Caught my wife watching pornography

[JohnnyL]

Ha ha, watched "Bending the Rules"?

[hedgehog]

Wow the double think exploded.

You know it's there but to see it so casually displayed is still shocking.

"it's in all the movies."
"your just insecure."
"Ask her what she wants, what is it that captivates her so much about the relationship the couple has on the television"
"If its considered cheating by having her feel other positive emotions towards other people than just you, then you might need to work on that a bit."
"It's supposed to inspire you to become more romantic or loving to your partner, not jealous. And go out and hunt for that feeling she wants and bring it to her.
" Romance movies are like a woman screaming in a nice way at a man on WHAT TO DO TO MAKE HER FEEL GOOD. it's like men dont get it so women make movies of what THEY WANT so guys will understand, but sadly they dont and then get sad or depressed about it when in actuality it's like a woman telling you all the secrets"
"She might just be bored."
"Spice it up."
"When we watch movies we do it to ESCAPE. she might consciously or subconsciously be escaping to watch some other relationship because her relationship is boring, sad, or frustrating."
"Sometimes people just watch for fun."

Let us share these principles of wisdom with the relief society asap. They will be most grateful.

Sorry to pick on you Emily since you meant well but surely you can step back and admit rolls reversed those suggestions would cause a major hissy fit. You didn't intend to but you listed the same reasons most guys watch porn.

That's not coincidence, romance fantasy releases dopamine into the same parts of the brain as shopping, gossiping, social media attention, masturbation, adrenaline junkies, smoking, drinking, drugs, workaholics, food addicts etc. See my previous reply if you want to know how I feel about this reality.

Personally , mine are eating, shopping, and reading (doing it right now) . No none are currently temple recommend questions but I can admit I'm riding the same dopamine escape train as all the others. Each dopamine escape has its own poison. Gossip divides families and drives people away from the gospel, spending can cause debt burdens, eating reduces my energy and shortens the years I will be here to help my kids, longterm porn can be dangerous psychologically but it wouldn't shorten my lifespan or eat up my savings.

The problem here is that when it comes to comparing the sexual experience for men and women, you can't role reverse, and have an equal comparison, because men and women are different sexually and have different roles. And so likewise, the solutions to each gender's favorite addiction also cannot equally be compared. A wife addicted to romance movies or soap operas is terrible in my opinion, simply because it is a waste of time, and detracts her from thinking about her husband, but the husband who seeks out porn in order to masturbate is a more serious threat to the marriage, because making sex and romance work well is more of his responsibility. The wife needs to be kind, agreeable, happy, and pleasant, (as does her husband) and open to receiving his gifts, trying to appreciate them, but the physical intimate relationship is the man's responsibility and opportunity to give because he has the stronger and faster sexual response and she the weaker one. He needs to take his responsibility seriously instead of blaming his wife for a lack of intimacy. If she is not interested, he needs to figure out why and fix the problem.

Let's just state the obvious to explain why this is the case. A man can have his wife simply lay there and he is able to arouse himself and give himself a sexual experience if he so chooses. A wife cannot do this if her man is just laying there doing nothing. A husband's job is to give his wife a satisfying sexual experience, not the other way around. Because as he is fulfilling her, he can also easily be fulfilled, whereas a woman giving her body to her husband has no hope of being fulfilled unless he is solely focused on making her happy. It is an imbalance that is not recognized enough to awake men to their responsibility for love making within marriage, but what we see rather is the wife getting the blame when she shuts down, because her husband doesn't turn her on anymore. She has to trust him with her body - simple as that. Porn draws the man away from his opportunity to fulfill this role he has in giving this to his wife. The wife should not feel obligated to give sexually to her husband unless she is receiving a gift she can appreciate from him first.

Think your projecting sexual norms from your group and culture onto all females biology. I actually think to a legit degree you describe an unhealthy attitude that was about women using sex to control men. These poor guys. No wonder so many of them turn to porn. Sex should be a bonding activity not complicated equations of guess what I'm thinking and feeling and power struggle.

Females in most other cultures do not view themselves as passive princesses to be pleasured by the house jester.

Maybe im just misunderstanding your point amid your excessive use of g-rated metaphors and flowery language.

Sex is about making babies and intimately pair bonding a couple. I'm skeptical of the motives who add layers on top of that.

I was simply responding to the notion that we can do a role reversal and all things remain equal. Biologically we are not the same, and I'm pointing out how those differences affect how we should solve the problems. Men have the greater strength physically and sexually, otherwise you would hear of women raping men and you hardly ever hear of that, but in many other cultures, men raping women and even their wives is a normal part of life. So with that added strength comes more responsibility in that area to help the wife with sex if she's not happy. It is a lie that just because a wife doesn't want sex she is controlling.

Believe we have reached the logical impasse.

Your convinced: Women and men are so sexually different that women require special treatment and must be allowed even serious double standards.

My give on that premise is little but definitely not the extremes like examples I quoted. But we both seem to be happy we how we live our lives and would be horrified by a relationship with each other.

[hedgehog]

Each dopamine escape has its own poison. Gossip divides families and drives people away from the gospel, spending can cause debt burdens, eating reduces my energy and shortens the years I will be here to help my kids, longterm porn can be dangerous psychologically but it wouldn't shorten my lifespan or eat up my savings.

Agreed with everything but that--pornography will likely shorten life and eat up savings, in addition to other things.

Decades off your life and tens of thousands of dollars? That is some serious porning. Step 1: Slow down brother/sister! it's an escape not an ESCAPE!!!

