Caught my wife watching pornography

[Benaishtart]

Pornography etc is not a laughing matter. To my knowledge I know of no one who views it, male or female of my acquaintance.

If there are LDS members who do, then they are hypocrites and tares who should be excommunicated.

Then we’d have to excommunicate likely thousands of bishops and hundreds of Stake presidents. The reality is elizabeth is that a large chunk of people that you know regularly view pornography. The majority of people around the world view it including millions of church members. I’m not accepting of it in the least because it is downright satanic but just letting you know that the plague is already out and about. From my experience some of the most addicted to porn would be the ones you’d expect the least to view it.

[Elizabeth]

Then best do so.

Pornography etc is not a laughing matter. To my knowledge I know of no one who views it, male or female of my acquaintance.

If there are LDS members who do, then they are hypocrites and tares who should be excommunicated.

Then we’d have to excommunicate likely thousands of bishops and hundreds of Stake presidents.

[The East Wind]

Pornography etc is not a laughing matter. To my knowledge I know of no one who views it, male or female of my acquaintance.

If there are LDS members who do, then they are hypocrites and tares who should be excommunicated.

Also this thread should not have been opened in general discussions. What impression of the Church does this thread give to others?????

I personally do not view pornography in any form. I also happen to feel like I keep my thoughts and actions pure to the best of my ability. Having said that I find humor in almost anything. It’s def a flaw but humor is all around us as long as it’s clean.

[Nan]

For the record I don't watch romantic movies ever. so I never watch something as described in the first post. I also don't read stuff like that or buy women's magazines. But making light of pornography puts you on Satan's side not the Lords. so Why don't you clean up your crap instead of trying to justify that it isn't so bad. Pretty sure during judgement Jesus Christ isn't going to be grading on a curve and I am pretty sure he isn't going to listen to excuses about how our sins weren't that bad.

[Juliet]

This is why we still have the 8 hour work day. Sigh. Until we can learn to create things of value, including thoughts and relationships, we have to keep working the soil for our sake.

Love one another, it is how we know we are disciples of Jesus.

If everyone broke all ten commandments all the time but just kept one rule, don't criticize anyone but yourself, we would have heaven on earth.

[Chip]

For the record I don't watch romantic movies ever. so I never watch something as described in the first post. I also don't read stuff like that or buy women's magazines. But making light of pornography puts you on Satan's side not the Lords. so Why don't you clean up your crap instead of trying to justify that it isn't so bad. Pretty sure during judgement Jesus Christ isn't going to be grading on a curve and I am pretty sure he isn't going to listen to excuses about how our sins weren't that bad.

Hey, you used a garbage-can word!!

Whose side do you think YOU'RE on???

[MMbelieve]

Pornography etc is not a laughing matter. To my knowledge I know of no one who views it, male or female of my acquaintance.

If there are LDS members who do, then they are hypocrites and tares who should be excommunicated.

From my experience some of the most addicted to porn would be the ones you’d expect the least to view it.

I have found this to be true. A man arrested for sex crimes had members of his ward at his trial supporting him because they just couldn’t believe he was a bad guy. They must have got a strong shock and awe as he confessed.

[sandman45]

I would first get her parents involved, and let them know she has a pornography problem. Going to the Bishop certainly wouldn't be enough, I'd go straight to the stake president and request church court be held. I'd then inform the children their mother is an addict. Let the releif/EQ presidents know you are going through a rough time, and need a friend to walk you through this painful and trying time. And I would recommend you drop subtle hints about this in fast and testimony meeting.

Don’t forget to have her go to the 12 step program

[djinwa]

I've been busy but finally looked at this.

The scene I described was real. In fact, she watched another movie after that one with similar plot.

The divorces I've seen have all been initiated by the wives, who were dissatisfied with their husbands. Nephew, cousins, Son-in-law's first marriage, neighbor, co-workers - all suffering because wife thought she could do better. The porn women watch doesn't feed their fantasies?

The response here is about what I expected. There is a significant double standard.

Dudes are not allowed to be offended by their spouse indulging in fantasy, but women are. The church supports women being offended, but not men. Families can be destroyed as long as women are supported in anything they do.

A man being offended is considered a troll or a joke or satire.

Pretty much exposes the whole motives behind the war on porn, mostly an anti-male agenda. It is a power game.

"Why would you even think about sharing something like this with your children and especially your Ward? This kind of thing is none of their friggen business."

https://www.mormonwomen.com/interview/w ... hits-home/

The night he told me about his addiction, I called my mom. We ended up telling his family, and eventually, we knew we’d have to tell close family and friends. However, I prayed hard about who I was going to tell because I needed people who could support us, not judge us and who could handle the burden of knowing. There is a lot pain in knowing someone you love is struggling with something so hard.

