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Need to be Punished
Posted: May 20th, 2018, 10:52 am
by Jonesy
I’m away from home for work right now and left my wife and the kids. I have really great kids, but my middle son can be a challenge sometimes.
My wife told me of an incident the other day with him. She called me in the middle of it, actually. I don’t know what started it off, but my son was throwing a fit and my wife couldn’t figure out what to do (he’s just two years old). We do know he’s getting some teeth in, and that doesn’t help. She said this had been going on for 45 minutes or so. She said she tried everything. Then she said she had to hang up and deal with it. I hate being away from my family, especially when my wife is by herself with the kids. So, right after she hung up, I prayed that she’d know what to do. Not 10 minutes later, she called back with a successful solution. She asked him if he wanted a spanking, and he said yes (my wife thinks he’s a walking oxymoron). We rarely spank our kids, and she was trying to avoid it at all costs. But she did. He immediately stopped crying. My wife asked him if he’s good now, and he said he was and went off playing.
I was thinking about this today. I’m wondering if he feels like he needs to be punished. I’m wondering if this is something I need to help him understand as he grows; that he doesn’t need to be punished if he just stops misbehaving and try and make things right. I’m pretty sure he understands that his behavior was wrong, hence feeling the need to be spanked. But I feel like punishment is for those that don’t think they are misbehaving.
I looked inside myself to see if I also feel the need of punishment when I just need to turn to God and make things right. This was such a pure example to see that. The godly sorrow needs to be there.
I don’t know, I’m still pondering this. What do you think?
Re: Need to be Punished
Posted: May 20th, 2018, 11:04 am
by abijah
I don't have kids yet, but I've noticed with dogs that if I punish them when they are bad they will love and respect me more, and be more devoted to me. The key is "betimes with sharpness", right then letting them know they did something wrong and you are displeased with it. The second part is then showing "an increase in love", letting the dog know that even though you aren't happy with the behavior, but you can still be friends. This is the golden formula for dogs, and for people.
My grandmother told me once that children have an innate understanding of how things "should be" in the family dynamic, that the parent is in charge and the child is submissive. Perhaps they have some sort of deeper intuition, that it is only when family members act in their proper roles that love and harmony is found in the home.
Re: Need to be Punished
Posted: May 20th, 2018, 11:05 am
by Juliet
There is something about tapping that can help bring the brain into balance. Sometimes a tapping type of spankin does help reset the brain if it is in disaster mode. I think it is instinctual to give a kind spanking to help a kid snap out of it, in a neurological sense.
You prayed for a solution and your wife got it. I think it was in this case the right thing to do because he needed a reset from crying soo long. I say good job. Always follow the Holy Spirit and your intiution and some day the experts will agree with you.
Re: Need to be Punished
Posted: May 20th, 2018, 2:32 pm
by gardener4life
You did the best thing you could do; ask Heavenly Father what to do. Good job. Heavenly Father will always be smarter and more experienced than we are. SO we can draw on that. (Lean upon the Lord and the Holy Ghost has been told to most of us at least once in blessings.)
Aren't answers to prayers cool? It's very exciting that we can have answers to prayers in our day. We don't have to be rich, or powerful. Yet we can ask God to help us out and if we're grateful we'll see his influence in our lives and admit it after we recognize it.
Side note; not disciplining can cause so many problems. I have a brother right now that is 3x years old and acts like he's 12. And it's in part a lot because he's never really been held accountable. He would consistently raise hell to wear out our parents when he was young to get them to give up on spanking him or other discipline. Now he goes to bars all the time and has rejected God, proclaiming himself Buddhist instead of Mormon. Don't let this happen to you. He also uses other peoples' groceries and car insurance and lives off others.
Re: Need to be Punished
Posted: May 21st, 2018, 9:43 am
by ahmedcrow
I didn't cut my rest, but I visit the forum like a hidden person without logging in, I have read the 1st post the basic topic, I felt in American spirit in my heart as if I'm there in America, it's nice feeling.
The child has pure natural law inside his self, life and others will change or promote good things in this law, the kid felt that he need to be punished!
He knew that he did something wrong, he knew that the wrong behavior necessitates a punishment, if there's no law, there's no sin, so, all deeds are equal, there's no good or bad behavior, we must note that.
For people those who aren't so young, there's the feeling they know, "blaming yourself", but we don't want a kid to blame himself hardly, blaming yourself is good, it means you're still alive, if you did a sin or wrong thing and you feel no blaming to yourself, it means you've a problem, you need to fix it or you'll be really dead in your spirit and heart.