[Zathura]

I've been busy but finally looked at this.

The scene I described was real. In fact, she watched another movie after that one with similar plot.

The divorces I've seen have all been initiated by the wives, who were dissatisfied with their husbands. Nephew, cousins, Son-in-law's first marriage, neighbor, co-workers - all suffering because wife thought she could do better. The porn women watch doesn't feed their fantasies?

The response here is about what I expected. There is a significant double standard.

Dudes are not allowed to be offended by their spouse indulging in fantasy, but women are. The church supports women being offended, but not men. Families can be destroyed as long as women are supported in anything they do.

A man being offended is considered a troll or a joke or satire.

Pretty much exposes the whole motives behind the war on porn, mostly an anti-male agenda. It is a power game.

"Why would you even think about sharing something like this with your children and especially your Ward? This kind of thing is none of their friggen business."

https://www.mormonwomen.com/interview/w ... hits-home/

The night he told me about his addiction, I called my mom. We ended up telling his family, and eventually, we knew we’d have to tell close family and friends. However, I prayed hard about who I was going to tell because I needed people who could support us, not judge us and who could handle the burden of knowing. There is a lot pain in knowing someone you love is struggling with something so hard.

I soon learned that LDS Family Services had a Twelve Step Program specifically for women, the Church’s addiction recovery program. This was specifically for the wives of sex or pornography addicts, and it was a huge help. At those meetings there were other women going through the same thing. Usually when I am around people, I have to have my mask on, to pretend everything is okay and keep a smile plastered on my face. But there at those meetings I felt safe and there were women who could relate, I felt not so alone in my trial. As a Mormon woman, I felt I couldn’t go to church falling apart or people would look at me like I must be crazy so knowing that there were people that I could fall apart with was a great comfort.

I get that the OP is a joke, but I think the male-victim mentality is a little strong here. Normally the porn we are talking about is hardcore porn accompanied by self-gratifying actions, giving into lust, and this being repeated often in a never ending cycle.

To compare this to a little romance movie where you see a dude's abs (The same ones your wife will see at the beach or a swimming pool) is a little much. Especially because, the male viewing the porn(And yes, I know that women look at "real" porn too) is specifically seeking it out and solely watching porn, meanwhile, in this example, the woman is watching a movie for the story, the drama, the romance and there happens to be a 20 second scene that comes and goes, perhaps while she's looking at her phone to respond to a text.

[creator]

I've been busy but finally looked at this. ...

The divorces I've seen have all been initiated by the wives, who were dissatisfied with their husbands. Nephew, cousins, Son-in-law's first marriage, neighbor, co-workers - all suffering because wife thought she could do better. The porn women watch doesn't feed their fantasies?

The response here is about what I expected. There is a significant double standard.

Dudes are not allowed to be offended by their spouse indulging in fantasy, but women are. The church supports women being offended, but not men. Families can be destroyed as long as women are supported in anything they do....

I thought you made some good points, especially in showing the double-standard.

I don't typically respond on this topic because it is so polarizing, but even BYU's own research has shown that the shame and guilt culture surrounding pornography (i.e. the way people react to it, and the stigma surrounding it) does more harm than the pornography itself.

[Sarah]

The problem here is that when it comes to comparing the sexual experience for men and women, you can't role reverse, and have an equal comparison, because men and women are different sexually and have different roles. And so likewise, the solutions to each gender's favorite addiction also cannot equally be compared. A wife addicted to romance movies or soap operas is terrible in my opinion, simply because it is a waste of time, and detracts her from thinking about her husband, but the husband who seeks out porn in order to masturbate is a more serious threat to the marriage, because making sex and romance work well is more of his responsibility. The wife needs to be kind, agreeable, happy, and pleasant, (as does her husband) and open to receiving his gifts, trying to appreciate them, but the physical intimate relationship is the man's responsibility and opportunity to give because he has the stronger and faster sexual response and she the weaker one. He needs to take his responsibility seriously instead of blaming his wife for a lack of intimacy. If she is not interested, he needs to figure out why and fix the problem.

Let's just state the obvious to explain why this is the case. A man can have his wife simply lay there and he is able to arouse himself and give himself a sexual experience if he so chooses. A wife cannot do this if her man is just laying there doing nothing. A husband's job is to give his wife a satisfying sexual experience, not the other way around. Because as he is fulfilling her, he can also easily be fulfilled, whereas a woman giving her body to her husband has no hope of being fulfilled unless he is solely focused on making her happy. It is an imbalance that is not recognized enough to awake men to their responsibility for love making within marriage, but what we see rather is the wife getting the blame when she shuts down, because her husband doesn't turn her on anymore. She has to trust him with her body - simple as that. Porn draws the man away from his opportunity to fulfill this role he has in giving this to his wife. The wife should not feel obligated to give sexually to her husband unless she is receiving a gift she can appreciate from him first.

Think your projecting sexual norms from your group and culture onto all females biology. I actually think to a legit degree you describe an unhealthy attitude that was about women using sex to control men. These poor guys. No wonder so many of them turn to porn. Sex should be a bonding activity not complicated equations of guess what I'm thinking and feeling and power struggle.

Females in most other cultures do not view themselves as passive princesses to be pleasured by the house jester.

Maybe im just misunderstanding your point amid your excessive use of g-rated metaphors and flowery language.

Sex is about making babies and intimately pair bonding a couple. I'm skeptical of the motives who add layers on top of that.