I soon learned that LDS Family Services had a Twelve Step Program specifically for women, the Church’s addiction recovery program. This was specifically for the wives of sex or pornography addicts, and it was a huge help. At those meetings there were other women going through the same thing. Usually when I am around people, I have to have my mask on, to pretend everything is okay and keep a smile plastered on my face. But there at those meetings I felt safe and there were women who could relate, I felt not so alone in my trial. As a Mormon woman, I felt I couldn’t go to church falling apart or people would look at me like I must be crazy so knowing that there were people that I could fall apart with was a great comfort.

[Thinker]

Don’t forget to have her go to the 12 step program

Pornography is seriously a plague but I can’t stand the double standard.

Having watched porn be the cause of breaking up lds marriages and families of friends and extended family, I have wondered about the dynamics.

First off, it was men you’d never guess - “Peter Priesthood” types, who have expressed extremely strict dogmatic views of Mormonism, coming from families with similar strictness. Maybe they were sexually repressed and rather than feel ok with their natural sexuality, felt ashamed and so they hid it, and it became twisted - since they were teenagers. Also, I’ve been subtly aware of porn use in non-lds men - & it seemed to be a similar use rate - none that I’m aware of ever interfered with work so I don’t know if most outside of Mormonism would consider it truly addiction. Yet, porn is an inappropriate and counterfeit substitute for the real thing - so there’s likely some attempts at escaping the work and threat of genuine intimacy.

The wives might have a few dynamics going on... they too may have shame of sexuality, maybe feel jealous and threatened by ALL women prettier than them, love feeling empowered & off the hook by having a scapegoat - as porn - to blame all marital problems on, and they get a lot of attention, sympathy and “support groups” of others with similar issues.

These are generalizations of my observations. No doubt there are exceptions.

[XEmilyX]

Romance shows are not pornography, the bedroom scene I dont think is necessary but movies always have those in it.

I'm writing a clean romance book, and it's going to be awesome, its definitely not porn.

I'm sorry you feel bad. I'm not quite sure if this is a real post or not. But I'll treat it as a real problem.

Yes women settle. Many people settle because of various reasons so yes they will be wanting something more, but might repress it.
Insecurity is what is feeding your ego right now though. A deep prayer and help with God will help you gain the confidence you need to help you feel like your enough. Ask her what she wants, what is it that captivates her so much about the relationship the couple has on the television. It's supposed to inspire you to become more romantic or loving to your partner, not jealous. And go out and hunt for that feeling she wants and bring it to her. Not only will she feel amazing, but you'll be like casanova to her. Even if it's small things at first.

If its considered cheating by having her feel other positive emotions towards other people than just you, then you might need to work on that a bit.

If you and her have an attitude of making romance come to life in your relationship, then you'll find yourself sticking together.

Dont embarrass your wife in front of others and put a bad rap on her reputation, not kind. Yes she hurt your feelings, but you dont go bad mouthing her to everyone about it.

Tell her how you feel. But also realize it's not peoples job to tip toe around your insecurities and triggers. Romance movies are not porn.
If shes longing for something in it, that's fine, it's like wanting a million bucks when you dont have it, and try to create an experience with her that would make her be excited like shes in a movie herself. Make her the beautiful main character.
Rather than, oh she'll leave me for a man who can give that to her, just take it as a healthy challenge create that experience for her. Romance movies are like a woman screaming in a nice way at a man on WHAT TO DO TO MAKE HER FEEL GOOD. it's like men dont get it so women make movies of what THEY WANT so guys will understand, but sadly they dont and then get sad or depressed about it when in actuality it's like a woman telling you all the secrets.

romance is a relationship with fire, passion, and high energy. It's important to have romance if your relationship has gotten boring.
She might just be bored.
Spice it up.

When we watch movies we do it to ESCAPE. she might consciously or subconsciously be escaping to watch some other relationship because her relationship is boring, sad, or frustrating. Sometimes people just watch for fun.

Anyways, I hope it all pans out. I'm sorry you feel bad.

[4Joshua8]

I'm going to answer as if this is sincere, giving the benefit of the doubt.
Find out if there has been infidelity (other than porn). Find that out first before doing anything else.
If no adultery, help her recover, love her, and rejoice in the atonement of Jesus Christ together as he heals both of you.
If she has fooled around with others, I can't counsel you on what to do except to hold a place in your heart for forgiveness and embrace it when it comes so you aren't destroyed by jealousy and anger. Easier said than done, I know.
Pray for her. Help her. Godspeed.

Addition: I would give the same basic response if it were the man viewing porn and the wife had discovered it.

[TIFI]

I walked in on my wife watching pornography.

It was a movie in which a woman was in love with a man, and he took his shirt off on the beach, with his six-pack abs. She immediately dropped her bags, and was sexually aroused.

Next scene was them having sex together, without genitalia or breasts exposed (acceptable?).

