I am drowning

[Alaris]

The OP is full of sentences that start with "I" which may be indicative of the underlying issue. In this weeks' family home evening, I spoke to my sons about how jarring it is to be focusing on oneself and ones own issues and then to suddenly be cast into a new environment where all the focus is on serving others. "Service" was the topic from the gospel principles manual. Yet, as a teenager struggling from depression and chronic pain, I discovered the beauty in solving my own problems by stepping away from them to focus on others' needs.

I'm not saying this is the one-size-fits-all fix for the OP, but the use of the word "I" reminds me of a Barack Obama speech. Maybe just try to forget about all these things from which you are suffering and focus on your wife's struggles, your children, etc. and do all you can to solve those issues. I have suffered from chronic pain my whole life - an invisible pain that gets very little sympathy. Chronic back pain - chronic migraines. When I stop and think about it, I am usually surprised at how much pain I'm suffering from at any given time. Yet, take comfort in the fact that God would not give you any trial that you cannot handle. Put your burdens upon the Lord as other posts here have suggested:

Matthew 11:28 ¶ Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

[Dlight]

The OP is full of sentences that start with "I" which may be indicative of the underlying issue. In this weeks' family home evening, I spoke to my sons about how jarring it is to be focusing on oneself and ones own issues and then to suddenly be cast into a new environment where all the focus is on serving others. "Service" was the topic from the gospel principles manual. Yet, as a teenager struggling from depression and chronic pain, I discovered the beauty in solving my own problems by stepping away from them to focus on others' needs.

I'm not saying this is the one-size-fits-all fix for the OP, but the use of the word "I" reminds me of a Barack Obama speech. Maybe just try to forget about all these things from which you are suffering and focus on your wife's struggles, your children, etc. and do all you can to solve those issues. I have suffered from chronic pain my whole life - an invisible pain that gets very little sympathy. Chronic back pain - chronic migraines. When I stop and think about it, I am usually surprised at how much pain I'm suffering from at any given time. Yet, take comfort in the fact that God would not give you any trial that you cannot handle. Put your burdens upon the Lord as other posts here have suggested:

Matthew 11:28 ¶ Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Honestly I wish it was that easy. When a man is drowning, tell him to kick harder and stop whining, and think about everyone else.

I have recommitted several times to this ideology and I quickly become an anxious wreck that created disharmony and contention. I have tried many times to just give up on focusing inward on my problems and letting the Lord take my burden. It takes a lot of work to keep my pain in control.

Doctors have said a chronic pain diagnosis triggers depression and depression triggers increased sensitivity to pain with an emotional toll similar to cancer.

When my daughter was born I did everything I could as my wife had a complication it took her months to recover. During this time we were forced to sell out home and move in with family. I did all I could and it really took another severe toll on my health.

It is not mete that we run faster than we have strength. I have put God first and he never just healed me, but he has helped me endure and find lots of helpful things. I have faith that if I could just touch the hem of his garment that I would be healed.

Instead he has shown me and led me to many of the tools to heal. This is how God operates. People wrongly assume that God just works one way, by giving people power to overcome or somehow surpass their own suffering. That is not always the case, sometimes he prepares a way out. Sometimes he guides our minds and spirits to the correct tools to accomplish the task and build the boat so to speak.

The issue is that I don't have any help. I have been prompted to ask everyone and anyone for help.

No one believes in my vision, to correct my health with the tools I have assembled. Not my wife, not my family, not the church. No one sees my idea as a reality. No one will help me build a boat. My family says it is not necessary, they say what you say to stop being so I focused. They have told me that for many years.

That is not the Lords will for me. He has asked me to reach out to everyone I can to ask for help. I started with my family. They have means, but they refused. I am reaching out here. I am going to reach out to my bishop Sunday. I love advice but feel as though I'm somewhat past small advice. I need a drastic intervention if I am to save my family.

8 years of advice hasn't helped, and this led me to seek out the Lord in ways I never have before and I feel like he has helped me and showed me a vision of what I need to do but I don't have anyone to help me do it. I have never felt so alone in my life.

[Dlight]

Dlight,

My theory is you are going into Delta brain waves because guess what, no pain in those brain waves. This is exactly the science between total mind control. Your rage is just normal for the things that may have happened to you. It also makes you "whole" for a minute, which is what you are seeking.

Even God said a seed was planted in poor soil. Admitting it doesn't make you a victim.

I am sorry you are going through this. I bet you are already handling it very well under the circumstances and you will have that business some day.

Feel free to PM me. I am open to ideas. I think Delta/Theta brain waves have to do with anyone who operates in a depressed or ADD state making it hard to focus. I think my pain just exacerbates it all making some does extremely hard to focus. It's interesting since beginning PEMF therapy, I got a lot of brain power back, but I also see more clearly what I need to do to get out of this slump I'm in. I just don't know how to accomplish it given my current situation/work/financial and time constraints.

