Qualities of a future spouse

[Dusty52]

Abijah suggested in a previous post that I should help find my daughter someone to marry
I was impressed with this counsel and had never thought about doing that
It made sense to me, and for that reason I decided to start another post
I would like to pose a question!
If you had a daughter who was single and at some point she was going to marry, what qualities or attributes would you want her future partner to possess?
Also what qualities should your daughter possess?
I'll kick it off
For him
1. Needs to be a worthy priesthood holder and to be actively using it
2. Needs to have current temple recommend
3. Needs to have a calling in the church
4. Need to hear his testimony
5. Need to have a career

For her
Needs to have 2, 3, 4, 5

What else?

[ElizaRSkousen]

A desire for many children. That is one of the most important reasons why we are on the earth, if that isn't a a priority for someone, then God isn't a high enough priority in their life.

[Dusty52]

A desire for many children. That is one of the most important reasons why we are on the earth, if that isn't a a priority for someone, then God isn't a high enough priority in their life.

My parents had a lot of children because they were members of the church, but they couldn't support them all properly
I've only had 3 because of my early experience
So I do agree somewhat with your sentiment but I would add a proviso the parents do need to be able to support each child financially and of even more importance emotionally

[MMbelieve]

Emotional intelligence is very important. A rational mind to handle the ups and downs of life. A good relationship with their parents. This shows that they honor father and mother.

Good principles and values. The church should bring some of those but they each need to have principles they live by. For example, he could live by things such as dont hit a woman, to be honest, that it's his responsibility to provide and protect etc.

One thing is important to remember...we develop our qualities over time and learn through experience to be productive adults.
They won't have the know how of a 40 year old married person but they should have the quality of being teachable.

I would say a VERY important quality to posses for the man especially but the woman as well is RESPECT.

I wouldn't try too hard to find a spouse for your daughter. But, as a father I think you should 100% guide her in her decision and remind her of the qualities she needs to look for so her life can be less difficult. It's her decision but it's the most important one she will make and will appreciate your counsel when done in love. Even if she only appreciates it much later on.

[Dusty52]

My aim is not to actually find a husband for my daughter but for me to have some ideas of things to look for in him and to help my daughter prepare for that day

[MMbelieve]

Double post

[diligently seeking]

Abijah suggested in a previous post that I should help find my daughter someone to marry
I was impressed with this counsel and had never thought about doing that
It made sense to me, and for that reason I decided to start another post
I would like to pose a question!
If you had a daughter who was single and at some point she was going to marry, what qualities or attributes would you want her future partner to possess?
Also what qualities should your daughter possess?
I'll kick it off
For him
1. Needs to be a worthy priesthood holder and to be actively using it
2. Needs to have current temple recommend
3. Needs to have a calling in the church
4. Need to hear his testimony
5. Need to have a career

For her
Needs to have 2, 3, 4, 5

What else?

Respectfully, where in the scriptures does it state the salvational importance of having a testimony? I wonder why the oft stated / emphasized importance of being converted rarely gets the attention it deserves...?

[diligently seeking]

2nephi9
O all ye that are spared because ye were more righteous than they, will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you?
14 Yea, verily I say unto you, if ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal life. Behold, mine arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive; and blessed are those who come unto me.
15 Behold, I am Jesus Christ the Son of God. I created the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are. I was with the Father from the beginning. I am in the Father, and the Father in me; and in me hath the Father glorified his name.
16 I came unto my own, and my own received me not. And the scriptures concerning my coming are fulfilled.
17 And as many as have received me, to them have I given to become the sons of God; and even so will I to as many as shall believe on my name, for behold, by me redemption cometh, and in me is the law of Moses fulfilled.
18 I am the light and the life of the world. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end.
19 And ye shall offer up unto me no more the shedding of blood; yea, your sacrifices and your burnt offerings shall be done away, for I will accept none of your sacrifices and your burnt offerings.
20 And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit. And whoso cometh unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, him will I baptize with fire and with the Holy Ghost, even as the Lamanites, because of their faith in me at the time of their conversion, were baptized with fire and with the Holy Ghost, and they knew it not.
21 Behold, I have come unto the world to bring redemption unto the world, to save the world from sin.

22 Therefore, whoso repenteth and cometh unto me as a little child, him will I receive, for of such is the kingdom of God. Behold, for such I have laid down my life, and have taken it up again; therefore repent, and come unto me ye ends of the earth, and be saved.

[diligently seeking]

King Benjamin's people met the requirements of your list----- yet they were not converted born of God / which receiving eternal life requires. Not until they were taught how to transcend church membership and become actual Saints through Christ's atonement did they live to receive the blessings Christ told the people in the Americas to receive.