She ended up marrying him, but eventually became disillusioned and fantasized about a former flame of hers, who she ran into. She then tried going back to that guy, but by then he was married. I didn't see how it ended, but I assume they somehow both divorced and got together, and were finally happy.

I immediately felt inadequate, and unloved. Does my wife also feel dissatisfied with me and want to go elsewhere? I see so many women who "settled" for their husband, then divorced for a supposedly better guy who will treat them better, or have more money, or is more romantic or better looking, etc.

What should I do about my wife's addiction?

Should I report her to the bishop for fantasizing about other men?

What disciplinary action should the church take against her?

What kind of counseling should she receive for her addiction?

Should I tell my family and her family and ward members about her problem?

Should she confess publicly in front of the ward?

What should I tell our children about the shameful, disgusting addiction of their mother?

How can I undo all the damage to the children caused by their mother's porn habit?

Is there any hope for our marriage? Should I consider divorce before she divorces me to pursue her fantasies?

How can we regain trust now that it is broken and she has cheated?

The way you described that was just a normal movie. And the way you reacted to it, looks like you have serious sychological problems. Your wife is not fantasizing, you are just jealous no confident man. Man up, and do what is right and stop shaming your wife on this forum. You are disgrace and by divorcing you, she would make her self a big favor.

[[email protected]]

Pornography etc is not a laughing matter. To my knowledge I know of no one who views it, male or female of my acquaintance.

If there are LDS members who do, then they are hypocrites and tares who should be excommunicated.

From my experience some of the most addicted to porn would be the ones you’d expect the least to view it.

I have found this to be true. A man arrested for sex crimes had members of his ward at his trial supporting him because they just couldn’t believe he was a bad guy. They must have got a strong shock and awe as he confessed.

That's basically what happened with Ted Bundy. Really sad commentary on the discernment of some Wards and Ward leaders.

[hedgehog]

Wow the double think exploded.

You know it's there but to see it so casually displayed is still shocking.

"it's in all the movies."
"your just insecure."
"Ask her what she wants, what is it that captivates her so much about the relationship the couple has on the television"
"If its considered cheating by having her feel other positive emotions towards other people than just you, then you might need to work on that a bit."
"It's supposed to inspire you to become more romantic or loving to your partner, not jealous. And go out and hunt for that feeling she wants and bring it to her.
" Romance movies are like a woman screaming in a nice way at a man on WHAT TO DO TO MAKE HER FEEL GOOD. it's like men dont get it so women make movies of what THEY WANT so guys will understand, but sadly they dont and then get sad or depressed about it when in actuality it's like a woman telling you all the secrets"
"She might just be bored."
"Spice it up."
"When we watch movies we do it to ESCAPE. she might consciously or subconsciously be escaping to watch some other relationship because her relationship is boring, sad, or frustrating."
"Sometimes people just watch for fun."

Let us share these principles of wisdom with the relief society asap. They will be most grateful.

Sorry to pick on you Emily since you meant well but surely you can step back and admit rolls reversed those suggestions would cause a major hissy fit. You didn't intend to but you listed the same reasons most guys watch porn.

That's not coincidence, romance fantasy releases dopamine into the same parts of the brain as shopping, gossiping, social media attention, masturbation, adrenaline junkies, smoking, drinking, drugs, workaholics, food addicts etc. See my previous reply if you want to know how I feel about this reality.

Personally , mine are eating, shopping, and reading (doing it right now) . No none are currently temple recommend questions but I can admit I'm riding the same dopamine escape train as all the others. Each dopamine escape has its own poison. Gossip divides families and drives people away from the gospel, spending can cause debt burdens, eating reduces my energy and shortens the years I will be here to help my kids, longterm porn can be dangerous psychologically but it wouldn't shorten my lifespan or eat up my savings.

[abijah`]

with the advent of metoo and social justice as well as other factors, porn use among younger, single women is shooting up.

i think perhaps for somewhat different reasons even we as a church would be rather disillusioned by the trends of porn use among women of the church, particularly younger women. i reckon this issue gets too little attention and sometimes i feel these struggling young women often receive or have access to the least support, at least from what ive observed in my own experience.

we in our culture somewhat appear to assume porn is a uniquely filthy, and uniquely male problem.

imagine the effect that can have on a young woman struggling with porn, and there are plenty of these out there.

i think there is something of a double standard, and that can cut both ways. a de-mystifying of porno and acknowledging its not a totally one-sided issue would benefit both men & women in the church.

[abijah`]

funny story: in 2016 bishop causse and his wife visited our ward. my girlfriend and i talked with her for like half an hour. somewhere in the conversation she joked about how much easier it is to keep pure thoughts in france.

when i asked why she laughed and said "because there is pornography everywhere!"

i got what she meant, ive lived in sinful places before too. when its everywhere you get so practiced at ignoring it before long its like its not even there and you're free haha

[Sarah]

Wow the double think exploded.