We need to teach our kids that there's a punishment but there's also the forgiveness, and there's rewards too for good deeds.
Re: Need to be Punished
Posted: May 21st, 2018, 11:11 am
by gardener4life
ahmedcrow wrote: ↑May 21st, 2018, 9:43 am
I didn't cut my rest, but I visit the forum like a hidden person without logging in, I have read the 1st post the basic topic, I felt in American spirit in my heart as if I'm there in America, it's nice feeling.
The child has pure natural law inside his self, life and others will change or promote good things in this law, the kid felt that he need to be punished!
He knew that he did something wrong, he knew that the wrong behavior necessitates a punishment, if there's no law, there's no sin, so, all deeds are equal, there's no good or bad behavior, we must note that.
For people those who aren't so young, there's the feeling they know, "blaming yourself", but we don't want a kid to blame himself hardly, blaming yourself is good, it means you're still alive, if you did a sin or wrong thing and you feel no blaming to yourself, it means you've a problem, you need to fix it or you'll be really dead in your spirit and heart.
We need to teach our kids that there's a punishment but there's also the forgiveness, and there's rewards too for good deeds.
Nice comment
Re: Need to be Punished
Posted: May 21st, 2018, 12:22 pm
by ajax
What about a spouse asking to be spanked?
Re: Need to be Punished
Posted: May 21st, 2018, 8:05 pm
by David13
ajax wrote: ↑May 21st, 2018, 12:22 pm
What about a spouse asking to be spanked?
Well, that may be along the same lines as some of the kids. Don't they call that Sado-Masochist? They like pain inflicted upon them, some of them say "I'm not worthy" and then want "punishment", or they like to inflict pain, and like it inflicted upon them.
Reminds me of talk of a drinking (alcoholic?) girl who they said she was following her pattern, which was get drunk and get beat up, or slapped around. Girls who's m.o. is, if you love me, you will hit me. Probably learned from their father's abuse of them.
Isn't it also manifest with the certain noisy rock concert where they have the "mash" and hit each other, and all that?
As far as kids, I have no idea.
I thought when you mentioned middle child, you were talking about a 14 year old or something. Wait for those years, you may well have some good problems there.
dc
Re: Need to be Punished
Posted: May 21st, 2018, 8:16 pm
by eddie
Re: Need to be Punished
Posted: May 21st, 2018, 9:25 pm
by The Airbender
Jonesy wrote: ↑May 20th, 2018, 10:52 am
I’m away from home for work right now and left my wife and the kids. I have really great kids, but my middle son can be a challenge sometimes.
My wife told me of an incident the other day with him. She called me in the middle of it, actually. I don’t know what started it off, but my son was throwing a fit and my wife couldn’t figure out what to do (he’s just two years old). We do know he’s getting some teeth in, and that doesn’t help. She said this had been going on for 45 minutes or so. She said she tried everything. Then she said she had to hang up and deal with it. I hate being away from my family, especially when my wife is by herself with the kids. So, right after she hung up, I prayed that she’d know what to do. Not 10 minutes later, she called back with a successful solution. She asked him if he wanted a spanking, and he said yes (my wife thinks he’s a walking oxymoron). We rarely spank our kids, and she was trying to avoid it at all costs. But she did. He immediately stopped crying. My wife asked him if he’s good now, and he said he was and went off playing.
I was thinking about this today. I’m wondering if he feels like he needs to be punished. I’m wondering if this is something I need to help him understand as he grows; that he doesn’t need to be punished if he just stops misbehaving and try and make things right. I’m pretty sure he understands that his behavior was wrong, hence feeling the need to be spanked. But I feel like punishment is for those that don’t think they are misbehaving.
I looked inside myself to see if I also feel the need of punishment when I just need to turn to God and make things right. This was such a pure example to see that. The godly sorrow needs to be there.
I don’t know, I’m still pondering this. What do you think?
This may or may not be relevant. When I am upset and/or angry, I need someone to argue with me. At least, I need to push it out rather than brooding or keeping in inside. That is the fastest way for me. I grew up with a sister who dealt with her emotions physically and we physically fought each other. We are the closest of our siblings now. Strange, but different people need different things. My wife doesn't like confrontation. For me, confrontation is a release.
Re: Need to be Punished
Posted: May 21st, 2018, 10:09 pm
by moving2zion
Best topic I've followed this month. I also work away from home, and pray frequently for my wife at home with the kids.