[XEmilyX]

I have a list and I've had several people fill it or come close to it before so it's not impossible. I usually don't require anything I'm not. I won't share all of it but some.
1. Keeps the commandments (someone wont hit me nor abuse me if he keeps the comandments, he'll be respectful, honest etc.)
2. Lds, has a testimony, loves going to the temple, goes to church etc
3. Personal development minded, and goal oriented. People like this are usually positive and willing to change themselves or not stuck in their ways. They also usually have big dreams and some ambition.
4. Just in case I didn't mention it before. Big Goals and ambition.
5. Handsome to me.
6. Has one of these qualities, caring, romantic, intuitive. (I've met someone with all of those).

♡♡♡♡♡♡

[gardener4life]

I've noticed a lot of people trick themselves.

They'll be dating someone and then think Ok...my choices are potential partner A, B, and C. Of A, B, and C, all three are members, and claim to have a recommend so I don't need to worry about that anymore. Then they don't even realize they are shelfing that trait entirely.

Part of the Fall of Adam is that this world has shortages. In dealing with shortages, people realize..."I Can't have BOTH. So I have to pick only one or two choices out of many." They then often have to choose between do I take that career that works on Sunday, or do I pick the lower paying job, that will let me go to church but not be a 'mighty man (or woman) in the world'.

This is why I think people mess up.

And YES! You should help them choose someone! I really like that you said that. Also I know some people that were arranged to date each other through parents and they are happy and a good family.

When I read about the early pioneers and those that came from England to join the church, many of them actually married family members of their home teachers, and missionaries. This wasn't an abuse but was an act of faith. People lack this now and are falling away because they accidentally put the 'college' as the place where they pick their companions, and these are dens of sexuality and drugs right now. They are also ignoring institute and family wards, and people with enduring faith.

So a lot needs to change.

I would add full tithe payer to that list above and that has had experiencing sacrificing and putting in their own efforts of faith and not just riding the coattails of family members.

I've seen many examples where the young and young women were spending a lot to have a big good image and not living in their means and because of it couldn't get married, and they decided to cheat...problems ensue. One form of cheating themselves is buying a nice car with a huge monthly payment in front of their education instead of settling for something they can live within their means. Another is seeing sisters have habits of not giving value to the priesthood holders they date and making it all about who gives them the most stuff, and spending only on themselves. These types of concepts are setups for failure because marriage you and children you have to think about how to take care of others and live in faith.

And experiences living in faith make you think of how to trust the Lord and stay in the relationship when something goes wrong. One concept I wish to relate is that the 'FALL of ADAM' applies and means that things are meant to go wrong. You are meant to marry someone imperfect. You are meant to not initially think that person will be a rich doctor or lawyer, or accountant. You are meant to try to find someone self sufficient that stays away from debt and makes good choices, but the days of marrying into money are pretty much at an end...but people aren't seeing this and get tricked into not even getting a family because they don't understand the plan of salvation is to help build each other up.

[abijah]

look at his parents. look at his father.

look at the way he speaks with his mother. does he tell her he loves her often? does he show it through acts of kindness?

pay attention to the language he uses. how often do gospel topics appear in his vernacular? how does he describe his feelings for christ, and for christian virtues?

i would also suggest to take care against being overbearing. dont act like its necessarily your job to find him and match em up. as much as any loving, involved parent may want to, this is simply something that cannot be forced.

your daughter cant force it, nor her future husband. god is the author of these things.

you can always continue to be in her life, to guide, support and love her. but ultimately god is her true father.

my mother tells me the sincere prayers and heartfelt fasts of a concerned parent go a long, long way...

[Juliet]

This question has triggered me where I am very passionate so I have to get on my soap box.

Hopefully your daughter has instilled a reverence and desire for marriage and motherhood. If she doesn't have that as her foundation then there is nothing you can do by now. Most men are good if they have a good woman. My grandpa gave me the best advice. Shoot high, but not so high you miss the mark. The number one thing is he needs to be kind. If he makes her laugh that is a bonus. Women need to be taught to value motherhood. Doing so wakens the seed inside. But if they are not taught that seed stays dormant for too long and she won't get married because she isn't looking and doesn't care.

If only women were taught how important it is. I remember in high school on career day making a stink for everyone because I insisted my career was stay at home mom. I think they finally make me put child care worker to have an income to do the activities. But I have always had a testimony of motherhood. Anything else was plan B. You don't put plan B ahead of plan A even though you still have a plan B incase plan A doesn't work out.