You know it's there but to see it so casually displayed is still shocking.

"it's in all the movies."
"your just insecure."
"Ask her what she wants, what is it that captivates her so much about the relationship the couple has on the television"
"If its considered cheating by having her feel other positive emotions towards other people than just you, then you might need to work on that a bit."
"It's supposed to inspire you to become more romantic or loving to your partner, not jealous. And go out and hunt for that feeling she wants and bring it to her.
" Romance movies are like a woman screaming in a nice way at a man on WHAT TO DO TO MAKE HER FEEL GOOD. it's like men dont get it so women make movies of what THEY WANT so guys will understand, but sadly they dont and then get sad or depressed about it when in actuality it's like a woman telling you all the secrets"
"She might just be bored."
"Spice it up."
"When we watch movies we do it to ESCAPE. she might consciously or subconsciously be escaping to watch some other relationship because her relationship is boring, sad, or frustrating."
"Sometimes people just watch for fun."

Let us share these principles of wisdom with the relief society asap. They will be most grateful.

Sorry to pick on you Emily since you meant well but surely you can step back and admit rolls reversed those suggestions would cause a major hissy fit. You didn't intend to but you listed the same reasons most guys watch porn.

That's not coincidence, romance fantasy releases dopamine into the same parts of the brain as shopping, gossiping, social media attention, masturbation, adrenaline junkies, smoking, drinking, drugs, workaholics, food addicts etc. See my previous reply if you want to know how I feel about this reality.

Personally , mine are eating, shopping, and reading (doing it right now) . No none are currently temple recommend questions but I can admit I'm riding the same dopamine escape train as all the others. Each dopamine escape has its own poison. Gossip divides families and drives people away from the gospel, spending can cause debt burdens, eating reduces my energy and shortens the years I will be here to help my kids, longterm porn can be dangerous psychologically but it wouldn't shorten my lifespan or eat up my savings.

The problem here is that when it comes to comparing the sexual experience for men and women, you can't role reverse, and have an equal comparison, because men and women are different sexually and have different roles. And so likewise, the solutions to each gender's favorite addiction also cannot equally be compared. A wife addicted to romance movies or soap operas is terrible in my opinion, simply because it is a waste of time, and detracts her from thinking about her husband, but the husband who seeks out porn in order to masturbate is a more serious threat to the marriage, because making sex and romance work well is more of his responsibility. The wife needs to be kind, agreeable, happy, and pleasant, (as does her husband) and open to receiving his gifts, trying to appreciate them, but the physical intimate relationship is the man's responsibility and opportunity to give because he has the stronger and faster sexual response and she the weaker one. He needs to take his responsibility seriously instead of blaming his wife for a lack of intimacy. If she is not interested, he needs to figure out why and fix the problem.

Let's just state the obvious to explain why this is the case. A man can have his wife simply lay there and he is able to arouse himself and give himself a sexual experience if he so chooses. A wife cannot do this if her man is just laying there doing nothing. A husband's job is to give his wife a satisfying sexual experience, not the other way around. Because as he is fulfilling her, he can also easily be fulfilled, whereas a woman giving her body to her husband has no hope of being fulfilled unless he is solely focused on making her happy. It is an imbalance that is not recognized enough to awake men to their responsibility for love making within marriage, but what we see rather is the wife getting the blame when she shuts down, because her husband doesn't turn her on anymore. She has to trust him with her body - simple as that. Porn draws the man away from his opportunity to fulfill this role he has in giving this to his wife. The wife should not feel obligated to give sexually to her husband unless she is receiving a gift she can appreciate from him first.

[hedgehog]

Wow the double think exploded.

You know it's there but to see it so casually displayed is still shocking.

"it's in all the movies."
"your just insecure."
"Ask her what she wants, what is it that captivates her so much about the relationship the couple has on the television"
"If its considered cheating by having her feel other positive emotions towards other people than just you, then you might need to work on that a bit."
"It's supposed to inspire you to become more romantic or loving to your partner, not jealous. And go out and hunt for that feeling she wants and bring it to her.
" Romance movies are like a woman screaming in a nice way at a man on WHAT TO DO TO MAKE HER FEEL GOOD. it's like men dont get it so women make movies of what THEY WANT so guys will understand, but sadly they dont and then get sad or depressed about it when in actuality it's like a woman telling you all the secrets"
"She might just be bored."
"Spice it up."
"When we watch movies we do it to ESCAPE. she might consciously or subconsciously be escaping to watch some other relationship because her relationship is boring, sad, or frustrating."
"Sometimes people just watch for fun."

Let us share these principles of wisdom with the relief society asap. They will be most grateful.

Sorry to pick on you Emily since you meant well but surely you can step back and admit rolls reversed those suggestions would cause a major hissy fit. You didn't intend to but you listed the same reasons most guys watch porn.

