What Advice would you give to a missionary who returns home early?

[Dusty52]

It's difficult when a missionary comes home early, in previous wards I have seen a variety of reactions they were shunned and ostracised. I think there is a cultural issue here, people don't necessarily like people who give up! whatever the reason. We are told not to judge but as human beings we find it difficult not to.
I know we need to extend an increase of love towards them
Unfortunately I know some who have gone inactive
Any advice?

[EmmaLee]

Missionaries coming home early is the norm in our ward/stake for the past few years, so it's just expected. It's very rare that any missionary (male or female) actually stays out for their full mission anymore, at least from our area. Nobody around here cares if they come home early - they are welcomed and treated like everybody else - probably because it's so common. I'm surprised to hear that they are still being ostracized anymore - maybe that's just in the MorCor?

[DesertWonderer2]

It's difficult when a missionary comes home early, in previous wards I have seen a variety of reactions they were shunned and ostracised. I think there is a cultural issue here, people don't necessarily like people who give up! whatever the reason. We are told not to judge but as human beings we find it difficult not to.
I know we need to extend an increase of love towards them
Unfortunately I know some who have gone inactive
Any advice?

I’ve never seen one ostracized because of it. What I have seen in is that because of the root cause of their coming home early is what caused them to go inactive.

[DesertWonderer2]

Missionaries coming home early is the norm in our ward/stake for the past few years, so it's just expected. It's very rare that any missionary (male or female) actually stays out for their full mission anymore, at least from our area. Nobody around here cares if they come home early - they are welcomed and treated like everybody else - probably because it's so common. I'm surprised to hear that they are still being ostracized anymore - maybe that's just in the MorCor?

OK Emmalee, you must be exaggerating here. I really just don’t believe this is accurate. It is soooooo far different from my Stakes’s experience.

If this is true, what is your Stake doing about it?

[Michelle]

You indicated in another thread you were from the UK. I haven't seen that in Utah, but I've only lived her for about 20 years. I don't really remember it in the other places I lived, but I also don't really remember it being so common before.

I would second DesertWonderer2 quote

"I’ve never seen one ostracized because of it. What I have seen in is that because of the root cause of their coming home early is what caused them to go inactive."

[EmmaLee]

Missionaries coming home early is the norm in our ward/stake for the past few years, so it's just expected. It's very rare that any missionary (male or female) actually stays out for their full mission anymore, at least from our area. Nobody around here cares if they come home early - they are welcomed and treated like everybody else - probably because it's so common. I'm surprised to hear that they are still being ostracized anymore - maybe that's just in the MorCor?

OK Emmalee, you must be exaggerating here. I really just don’t believe this is accurate. It will s sooooo far different from my Stakes’s experience.

If this article s true, what is your Stake doing about it?

I promise it is true, DW. After reading your post, I asked my husband, and we went through the list of all the missionaries we could think of in the last about 5 years from our ward/stake - and out of the last 13 missionaries that we personally know, 8 came home early. 2 more just left on their missions last week, so we'll see how they do - I'm certainly rooting for them!

As for what, if anything, our stake is "doing" about it? I have no idea. Should I know? Nobody around here views it as a plague or anything - people just seem to take it in stride and move along with their lives - which is probably the best thing to do, to avoid the self-righteous ostracizing mentioned in the OP.

[EmmaLee]

I will add, most that have come home early in our ward/stake did so for "medical reasons" - not because they sinned or wouldn't follow the rules, etc. I know the circumstances of most (as we're friends with their parents, and know the kids - many we've known their whole lives), and some were physical problems (like foot issues), but most came home because of things like anxiety, depression, etc. Of all the ones we know who have come home early, none have gone back to their missions, and only one has gone inactive. The rest are either active in the YSA ward here, or have gotten married (in the temple).

When our youngest was on his mission in northern California (got home in 2015), there were MANY young men who went home shortly after arriving in the mission field - at least once a month, he would mention another elder in his district was going home early. The main reason they gave (according to our son) was that they never wanted to go on a mission in the first place - that their parents (usually mothers) forced them to leave the minute they turned 18. Just barely had graduated from high school, none of them had lived away from home before, for any length of time. Very immature, young, just not ready to do what was expected of them - hadn't been converted themselves yet, so kinda hard to go out converting others. I think if parents/church culture wouldn't pressure them to go (especially right when they turn 18), and the young people went when THEY felt ready, the come-home-early rates would be MUCH lower. My .02.

