How to Start Letting Go of a Daughter

[Dusty52]

I have a daughter who will soon turn 18
I need to let her go, not totally but I need to give her more freedom without me being at home worrying
When she's out and about I worry for her and text and ring her when's she's late!
I don't think this is good for her or me
I worry a lot about the things that could happen to her when I'm not around to look after and protect her
I didn't worry so much about my boys
How do I move away from the way I am?

[simpleton]

I have a daughter who will soon turn 18
I need to let her go, not totally but I need to give her more freedom without me being at home worrying
When she's out and about I worry for her and text and ring her when's she's late!
I don't think this is good for her or me
I worry a lot about the things that could happen to her when I'm not around to look after and protect her
How do I move away from the way I am?

Protect her until you walk her down the aisle, I believe that it is a fathers sacred duty until then. But then of course the law of the land says otherwise and allows them to flee the nest...

[gardener4life]

Maybe letting go isn't the answer.

People think when they turn 18 that you stop parenting and that they'll move out. That doesn't happen anymore. Especially now unemployment in western industrialized countries is tricky and there aren't as much career options because everyone wants them. The end result is that families are having to live at home with parents longer than they wanted to. If this is the case I would still have some boundaries about no night visitors and not let yourself get exploited about strangers being tricked to be given free access to your house, or have people from the bar brought in at night or whatever the case is. The truth also is that colleges and living away from home are perilous and dangerous spiritually now. People are seeing the living away from home as 'no rules, let's go wild' (especially around colleges morality is almost non-existent). Even if the new adult 18 year olds don't join in on this a lot of the people they know are and I think they have a right to know that a lot of their friends are literally nuts at this station and can't be trusted a lot of the time because they haven't figured out how to appropriately use that much freedom.

It's still reasonable to ask her to not do overnight or late night visits with boys or others and to keep the commandments. Try to ask her to be wise and live the Gospel. Keep it a point to not push the Gospel on her but at least have it open such that the atmosphere is you can mention things and not have the social culture think its inappropriate to mention religious things.

I'd been to some friends houses where their kids are 18 for dinner. And I asked that friend about a scripture and they seemed to think it was inappropriate to bring up scriptures in front of adult children...and they were all LDS> That was weird. There shouldn't be a feeling like its too uncool to mention religious things or that some things can't be talked about because they've already been on a mission and put religion on a shelf.

I would also tell you that I have overheard boys before talking about how to get girls high for easy sex before. I know some might find this distasteful but I overheard someone I knew talking about them and their friends competing with how to trick girls into sex using drugs. This is part of why legalization of drugs is a hot issue and there's more than people realize.

I would encourage this person to still think it's OK to encourage living the word of wisdom and the law of chastity.

[Alaris]

I have a daughter who will soon turn 18
I need to let her go, not totally but I need to give her more freedom without me being at home worrying
When she's out and about I worry for her and text and ring her when's she's late!
I don't think this is good for her or me
I worry a lot about the things that could happen to her when I'm not around to look after and protect her
I didn't worry so much about my boys
How do I move away from the way I am?

I am the same way about my kids though I don't have to face them leaving for a few years yet. To do your best to prepare them to live the plan of happiness, then you pray to God he keeps them safe both temporarily and spiritually.

I try to plant as many seeds as I can towards them living near us when they are grown. I can't imagine my children growing up and living in other states.

[Juliet]

Get her a high quality taser.

[Gage]

I would also tell you that I have overheard boys before talking about how to get girls high for easy sex before. I know some might find this distasteful but I overheard someone I knew talking about them and their friends competing with how to trick girls into sex using drugs. This is part of why legalization of drugs is a hot issue and there's more than people realize.

I would encourage this person to still think it's OK to encourage living the word of wisdom and the law of chastity.
[/quote]

There are no tricks that fool young girls. Society calls its tricks because we do not want to blame young girls for having sex, we want to blame the young hormonal boy for tricking her into doing it. Young women are not stupid, they know whats going on. Instead of telling your daughter to look out for all the tricks young men may throw at them, teach her that she is young and will experience natural desires but will never regret controlling those urges and waiting. As much as we hate the thought of it, our young daughters are just as hormonally charged as the boys their age.

[JohnnyL]

There are plenty of tricks that fool young girls and everyone else. Yes, believe it or not, there actually is such a thing as a victim. Some people are very naive and ignorant. (That doesn't mean girls don't enjoy sex.)

There's so much to teach them, definitely including: "she ... will experience natural desires but will never regret controlling those urges and waiting."

