spent for all young people, more than 75% of prime-time programs contain sexual content, yet only 14% of sexual incidents mention any risks or responsibilities of sexual activity.
https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/ ... /126/3/576


So...Yes, porn is bad, but there are even worse - more damaging - things that are going ignored. Why?

[MMbelieve]

I hear it a lot in here but I haven’t seen the church using shame or guilt to harm people.

Today in church, I heard and often in general conferences I’ve heard pornography mentioned as shameful. Not only does this prove to backfire, but also what about other more harmful sins like overeating (which contributes to the #1 killer in the US)? My guess is that porn is essentially serving as a scapegoat - to shift blame - when much more harmful things are happening.

I have seen strange dynamics in extended family and friends. A woman I’ve known my entire life has been addicted to tv and food - for most of her life & yet has broken up a marriage and large family because he had watched porn. She has gone on social media and defamed his character, while she watches trash for 8 hours every day. When I came over to her house with my kids, I asked if we could please turn off the tv - because it seemed rated-R.

Some stats...
Studies estimate that the typical American child will view 16,000 murders and 200,000 acts of violence on TV by the time they graduate high school.

Women are more likely to be parked in front of the TV on any given day, watching on average nearly 40 minutes more than their male counterparts.

One study showed that among teens, those who watched the most tended to be about 14 pounds heavier on average.
https://www.creditdonkey.com/television-statistics.html

15 percent of ads studied used sex as a selling point in 1983. That percentage grew to 27 percent in 2003
https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/2649- ... -more.html

“...sex in the media is often condemned —there’s too much of it, it’s too blatant, it will encourage kids to be promiscuous, etc.” But, she concludes, sex in the media “has far more to do with trivializing sex than with promoting it. The problem is not that it is sinful but that it is synthetic and cynical. We are offered a pseudo-sexuality that makes it far more difficult to discover our own unique and authentic sexuality.”
https://mediasmarts.ca/digital-media-li ... hips-media

On television (TV), which remains the predominant medium in terms of time spent for all young people, more than 75% of prime-time programs contain sexual content, yet only 14% of sexual incidents mention any risks or responsibilities of sexual activity.
https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/ ... /126/3/576


So...Yes, porn is bad, but there are even worse - more damaging - things that are going ignored. Why?

Pretty sure porn is more serious than many make it out to be or believe it to be.

There is always something worse, by the way.

[Thinker]

I hear it a lot in here but I haven’t seen the church using shame or guilt to harm people.

Today in church, I heard and often in general conferences I’ve heard pornography mentioned as shameful. Not only does this prove to backfire, but also what about other more harmful sins like overeating (which contributes to the #1 killer in the US)? My guess is that porn is essentially serving as a scapegoat - to shift blame - when much more harmful things are happening.

I have seen strange dynamics in extended family and friends. A woman I’ve known my entire life has been addicted to tv and food - for most of her life & yet has broken up a marriage and large family because he had watched porn. She has gone on social media and defamed his character, while she watches trash for 8 hours every day. When I came over to her house with my kids, I asked if we could please turn off the tv - because it seemed rated-R.

Some stats...
Studies estimate that the typical American child will view 16,000 murders and 200,000 acts of violence on TV by the time they graduate high school.

Women are more likely to be parked in front of the TV on any given day, watching on average nearly 40 minutes more than their male counterparts.

One study showed that among teens, those who watched the most tended to be about 14 pounds heavier on average.
https://www.creditdonkey.com/television-statistics.html

15 percent of ads studied used sex as a selling point in 1983. That percentage grew to 27 percent in 2003
https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/2649- ... -more.html

“...sex in the media is often condemned —there’s too much of it, it’s too blatant, it will encourage kids to be promiscuous, etc.” But, she concludes, sex in the media “has far more to do with trivializing sex than with promoting it. The problem is not that it is sinful but that it is synthetic and cynical. We are offered a pseudo-sexuality that makes it far more difficult to discover our own unique and authentic sexuality.”
https://mediasmarts.ca/digital-media-li ... hips-media

On television (TV), which remains the predominant medium in terms of time spent for all young people, more than 75% of prime-time programs contain sexual content, yet only 14% of sexual incidents mention any risks or responsibilities of sexual activity.
https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/ ... /126/3/576


So...Yes, porn is bad, but there are even worse - more damaging - things that are going ignored. Why?

Pretty sure porn is more serious than many make it out to be or believe it to be.

There is always something worse, by the way.

I’m not saying that porn is not serious. Porn is bad - a counterfeit. But often I have seen it be focused on while ignoring the bigger problem - like addiction to tv and overeating.