[kittycat51]

It makes me so sad to hear of your suffering Dlight. A lot of what I'm reading rings true in my life as well. It makes me take a step back from my own woes to realize that many other people have things really bad as well. I wish I knew/had the answers. Life is just SO STINKING HARD sometimes.

Oh that the 2nd coming would just happen already.

[John Tavner]

The OP is full of sentences that start with "I" which may be indicative of the underlying issue. In this weeks' family home evening, I spoke to my sons about how jarring it is to be focusing on oneself and ones own issues and then to suddenly be cast into a new environment where all the focus is on serving others. "Service" was the topic from the gospel principles manual. Yet, as a teenager struggling from depression and chronic pain, I discovered the beauty in solving my own problems by stepping away from them to focus on others' needs.

I'm not saying this is the one-size-fits-all fix for the OP, but the use of the word "I" reminds me of a Barack Obama speech. Maybe just try to forget about all these things from which you are suffering and focus on your wife's struggles, your children, etc. and do all you can to solve those issues. I have suffered from chronic pain my whole life - an invisible pain that gets very little sympathy. Chronic back pain - chronic migraines. When I stop and think about it, I am usually surprised at how much pain I'm suffering from at any given time. Yet, take comfort in the fact that God would not give you any trial that you cannot handle. Put your burdens upon the Lord as other posts here have suggested:

Matthew 11:28 ¶ Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Honestly I wish it was that easy. When a man is drowning, tell him to kick harder and stop whining, and think about everyone else.

I have recommitted several times to this ideology and I quickly become an anxious wreck that created disharmony and contention. I have tried many times to just give up on focusing inward on my problems and letting the Lord take my burden. It takes a lot of work to keep my pain in control.

Doctors have said a chronic pain diagnosis triggers depression and depression triggers increased sensitivity to pain with an emotional toll similar to cancer.

When my daughter was born I did everything I could as my wife had a complication it took her months to recover. During this time we were forced to sell out home and move in with family. I did all I could and it really took another severe toll on my health.

It is not mete that we run faster than we have strength. I have put God first and he never just healed me, but he has helped me endure and find lots of helpful things. I have faith that if I could just touch the hem of his garment that I would be healed.

Instead he has shown me and led me to many of the tools to heal. This is how God operates. People wrongly assume that God just works one way, by giving people power to overcome or somehow surpass their own suffering. That is not always the case, sometimes he prepares a way out. Sometimes he guides our minds and spirits to the correct tools to accomplish the task and build the boat so to speak.

The issue is that I don't have any help. I have been prompted to ask everyone and anyone for help.

No one believes in my vision, to correct my health with the tools I have assembled. Not my wife, not my family, not the church. No one sees my idea as a reality. No one will help me build a boat. My family says it is not necessary, they say what you say to stop being so I focused. They have told me that for many years.

That is not the Lords will for me. He has asked me to reach out to everyone I can to ask for help. I started with my family. They have means, but they refused. I am reaching out here. I am going to reach out to my bishop Sunday. I love advice but feel as though I'm somewhat past small advice. I need a drastic intervention if I am to save my family.

8 years of advice hasn't helped, and this led me to seek out the Lord in ways I never have before and I feel like he has helped me and showed me a vision of what I need to do but I don't have anyone to help me do it. I have never felt so alone in my life.

My advice - take it for what it is worth. Stop fighting and let the Lord fight. Anytime you get overwhelmed, give it to Him. Lay it on the altar of Sacrifice. Stop fighting this yourself and let Him do the battles for you. You'd be surprised at how much that helps. It has helped me with addictions and many other situations. If you keep trying to do it yourself, you will fail. This is the Lord telling you to let Him fight it. What I mean by that is when you feel the pain is too much, or even if the pain is starting, just give it to Him. Accept that the pain will happen and just give it to Him. Pray about what I'm trying to say. I don't know how to explain it beyond having a broken heart and contrite spirit. This doesn't mean the problem will go away, but the burden will be lighter. I remember the moment I said "Lord I can't do this, I don't know how" and I utterly and sincerely gave Him the battle to fight for me, I found it became a lot easier. Tempation dissapated, I had to constantly remember to do that, but temptation and even laziness dissipated. When you lay yourself on the altar, things can change. Again, stop trying to get rid of the burdens and just start looking for them to be lighter. Eventually, you won't notice the burdens as much. Take it with a grain of salt. I will also pray for you. Ask the Lord how to give it to Him and to stop fighting and if you can't figure out ask Him to help you to know how and to do it for you. Miracles and strength will happen.

[kirtland r.m.]