[Dusty52]

I think it is a shame that this sort of happens in the church, I wonder if it occurs in other churches?
There is pressure put on young people to go, it some cases this is not helpful because some parents go over the top! But I do think the church has to do something about this problem, before the missionary goes out they need more focused training on how to cope, etc
When they return early they could go on a 10 week course
Call elderly missionary couples to support and love them!
Unfortunately these young people have to carry the label of returning home early all of there life, and also comments like she/he couldn't hack it!

[righteousrepublic]

To go on a mission is a choice not an obligation. Young men should be able to choose going on a mission, not coerced by parents.
General Authorities have said that young men "should go on a mission", not "will go" on a mission. When that choice is given to young men, they are more likely to put their all into it. Being forced does not bring forth devotion and real intent. It only appeases the pride of the parent(s).
Now back in the day when young men were being drafted into the military, they either went or were put into the brigg. A small percentage even committed suicide because they couldn'd, or didn't want to handle the strictness and regimen of basic training or military life.
How many missionaries have committed suicide while on a mission?

[mgridle1]

but most came home because of things like anxiety, depression, etc.

So basically they are/were a bunch of pansies and couldn't hack it.

Hmm, seems like the failure lies with the parents to instill some discipline and work ethic. That's what happens when kids are raised on a steady diet of computer games, no real hard work, helicopter parents, etc.

They had anxiety/depression b/c they got out into the mission field and realized it wasn't a paid 2-year vacation and then decided it wasn't for them.

(sigh) the rising generation, bunch of wusses.

I can't tell you the number of older people I've met recently that tell me, you know mgridle1, I'm glad I'm the age I am b/c I'll be dead soon and I won't care about what happens to this world and I won't see it burn.

I'm not that old and when I was on my mission, nobody EVER went home b/c of "anxiety or depression", if you went home it was either b/c you had something seriously wrong (and those guys never wanted to go home)-or you seriously screwed up.

[EmmaLee]

Just saw this in one of my Church news type emails. Again, no belief or mention that Satan and the countless evil spirits who followed him, who are all on this earth with us right now working their little guts out, have anything to do with any of it. smh
You can't fix what you don't believe or accept.

LDS Missionaries, Depression, and Anxiety: Finding Answers Meridian Magazine · July 26, 2018

Missionaries go to the MTC to learn their language, learn the gospel, and then teach the gospel so as to bring people unto Christ. That’s understandable because that is the focus of their calling. However, missionaries aren’t taught how to identify and minister to those who are experiencing depression or anxiety, let alone what should they do if they determine that they are experiencing these things themselves. A growing majority of the world’s population experiences or encounters depression and anxiety in some form, making education, specifically advice for missionaries with respect to these complex issues, almost as important as knowing the gospel principles themselves. . .

https://ldsmag.com/lds-missionaries-dep ... ng-answers

[Baurak Ale]

For those who have come home early for any number of legitimately prohibitive reasons, a friend recommended this book to a relative who came home early and it really aided in the healing process: Accepting Your Call to Come Home. For many early returned missionaries, the struggle afterward comes in wondering if they're still living God's plan for them. This book uses many examples to show that the answer is YES as long as they are still seeking Him. To quote a review on Amazon:

I love the raw authenticity of this book and how it gracefully covers such a sensitive topic for those in the LDS community. Something I really love about this book though is how the principles shared can relate to so many trials and disappointments in life. If you have ever found yourself disappointed, lost, and trying to find what God's purpose is for you, this book is a gentle reminder that God's hand is loving and over all. Matthew 6:32, 'for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.' This book is a tender mercy and reminder that God knows what we need and has a plan."

Here's the link to the book or ebook on Amazon.com: https://www.amazon.com/Accepting-Your-C ... 07BW659XK/

[Michelle]

"A growing majority of the world’s population experiences or encounters depression and anxiety in some form. . ."

https://ldsmag.com/lds-missionaries-dep ... ng-answers

This line right here.

"A growing majority of the world’s population experiences or encounters depression and anxiety in some form. . ."

Maybe we should focus on why this is happening.

A few ideas: Turning away from God? Lack of meaningful work? The destruction of the family? Addictions to food, games, social media, etc. I could go on.