I was simply responding to the notion that we can do a role reversal and all things remain equal. Biologically we are not the same, and I'm pointing out how those differences affect how we should solve the problems. Men have the greater strength physically and sexually, otherwise you would hear of women raping men and you hardly ever hear of that, but in many other cultures, men raping women and even their wives is a normal part of life. So with that added strength comes more responsibility in that area to help the wife with sex if she's not happy. It is a lie that just because a wife doesn't want sex she is controlling.

Believe we have reached the logical impasse.

Your convinced: Women and men are so sexually different that women require special treatment and must be allowed even serious double standards.

My give on that premise is little but definitely not the extremes like examples I quoted. But we both seem to be happy we how we live our lives and would be horrified by a relationship with each other.

My thoughts were not meant to endorse giving a woman a pass on her romance movie/novel obsession. I see no problem with helping a woman see the need to give up that behavior. What I didn't make clear was that Emily was right in her advice to the husband which you were labeling as the double standard. (And it is often the response of men to women that they simply need to give more sex to their husbands to deal with porn use, so is that your opinion to make the standard consistent?)
Correct me if I was wrong, but you were thinking that to keep things consistent, the husband, rather than take any responsibility to give anything to his wife, should play the victim like wives of porn users do. My argument is that in the case of a wife of a porn user, she really is a victim because the only way for her sexual relationship to work is for her husband to focus on giving to her. Whereas, in the case of a woman's escape, she needs to learn to receive, but it is still her husband's role to give sexually. I know that is complicated but it is a reality that good husbands must realize, that they are the givers sexually and women are the receivers in order for women to give sexually for the right reasons and men to receive in return.

[Zathura]

I've been busy but finally looked at this. ...

The divorces I've seen have all been initiated by the wives, who were dissatisfied with their husbands. Nephew, cousins, Son-in-law's first marriage, neighbor, co-workers - all suffering because wife thought she could do better. The porn women watch doesn't feed their fantasies?

The response here is about what I expected. There is a significant double standard.

Dudes are not allowed to be offended by their spouse indulging in fantasy, but women are. The church supports women being offended, but not men. Families can be destroyed as long as women are supported in anything they do....

I thought you made some good points, especially in showing the double-standard.

I don't typically respond on this topic because it is so polarizing, but even BYU's own research has shown that the shame and guilt culture surrounding pornography (i.e. the way people react to it, and the stigma surrounding it) does more harm than the pornography itself.

Same thing with the debate about whether you should watch tv on Sunday or not, and likely most other topics as well.

A 70 visited an area in Brazil to address this topic and literally said as much. “I don’t want to hear about this anymore, your arguing causes more damage than the tv watching does.period.”

[Thinker]

... BYU's own research has shown that the shame and guilt culture surrounding pornography (i.e. the way people react to it, and the stigma surrounding it) does more harm than the pornography itself.

This ^ is the bottom line and needs to be addressed in the church, before more families are unnecessarily broken up.

[MMbelieve]

... BYU's own research has shown that the shame and guilt culture surrounding pornography (i.e. the way people react to it, and the stigma surrounding it) does more harm than the pornography itself.

This ^ is the bottom line and needs to be addressed in the church, before more families are unnecessarily broken up.

Is the gospel design to shame and guilt?

I hear it a lot in here but I haven’t seen the church using shame or guilt to harm people. The people maybe but I still haven’t seen that happen. It may be happening in other areas?

A person can feel shame or guilt over anything they do wrong or things they fall short on. It’s kind of a human weakness or tendency which is why I hear lots of mentions of learning to forgive ourselves too and accept forgiveness from God and others.

Even a church court I hear is loving in nature.

[XEmilyX]

Wow the double think exploded.

You know it's there but to see it so casually displayed is still shocking.

"it's in all the movies."
"your just insecure."
"Ask her what she wants, what is it that captivates her so much about the relationship the couple has on the television"
"If its considered cheating by having her feel other positive emotions towards other people than just you, then you might need to work on that a bit."
"It's supposed to inspire you to become more romantic or loving to your partner, not jealous. And go out and hunt for that feeling she wants and bring it to her.
" Romance movies are like a woman screaming in a nice way at a man on WHAT TO DO TO MAKE HER FEEL GOOD. it's like men dont get it so women make movies of what THEY WANT so guys will understand, but sadly they dont and then get sad or depressed about it when in actuality it's like a woman telling you all the secrets"
"She might just be bored."
"Spice it up."
"When we watch movies we do it to ESCAPE. she might consciously or subconsciously be escaping to watch some other relationship because her relationship is boring, sad, or frustrating."
"Sometimes people just watch for fun."

Let us share these principles of wisdom with the relief society asap. They will be most grateful.

Sorry to pick on you Emily since you meant well but surely you can step back and admit rolls reversed those suggestions would cause a major hissy fit. You didn't intend to but you listed the same reasons most guys watch porn.

That's not coincidence, romance fantasy releases dopamine into the same parts of the brain as shopping, gossiping, social media attention, masturbation, adrenaline junkies, smoking, drinking, drugs, workaholics, food addicts etc. See my previous reply if you want to know how I feel about this reality.

Personally , mine are eating, shopping, and reading (doing it right now) . No none are currently temple recommend questions but I can admit I'm riding the same dopamine escape train as all the others. Each dopamine escape has its own poison. Gossip divides families and drives people away from the gospel, spending can cause debt burdens, eating reduces my energy and shortens the years I will be here to help my kids, longterm porn can be dangerous psychologically but it wouldn't shorten my lifespan or eat up my savings.

I don't understand. sorry.