I just realized part of it is holding on emotionally, so much that we don't allow them to grow up.

Tasers... you have to get close to the person, and hope they don't hit you, kick you, do anything to you before you can get them. I wish there were something much better. Perhaps a small can of wasp spray, then a taser?

[Finrock]

There are plenty of tricks that fool young girls and everyone else. Yes, believe it or not, there actually is such a thing as a victim. Some people are very naive and ignorant. (That doesn't mean girls don't enjoy sex.)

There's so much to teach them, definitely including: "she ... will experience natural desires but will never regret controlling those urges and waiting."

I just realized part of it is holding on emotionally, so much that we don't allow them to grow up.

Tasers... you have to get close to the person, and hope they don't hit you, kick you, do anything to you before you can get them. I wish there were something much better. Perhaps a small can of wasp spray, then a taser?

Depending on the taser, you can shoot a person with a taser up to 35ft or more. Newer tasers are being made that can shoot up to 100ft. Taser cartridges that are available to non-law enforcement in the U.S. will shoot up to 15ft. So, you can have some distance between you and your target with a taser.

This post doesn't constitute approval or disapproval of taser use. Its just informational.

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taser

-Finrock

[Robin Hood]

I have a daughter who will soon turn 18
I need to let her go, not totally but I need to give her more freedom without me being at home worrying
When she's out and about I worry for her and text and ring her when's she's late!
I don't think this is good for her or me
I worry a lot about the things that could happen to her when I'm not around to look after and protect her
I didn't worry so much about my boys
How do I move away from the way I am?

Don't. You don't need to.
She's only 18.

[abijah]

there’s a reason a young man ask’s a girl’s father for his favour before proposing.

my advice: find her a good man.

you cant always be there right next to her to protect/nurture her throughout her life but he will.

when a girl marries, priesthood oversight passes from father to the new husband.

[Rand]

I have a daughter who will soon turn 18
I need to let her go, not totally but I need to give her more freedom without me being at home worrying
When she's out and about I worry for her and text and ring her when's she's late!
I don't think this is good for her or me
I worry a lot about the things that could happen to her when I'm not around to look after and protect her
I didn't worry so much about my boys
How do I move away from the way I am?

Don't let go of her, trust in her natural goodness. Continue to teach, lead, love and support her in her goodness, but trust her in her goodness. God knows the beginning from the end. He knows what is coming. You can't protect her from most of it. Just trust her and God. Makes it so much easier.
Teaching correct principles out of fear, takes the power out of those very principles. Trust.

[Dusty52]

There are plenty of tricks that fool young girls and everyone else. Yes, believe it or not, there actually is such a thing as a victim. Some people are very naive and ignorant. (That doesn't mean girls don't enjoy sex.)

There's so much to teach them, definitely including: "she ... will experience natural desires but will never regret controlling those urges and waiting."

I just realized part of it is holding on emotionally, so much that we don't allow them to grow up.

Tasers... you have to get close to the person, and hope they don't hit you, kick you, do anything to you before you can get them. I wish there were something much better. Perhaps a small can of wasp spray, then a taser?

Depending on the taser, you can shoot a person with a taser up to 35ft or more. Newer tasers are being made that can shoot up to 100ft. Taser cartridges that are available to non-law enforcement in the U.S. will shoot up to 15ft. So, you can have some distance between you and your target with a taser.

This post doesn't constitute approval or disapproval of taser use. Its just informational.

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taser

-Finrock

Unfortunately teasers are illegal here!

[JohnnyL]

There are plenty of tricks that fool young girls and everyone else. Yes, believe it or not, there actually is such a thing as a victim. Some people are very naive and ignorant. (That doesn't mean girls don't enjoy sex.)

There's so much to teach them, definitely including: "she ... will experience natural desires but will never regret controlling those urges and waiting."

I just realized part of it is holding on emotionally, so much that we don't allow them to grow up.

Tasers... you have to get close to the person, and hope they don't hit you, kick you, do anything to you before you can get them. I wish there were something much better. Perhaps a small can of wasp spray, then a taser?

Depending on the taser, you can shoot a person with a taser up to 35ft or more. Newer tasers are being made that can shoot up to 100ft. Taser cartridges that are available to non-law enforcement in the U.S. will shoot up to 15ft. So, you can have some distance between you and your target with a taser.

This post doesn't constitute approval or disapproval of taser use. Its just informational.

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taser

-Finrock

Ha ha, silly me thinking a taser was a ... stun gun.