I feel so bad when I see all the loneliness in the community and the heart ache it causes. We need each other. The men don't have a woman next to him that revere's and respects him because girls are not taught the importance of motherhood and are taught to disregard it and simply not care. To value motherhood is seen as weak. To want a man to provide is selfish. So, you have to focus on a career instead and everyone ends up lonely and sad.

Love is supposed to be the primary motivator and money is a byproduct. But now days money is the primary motivator and love is the byproduct. This is not going to work. We need to let girls have their dolls back and stop making them feel guilty for having natural desires for homemaking. I have had grown homemakers cry because they feel so unimportant and disregarded by society to the point of having their self esteem tread to bits.

For a woman in tune with her true heart, pleasing her husband in the home is sexy and powerful. I love the feminist movement for empowering women, but why not empower women for what they are really good at and secretly want which is to be real nurturing and service oriented selfless mothers and not to be men clones.

[Robin Hood]

Abijah suggested in a previous post that I should help find my daughter someone to marry
I was impressed with this counsel and had never thought about doing that
It made sense to me, and for that reason I decided to start another post
I would like to pose a question!
If you had a daughter who was single and at some point she was going to marry, what qualities or attributes would you want her future partner to possess?
Also what qualities should your daughter possess?
I'll kick it off
For him
1. Needs to be a worthy priesthood holder and to be actively using it
2. Needs to have current temple recommend
3. Needs to have a calling in the church
4. Need to hear his testimony
5. Need to have a career

For her
Needs to have 2, 3, 4, 5

What else?

My advice... don't bother; it doesn't work.
I have tried this with all of my children and they have ended up marrying none of the people I thought they should.

[Thinker]

I agree about being careful how you advise or try to help your daughter - could backfire. And a good lasting romantic love is a tightrope walk between developing a passion that will last (at least to some degree) for a lifetime... and keeping one’s eyes wide open before marriage and half shut after (it tends to be the opposite).

Does he consider what she thinks and how she feels and relate well?
If he’s had any dysfunctional upbringing, is he working on doing better?
When he’s playing a competitive game or sport, how does he handle losing?
How is he under pressure?
Spending a week 24-7 (with chaperones ), how does he act different than the 3 hour date of masked perfection?

And visa versa - how is she in all that? It takes 2 to tango. Water meets its own level.

[Gage]

I agree with a previous poster about not getting involved. I have seen countless times where the daughter ended up marrying the guy the parents least approved of just out of spite.

[Lyster]

Personally,

For him
1. Needs to be a worthy priesthood holder and to be actively using it
2. Needs to have current temple recommend
3. Needs to have a calling in the church
4. Need to hear his testimony
5. Need to have a career

For her
1. Needs to be worthy
Needs to have 2, 3, 4, 5

^
Let her marry her own person, as the Spirit directs. We'll define worthy as "the Spirit said so".

[gardener4life]

Personally,

For him
1. Needs to be a worthy priesthood holder and to be actively using it
2. Needs to have current temple recommend
3. Needs to have a calling in the church
4. Need to hear his testimony
5. Need to have a career

For her
1. Needs to be worthy
Needs to have 2, 3, 4, 5

^
Let her marry her own person, as the Spirit directs. We'll define worthy as "the Spirit said so".

I don't think Dusty was trying to put things under his control, or decide for her. I think he was trying to just show how they think differently and how they both see it differently. The illustration of how people can miss needed traits in favor of traits they want personally but that aren't necessary for exaltation is interesting to think about and look at.

Also, being helpful and involved in their life can be done with love and not oppression. I also think you can 'encourage' and 'exhort' without dominating or overstepping your bounds. This is shown in the D&C in that almost anyone can use the power of 'exhort' and to 'encourage faith' without actually having a priesthood calling.

We don't always have to have clashing values and oppression while helping people.

[Lyster]

Personally,

For him
1. Needs to be a worthy priesthood holder and to be actively using it
2. Needs to have current temple recommend
3. Needs to have a calling in the church
4. Need to hear his testimony
5. Need to have a career

For her
1. Needs to be worthy
Needs to have 2, 3, 4, 5

^
Let her marry her own person, as the Spirit directs. We'll define worthy as "the Spirit said so".

I don't think Dusty was trying to put things under his control, or decide for her. I think he was trying to just show how they think differently and how they both see it differently. The illustration of how people can miss needed traits in favor of traits they want personally but that aren't necessary for exaltation is interesting to think about and look at.

Also, being helpful and involved in their life can be done with love and not oppression. I also think you can 'encourage' and 'exhort' without dominating or overstepping your bounds. This is shown in the D&C in that almost anyone can use the power of 'exhort' and to 'encourage faith' without actually having a priesthood calling.