God feels JOY literally every second. is that somehow bad? Dopamine in and of itself is not something bad.


I don't know why everyone got so mad about my post. lol. obviously something happened in people's brains that wasn't intended.

[MMbelieve]

Comparing vises of men and women will not ever truly be comparable. Too many variables at play.
Men and women shouldn’t be engaging in porn, whatever that may be for the individual.
Most importantly, we shouldn’t be harming our spouse or doing something that distracts, replaces, minimizes or diminishes our marriages.

Some individuals are more prone to fantasy thinking than others. They will have a harder time staying and working in the present time. Maybe they need to put their efforts into what’s actually happening and develop it into what they desire. If they can’t fathom that then their fantasy is not good.

[Sirius]

God feels JOY literally every second. is that somehow bad? Dopamine in and of itself is not something bad.

That's a naive statement. How does one know they're experiencing joy, if that's all they feel, literally every second?

Repent, for thus saith the Lord: I am angry with this people, and my fierce anger is kindled against them

And it came to pass that the God of heaven looked upon the residue of the people, and he wept

[JohnnyL]

Each dopamine escape has its own poison. Gossip divides families and drives people away from the gospel, spending can cause debt burdens, eating reduces my energy and shortens the years I will be here to help my kids, longterm porn can be dangerous psychologically but it wouldn't shorten my lifespan or eat up my savings.

Agreed with everything but that--pornography will likely shorten life and eat up savings, in addition to other things.

Decades off your life and tens of thousands of dollars? That is some serious porning. Step 1: Slow down brother/sister! it's an escape not an ESCAPE!!!

Yes, alcoholic, don't drink so much!!

[JohnnyL]

Wow the double think exploded.

You know it's there but to see it so casually displayed is still shocking.

"it's in all the movies."
"your just insecure."
"Ask her what she wants, what is it that captivates her so much about the relationship the couple has on the television"
"If its considered cheating by having her feel other positive emotions towards other people than just you, then you might need to work on that a bit."
"It's supposed to inspire you to become more romantic or loving to your partner, not jealous. And go out and hunt for that feeling she wants and bring it to her.
" Romance movies are like a woman screaming in a nice way at a man on WHAT TO DO TO MAKE HER FEEL GOOD. it's like men dont get it so women make movies of what THEY WANT so guys will understand, but sadly they dont and then get sad or depressed about it when in actuality it's like a woman telling you all the secrets"
"She might just be bored."
"Spice it up."
"When we watch movies we do it to ESCAPE. she might consciously or subconsciously be escaping to watch some other relationship because her relationship is boring, sad, or frustrating."
"Sometimes people just watch for fun."

Let us share these principles of wisdom with the relief society asap. They will be most grateful.

Sorry to pick on you Emily since you meant well but surely you can step back and admit rolls reversed those suggestions would cause a major hissy fit. You didn't intend to but you listed the same reasons most guys watch porn.

That's not coincidence, romance fantasy releases dopamine into the same parts of the brain as shopping, gossiping, social media attention, masturbation, adrenaline junkies, smoking, drinking, drugs, workaholics, food addicts etc. See my previous reply if you want to know how I feel about this reality.

Personally , mine are eating, shopping, and reading (doing it right now) . No none are currently temple recommend questions but I can admit I'm riding the same dopamine escape train as all the others. Each dopamine escape has its own poison. Gossip divides families and drives people away from the gospel, spending can cause debt burdens, eating reduces my energy and shortens the years I will be here to help my kids, longterm porn can be dangerous psychologically but it wouldn't shorten my lifespan or eat up my savings.

The problem here is that when it comes to comparing the sexual experience for men and women, you can't role reverse, and have an equal comparison, because men and women are different sexually and have different roles. And so likewise, the solutions to each gender's favorite addiction also cannot equally be compared. A wife addicted to romance movies or soap operas is terrible in my opinion, simply because it is a waste of time, and detracts her from thinking about her husband, but the husband who seeks out porn in order to masturbate is a more serious threat to the marriage, because making sex and romance work well is more of his responsibility. The wife needs to be kind, agreeable, happy, and pleasant, (as does her husband) and open to receiving his gifts, trying to appreciate them, but the physical intimate relationship is the man's responsibility and opportunity to give because he has the stronger and faster sexual response and she the weaker one. He needs to take his responsibility seriously instead of blaming his wife for a lack of intimacy. If she is not interested, he needs to figure out why and fix the problem.

Let's just state the obvious to explain why this is the case. A man can have his wife simply lay there and he is able to arouse himself and give himself a sexual experience if he so chooses. A wife cannot do this if her man is just laying there doing nothing. A husband's job is to give his wife a satisfying sexual experience, not the other way around. Because as he is fulfilling her, he can also easily be fulfilled, whereas a woman giving her body to her husband has no hope of being fulfilled unless he is solely focused on making her happy. It is an imbalance that is not recognized enough to awake men to their responsibility for love making within marriage, but what we see rather is the wife getting the blame when she shuts down, because her husband doesn't turn her on anymore. She has to trust him with her body - simple as that. Porn draws the man away from his opportunity to fulfill this role he has in giving this to his wife. The wife should not feel obligated to give sexually to her husband unless she is receiving a gift she can appreciate from him first.

Think your projecting sexual norms from your group and culture onto all females biology. I actually think to a legit degree you describe an unhealthy attitude that was about women using sex to control men. These poor guys. No wonder so many of them turn to porn. Sex should be a bonding activity not complicated equations of guess what I'm thinking and feeling and power struggle.