Even a TBM was telling me recently how he has been waiting a long time for the church to speak up about the #1 killer in the US - heart disease, which is caused largely by overeating and sedentary lives. As that study showed - statistically, women watch more tv, which tends to contribute to weight gain, besides all the spiritual effects of watching so much sex and violence on TV.

Why ignore or discount what is KILLING people spiritually and physically?

[Bilcliffe]

Porn is bad and my wife thinks that soap operas are female porn. I hate them both; they do a lot of damage. Before marriage we were advised to talk with our prospective marriage partners about what our expectations are regarding intimacy to be sure we were compatible and that neither would be expected to do anything that we felt uncomfortable with. I think that is good advice and I cannot help but agree that we should all do our best to keep ourselves attractive, clean and in good basic shape.

[Jamescm]

Scriptural thought: "Do unto others what thou would'st have them do unto you."

Assessment: Well, if I were watching pornography and my wife walked in on it, I would probably very much like her to start doing whatever I'm watching.

Conclusion: If I walked in on my wife watching pornography, I would probably skip all of the drama proposed and start doing whatever she was watching.

Please don't take me seriously.

[Sarah]

Scriptural thought: "Do unto others what thou would'st have them do unto you."

Assessment: Well, if I were watching pornography and my wife walked in on it, I would probably very much like her to start doing whatever I'm watching.

Conclusion: If I walked in on my wife watching pornography, I would probably skip all of the drama proposed and start doing whatever she was watching.

Please don't take me seriously.

Unfortunately that is seriously how many men think when it comes to sex and how they decide to treat their wives. They assume women feel the same way about sex as they do, and will like the same things as they do, and that everything feels the same for a woman as it does to them.

I think the maxim is a base standard of thinking - if you wouldn't like something done to you, don't do it to another. If you wouldn't like someone using your body for his or her own sexual satisfaction, knowing it would leave you in pain or unsatisfied, don't do it to another.

Let's move up from the base standard. Ultimately, perfectly loving actions or gifts are gifts another will appreciate, not gifts you will appreciate giving for your own selfish desires that you think the other person should have.

[MMbelieve]

I hear it a lot in here but I haven’t seen the church using shame or guilt to harm people.

Today in church, I heard and often in general conferences I’ve heard pornography mentioned as shameful. Not only does this prove to backfire, but also what about other more harmful sins like overeating (which contributes to the #1 killer in the US)? My guess is that porn is essentially serving as a scapegoat - to shift blame - when much more harmful things are happening.

I have seen strange dynamics in extended family and friends. A woman I’ve known my entire life has been addicted to tv and food - for most of her life & yet has broken up a marriage and large family because he had watched porn. She has gone on social media and defamed his character, while she watches trash for 8 hours every day. When I came over to her house with my kids, I asked if we could please turn off the tv - because it seemed rated-R.

Some stats...
Studies estimate that the typical American child will view 16,000 murders and 200,000 acts of violence on TV by the time they graduate high school.

Women are more likely to be parked in front of the TV on any given day, watching on average nearly 40 minutes more than their male counterparts.

One study showed that among teens, those who watched the most tended to be about 14 pounds heavier on average.
https://www.creditdonkey.com/television-statistics.html

15 percent of ads studied used sex as a selling point in 1983. That percentage grew to 27 percent in 2003
https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/2649- ... -more.html

“...sex in the media is often condemned —there’s too much of it, it’s too blatant, it will encourage kids to be promiscuous, etc.” But, she concludes, sex in the media “has far more to do with trivializing sex than with promoting it. The problem is not that it is sinful but that it is synthetic and cynical. We are offered a pseudo-sexuality that makes it far more difficult to discover our own unique and authentic sexuality.”
https://mediasmarts.ca/digital-media-li ... hips-media

On television (TV), which remains the predominant medium in terms of time spent for all young people, more than 75% of prime-time programs contain sexual content, yet only 14% of sexual incidents mention any risks or responsibilities of sexual activity.
https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/ ... /126/3/576


So...Yes, porn is bad, but there are even worse - more damaging - things that are going ignored. Why?

Pretty sure porn is more serious than many make it out to be or believe it to be.

There is always something worse, by the way.

I’m not saying that porn is not serious. Porn is bad - a counterfeit. But often I have seen it be focused on while ignoring the bigger problem - like addiction to tv and overeating.

Even a TBM was telling me recently how he has been waiting a long time for the church to speak up about the #1 killer in the US - heart disease, which is caused largely by overeating and sedentary lives. As that study showed - statistically, women watch more tv, which tends to contribute to weight gain, besides all the spiritual effects of watching so much sex and violence on TV.