We don't always have to have clashing values and oppression while helping people.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I don't think Dusty is going for the heavyhanded dad approach. Just stating that the only thing I find important on "lists" is that one thing.

[Dusty52]

Personally,

For him
1. Needs to be a worthy priesthood holder and to be actively using it
2. Needs to have current temple recommend
3. Needs to have a calling in the church
4. Need to hear his testimony
5. Need to have a career

For her
1. Needs to be worthy
Needs to have 2, 3, 4, 5

^
Let her marry her own person, as the Spirit directs. We'll define worthy as "the Spirit said so".

I think you raise an important point here
The Spirit!, this is the most important principle here but it's not everything, it's not the whole story?
It isn't just about leaving it to the spirit!
What about our own experience and intellect? Isn't that supposed to be in the equation somewhere?
Don't we have an obligation and a commitment to do all we can before we approach the Lord? arent we counselled to do it this way?

[Lyster]

I think you raise an important point here
The Spirit!, this is the most important principle here but it's not everything, it's not the whole story?
It isn't just about leaving it to the spirit!
What about our own experience and intellect? Isn't that supposed to be in the equation somewhere?
Don't we have an obligation and a commitment to do all we can before we approach the Lord? arent we counselled to do it this way?

5 For behold, again I say unto you that if ye will enter in by the way, and receive the Holy Ghost, it will show unto you all things what ye should do.

The flesh seeks companionship of of the nicities of Babylon.
The Spirit seeks companionship of eternal life.
If you ask me, the Spirit is the only thing that matters.

Example: let's say your daughter finds this "great man" who has a well-established career, she finds attractive, who tries to be home for his family, is sweet and kind and thoughtful, is actively growing his testimony, and a whole bunch of other qualities. And yet the Spirit constrains her not to marry this man [Yes, this does happen]. Would you counsel her to ignore that constraint for the sake of what can be seen, or would you have her follow the Spirit?

[Robin Hood]

One point I would like to pick up on.
It's spouse, not partner.

The world wants to call them "partners" in order to blur the line between married and co-habiting couples. Everyone's using the term now and it's creeping into the church.
It's husband, it's wife, or it's spouse.

Just a little rant on a Thursday afternoon.

[Dusty52]

One point I would like to pick up on.
It's spouse, not partner.

The world wants to call them "partners" in order to blur the line between married and co-habiting couples. Everyone's using the term now and it's creeping into the church.
It's husband, it's wife, or it's spouse.

Just a little rant on a Thursday afternoon.

I agree
and stand corrected
Consequently the title of the post has been amended

[Dusty52]

I think you raise an important point here
The Spirit!, this is the most important principle here but it's not everything, it's not the whole story?
It isn't just about leaving it to the spirit!
What about our own experience and intellect? Isn't that supposed to be in the equation somewhere?
Don't we have an obligation and a commitment to do all we can before we approach the Lord? arent we counselled to do it this way?

5 For behold, again I say unto you that if ye will enter in by the way, and receive the Holy Ghost, it will show unto you all things what ye should do.

The flesh seeks companionship of of the nicities of Babylon.
The Spirit seeks companionship of eternal life.
If you ask me, the Spirit is the only thing that matters.

Example: let's say your daughter finds this "great man" who has a well-established career, she finds attractive, who tries to be home for his family, is sweet and kind and thoughtful, is actively growing his testimony, and a whole bunch of other qualities. And yet the Spirit constrains her not to marry this man [Yes, this does happen]. Would you counsel her to ignore that constraint for the sake of what can be seen, or would you have her follow the Spirit?

As a responsible father I cannot leave it all to the spirit
What if my daughter goes inactive and she forfeits her right to the companionship of the Holy Ghost, what then?
I think it's a combination of the two, I agree number one priority is the spirit

[Lyster]

As a responsible father I cannot leave it all to the spirit
What if my daughter goes inactive and she forfeits her right to the companionship of the Holy Ghost, what then?
I think it's a combination of the two, I agree number one priority is the spirit

Do you suppose that if she's not being led by the Spirit, it will matter one whit how magnificent her husband may seem? What affects her will affect him, and vice versa. If that husband isn't helping to foster the companionship of the Spirit, how is he a good fit for her? If he tries and she just won't have it, how poor will she be for him, and how sorry will she be at the last day?

I'd say that as a responsible father, you must leave it all to the Spirit. Your whole goal should be to foster her relationship with the Holy Ghost. That in turn will foster her relationship with a man.