Females in most other cultures do not view themselves as passive princesses to be pleasured by the house jester.

Maybe im just misunderstanding your point amid your excessive use of g-rated metaphors and flowery language.

Sex is about making babies and intimately pair bonding a couple. I'm skeptical of the motives who add layers on top of that.

I was simply responding to the notion that we can do a role reversal and all things remain equal. Biologically we are not the same, and I'm pointing out how those differences affect how we should solve the problems. Men have the greater strength physically and sexually, otherwise you would hear of women raping men and you hardly ever hear of that, but in many other cultures, men raping women and even their wives is a normal part of life. So with that added strength comes more responsibility in that area to help the wife with sex if she's not happy. It is a lie that just because a wife doesn't want sex she is controlling.

Yeah, so you aren't talking at all about American culture...?

[JohnnyL]

I've been busy but finally looked at this.

The scene I described was real. In fact, she watched another movie after that one with similar plot.

The divorces I've seen have all been initiated by the wives, who were dissatisfied with their husbands. Nephew, cousins, Son-in-law's first marriage, neighbor, co-workers - all suffering because wife thought she could do better. The porn women watch doesn't feed their fantasies?

The response here is about what I expected. There is a significant double standard.

Dudes are not allowed to be offended by their spouse indulging in fantasy, but women are. The church supports women being offended, but not men. Families can be destroyed as long as women are supported in anything they do.

A man being offended is considered a troll or a joke or satire.

Pretty much exposes the whole motives behind the war on porn, mostly an anti-male agenda. It is a power game.

"Why would you even think about sharing something like this with your children and especially your Ward? This kind of thing is none of their friggen business."

https://www.mormonwomen.com/interview/w ... hits-home/

The night he told me about his addiction, I called my mom. We ended up telling his family, and eventually, we knew we’d have to tell close family and friends. However, I prayed hard about who I was going to tell because I needed people who could support us, not judge us and who could handle the burden of knowing. There is a lot pain in knowing someone you love is struggling with something so hard.

I soon learned that LDS Family Services had a Twelve Step Program specifically for women, the Church’s addiction recovery program. This was specifically for the wives of sex or pornography addicts, and it was a huge help. At those meetings there were other women going through the same thing. Usually when I am around people, I have to have my mask on, to pretend everything is okay and keep a smile plastered on my face. But there at those meetings I felt safe and there were women who could relate, I felt not so alone in my trial. As a Mormon woman, I felt I couldn’t go to church falling apart or people would look at me like I must be crazy so knowing that there were people that I could fall apart with was a great comfort.

I get that the OP is a joke, but I think the male-victim mentality is a little strong here. Normally the porn we are talking about is hardcore porn accompanied by self-gratifying actions, giving into lust, and this being repeated often in a never ending cycle.

To compare this to a little romance movie where you see a dude's abs (The same ones your wife will see at the beach or a swimming pool, just like Sports Ill8ustrated Swimsuit Edition) is a little much. Especially because, the male viewing the porn(And yes, I know that women look at "real" porn too) is specifically seeking it out and solely watching porn, meanwhile, in this example, the woman is watching a movie for the story, the drama, the romance and there happens to be a 20 second scene that comes and goes, perhaps while she's looking at her phone to respond to a text.

No. Double standard, again.

And the OP is not a joke.

[JohnnyL]

... BYU's own research has shown that the shame and guilt culture surrounding pornography (i.e. the way people react to it, and the stigma surrounding it) does more harm than the pornography itself.

This ^ is the bottom line and needs to be addressed in the church, before more families are unnecessarily broken up.

Is the gospel design to shame and guilt?

I hear it a lot in here but I haven’t seen the church using shame or guilt to harm people. The people maybe but I still haven’t seen that happen. It may be happening in other areas?

A person can feel shame or guilt over anything they do wrong or things they fall short on. It’s kind of a human weakness or tendency which is why I hear lots of mentions of learning to forgive ourselves too and accept forgiveness from God and others.

Even a church court I hear is loving in nature.

Some are, it depends. One where the problem was pornography, wasn't.

[Zathura]

I've been busy but finally looked at this.

The scene I described was real. In fact, she watched another movie after that one with similar plot.

The divorces I've seen have all been initiated by the wives, who were dissatisfied with their husbands. Nephew, cousins, Son-in-law's first marriage, neighbor, co-workers - all suffering because wife thought she could do better. The porn women watch doesn't feed their fantasies?

The response here is about what I expected. There is a significant double standard.

Dudes are not allowed to be offended by their spouse indulging in fantasy, but women are. The church supports women being offended, but not men. Families can be destroyed as long as women are supported in anything they do.

A man being offended is considered a troll or a joke or satire.

Pretty much exposes the whole motives behind the war on porn, mostly an anti-male agenda. It is a power game.

"Why would you even think about sharing something like this with your children and especially your Ward? This kind of thing is none of their friggen business."

https://www.mormonwomen.com/interview/w ... hits-home/

The night he told me about his addiction, I called my mom. We ended up telling his family, and eventually, we knew we’d have to tell close family and friends. However, I prayed hard about who I was going to tell because I needed people who could support us, not judge us and who could handle the burden of knowing. There is a lot pain in knowing someone you love is struggling with something so hard.

I soon learned that LDS Family Services had a Twelve Step Program specifically for women, the Church’s addiction recovery program. This was specifically for the wives of sex or pornography addicts, and it was a huge help. At those meetings there were other women going through the same thing. Usually when I am around people, I have to have my mask on, to pretend everything is okay and keep a smile plastered on my face. But there at those meetings I felt safe and there were women who could relate, I felt not so alone in my trial. As a Mormon woman, I felt I couldn’t go to church falling apart or people would look at me like I must be crazy so knowing that there were people that I could fall apart with was a great comfort.