Dlite, you have a lot of friends on the forum. Hope this helps. May God bless you!!!
Our suffering is real and agonizing but will be "for a small moment".
Feel worn down by the trials of life? I do. Once my friend Drake met Elder Maxwell in a bank branch in Salt Lake City. After Drake told Elder Maxwell how much Drake loved his talks and books, Elder Maxwell said "thank you for encouraging me". Here is a some encouragement from the Lord, through a latter day Apostle, and really a wonderful spiritual giant, Neal A. Maxwell.
Our terrible suffering in this life, some of which is of no fault of our own will be as the Lord described to the Prophet Joseph Smith. D&C 121:7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; 8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high.
I hope his talk will give you some comfort as it does me.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGLC4cezR8I
Hold fast to the "Iron Rod" The First Book of Nephi
Chapter 8
Lehi sees a vision of the tree of life—He partakes of its fruit and desires his family to do likewise—He sees a rod of iron, a strait and narrow path, and the mists of darkness that enshroud men—Sariah, Nephi, and Sam partake of the fruit, but Laman and Lemuel refuse. About 600–592 B.C
We live in a dangerous, and difficult time but I always try to remember....if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high!
Parting thought, get ready for some endless happiness!!! Alma 41:4-5
4 And if their works are evil they shall be restored unto them for evil. Therefore, all things shall be restored to their proper order, every thing to its natural frame—mortality raised to immortality, corruption to in corruption—raised to endless happiness to inherit the kingdom of God, or to endless misery to inherit the kingdom of the devil, the one on one hand, the other on the other—

And, one of the best lessons ever on trials and adversity.
This R.S. lesson explains a whole lot. It contains on of my favorite quotes ever (It is evident that we will all face trials and adversity, regardless of how righteous we are. President John Taylor commented: “I heard the Prophet Joseph say, in speaking to the Twelve on one occasion: ‘You will have all kinds of trials to pass through. And it is quite as necessary for you to be tried as it was for Abraham and other men of God, and (said he) God will feel after you, and He will take hold of you and wrench your very heart strings, and if you cannot stand it you will not be fit for an inheritance in the Celestial Kingdom of God)’” in Deseret News [Weekly], 29 Aug. 1883, 498.
This lesson has really helped me.https://www.lds.org/manual/the-latter-d ... y?lang=eng

[djinwa]

First thing to do is ignore advice. Most people, especially those in the church, cannot understand your situation. They will judge and tell you to do this or that. You will be told to be what your are not. Church is all about your so-called deficiencies, and seeking perfection, which leads many to depression, trying to please all those who judge them.

Yep, if you have problems you just didn't try hard enough, or pray hard enough, or pay enough tithing, or follow the commandments, etc, etc.



If you step back and look at the big picture, you have been bombarded with things you should do and how you should be. Unfortunately, you may not be wired that way.

I once went to shrinks and read every self help book trying to fix myself to be what others expected. I thought I was the crazy one. I eventually gave up. I took a supposedly menial job. Then eventually realized I wasn't as crazy as I thought. The world is actually crazy, and if you don't conform, you are seen as having a problem.

So why don't you try giving up. Sure, people won't make as much money off you, selling you all sorts of solutions and cures, etc. You won't make as much money to buy useless junk, and pay more taxes.

How about trying to be who you are - find work that fits your brain type, perhaps work that doesn't require as much concentration. You can probably do certain things better than others - find out what it is. You write well, so you're not an idiot.

If those who judge you were forced to do what comes easily for you, they might end up with the same issues as you. My son-in-law was forced to take Ritalin in school because he did not conform. And we call that Attention Deficit Disorder. Those who can sit and do nothing for hours are considered normal. But what if we need active people, or more creative people? Why don't we call those who can sit for hours ADD (Activity Deficit Disorder) and give them speed to amp them up? Yeah, shove pills down their throat until they comply with our expectations!

You should probably get a divorce. People get divorced all the time, for lesser issues. Looks like the way God created you doesn't work for family life and your wife's expectations. Oh well.

Strive for mediocrity.

Now watch as people blow a gasket from what I said. Doesn't fit the programming.

[harakim]

How long would the Lord have us bare our crosses? I have suffered immensely in both body, mind and spirit since I was 8 years old. I don't think more than a year had gone by that I haven't wanted to die.

But I am not a victim. I intensely desire to rise above my challenges, and I have sought every good thing to try and fix my mental and physical health issues. Sadly nothing has worked more than to jay take the edge off.

These issues have made it hard to hold down a job, or be a good husband or father. I often have to ask my wife to hold up the whole family, and she has had to work two jobs to keep us afloat. She's so stressed out that it creates a lot of contention which only makes matters much worse. We fight constantly and I know that it stems from my lack of help and our situation.

Because of my issues I struggle to think clearly and I often have made bad or irrational decisions that end up making my situation worse in the long run. We have a lot of debt from school and me trying to get healthy and a few other bad decisions along the way.

I have turned to the Lord and fallen down on my knees asking him to remove this cup. I know I am unworthy, I acknowledge my weaknesses before God at all times. But I need help.

