Humor - what's so funny?

[Gadianton Slayer]

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[abijah`]

Not sure I get the meme. Usually the blond-haired girl & man = the stereotypical based/chad couple (which in of itself is proper based), but in this iteration they are on opposite sides of the equation?

On the top we see the trad`bird commenting on the modern girl?

But on the bottom we see the founding fathers commenting on the trad`man?

I'm confused, in terms of the dichotomy being presented.

I question the accuracy.

More likely I feel it would be like -

Grand-daughter: "I'm your grand-daughter."

Grandmother: "But your hair/visage is too ugly, your cleavage is too exposed and your pants are too tight!"

and,

Grandfather: "why aren't you married and have three kids by now already?"

Grandson: "Because both porn and masturbation are free of charge or social risk, and seeing girls naked requires no effort for me."

[Gadianton Slayer]

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[Gadianton Slayer]

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[Fred]

The Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'

'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'

'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'

'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'

'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a shitload of firewood'

[Niemand]

[Gadianton Slayer]

I love this guy

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[Fred]

Subject: Bob and the Blonde

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.

He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump."

The blond replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money......

[Fred]

[Lymelost]

haha that entire product information sticker is one of the best I have seen!! Kudos to the person that enjoyed writing all of that!

[Gadianton Slayer]

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[Niemand]

Found these when looking for "I'm a Mormon". Hope no one is offended.

[JuneBug12000]

I love that they highlight the hokey pokey when the whole thing is just too funny!

[Gadianton Slayer]

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[Fred]

Two prawns were swimming around in the ocean.

One called Justin and the other called Kristian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area:

Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said. "Your wish is granted"

Low and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn..

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam to Kristian's home. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.

He banged on the door and shouted. "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

Kristian replied. "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."

Justin cried back. "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.......

I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian."

[Fred]

A guy's mule kicked his mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.
During the visitation at the funeral home, a steady stream of men approached the mule's owner. Each man would say a few words, met by a nod, then a few more words, followed by a shake of the son-in-law's head.
The funeral director watched this for a while and, curious, he moved closer to eavesdrop. This is what he heard:
I'm sorry about your mother-in-law. She was a good woman
**Nod**
Can I borrow your mule?

[Fred]

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[Fred]

Plane Conversation

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let ́s talk. I ́ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a Conversation with your fellow passenger.?"

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"

Oh, I don ́t know", said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic; but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea,"

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don ́t know shite?"

[Gadianton Slayer]

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[Fred]

I tried to decide if this was sacreligious, blasphemous, vulgar, or just in very bad taste. It's one time I don't care if it gets removed. But, since there is currently a debate on Heavenly Mother and there are a few shall I say liberated women on here, so maybe somebody will laugh...

-----
EVE AND GOD

EVE: "I've got a problem."
GOD: "What's the problem, Eve?"

EVE: "I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."

GOD: "And why is that Eve?"
EVE: "I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."

GOD: "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

EVE: "Man? What is that?"

GOD: "A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster and will
like to hunt and kill things. I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think properly."

EVE: "Sounds great," but what's the catch?"
GOD: "Well,.....you can have him on one condition." EVE: "And what's that, dear God? "

GOD: "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring...so you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret. You know, woman to woman."

[Thinker]

Good stuff, guys!

[Niemand]

[Gadianton Slayer]

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[Sirocco]

I can't wait to be old so I don't have to worry about marriage or dating, it's all a pipe dream nowadays.

If you don't have friends of both sexes, you might consider "why not?"
Maybe you are just too much fun to be around. You know, always complimenting people, making them feel good, having a genuine interest in them. Trying to help, whenever you can.

You know, the stuff most people just can't stand to be around.

I do have both, I enjoy their company and see them regularly.
Dating is a whole other kettle of fish, and as I've gotten older I simply don't enjoy it. It's worse then a job interview.
I have my own problems, I don't blame anyone for my outlook and certainly wouldn't dream of taking it out on anyone.
They're my problems alone and my general withdrawing and shying away from dating are my own choice.

[Fred]

I can't wait to be old so I don't have to worry about marriage or dating, it's all a pipe dream nowadays.

If you don't have friends of both sexes, you might consider "why not?"
Maybe you are just too much fun to be around. You know, always complimenting people, making them feel good, having a genuine interest in them. Trying to help, whenever you can.

You know, the stuff most people just can't stand to be around.

I do have both, I enjoy their company and see them regularly.
Dating is a whole other kettle of fish, and as I've gotten older I simply don't enjoy it. It's worse then a job interview.
I have my own problems, I don't blame anyone for my outlook and certainly wouldn't dream of taking it out on anyone.
They're my problems alone and my general withdrawing and shying away from dating are my own choice.

How about just forgetting the I want sex part and do something together as friends. No pressure. Nobody expects anyone to be perfect. Enjoy the event or whatever it is you are doing together. Hey, Styx and REO Speedwagon are playing at the fair, want to go? If they say no, you didn't want to be with them anyway. Saved yourself a hundred bucks.