I get that the OP is a joke, but I think the male-victim mentality is a little strong here. Normally the porn we are talking about is hardcore porn accompanied by self-gratifying actions, giving into lust, and this being repeated often in a never ending cycle.

To compare this to a little romance movie where you see a dude's abs (The same ones your wife will see at the beach or a swimming pool, just like Sports Ill8ustrated Swimsuit Edition) is a little much. Especially because, the male viewing the porn(And yes, I know that women look at "real" porn too) is specifically seeking it out and solely watching porn, meanwhile, in this example, the woman is watching a movie for the story, the drama, the romance and there happens to be a 20 second scene that comes and goes, perhaps while she's looking at her phone to respond to a text.

No. Double standard, again.

And the OP is not a joke.

The OP is a joke, and it’s not at the same time. And I don’t see the double standard. You’re comparing a severe form of pornography to a form of media that MAYBE is considered pornography, that’s being consumed in a very different way.

[MMbelieve]

I've been busy but finally looked at this.

The scene I described was real. In fact, she watched another movie after that one with similar plot.

The divorces I've seen have all been initiated by the wives, who were dissatisfied with their husbands. Nephew, cousins, Son-in-law's first marriage, neighbor, co-workers - all suffering because wife thought she could do better. The porn women watch doesn't feed their fantasies?

The response here is about what I expected. There is a significant double standard.

Dudes are not allowed to be offended by their spouse indulging in fantasy, but women are. The church supports women being offended, but not men. Families can be destroyed as long as women are supported in anything they do.

A man being offended is considered a troll or a joke or satire.

Pretty much exposes the whole motives behind the war on porn, mostly an anti-male agenda. It is a power game.

"Why would you even think about sharing something like this with your children and especially your Ward? This kind of thing is none of their friggen business."

https://www.mormonwomen.com/interview/w ... hits-home/

I get that the OP is a joke, but I think the male-victim mentality is a little strong here. Normally the porn we are talking about is hardcore porn accompanied by self-gratifying actions, giving into lust, and this being repeated often in a never ending cycle.

To compare this to a little romance movie where you see a dude's abs (The same ones your wife will see at the beach or a swimming pool, just like Sports Ill8ustrated Swimsuit Edition) is a little much. Especially because, the male viewing the porn(And yes, I know that women look at "real" porn too) is specifically seeking it out and solely watching porn, meanwhile, in this example, the woman is watching a movie for the story, the drama, the romance and there happens to be a 20 second scene that comes and goes, perhaps while she's looking at her phone to respond to a text.

No. Double standard, again.

And the OP is not a joke.

The OP is a joke, and it’s not at the same time. And I don’t see the double standard. You’re comparing a severe form of pornography to a form of media that MAYBE is considered pornography, that’s being consumed in a very different way.

Yeah, men’s and women’s brains are pretty different.
Women are nurturers and lovers at heart and that’s why we see an overwhelming amount of nurses as women. Women can see and tend to people without being sexually minded. Fewer men seem to be this way. A guy with his shirt off is not porn nor is watching a love story.
These same guys want to compare and say they feel inadequate and hurt if a woman says she likes a house that belongs to someone else so...seems pretty pointless to keep nagging at a that woman if the problem is within him.
Watching people have sex to self pleasure is not in anyway comparable. Just like your pointing out.

I will add that the OP is such an utter embarrassing joke and it really makes no sense anyways, just random jabs that don’t even flow. If a woman was using material to self pleasure then that’s comparable but a guy with a shirt off is soooo far from getting that accomplished, lol.

It’s the typical, I’m wrong and don’t want to feel guilty so I’m going to point out and search for the same sins in another. It’s selfishly motivated 100% and is unrighteous.

[Zathura]

I get that the OP is a joke, but I think the male-victim mentality is a little strong here. Normally the porn we are talking about is hardcore porn accompanied by self-gratifying actions, giving into lust, and this being repeated often in a never ending cycle.

To compare this to a little romance movie where you see a dude's abs (The same ones your wife will see at the beach or a swimming pool, just like Sports Ill8ustrated Swimsuit Edition) is a little much. Especially because, the male viewing the porn(And yes, I know that women look at "real" porn too) is specifically seeking it out and solely watching porn, meanwhile, in this example, the woman is watching a movie for the story, the drama, the romance and there happens to be a 20 second scene that comes and goes, perhaps while she's looking at her phone to respond to a text.

No. Double standard, again.

And the OP is not a joke.

The OP is a joke, and it’s not at the same time. And I don’t see the double standard. You’re comparing a severe form of pornography to a form of media that MAYBE is considered pornography, that’s being consumed in a very different way.

Yeah, men’s and women’s brains are pretty different.
Women are nurturers and lovers at heart and that’s why we see an overwhelming amount of nurses as women. Women can see and tend to people without being sexually minded. Fewer men seem to be this way. A guy with his shirt off is not porn nor is watching a love story.
These same guys want to compare and say they feel inadequate and hurt if a woman says she likes a house that belongs to someone else so...seems pretty pointless to keep nagging at a that woman if the problem is within him.
Watching people have sex to self pleasure is not in anyway comparable. Just like your pointing out.

I will add that the OP is such an utter embarrassing joke and it really makes no sense anyways, just random jabs that don’t even flow. If a woman was using material to self pleasure then that’s comparable but a guy with a shirt off is soooo far from getting that accomplished, lol.