I know that this illness even prevents me from having the energy to serve him properly, I try to put him first and I hope to serve him will all my heart and I would do anything for others but I rarely have the strength to do my own family requirements let alone callings. I love my teaching calling, and have been told I have a gift, but i often call out because of physical pain or personal times of despair.

I know that sin is the root of all unhappiness. I have tried really hard to get the bad things out of my life and only keep the good things in.

This has wreaked havoc on my entire life. I'm nearing a divorce because there is a toxic environment, and have been counseled to do so by many of my family who I trust due to the level of fighting, but the Lord has seemed to tell me that is not his desire. No-one I turn to will help me, but they also tell me that God does not want us to suffer endlessly.

I have actually gone to school for alternative health to try and fix my issues. I have used numerous alternative modalities and diets, but I struggle mightily to discipline myself to these practices. I have found a lot of things that work, but I don't have the time to put it all into place properly without almost completely neglecting my family and taking a sabbatical com my job. I need to heal, but I can't afford to do it.

What is the secret if you lack discipline? I have tried so many self help books and cd programs and reading my scriptures. But I admittedly struggle to be consistent in anything I do, this is the primary issue of my mental disorder, brain fog and fatigue or maybe it's just spiritual weakness.

I will do anything anyone asks me to do at this point. I just want to not lose my family and serve the Lord and hopefully be healthy or at least functional.

It seems everyone's answer to me is too question my motives and my heart and tell me to try harder, that I must not want it that bad. But I promise I have worked extensively on this and I am greatly motivated. I don't want to be the way I am, I hate what I have become. I know the verse about turning weaknesses into strengths but I have not figured out how to get the discipline I need to better manage myself so I can dig myself it of this pit I'm in. I don't know how to see anything more than the legs
Lords Grace keeping my afloat, but the physical and emotional pain is real and a daily thing I battle.

Or the other answer is to turn to the Lord more. I have tried and tried to hear his voice. He has directed me and I have found relief to keep going but I'm just barely clinging to life. I am also told this is not Gods plan either.

I feel like my works are a direct measure of my righteousness, and because of my lack of fruit I feel as though I am judged to be a thing of nought like I am doing something wrong and being a victim and acted upon. How can I stop being this?

My wife and I are both downing in debt and a prison that we admittedly created with some bad decisions and tough circumcised and we are about to lose everything and no one can seem to help us out.

I have a great vision of being healthy and running my own business and helping others. I have several business ideas surrounding my alternative health education, but no way to start them in my current condition.

I have what I feel are modest desires to have a liveable house and the ability to take my family camping or hiking once in a while and serve others in multiple capacities. Maybe I should want less than this. Maybe I should accept my limitations, but that fans like admitting defeat.

I have the desire and the heart, but the lack the financial means and physical ability.

Any thoughts are appreciated.

You have to start by fixing your physical issues. That is the basis of a happy life.
#1) You have to sleep well. (If you think you have insomnia, that is easily fixed.)
#2) Exercise a little each day. Walk for at least 40 minutes a day
#3) Get some sunshine
#4) Take some vitamin d and possibly vitamin b complex (but b-complex keeps you up like caffeine so maybe not)

That is what I would suggest. I can tell you right now, I really feel like the number one thing you absolutely must do is sleep.

EDIT: If you are getting 9+ hours of sleep a night and this does not solve your problem, I will go to great lengths to help you.

[Alaris]

I just said a little prayer for you. The power of prayer is real.

[Thinker]

The issue is that I don't have any help.

What do you call so many replies on this forum and it sounds like your wife has been helping plenty. One of my 1st impressions was maybe you were here to ask for money - under the guise of wanting ANY help.

No one believes in my vision, to correct my health with the tools I have assembled. Not my wife, not my family, not the church. No one sees my idea as a reality. No one will help me build a boat. My family says it is not necessary, they say what you say to stop being so I focused. They have told me that for many years.

Maybe they know something you don’t & you should listen.

That is not the Lords will for me. He has asked me to reach out to everyone I can to ask for help. I started with my family. They have means, but they refused. I am reaching out here. I am going to reach out to my bishop Sunday. I love advice but feel as though I'm somewhat past small advice...

Try gratitude. You’re “pas small advice” - you want MONEY - that’s bigger.

8 years of advice hasn't helped, and this led me to seek out the Lord in ways I never have before and I feel like he has helped me and showed me a vision of what I need to do but I don't have anyone to help me do it.

You’ve had plenty of help - but you aren’t doing your part. How can you expect to do better with more when you aren’t handling less? Generally, retreats don’t work because they teach you how to live without any problems so when you get back to your problems (which everyone has) - they’re still there and you may feel even more annoyed by them after getting used to being without them. Environment is not the issue - how you see and interact with it, is. Your wife could use some breaks though.