That's not coincidence, romance fantasy releases dopamine into the same parts of the brain as shopping, gossiping, social media attention, masturbation, adrenaline junkies, smoking, drinking, drugs, workaholics, food addicts etc. See my previous reply if you want to know how I feel about this reality.

Personally , mine are eating, shopping, and reading (doing it right now) . No none are currently temple recommend questions but I can admit I'm riding the same dopamine escape train as all the others. Each dopamine escape has its own poison. Gossip divides families and drives people away from the gospel, spending can cause debt burdens, eating reduces my energy and shortens the years I will be here to help my kids, longterm porn can be dangerous psychologically but it wouldn't shorten my lifespan or eat up my savings.

The problem here is that when it comes to comparing the sexual experience for men and women, you can't role reverse, and have an equal comparison, because men and women are different sexually and have different roles. And so likewise, the solutions to each gender's favorite addiction also cannot equally be compared. A wife addicted to romance movies or soap operas is terrible in my opinion, simply because it is a waste of time, and detracts her from thinking about her husband, but the husband who seeks out porn in order to masturbate is a more serious threat to the marriage, because making sex and romance work well is more of his responsibility. The wife needs to be kind, agreeable, happy, and pleasant, (as does her husband) and open to receiving his gifts, trying to appreciate them, but the physical intimate relationship is the man's responsibility and opportunity to give because he has the stronger and faster sexual response and she the weaker one. He needs to take his responsibility seriously instead of blaming his wife for a lack of intimacy. If she is not interested, he needs to figure out why and fix the problem.

Let's just state the obvious to explain why this is the case. A man can have his wife simply lay there and he is able to arouse himself and give himself a sexual experience if he so chooses. A wife cannot do this if her man is just laying there doing nothing. A husband's job is to give his wife a satisfying sexual experience, not the other way around. Because as he is fulfilling her, he can also easily be fulfilled, whereas a woman giving her body to her husband has no hope of being fulfilled unless he is solely focused on making her happy. It is an imbalance that is not recognized enough to awake men to their responsibility for love making within marriage, but what we see rather is the wife getting the blame when she shuts down, because her husband doesn't turn her on anymore. She has to trust him with her body - simple as that. Porn draws the man away from his opportunity to fulfill this role he has in giving this to his wife. The wife should not feel obligated to give sexually to her husband unless she is receiving a gift she can appreciate from him first.

Think your projecting sexual norms from your group and culture onto all females biology. I actually think to a legit degree you describe an unhealthy attitude that was about women using sex to control men. These poor guys. No wonder so many of them turn to porn. Sex should be a bonding activity not complicated equations of guess what I'm thinking and feeling and power struggle.

Females in most other cultures do not view themselves as passive princesses to be pleasured by the house jester.

Maybe im just misunderstanding your point amid your excessive use of g-rated metaphors and flowery language.

Sex is about making babies and intimately pair bonding a couple. I'm skeptical of the motives who add layers on top of that.

[MMbelieve]

Wow the double think exploded.

You know it's there but to see it so casually displayed is still shocking.

"it's in all the movies."
"your just insecure."
"Ask her what she wants, what is it that captivates her so much about the relationship the couple has on the television"
"If its considered cheating by having her feel other positive emotions towards other people than just you, then you might need to work on that a bit."
"It's supposed to inspire you to become more romantic or loving to your partner, not jealous. And go out and hunt for that feeling she wants and bring it to her.
" Romance movies are like a woman screaming in a nice way at a man on WHAT TO DO TO MAKE HER FEEL GOOD. it's like men dont get it so women make movies of what THEY WANT so guys will understand, but sadly they dont and then get sad or depressed about it when in actuality it's like a woman telling you all the secrets"
"She might just be bored."
"Spice it up."
"When we watch movies we do it to ESCAPE. she might consciously or subconsciously be escaping to watch some other relationship because her relationship is boring, sad, or frustrating."
"Sometimes people just watch for fun."

Let us share these principles of wisdom with the relief society asap. They will be most grateful.

Sorry to pick on you Emily since you meant well but surely you can step back and admit rolls reversed those suggestions would cause a major hissy fit. You didn't intend to but you listed the same reasons most guys watch porn.

That's not coincidence, romance fantasy releases dopamine into the same parts of the brain as shopping, gossiping, social media attention, masturbation, adrenaline junkies, smoking, drinking, drugs, workaholics, food addicts etc. See my previous reply if you want to know how I feel about this reality.

Personally , mine are eating, shopping, and reading (doing it right now) . No none are currently temple recommend questions but I can admit I'm riding the same dopamine escape train as all the others. Each dopamine escape has its own poison. Gossip divides families and drives people away from the gospel, spending can cause debt burdens, eating reduces my energy and shortens the years I will be here to help my kids, longterm porn can be dangerous psychologically but it wouldn't shorten my lifespan or eat up my savings.