It’s the typical, I’m wrong and don’t want to feel guilty so I’m going to point out and search for the same sins in another. It’s selfishly motivated 100% and is unrighteous.

Yep. And, similar to the unrighteous dominion topic, it seems to me this is related to the same issue where we have many men that think it’s just not fair that they are criticized more than women.

1. Is it not possible that men merit more calls to repentance?

2. If men are supposed to be leaders and hold power and authority, should they not be held to a higher standard? You can’t cling to a belief that you have power and authority and also complain that you’re held to a higher standard.

3. There is a reason we have a couple very stern and direct warnings in scripture directed at MEN in the church, and none such for women.

4. Life just isn’t fair, it’s not meant to be, and these men probably teach their children that, so I would expect them to understand that and apply it to their own mindset.


As for me, I can tell you with 100% surety that I definitely merit more criticism in my own marriage than my wife does.

[sandman45]

I walked in on my wife watching pornography.

It was a movie in which a woman was in love with a man, and he took his shirt off on the beach, with his six-pack abs. She immediately dropped her bags, and was sexually aroused.

Next scene was them having sex together, without genitalia or breasts exposed (acceptable?).

She ended up marrying him, but eventually became disillusioned and fantasized about a former flame of hers, who she ran into. She then tried going back to that guy, but by then he was married. I didn't see how it ended, but I assume they somehow both divorced and got together, and were finally happy.

I immediately felt inadequate, and unloved. Does my wife also feel dissatisfied with me and want to go elsewhere? I see so many women who "settled" for their husband, then divorced for a supposedly better guy who will treat them better, or have more money, or is more romantic or better looking, etc.

What should I do about my wife's addiction?

Should I report her to the bishop for fantasizing about other men?

What disciplinary action should the church take against her?

What kind of counseling should she receive for her addiction?

Should I tell my family and her family and ward members about her problem?

Should she confess publicly in front of the ward?

What should I tell our children about the shameful, disgusting addiction of their mother?

How can I undo all the damage to the children caused by their mother's porn habit?

Is there any hope for our marriage? Should I consider divorce before she divorces me to pursue her fantasies?

How can we regain trust now that it is broken and she has cheated?

The way you described that was just a normal movie. And the way you reacted to it, looks like you have serious sychological problems. Your wife is not fantasizing, you are just jealous no confident man. Man up, and do what is right and stop shaming your wife on this forum. You are disgrace and by divorcing you, she would make her self a big favor.

Stop Shaming all the husbands who are neglected by their wives because the wives are so concerned about showing off to others in the ward about how righteous they are and spending time doing things that take them away from their husbands.. If the husbands are driven to it because of the actions or lack of actions of the wife they are the ones who need to be shamed.. not the men.

Also I bet almost 99% of marriages that end are because the wife wants out.. not the husband.. the husband is humbled and willing to change just to keep his marriage because he loves his wife and children.. the wife uses this as an excuse to get out.. well guess what.. If we were living the higher law.. there would be no DIVORCE.. you would have to work with your husband to figure something out..


"Normal" lol I hear people at church talking about "GAME OF THRONES" and how awesome it is.. and guess what .. it has soo much nudity in it.. so thats just a show and not porn?

[TIFI]

I walked in on my wife watching pornography.

It was a movie in which a woman was in love with a man, and he took his shirt off on the beach, with his six-pack abs. She immediately dropped her bags, and was sexually aroused.

Next scene was them having sex together, without genitalia or breasts exposed (acceptable?).

She ended up marrying him, but eventually became disillusioned and fantasized about a former flame of hers, who she ran into. She then tried going back to that guy, but by then he was married. I didn't see how it ended, but I assume they somehow both divorced and got together, and were finally happy.

I immediately felt inadequate, and unloved. Does my wife also feel dissatisfied with me and want to go elsewhere? I see so many women who "settled" for their husband, then divorced for a supposedly better guy who will treat them better, or have more money, or is more romantic or better looking, etc.

What should I do about my wife's addiction?

Should I report her to the bishop for fantasizing about other men?

What disciplinary action should the church take against her?

What kind of counseling should she receive for her addiction?

Should I tell my family and her family and ward members about her problem?

Should she confess publicly in front of the ward?

What should I tell our children about the shameful, disgusting addiction of their mother?

How can I undo all the damage to the children caused by their mother's porn habit?

Is there any hope for our marriage? Should I consider divorce before she divorces me to pursue her fantasies?

How can we regain trust now that it is broken and she has cheated?

So you walked in on her and then while she was in a state of shock, managed to watch the entire rest of the porno?

LOL, this man start enjoying as well

[TIFI]

I walked in on my wife watching pornography.

It was a movie in which a woman was in love with a man, and he took his shirt off on the beach, with his six-pack abs. She immediately dropped her bags, and was sexually aroused.

Next scene was them having sex together, without genitalia or breasts exposed (acceptable?).

She ended up marrying him, but eventually became disillusioned and fantasized about a former flame of hers, who she ran into. She then tried going back to that guy, but by then he was married. I didn't see how it ended, but I assume they somehow both divorced and got together, and were finally happy.

I immediately felt inadequate, and unloved. Does my wife also feel dissatisfied with me and want to go elsewhere? I see so many women who "settled" for their husband, then divorced for a supposedly better guy who will treat them better, or have more money, or is more romantic or better looking, etc.

What should I do about my wife's addiction?

Should I report her to the bishop for fantasizing about other men?