[Dlight]

[/quote]

My advice - take it for what it is worth. Stop fighting and let the Lord fight. Anytime you get overwhelmed, give it to Him. Lay it on the altar of Sacrifice. Stop fighting this yourself and let Him do the battles for you. You'd be surprised at how much that helps. It has helped me with addictions and many other situations. If you keep trying to do it yourself, you will fail. This is the Lord telling you to let Him fight it. What I mean by that is when you feel the pain is too much, or even if the pain is starting, just give it to Him. Accept that the pain will happen and just give it to Him. Pray about what I'm trying to say. I don't know how to explain it beyond having a broken heart and contrite spirit. This doesn't mean the problem will go away, but the burden will be lighter. I remember the moment I said "Lord I can't do this, I don't know how" and I utterly and sincerely gave Him the battle to fight for me, I found it became a lot easier. Tempation dissapated, I had to constantly remember to do that, but temptation and even laziness dissipated. When you lay yourself on the altar, things can change. Again, stop trying to get rid of the burdens and just start looking for them to be lighter. Eventually, you won't notice the burdens as much. Take it with a grain of salt. I will also pray for you. Ask the Lord how to give it to Him and to stop fighting and if you can't figure out ask Him to help you to know how and to do it for you. Miracles and strength will happen.
[/quote]

For me that's hard to accept. I feel like in the scriptures the Lord gives commandments and we learn in 1 Nephi that the "Lord giveth no commandment unto the children of men save he prepare a way for them to do it."

I feel like me no being the provider for my family has put enormous strain on my wife and family life. My daughter is also suffering as a result of chronically tired parents. We are falling very short of what the Lord has expected and commanded that I do to be a provider to my family. To serve others. He has commanded all this and more, and I seem unable to do it. It seems the Lord wants me to use my agency and act on not be acted upon.

It just seems that by acting it puts additional strain on my family, so I am reaching out, probably in the wrong places, but I'm desperate to find real tangible help. I don't know what else to do anymore. But the Lord said he would help us after all we can do, so I'm here asking.

Now if my desire for health was so I could squander that health in selfish pursuits, I believe that he would not help me, but this is not the desire of my heart. I may not have 100% perfect desires, but I work on purifying my heart every day and I feel like the meat of my desire to be healthy to be a better husband father and servant are in line with what the Lord has commanded.

[BackBlast]

I know I need to buck up and try harder and not think that way. I want to so much. I don't know how to find the strength or energy to "buck up" and that's why I am here. My dad and step dad were both like this also, I dont blame them, but I never learned how to buck up...

This is a multi generational thing. Those are difficult to throw off. I think there are special blessings for those who endure them and overcome them and don't pass them along to the next generation. It also gives you the capacity to look to your fathers and know how to help them to overcome it for themselves, being a blessing to both directions of the family tree.

I am interested in your responses for sure, I am open truly to any ideas, although I truthfully I now have my own ideas of what needs to happen, but for most my life I have chased after many peoples advice, and haven't found much success in that, but I haven't given up hope on finding solutions.

The biggest issue is probably going to have to start with my brain. I was diagnosed ADD as a child and had severe rage outbursts and depression growing up after family divorce. I am in a fog of low brain energy.

Going to summarize...

* Anger, particularly strong bursts
* Depression
* Lack of productivity mindset /
* Lethargic intellect.

Here are my thoughts...

Depression and lack of productivity tend to feed on each other. Rather the reverse of a workaholic (who is also unbalanced). It's a cycle, being unproductive leads to depression which leads to not being productive. And it's not an easy one to break. I find that perspective is more powerful that the actual doing. You have to learn to accept small successes as success and don't allow perfectionist tendencies to dismiss your accomplishments in your own mind. Another action on your part that may help is gratitude. Show gratitude for everything, the beautiful sky, a sunset, a simple act your wife has done on your behalf, the work you have available to you, a warm place to sleep. Just be grateful. As often as you can manage. Fill your heart with gratitude.

This combination also indicates to me that you likely have some particularly oppressive evil spirits that have a lot of control over you, especially your emotional makeup. I mention that because sometimes they can be removed permanently via a simple priesthood blessing. Sometimes their hooks are attached to some particular weakness in you which lends to their power and to get them permanently removed may required changes on your part. A blessing should provide at least some temporary relief especially if you use fasting and prayer in conjunction with it. Ask the giver to pray and fast as well, and mention specifically you suspect an evil spirit that you want removed.

Other people's inspirational material may not be what fills you with inspiration. Maybe it provides temporary relief, but you seem to indicate that it doesn't really help you. Here is a recipe you can try.