The problem here is that when it comes to comparing the sexual experience for men and women, you can't role reverse, and have an equal comparison, because men and women are different sexually and have different roles. And so likewise, the solutions to each gender's favorite addiction also cannot equally be compared. A wife addicted to romance movies or soap operas is terrible in my opinion, simply because it is a waste of time, and detracts her from thinking about her husband, but the husband who seeks out porn in order to masturbate is a more serious threat to the marriage, because making sex and romance work well is more of his responsibility. The wife needs to be kind, agreeable, happy, and pleasant, (as does her husband) and open to receiving his gifts, trying to appreciate them, but the physical intimate relationship is the man's responsibility and opportunity to give because he has the stronger and faster sexual response and she the weaker one. He needs to take his responsibility seriously instead of blaming his wife for a lack of intimacy. If she is not interested, he needs to figure out why and fix the problem.

Let's just state the obvious to explain why this is the case. A man can have his wife simply lay there and he is able to arouse himself and give himself a sexual experience if he so chooses. A wife cannot do this if her man is just laying there doing nothing. A husband's job is to give his wife a satisfying sexual experience, not the other way around. Because as he is fulfilling her, he can also easily be fulfilled, whereas a woman giving her body to her husband has no hope of being fulfilled unless he is solely focused on making her happy. It is an imbalance that is not recognized enough to awake men to their responsibility for love making within marriage, but what we see rather is the wife getting the blame when she shuts down, because her husband doesn't turn her on anymore. She has to trust him with her body - simple as that. Porn draws the man away from his opportunity to fulfill this role he has in giving this to his wife. The wife should not feel obligated to give sexually to her husband unless she is receiving a gift she can appreciate from him first.

There is truth in this statement. Guys who are not yet “men” will find fault with it though. Don’t care what they think!
Our culture has placed men in a weak position to be victims to sexuality and their sexual experiences instead of what they ought to be. In turn, this places women in a difficult position of rock and hard place with always letting men down BECAUSE they have placed their responsibilities of their experiences on the shoulders of women. Classic immaturity. And yes, plenty of immature women out there too.

[Sarah]

Wow the double think exploded.

You know it's there but to see it so casually displayed is still shocking.

"it's in all the movies."
"your just insecure."
"Ask her what she wants, what is it that captivates her so much about the relationship the couple has on the television"
"If its considered cheating by having her feel other positive emotions towards other people than just you, then you might need to work on that a bit."
"It's supposed to inspire you to become more romantic or loving to your partner, not jealous. And go out and hunt for that feeling she wants and bring it to her.
" Romance movies are like a woman screaming in a nice way at a man on WHAT TO DO TO MAKE HER FEEL GOOD. it's like men dont get it so women make movies of what THEY WANT so guys will understand, but sadly they dont and then get sad or depressed about it when in actuality it's like a woman telling you all the secrets"
"She might just be bored."
"Spice it up."
"When we watch movies we do it to ESCAPE. she might consciously or subconsciously be escaping to watch some other relationship because her relationship is boring, sad, or frustrating."
"Sometimes people just watch for fun."

Let us share these principles of wisdom with the relief society asap. They will be most grateful.

Sorry to pick on you Emily since you meant well but surely you can step back and admit rolls reversed those suggestions would cause a major hissy fit. You didn't intend to but you listed the same reasons most guys watch porn.

That's not coincidence, romance fantasy releases dopamine into the same parts of the brain as shopping, gossiping, social media attention, masturbation, adrenaline junkies, smoking, drinking, drugs, workaholics, food addicts etc. See my previous reply if you want to know how I feel about this reality.

Personally , mine are eating, shopping, and reading (doing it right now) . No none are currently temple recommend questions but I can admit I'm riding the same dopamine escape train as all the others. Each dopamine escape has its own poison. Gossip divides families and drives people away from the gospel, spending can cause debt burdens, eating reduces my energy and shortens the years I will be here to help my kids, longterm porn can be dangerous psychologically but it wouldn't shorten my lifespan or eat up my savings.

The problem here is that when it comes to comparing the sexual experience for men and women, you can't role reverse, and have an equal comparison, because men and women are different sexually and have different roles. And so likewise, the solutions to each gender's favorite addiction also cannot equally be compared. A wife addicted to romance movies or soap operas is terrible in my opinion, simply because it is a waste of time, and detracts her from thinking about her husband, but the husband who seeks out porn in order to masturbate is a more serious threat to the marriage, because making sex and romance work well is more of his responsibility. The wife needs to be kind, agreeable, happy, and pleasant, (as does her husband) and open to receiving his gifts, trying to appreciate them, but the physical intimate relationship is the man's responsibility and opportunity to give because he has the stronger and faster sexual response and she the weaker one. He needs to take his responsibility seriously instead of blaming his wife for a lack of intimacy. If she is not interested, he needs to figure out why and fix the problem.