[simpleton]

Reading this OP just tells me one simple thing, and that is, that the Spirit of God does not abide. I have read hundreds of early day missionary stories and it was also a shame back then to come home early. It is just like saying to God, "I quit". I say reinstitute going without purse or script. It is a disservice to missionaries to go with purse and script as their dependance is not upon the Lord but upon money from home or savings and having a "Corporate plan" or "script" is also a disservice to the dependance needed upon God. Only God knows what the potential believers need at the time of preaching, hence the need to preach by the Spirit. But if there is a "Corporate plan" there is no spirit.
But inflicted with " anxieties and depressions" is another abvious evidence of the Spirit of God not abiding.
And that started in the home

[marc]

My wife suffers from clinical depression. I don't understand clinical depression and I won't pretend to understand it. When she was on her mission in Germany, she was abused and belittled by her companion and struggled in a very difficult area. One day while at the subway, she seriously considered jumping in front of the train and ending her life. This was about thirty years ago, far from today's "wussy" generation as someone above mentioned. As she prepared to end her life, the Spirit whispered to her, telling her that she didn't have to jump, that she could just go home. That had not occurred to her and that is what she then resolved to do.

Later at the mission president's office, when she expressed a desire to go home, her mission president told her that nobody would want to marry a quitter (paraphrasing). So she dug deep and finished her mission. Along the way, in the small town of Hof, she met this missionary who was full of energy. When she finally went home after serving an honorable mission, she wrote to many missionaries still in the field she had just left, including that young missionary who was full of energy. He still had another year or so on his mission. When he returned from his mission, they met up and that November, they were sealed in the Jordan River Temple. That was back in 1991. This November, we will be happily married twenty-seven years. She is happy. She is joyful. She is loving and caring. She serves others wherever she goes.

Since the OP asked for advice, my advice is this: don't give advice to a missionary who returns early unless he/she asks you for it. Just love him/her. Support him/her. Be a disciple of Jesus Christ and let him/her live his/her life. Let him/her make his/her own mistakes and be there when he/she does ask for help, no matter how difficult the request might be. Don't try to control him/her or to rule over him/her. Rule over your own self. You get to do that--govern yourself. If you really feel like you ought to give unsolicited advice, then do it by the example you live, especially in his/her company. But if you're not going to be in that person's life, then please, don't offer any unsolicited advice. It is ok, though, to ask if you may offer some advice. Then if it is welcomed, be charitable.

[righteousrepublic]

My wife suffers from clinical depression. I don't understand clinical depression and I won't pretend to understand it. When she was on her mission in Germany, she was abused and belittled by her companion and struggled in a very difficult area. One day while at the subway, she seriously considered jumping in front of the train and ending her life. This was about thirty years ago, far from today's "wussy" generation as someone above mentioned. As she prepared to end her life, the Spirit whispered to her, telling her that she didn't have to jump, that she could just go home. That had not occurred to her and that is what she then resolved to do.

Later at the mission president's office, when she expressed a desire to go home, her mission president told her that nobody would want to marry a quitter (paraphrasing). So she dug deep and finished her mission. Along the way, in the small town of Hof, she met this missionary who was full of energy. When she finally went home after serving an honorable mission, she wrote to many missionaries still in the field she had just left, including that young missionary who was full of energy. He still had another year or so on his mission. When he returned from his mission, they met up and that November, they were sealed in the Jordan River Temple. That was back in 1991. This November, we will be happily married twenty-seven years. She is happy. She is joyful. She is loving and caring. She serves others wherever she goes.

Since the OP asked for advice, my advice is this: don't give advice to a missionary who returns early unless he/she asks you for it. Just love him/her. Support him/her. Be a disciple of Jesus Christ and let him/her live his/her life. Let him/her make his/her own mistakes and be there when he/she does ask for help, no matter how difficult the request might be. Don't try to control him/her or to rule over him/her. Rule over your own self. You get to do that--govern yourself. If you really feel like you ought to give unsolicited advice, then do it by the example you live, especially in his/her company. But if you're not going to be in that person's life, then please, don't offer any unsolicited advice. It is ok, though, to ask if you may offer some advice. Then if it is welcomed, be charitable.

I agree.

Alma 18:32
32 And Ammon said: Yea, and he looketh down upon all the children of men; and he knows all the thoughts and intents of the heart; for by his hand were they all created from the beginning.

1 Samuel 16:7
7 ...for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.

We can judge all day long, but God is in charge.