I would pick your favorite time of day, sunrise, sunset, noon, stars in the sky. Pick a time of day you enjoy for your ritual. Play a song you find peaceful and perhaps energizing. Dance a dance with it, make up your own moves or combine some from elsewhere (martial art kata, for example). Maybe it's as simple as rocking back and forth on your feet or a side to side shuffle. But make it movement you can remember to do so you can involve your body and muscle memory into the ritual. If you are self conscience about it, make it simple and hopefully somewhat comfortable. A regular scent could be used as part of this ritual, scent has a very strong tie with memory and experience. A Cologne, a scented candle - the scent should be reserved this this ritual alone. Lastly, your mental image that you focus on. It should be one that you find appealing, something peaceful or at least uplifting and energizing. Perhaps a walk in the Garden of Eden with your spouse, the Savior, or an old friend whos company you love. Make it the most appealing scene you wouldn't mind repeating over and over again. If the mental image is difficult, focus on the uplifting parts of the sensory experience and allow yourself into a kind of trance.

Summary. Time. Place. Song. Dance. Scent. Mental Scene. Cut or don't emphasize items that make you uncomfortable.

The general idea is that you are regularly putting your mind and soul into an uplifted state, and you are re-enforcing that state with some powerful repetitive sensual experiences which will help you repeat that state regularly especially when you don't really feel like it. This is a rather temporally oriented way to expunge undesirable spirits as they will find you less desirable to be around as the experience should, if only for a few moments, shed the things that attract them to you. It is also how some primitive cultures avoid depression.

[Dlight]

The issue is that I don't have any help.

What do you call so many replies on this forum and it sounds like your wife has been helping plenty. One of my 1st impressions was maybe you were here to ask for money - under the guise of wanting ANY help.

I don't know how much advice helps anymore, but I do take it. I don't know how much more I can do, because my issue is that I have a hundred things to do. I try a bunch of them, how long is sufficient for anyone. The only thing I can do consistently is pray. I wouldn't ever ask for money to anyone directly ever again, I have done that in the past. But I will state my problems and if the Lord impressed someone to help me that way I admittedly wouldn't turn it down, but thats honestly not my intention of coming here.

I am here to test myself. I need people like you to disagree with me because I honestly do feel crazy. My family and my wife are all on different pages, so I am utterly alone. My page is that I should do whatever it takes, no matter how expensive or difficult to get my health back, so I can serve the Lord and be a good dad and husband. There page is to tell me I'm not a good dad or husband and I need to fix it, without fixing my health. They say my health is not the issue here, the issue is in my try and my heart. But I feel like have humbled myself to the dust several times.

This speaks to a larger philosophical question that I will ask in a new post....

[Dlight]

EDIT: If you are getting 9+ hours of sleep a night and this does not solve your problem, I will go to great lengths to help you.

Well it's tough,I work at 6 am and my daughter goes to bed at 10pm most nights. Thankfully I get home to nap after work.

[Aprhys]

When I was younger I was in the same boat as you. My oldest sister finally told me to grow up and quit being a baby
Yes life is tough. No the majority of the time prayer doesn't do anything. God isnt playing some chess game with out lives. Good happens. Bad happens. Get over it. Quit wallowing in your own self pity. No one is going to magically rescue you from whatever is causing you problems. Get over yourself and be a man. It seems as though most of your issues are self caused and therefore you are the only person who can fix it. Quit being a baby.

[ajax]

Ditch religion for a while. Focus on being happy and doing happy things with the family.

[bethany]

Have you looked at probiotics & the gut brain connection? A friend has a daughter that suffered severe anxiety & depression. She would melt into a crying heap almost daily. After learning about Amare (company that markets probiotics to heal the gut) she pursued this. The results have been remarkable. I’ve seen success in my own family. No, I don’t sell for this company. I have seen a lot of great anecdotal stories of success. I’m sure there are cheaper companies to consider also.

My child had exaggerated reactions to the things that most ppl just deal with, she finds she is calmer & less reactive, can make better judgements. But she’s only had a first month supply, hoping it keeps getting better.

[Dlight]

Have you looked at probiotics & the gut brain connection? A friend has a daughter that suffered severe anxiety & depression. She would melt into a crying heap almost daily. After learning about Amare (company that markets probiotics to heal the gut) she pursued this. The results have been remarkable. I’ve seen success in my own family. No, I don’t sell for this company. I have seen a lot of great anecdotal stories of success. I’m sure there are cheaper companies to consider also.

My child had exaggerated reactions to the things that most ppl just deal with, she finds she is calmer & less reactive, can make better judgements. But she’s only had a first month supply, hoping it keeps getting better.

My mom is big on that brand and I tired it for a while, she says not long enough. I found another brand with the same probiotic strains that administers 3 trillion cfus in 6 days, like the probiotic equivalent of Z-Pac.

It helps gut issues and maybe I feel a little bit clearer, but its still no magic bullet when you are in a pit.

My hope is to put that along with several other therapies at once into a program that heals me.

Really what I needed is someone to offer something like a month watching my daughter, or like my mom to come live with me for a month. Maybe that and a few other minor pieces of assistance to help take the stress off my wife while I implement a health and exercise program that will likely take me out of the picture for at least a few weeks until my body begins to rebuild.