Let's just state the obvious to explain why this is the case. A man can have his wife simply lay there and he is able to arouse himself and give himself a sexual experience if he so chooses. A wife cannot do this if her man is just laying there doing nothing. A husband's job is to give his wife a satisfying sexual experience, not the other way around. Because as he is fulfilling her, he can also easily be fulfilled, whereas a woman giving her body to her husband has no hope of being fulfilled unless he is solely focused on making her happy. It is an imbalance that is not recognized enough to awake men to their responsibility for love making within marriage, but what we see rather is the wife getting the blame when she shuts down, because her husband doesn't turn her on anymore. She has to trust him with her body - simple as that. Porn draws the man away from his opportunity to fulfill this role he has in giving this to his wife. The wife should not feel obligated to give sexually to her husband unless she is receiving a gift she can appreciate from him first.

Think your projecting sexual norms from your group and culture onto all females biology. I actually think to a legit degree you describe an unhealthy attitude that was about women using sex to control men. These poor guys. No wonder so many of them turn to porn. Sex should be a bonding activity not complicated equations of guess what I'm thinking and feeling and power struggle.

Females in most other cultures do not view themselves as passive princesses to be pleasured by the house jester.

Maybe im just misunderstanding your point amid your excessive use of g-rated metaphors and flowery language.

Sex is about making babies and intimately pair bonding a couple. I'm skeptical of the motives who add layers on top of that.

I was simply responding to the notion that we can do a role reversal and all things remain equal. Biologically we are not the same, and I'm pointing out how those differences affect how we should solve the problems. Men have the greater strength physically and sexually, otherwise you would hear of women raping men and you hardly ever hear of that, but in many other cultures, men raping women and even their wives is a normal part of life. So with that added strength comes more responsibility in that area to help the wife with sex if she's not happy. It is a lie that just because a wife doesn't want sex she is controlling.

[MMbelieve]

Wow the double think exploded.

You know it's there but to see it so casually displayed is still shocking.

"it's in all the movies."
"your just insecure."
"Ask her what she wants, what is it that captivates her so much about the relationship the couple has on the television"
"If its considered cheating by having her feel other positive emotions towards other people than just you, then you might need to work on that a bit."
"It's supposed to inspire you to become more romantic or loving to your partner, not jealous. And go out and hunt for that feeling she wants and bring it to her.
" Romance movies are like a woman screaming in a nice way at a man on WHAT TO DO TO MAKE HER FEEL GOOD. it's like men dont get it so women make movies of what THEY WANT so guys will understand, but sadly they dont and then get sad or depressed about it when in actuality it's like a woman telling you all the secrets"
"She might just be bored."
"Spice it up."
"When we watch movies we do it to ESCAPE. she might consciously or subconsciously be escaping to watch some other relationship because her relationship is boring, sad, or frustrating."
"Sometimes people just watch for fun."

Let us share these principles of wisdom with the relief society asap. They will be most grateful.

Sorry to pick on you Emily since you meant well but surely you can step back and admit rolls reversed those suggestions would cause a major hissy fit. You didn't intend to but you listed the same reasons most guys watch porn.

That's not coincidence, romance fantasy releases dopamine into the same parts of the brain as shopping, gossiping, social media attention, masturbation, adrenaline junkies, smoking, drinking, drugs, workaholics, food addicts etc. See my previous reply if you want to know how I feel about this reality.

Personally , mine are eating, shopping, and reading (doing it right now) . No none are currently temple recommend questions but I can admit I'm riding the same dopamine escape train as all the others. Each dopamine escape has its own poison. Gossip divides families and drives people away from the gospel, spending can cause debt burdens, eating reduces my energy and shortens the years I will be here to help my kids, longterm porn can be dangerous psychologically but it wouldn't shorten my lifespan or eat up my savings.

The problem here is that when it comes to comparing the sexual experience for men and women, you can't role reverse, and have an equal comparison, because men and women are different sexually and have different roles. And so likewise, the solutions to each gender's favorite addiction also cannot equally be compared. A wife addicted to romance movies or soap operas is terrible in my opinion, simply because it is a waste of time, and detracts her from thinking about her husband, but the husband who seeks out porn in order to masturbate is a more serious threat to the marriage, because making sex and romance work well is more of his responsibility. The wife needs to be kind, agreeable, happy, and pleasant, (as does her husband) and open to receiving his gifts, trying to appreciate them, but the physical intimate relationship is the man's responsibility and opportunity to give because he has the stronger and faster sexual response and she the weaker one. He needs to take his responsibility seriously instead of blaming his wife for a lack of intimacy. If she is not interested, he needs to figure out why and fix the problem.