Why ignore or discount what is KILLING people spiritually and physically?

Sorry but this is a mere distraction. The number 1 killer -heart disease. Well gee, let’s just use that argument anytime we want to distract from something we don’t view as needing attention.

Or we can use starving children pictures every time we don’t like how others spend their money.

You cannot distract from serious problems without you yourself enabling it in one way or another.

Being healthy is good and it’s something we all should be doing.
The excessive tv watching and overeating are not the problem either. Behind those actions, including porn usually, there are serious problems. Some escapes are worse than others but that also is different for each individual. Example, one man can use alcohol to cope with his feelings and remain moderate and in good composure while a different man can become worse emotionally and a drunkard who starts destroying his family.

Porn is one of those things that every MAN should stay away from and women shouldn’t entertain. It’s dangerous. Far more than binge watching Netflix on the weekend or eating too much dinner every night.

[Obrien]

Mod Hat

*Scratches head in confusion*

Not sure if this is a troll post or if the OP is subtly trying to make a point?

OP is making a point, and doing it with skill rarely seen on the forum...
Well done!

[markharr]

Humiliating someone has never been the way to influence someone into ending an addiction.

That's more scarlet letter than the teachings of the savior.

[Bilcliffe]

You mustn't look at a woman while having adulterous thoughts. Very true, but what I have heard recently, and it is good advice I think, is don't look at a woman at all, not even honestly and in the eye, or for any reason, or you may be adjudged to be committing a thought crime. Glad that we can have church at home now, at least on every other week. One woman who was giving a presentation became very angry immediately because I was reading her sincerity and testimony by regarding her directly, honestly and chastely, in the eye. I have always been asked to pay attention to the speaker; where else should I be looking? On the floor? At the ceiling? There is no hunting season for men; it's all the time and for any reason, but not all women are like this. Joseph Smith said it best when he said, in an address to the Relief Society, the zeal of women tends not to improve, but would destroy, the Church. And yes, there is a double standard and that is never good; it is feminism at its worst and sheer hypocrisy. Porn is bad and self righteousness is bad, and evil speaking is evil. Look to yourself and see that there is no lying, backbiting or hardness with one another.

[JohnnyL]

Porn is one of those things that every MAN should stay away from and women shouldn’t entertain. It’s dangerous. Far more than binge watching Netflix on the weekend or eating too much dinner every night.

Are you intentionally being sexist?

[MMbelieve]

Porn is one of those things that every MAN should stay away from and women shouldn’t entertain. It’s dangerous. Far more than binge watching Netflix on the weekend or eating too much dinner every night.

Are you intentionally being sexist?

Yes and for good reason.

[JohnnyL]

Porn is one of those things that every MAN should stay away from and women shouldn’t entertain. It’s dangerous. Far more than binge watching Netflix on the weekend or eating too much dinner every night.

Are you intentionally being sexist?

Yes and for good reason.

So you mean, it's okay for women to not stay away from porn, and men to entertain?

[MMbelieve]

Porn is one of those things that every MAN should stay away from and women shouldn’t entertain. It’s dangerous. Far more than binge watching Netflix on the weekend or eating too much dinner every night.

Are you intentionally being sexist?

Yes and for good reason.

So you mean, it's okay for women to not stay away from porn, and men to entertain?

Your misunderstanding. Men need to stay away because of how they work and operate as men and how the porn industry taps into their natural man. Women shouldn’t entertain is a way to say that women do not react the same way that men do to the same stimulus yet they should not entertain it meaning they also shouldn’t watch it or get involved in it. Pretty simple stuff Johnny. No double standards applied here that you need to jump all over my case about.

[JohnnyL]

Are you intentionally being sexist?

Yes and for good reason.

So you mean, it's okay for women to not stay away from porn, and men to entertain?

Your misunderstanding. Men need to stay away because of how they work and operate as men and how the porn industry taps into their natural man. Women shouldn’t entertain is a way to say that women do not react the same way that men do to the same stimulus yet they should not entertain it meaning they also shouldn’t watch it or get involved in it. Pretty simple stuff Johnny. No double standards applied here that you need to jump all over my case about.

If it had been communicated correctly, then yes, pretty simple stuff. Your comments said otherwise, and I wonder if anyone would understand what you say you now meant, by reading what you wrote.

[MMbelieve]

Yes and for good reason.

So you mean, it's okay for women to not stay away from porn, and men to entertain?

