LDS Freedom Forum

brianj wrote: ↑May 17th, 2018, 11:22 pm I feel like I just had this experience today. Before I tell you what happened, here's a little bit of what is going on in my life.

Last month my (still) wife tried getting a judge to prevent me from ever having contact with my son. He rejected everything else she demanded, but ordered me to pay almost $800 per month in child support. Then the state ordered my employer to take that money from me before paying me. After paying all the bills, I have about $500 per month to live on. This obviously means that to survive the next two years I need to become homeless, stop paying tithing, or rely on charity. To me it also means that any chance I have with women is destroyed. Who wants a guy who is homeless or living off charity? So I am really hurting, and to make matters worse I have been fervently praying for things to get better.

I'm all alone. I have a sofa in my apartment that I acquired in early December but nobody has come to visit and sit on it. I am quite literally alone. My nearest relative lives nearly 1,000 miles away and none of my family is close. I can't turn to them for support or encouragement, and comments from me that are essentially pleas for someone to come spend a little time with me are either ignored or met with shaming language. In this situation I went to a temple this evening. Before going, and while in the temple, I prayed for comfort and encouragement.

Temple ordinances are generally the only time anybody will touch me, so when I go to an endowment session I always stand for the prayer. I don't do it for worship, but to have a little bit more physical contact with somebody. This feels as pathetic as it sounds, but I was inspired to know that by standing there alone sisters who want to participate but are too shy to come stand alone can participate.

So I am in the Provo temple, in the 7:40 session. As soon as the first couple goes up for the prayer I stand and walk up. I'm standing alone, as usual, and was a bit surprised by the officiator's choice of words: "We could use a few more people." Two or three more couples come up, then the worker at the altar hits the play button! I'm all alone! Only pairs of men and women are supposed to be in the prayer circle. It seems like everybody in the circle but the worker have their eyes on me.
I come to attention, take a step back and do an about face as best I can in the very limited space, then the officiator reprimands me for stepping away! I felt like I had to contend with him to get him to understand that nobody was standing with me, then I go back to my seat feeling totally humiliated, worthless, and so detestable that nobody wants to stand with me.

I can't begin to explain why this happened or how I can possibly learn anything positive from it. In the locker room and on my drive home I find myself thinking of Slobodan Praljak as a hero and wishing what he did wasn't a sin so I could do the same thing in court as a public statement if this divorce gets any worse.


If Stahura or anybody else is struggling with what he or she first asked about, I can't provide any reason for it or any other comfort than the knowledge that you aren't alone in this way.

Moroni 10:32 Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God.

33 And again, if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not his power, then are ye sanctified in Christ by the grace of God, through the shedding of the blood of Christ, which is in the covenant of the Father unto the remission of your sins, that ye become holy, without spot.