Let's just state the obvious to explain why this is the case. A man can have his wife simply lay there and he is able to arouse himself and give himself a sexual experience if he so chooses. A wife cannot do this if her man is just laying there doing nothing. A husband's job is to give his wife a satisfying sexual experience, not the other way around. Because as he is fulfilling her, he can also easily be fulfilled, whereas a woman giving her body to her husband has no hope of being fulfilled unless he is solely focused on making her happy. It is an imbalance that is not recognized enough to awake men to their responsibility for love making within marriage, but what we see rather is the wife getting the blame when she shuts down, because her husband doesn't turn her on anymore. She has to trust him with her body - simple as that. Porn draws the man away from his opportunity to fulfill this role he has in giving this to his wife. The wife should not feel obligated to give sexually to her husband unless she is receiving a gift she can appreciate from him first.

Think your projecting sexual norms from your group and culture onto all females biology. I actually think to a legit degree you describe an unhealthy attitude that was about women using sex to control men. I can see it the other way around too!These poor guys. No wonder so many of them turn to porn. They use porn because they want to and it’s easy and they never get rejected or have performance anxiety...it’s because they have become victims to their sexuality and struggle Sex should be a bonding activity not complicated equations of guess what I'm thinking and feeling and power struggle. In healthy sex, there is zero talking!!

Females in most other cultures do not view themselves as passive princesses to be pleasured by the house jester. Yeah right! Lol, that’s funny. Other cultures the women are more comfortable being expressive because their men are men? Not passive white guys with no spice, lol.

Maybe im just misunderstanding your point amid your excessive use of g-rated metaphors and flowery language.

Sex is about making babies and intimately pair bonding a couple. I'm skeptical of the motives who add layers on top of that.
men and women view sex and experience sex as differently as they experience everything else. Your simplified view is male, you must include the female to fully understand what your doing.

[harakim]

I walked in on my wife watching pornography.

It was a movie in which a woman was in love with a man, and he took his shirt off on the beach, with his six-pack abs. She immediately dropped her bags, and was sexually aroused.

Next scene was them having sex together, without genitalia or breasts exposed (acceptable?).

She ended up marrying him, but eventually became disillusioned and fantasized about a former flame of hers, who she ran into. She then tried going back to that guy, but by then he was married. I didn't see how it ended, but I assume they somehow both divorced and got together, and were finally happy.

I immediately felt inadequate, and unloved. Does my wife also feel dissatisfied with me and want to go elsewhere? I see so many women who "settled" for their husband, then divorced for a supposedly better guy who will treat them better, or have more money, or is more romantic or better looking, etc.

What should I do about my wife's addiction?

Should I report her to the bishop for fantasizing about other men?

What disciplinary action should the church take against her?

What kind of counseling should she receive for her addiction?

Should I tell my family and her family and ward members about her problem?

Should she confess publicly in front of the ward?

What should I tell our children about the shameful, disgusting addiction of their mother?

How can I undo all the damage to the children caused by their mother's porn habit?

Is there any hope for our marriage? Should I consider divorce before she divorces me to pursue her fantasies?

How can we regain trust now that it is broken and she has cheated?

So you walked in on her and then while she was in a state of shock, managed to watch the entire rest of the porno?

[MMbelieve]

I walked in on my wife watching pornography.

It was a movie in which a woman was in love with a man, and he took his shirt off on the beach, with his six-pack abs. She immediately dropped her bags, and was sexually aroused.

Next scene was them having sex together, without genitalia or breasts exposed (acceptable?).

She ended up marrying him, but eventually became disillusioned and fantasized about a former flame of hers, who she ran into. She then tried going back to that guy, but by then he was married. I didn't see how it ended, but I assume they somehow both divorced and got together, and were finally happy.

I immediately felt inadequate, and unloved. Does my wife also feel dissatisfied with me and want to go elsewhere? I see so many women who "settled" for their husband, then divorced for a supposedly better guy who will treat them better, or have more money, or is more romantic or better looking, etc.

What should I do about my wife's addiction?

Should I report her to the bishop for fantasizing about other men?

What disciplinary action should the church take against her?

What kind of counseling should she receive for her addiction?

Should I tell my family and her family and ward members about her problem?

Should she confess publicly in front of the ward?

What should I tell our children about the shameful, disgusting addiction of their mother?

How can I undo all the damage to the children caused by their mother's porn habit?

Is there any hope for our marriage? Should I consider divorce before she divorces me to pursue her fantasies?

How can we regain trust now that it is broken and she has cheated?

So you walked in on her and then while she was in a state of shock, managed to watch the entire rest of the porno?

Lol

There’s a ton of catches in his very poor satire piece.

[JohnnyL]

Each dopamine escape has its own poison. Gossip divides families and drives people away from the gospel, spending can cause debt burdens, eating reduces my energy and shortens the years I will be here to help my kids, longterm porn can be dangerous psychologically but it wouldn't shorten my lifespan or eat up my savings.

Agreed with everything but that--pornography will likely shorten life and eat up savings, in addition to other things.