I exercised on Wednesday and I was pretty miserable the next few days... Im just in bad physical/cardio shape and just one day exercising I had heart palpitations the next night which made me to into v-fib at 330 am in the morningwhich causes me to feel really gross for two days. (My bad since I didn't supplement with magnesium and electolytes properly)

I really just need to stick to my schedules better but I get tired and sidetracked by fulfilling role of husband and father...

[farmerchick]

Am I reading this right...you have one child and a wife who works 12 hours a day...….and you work at an insurance company and you get tired and sidetracked by fulfilling the most important role you will ever have? You are laden in debt and eat out regularly???? Do I have this right???? Do you like your wife to work 12 hour days? I mean you could live more frugally so she could maybe cut back the hours spent at work. Just a thought. You want your mother to come and stay with you a month so you can work on yourself???? You really want to go somewhere else and get treatment/therapy...Pay thousands of dollars you don't have and be away from your family...and you are very talented/trained at finding cures/therapies to help others and want to start your business......Lets see what else did I get out of this thread...oh ya...you have physical and emotional issues, no self discipline, get and quit jobs frequently for whatever reason and are unable to be the family provider, a generational trait, ADD, brain fog.... .wife is very unsatisfied, you fight constantly with her and she may want a divorce. You seem to be able to write well and often on the forum lately. You are very concerned about your well being and asked for advice. Maybe I have this wrong, but you seem to have reasons why the advice won't work for you. You seem to think there is some magic bullet out there...well most likely there isn't one..... So if I have the facts right, I'm amazed that your wife has hung in there. You are robbing your wife of being a mother to your own child. Your wife sounds like an amazing, selfless person to put up with all this.. Did you change after you married her, or did she know what she was getting into????? Divorce is a really bad option for everyone and it's not a solution, it's just a way to cut your losses, ( well your wife's losses, men usually get really taken to the cleaners financially, so maybe not a good option for you at all.) Maybe start thinking about someone else (like your wife and child) other than yourself and things may improve....but you probably think that can't possibly work to fix your problems or your health...and you'd be right. As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he...….I really hope things improve...but....there is that thinking thing getting in the way.....I am hopeful you can have a real moment of clarity ..see things from outside yourself....It can be instructive..... BTW people on the forum have been very compassionate, kind, and given loads of good advice to you. I am sure you have a t-shirt that says JUST DO IT....somewhere in your closet....probably a good place to start...…..quit drowning and start swimming,,,,...if you can't swim....dog paddle.....tread water...heck just float......whatever it takes...

[markharr]

Some things that have helped me.


1) read this conference talk once a week.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/ ... d?lang=eng

2) scripture study and prayer every day. No excuses.

3) be as open and honest with your wife as you were with us on here. Tell her your weaknesses and frailties. Ask her for forgiveness. Develop a plan to overcome each weakness one at a time staring with the easiest first. Frequently counsel with her on your progress so she knows you are working towards becoming the best husband and father that you can. If she sees that you have a plan and that you are making progress, it will help her. Open, honest communication and transparency is key here. Set aside time with you and your wife every week. You don't need money for this. Go on a walk together.

4) stay off social media. By social media I mean Facebook, Twitter, and social media that gives you a flawed view of what perfection is. You should also stop watching media (TV, netflix, movies music) that give you a flawed view of reality. Replace those things with conference talks and scripture study.

5). Got get your blood tested. You may have a vitamin deficiency. I spent half my life wondering why I was so lazy and tired all the time. I went into my doctor and it turns out that I just had an autoimmune disorder that made it so I had a vitamin b12 deficiency. I give myself vitamin b12 shots once a month now and things are much better.

6) You are trying to solve too many problems at once. That is why you fail. You aren't going to be able to turn a switch and make yourself perfect overnight, and god doesn't expect you to be able to to do that. I read an article a few years ago that changed my life. The article was about how a study showed that if you achieve self mastery over one thing it rewires your brain and helps you learn self mastery over other things. Start with the easiest thing first and focus all of your efforts on that one thing until you have mastered it, then move onto the next hardest thing. For me, I stated with quitting soda. It is something I had tried for years. I was able to quit for weeks but I always started back up. I haven't had a soda in over two years now and I no longer even crave it. Once I mastered that I was able to cut out Sugary snacks and start running every morning. I then moved on to daily prayer and scripture study. It works. Tackle your problems one at a time, in order from easiest to hardest. You will fail every time if you try to take them all on at once. Your finances situation sounds urgent. Because that is urgent, you may have to start with finances first even if it isn't the easiest thing to master.

7) Apply the same above logic to your finances. You aren't going to be able to fix years of damage overnight. Use the snowball plan. Take your smallest debt, pay it off, and when it is payed off apply that payment to the next largest debt.