Your misunderstanding. Men need to stay away because of how they work and operate as men and how the porn industry taps into their natural man. Women shouldn’t entertain is a way to say that women do not react the same way that men do to the same stimulus yet they should not entertain it meaning they also shouldn’t watch it or get involved in it. Pretty simple stuff Johnny. No double standards applied here that you need to jump all over my case about.

If it had been communicated correctly, then yes, pretty simple stuff. Your comments said otherwise, and I wonder if anyone would understand what you say you now meant, by reading what you wrote.

If my explanation is insufficient then so be it.

Men should avoid it
Women shouldn’t entertain it either.

There really is no difference in the application or meaning.

I could say, women should avoid sexy romance novels and men shouldn’t entertain them either.


Those looking to witch hunt for double standard feminist will always misunderstand and find fault.

[thestock]

Not to downplay how you are feeling but I dont really think this is a big deal. Women are allowed to be horny and make mistakes as well as men. Talk to her. Better yet....talk to her, and then....ahem, do as I would do. Read between the lines.

[darknesstolight]

Let's just state the obvious to explain why this is the case. A man can have his wife simply lay there and he is able to arouse himself and give himself a sexual experience if he so chooses. A wife cannot do this if her man is just laying there doing nothing. A husband's job is to give his wife a satisfying sexual experience, not the other way around. Because as he is fulfilling her, he can also easily be fulfilled, whereas a woman giving her body to her husband has no hope of being fulfilled unless he is solely focused on making her happy.

You didn't state the obvious, you stated a stereotype. This type of stereotyping is destructive to men and to women because it isn't just a male/female thing, its an individual thing. There are who knows how many women who just need a man to just lay there. In fact, that is what they prefer. And there are women who prefer something different.

I'm male and I have no hope of being aroused if my wife just lays there. I need to feel an emotional connection and non-sexual intimacy with my wife before I am "aroused". This is not uncommon. In fact it is people repeating the destructive stereotype that you repeated that provides the illusion that man can just get off without any emotional connection or all men need is a "hole".

I'm sorry, but you can only speak for yourself and your own sexual experiences. The only way that I can read your posts is from the point-of-view that you are simply sharing what you have experienced in life because, again, the research and my own experiences personally and from my conversations with other men, what you are saying is not "the obvious".

You are actually painting a pretty offensive caricature of men, especially given the way you have worded your post.

Here are some things that research has revealed about men...

The results of our survey of 700 men may surprise women! What did men say was their number one sex need? Mutual satisfaction. That’s right! The survey shows that although the physical act of sex is an important part of sexual intimacy for men, it is not the most important aspect.

Men want fulfillment—for their wives, as well as for themselves. Coming in at number two and number three: connection and responsiveness.

Just as the women’s top sex needs are interrelated, the men’s needs are also interconnected. They are all about relationship. They’re about an emotional connection.

And...

More than 67 percent of the men who responded to our survey listed mutual satisfaction as their top sex need. They indicated that they believe a good sexual relationship is one in which both husband and wife experience satisfaction during lovemaking.

Sexual satisfaction is more than simply a physical release for a man. The purpose of mutually satisfying sex is not just orgasm but satisfaction through an emotional and spiritual connection.

Further...

Nothing makes men feel closer to their wives than being physically and emotionally connected. That is why 66 percent of men ranked emotional connection as a top sex need. Connecting inside the bedroom is pretty clear-cut; it’s sexual intercourse. Sex builds emotional connection for a husband in the same way that talking and helping around the house build connection for a wife.

Being physically and emotionally connected is important though. Emotional connection doesn’t have to be big energy expenditures – but they do take some thought. What are the simple things wives can do to say “You are important to me” or “You are a priority” or “I love you”? Touching his arm. Rubbing his back. Holding hands. Putting a hand on his knee while you’re in the car together. These are powerful ways a husband and wife form emotional connection. When a wife understands her husband’s physical needs—both inside and outside the bedroom—she tells him clearly that she wants to connect with him.

Finally...

While [the man] may be accused of “only wanting sex,” most men want and feel a much more emotional connection than a simple bodily release. Making love literally creates a deep feeling of attachment to his partner and spurs relational generosity, faith, and optimism. Being desired by his partner can be the single most reassuring part of his relationship.

Sources:
https://thrivingmarriages.com/surprise- ... l-release/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog ... en-and-sex

[Sarah]

Let's just state the obvious to explain why this is the case. A man can have his wife simply lay there and he is able to arouse himself and give himself a sexual experience if he so chooses. A wife cannot do this if her man is just laying there doing nothing. A husband's job is to give his wife a satisfying sexual experience, not the other way around. Because as he is fulfilling her, he can also easily be fulfilled, whereas a woman giving her body to her husband has no hope of being fulfilled unless he is solely focused on making her happy.