What disciplinary action should the church take against her?

What kind of counseling should she receive for her addiction?

Should I tell my family and her family and ward members about her problem?

Should she confess publicly in front of the ward?

What should I tell our children about the shameful, disgusting addiction of their mother?

How can I undo all the damage to the children caused by their mother's porn habit?

Is there any hope for our marriage? Should I consider divorce before she divorces me to pursue her fantasies?

How can we regain trust now that it is broken and she has cheated?

The way you described that was just a normal movie. And the way you reacted to it, looks like you have serious sychological problems. Your wife is not fantasizing, you are just jealous no confident man. Man up, and do what is right and stop shaming your wife on this forum. You are disgrace and by divorcing you, she would make her self a big favor.

Stop Shaming all the husbands who are neglected by their wives because the wives are so concerned about showing off to others in the ward about how righteous they are and spending time doing things that take them away from their husbands.. If the husbands are driven to it because of the actions or lack of actions of the wife they are the ones who need to be shamed.. not the men.

Also I bet almost 99% of marriages that end are because the wife wants out.. not the husband.. the husband is humbled and willing to change just to keep his marriage because he loves his wife and children.. the wife uses this as an excuse to get out.. well guess what.. If we were living the higher law.. there would be no DIVORCE.. you would have to work with your husband to figure something out..


"Normal" lol I hear people at church talking about "GAME OF THRONES" and how awesome it is.. and guess what .. it has soo much nudity in it.. so thats just a show and not porn?

Why on earth are you spinning this? And of course Game of thrones is not porn you idiot. I never manegeed over first episode, so I don't know what is in it, but each time I watch a movie with or without my wife and there are sex scenes I just scip forward..

[TIFI]

I would first get her parents involved, and let them know she has a pornography problem. Going to the Bishop certainly wouldn't be enough, I'd go straight to the stake president and request church court be held. I'd then inform the children their mother is an addict. Let the releif/EQ presidents know you are going through a rough time, and need a friend to walk you through this painful and trying time. And I would recommend you drop subtle hints about this in fast and testimony meeting.

Still not eoungh!! I would go to a city mayor and a prison director. Then I would build a torture machine. After this I would burn the witch!!

[JohnnyL]

I've been busy but finally looked at this.

The scene I described was real. In fact, she watched another movie after that one with similar plot.

The divorces I've seen have all been initiated by the wives, who were dissatisfied with their husbands. Nephew, cousins, Son-in-law's first marriage, neighbor, co-workers - all suffering because wife thought she could do better. The porn women watch doesn't feed their fantasies?

The response here is about what I expected. There is a significant double standard.

Dudes are not allowed to be offended by their spouse indulging in fantasy, but women are. The church supports women being offended, but not men. Families can be destroyed as long as women are supported in anything they do.

A man being offended is considered a troll or a joke or satire.

Pretty much exposes the whole motives behind the war on porn, mostly an anti-male agenda. It is a power game.

"Why would you even think about sharing something like this with your children and especially your Ward? This kind of thing is none of their friggen business."

https://www.mormonwomen.com/interview/w ... hits-home/

I get that the OP is a joke, but I think the male-victim mentality is a little strong here. Normally the porn we are talking about is hardcore porn accompanied by self-gratifying actions, giving into lust, and this being repeated often in a never ending cycle.

To compare this to a little romance movie where you see a dude's abs (The same ones your wife will see at the beach or a swimming pool, just like Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition) is a little much. Especially because, the male viewing the porn(And yes, I know that women look at "real" porn too) is specifically seeking it out and solely watching porn, meanwhile, in this example, the woman is watching a movie for the story, the drama, the romance and there happens to be a 20 second scene that comes and goes, perhaps while she's looking at her phone to respond to a text.

No. Double standard, again.

And the OP is not a joke.

The OP is a joke, and it’s not at the same time. And I don’t see the double standard. You’re comparing a severe form of pornography to a form of media that MAYBE is considered pornography, that’s being consumed in a very different way.

No, not a joke.

Let's see--if I take the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition to church, and my wife takes an adult Harper Romance book (with descriptive hot sex scenes, most have them), who's going to get shamed?
See the double standard? If you can't, no point in further discussion there, but maybe one day...

[Zathura]

I get that the OP is a joke, but I think the male-victim mentality is a little strong here. Normally the porn we are talking about is hardcore porn accompanied by self-gratifying actions, giving into lust, and this being repeated often in a never ending cycle.

To compare this to a little romance movie where you see a dude's abs (The same ones your wife will see at the beach or a swimming pool, just like Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition) is a little much. Especially because, the male viewing the porn(And yes, I know that women look at "real" porn too) is specifically seeking it out and solely watching porn, meanwhile, in this example, the woman is watching a movie for the story, the drama, the romance and there happens to be a 20 second scene that comes and goes, perhaps while she's looking at her phone to respond to a text.

No. Double standard, again.

And the OP is not a joke.

The OP is a joke, and it’s not at the same time. And I don’t see the double standard. You’re comparing a severe form of pornography to a form of media that MAYBE is considered pornography, that’s being consumed in a very different way.

No, not a joke.

Let's see--if I take the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition to church, and my wife takes an adult Harper Romance book (with descriptive hot sex scenes, most have them), who's going to get shamed?
See the double standard? If you can't, no point in further discussion there, but maybe one day...

Well, I have no idea what Harper Romance is, but I can tell you that any woman that brings 50 shades of gray to church would probably get just as much crap as the dude with Sports Illustrated.