8) Another trick I learned is to stop trying to supress temptations. Recognize that you are going to have them. When they happen just think to yourself that it is normal to have temptations. Just don't act on it and it will pass. They have done studies on this and found that those who used this method were far more successful at overcoming temptation than those who tried to suppress them. The savior himself used this method when he said 'get behind me satan'. In other words. He recognized that he was being tempted by satan and that it would pass. This does not mean that you should give into temptation. You are just recognizing that a thought is a temptation, and you are waiting it out knowing with time it will pass. There is a good secular video on the subject that helped me and I will pass it on as soon as I can find it.

9) FORGIVE YOURSELF. Negative self talk does not help you or anyone else. Practice self-compassion every day.

[markharr]

This is the video I promised that I would share when I found it. The speaker spoke specifically on the topic of healthy living but I have found that it helps with overcoming all temptation.

[Dlight]

Am I reading this right...you have one child and a wife who works 12 hours a day...….and you work at an insurance company and you get tired and sidetracked by fulfilling the most important role you will ever have? You are laden in debt and eat out regularly???? Do I have this right???? Do you like your wife to work 12 hour days? I mean you could live more frugally so she could maybe cut back the hours spent at work. Just a thought. You want your mother to come and stay with you a month so you can work on yourself???? You really want to go somewhere else and get treatment/therapy...Pay thousands of dollars you don't have and be away from your family...and you are very talented/trained at finding cures/therapies to help others and want to start your business......Lets see what else did I get out of this thread...oh ya...you have physical and emotional issues, no self discipline, get and quit jobs frequently for whatever reason and are unable to be the family provider, a generational trait, ADD, brain fog.... .wife is very unsatisfied, you fight constantly with her and she may want a divorce. You seem to be able to write well and often on the forum lately. You are very concerned about your well being and asked for advice. Maybe I have this wrong, but you seem to have reasons why the advice won't work for you. You seem to think there is some magic bullet out there...well most likely there isn't one..... So if I have the facts right, I'm amazed that your wife has hung in there. You are robbing your wife of being a mother to your own child. Your wife sounds like an amazing, selfless person to put up with all this.. Did you change after you married her, or did she know what she was getting into????? Divorce is a really bad option for everyone and it's not a solution, it's just a way to cut your losses, ( well your wife's losses, men usually get really taken to the cleaners financially, so maybe not a good option for you at all.) Maybe start thinking about someone else (like your wife and child) other than yourself and things may improve....but you probably think that can't possibly work to fix your problems or your health...and you'd be right. As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he...….I really hope things improve...but....there is that thinking thing getting in the way.....I am hopeful you can have a real moment of clarity ..see things from outside yourself....It can be instructive..... BTW people on the forum have been very compassionate, kind, and given loads of good advice to you. I am sure you have a t-shirt that says JUST DO IT....somewhere in your closet....probably a good place to start...…..quit drowning and start swimming,,,,...if you can't swim....dog paddle.....tread water...heck just float......whatever it takes...

So I actually appreciate your response. Pretty much you got it 100% right.

I am a miserable person health wise. I have low energy/stamina. I'm forgetful, and in chronic pain throughout my entire body and depressed. My wife has put up with it, but I didn't say how well. There's been fluctuating contention and anger and resentment on her part for our entire marriage. Taking naps during the day, being tiredand needing breaks, being forgetful are all things that bother her about me. This creates a lot of day to day contention and frustration that leads to a situation where we argue quite often week which only further saps my energy, hence why we are near divorce.

I acknowledge my failures and faults. But I am dog paddling many days or just floating many days. But that means I'm not really doing much to fulfill my role if I'm hardly getting by....if I'm barely hanging on to my own sanity and surrounded by constant reminders of my faults and resentment.

I want to heal my body so I can be the man she wanted me to be from the start. I don't want my condition or my energy and pain to hold me back from being up and energetic, from cooking so we don't need to eat out, cleaning the house and doing all the extra things that make her life easier. But I haven't been able to do it due to issues.

I have had blood tests and have plenty of doctors visits. I will not go on opiates and muscle relaxers due the the fact that these destroyed many people in my family including my dad and step-dad, but I imagine they might help me cope some.

For the last 8 years.I have tried diets and all these different things. Nothing worked...so I want to do a 30--60 day immersion program combining about 10-12 therapies along with exercise, meditation, yoga, flotation, sauna, detox program, diet, vibration therapy, PEMF therapy, as well as several supplements and massage all in one 30-60 immersion program which I honestly feel could get me out of this pit.

To do that I'd basically have to not work for at least the first 21-30 days. My wife and I can't afford that..I don't want money from anyone here I decided I'm just going to have to finance it, but I do feel stuck in how to put my plan into place. My wife doesn't want me to spend a dime at this point. She's feed up with me and had lost hope I can heal and pretty much wants out. She hates that I'm sick and basically someone she hasnt been able to rely on.

I talked to my bishop and he told me to start a savings and try to get my wife on the same page as me financially/goal wise.