You didn't state the obvious, you stated a stereotype. This type of stereotyping is destructive to men and to women because it isn't just a male/female thing, its an individual thing. There are who knows how many women who just need a man to just lay there. In fact, that is what they prefer. And there are women who prefer something different.

I'm male and I have no hope of being aroused if my wife just lays there. I need to feel an emotional connection and non-sexual intimacy with my wife before I am "aroused". This is not uncommon. In fact it is people repeating the destructive stereotype that you repeated that provides the illusion that man can just get off without any emotional connection or all men need is a "hole".

I'm sorry, but you can only speak for yourself and your own sexual experiences. The only way that I can read your posts is from the point-of-view that you are simply sharing what you have experienced in life because, again, the research and my own experiences personally and from my conversations with other men, what you are saying is not "the obvious".

You are actually painting a pretty offensive caricature of men, especially given the way you have worded your post.

Here are some things that research has revealed about men...

The results of our survey of 700 men may surprise women! What did men say was their number one sex need? Mutual satisfaction. That’s right! The survey shows that although the physical act of sex is an important part of sexual intimacy for men, it is not the most important aspect.

Men want fulfillment—for their wives, as well as for themselves. Coming in at number two and number three: connection and responsiveness.

Just as the women’s top sex needs are interrelated, the men’s needs are also interconnected. They are all about relationship. They’re about an emotional connection.

And...

More than 67 percent of the men who responded to our survey listed mutual satisfaction as their top sex need. They indicated that they believe a good sexual relationship is one in which both husband and wife experience satisfaction during lovemaking.

Sexual satisfaction is more than simply a physical release for a man. The purpose of mutually satisfying sex is not just orgasm but satisfaction through an emotional and spiritual connection.

Further...

Nothing makes men feel closer to their wives than being physically and emotionally connected. That is why 66 percent of men ranked emotional connection as a top sex need. Connecting inside the bedroom is pretty clear-cut; it’s sexual intercourse. Sex builds emotional connection for a husband in the same way that talking and helping around the house build connection for a wife.

Being physically and emotionally connected is important though. Emotional connection doesn’t have to be big energy expenditures – but they do take some thought. What are the simple things wives can do to say “You are important to me” or “You are a priority” or “I love you”? Touching his arm. Rubbing his back. Holding hands. Putting a hand on his knee while you’re in the car together. These are powerful ways a husband and wife form emotional connection. When a wife understands her husband’s physical needs—both inside and outside the bedroom—she tells him clearly that she wants to connect with him.

Finally...

While [the man] may be accused of “only wanting sex,” most men want and feel a much more emotional connection than a simple bodily release. Making love literally creates a deep feeling of attachment to his partner and spurs relational generosity, faith, and optimism. Being desired by his partner can be the single most reassuring part of his relationship.

Sources:
https://thrivingmarriages.com/surprise- ... l-release/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog ... en-and-sex

I'm sorry you interpreted my comments to mean I think this is stereotypical that a woman just lays there and does nothing. I wish you would have included the first paragraph of my comment and thought about what I was really saying and the point I was trying to make to understand why I presented that scenario. My point was that men usually have a stronger, faster sexual response, and for this reason, it is his responsibility to make sure his wife is satisfied rather than the other way around, therefore the scenario was only to demonstrate that it was more physically possible for him to satisfy himself than the other way around. I'm sure there are women who can manage all by themselves, but it is more difficult.
The important point is that if the wife is only trying to satisfy her husband, then the likelihood of her being satisfied is very low unless he is making sure she is. It's a fact that one-sided relationships tend to be the man being satisfied and the woman feeling unsatisfied. That's why I said this is the first paragraph you left out: "He needs to take his responsibility seriously instead of blaming his wife for a lack of intimacy. If she is not interested, he needs to figure out why and fix the problem."

There are lots of men that want their wife to love sex, but when she doesn't they blame her, which is the problem.
I know what you posted is true because that is how my husband feels. He has always wanted mutual satisfaction. But I will tell you that even though for a long time he wanted that, and I wasn't satisfied, his desire for mutual satisfaction did not override his desire to please himself at my expense. He blamed my lack of interest on me, and gave up on mutual satisfaction, which is what a lot of men do despite claiming they want their wife to be happy. They give up trying, but still expect their wife to please them. It is actually sad that over 30 percent in that survey did not put mutual satisfaction at the top, that they really are only concerned with themselves. My husband and I have a mutual satisfying relationship currently because I realized that my disinterest was because how he was acting towards me, and we fixed the problem, and neither of us simply lay there.