The Personal Testimony Thread

[Magus]

Please, share your testimonies and/or stories of conversion, the Lord's great goodness, etc...

Here's mine:

My trial of faith began around the age of 12 or so. In my family, we never read the scriptures together much. My mother had begun what has now become many years of inactivity, and it was mostly just me, my dad and my brother that went to Church. I had never read any of the scriptures before, but I began to take an interest in reading the Book of Revelation. I started reading it, and it was totally over my head at the time, but I sensed that there were of course profound truths in it, and likewise in the other scriptures. One day, I realized that I did not know for myself if any of the things I had been taught growing up about the Church and God were true. Of course I was consciously aware of that before, but now, it suddenly hit me with great force and I really felt it. Everything seemed to now be shaded in great doubt. So I resolved that I would read The Book of Mormon all the way through, pray about it, and get an answer. I specifically prayed to know if the story of Joseph Smith receiving the golden plates from Moroni, and those plates being seen and handled by others, was true, or if it was all a made-up fraud.

During this time, I began to read The Book of Mormon in school. I live in the Bible Belt, and Southern Baptists and other sects are taught all sorts of lies and derogatory half-truths about our Church. When people saw me reading the Book of Mormon at school, I was mocked and challenged. Groups of kids would at times gather around me and all make fun of me, or ask me antagonistic questions trying to challenge me. I'd respond to them, but of course no answer was ever satisfying for them. I stood my ground, and I didn't stop reading the Book of Mormon at school. I think the fact that I didn't surrender just stirred more antagonism against me, which I realized it would do, but I was willing to face it on principle. The persecution got pretty bad and went on for a good two years, more or less. People stopped calling me by my name and instead regularly referred to me as "Hey, Mormon." Before, i was popular and well-liked enough, but now I was an outcast. I accepted this, but it was still rough and hurtful. But I still stood my ground. In hindsight, I believe that all of this actually worked in my favor of obtaining an answer to my prayers, because after all, "blessed are the persecuted..."

At this time, perhaps in response to my persecution as well as my seeking for truth, I began to fast quite often. I would do sort of mini-fasts, where I'd skip breakfast and lunch on many days of the week and dedicate that as a fast, and then sometimes on top of that I would do actual 24 hour fasts. I realized it may have been excessive, but I was determined to invoke God into my life and take whatever measures I deemed necessary to do so. My prayers also became very regular, even often, and I made a point to really pour my soul out to God and to petition him again and again. I was determined to do so until I got an answer.

One day, when I wasn't on my knees and I wasn't praying, I was in my room reading The Testimony of Three Witnesses. Maybe a year or so had gone by since I had begun my quest. I had some worthiness issues, so maybe that may have hindered some of my progress, despite my attempts. But anyway, I was reading it and when I got to the part about how an angel came down from heaven and brought and laid the plates before their eyes, I felt the Holy Ghost burn in my bosom in an unmistakable way, along with instant knowledge that what I had just read was absolutely true. In one moment, I was in total doubt, and the next - I knew, and I could not doubt any longer. The Lord had answered me in his own way and in his own time.

Over the course of time, I also had many other spiritual experiences. I repented of certain sins and asked the Lord if he had forgiven me and to make me spiritually reborn - and I experienced the forgiveness he has to give and how joyous and cleansing it is. You really do feel reborn, it's amazing. I sometimes fell back into sin and repeated the same mistakes - and then would repent again. The same way. Down on my knees, fasting, petitioning the Lord. The Lord would always forgive me, time and time again, even for the same mistakes. I was always astonished and amazed at his generosity and mercy.

At times the Lord would just be with me, and I'd be reading something of a spiritual nature, and would feel the Holy Ghost testify to me that something is true. This is how I obtained my witness that Jesus Christ truly is the Savior of the world, and that as a nation, we must obey Him or perish. Often times, when reading the Book of Mormon, the words just jump out at me with great emphasis and I feel a deep impression as to their truthfulness - for example, regarding the latter-day gathering of Israel. Or I'll be at a Church-related meeting and hear someone's testimony and feel the Holy Ghost testify to truthfulness of their words. There's a sort of Mormon urban myth that goes around about how supposedly some general authority said that the youth today were all generals in the war in heaven. The story has been denied and declared untrue that any general authority ever specifically said that. I understand that - but when the story was once told at a fireside, and the woman speaking mentioned how we were generals in the war in heaven - I strongly felt that burning in my bosom suddenly come upon me, to my astonishment. So, whether or not any general authority ever said it, I have to think that there is truth at least to the concept. Many receive patriarchal blessings that say they were valiant in the pre-mortal existence, and that is a testimony to that.

Other times, the Lord would sense a question in my thoughts and just answer me. One time, when I was sitting in school in a classroom, not paying attention to the teacher, I was deep in thought about the Celestial kingdom. I thought to myself if it is even possible for me to live in such a way, keeping the commandments, so as to make it to the highest degree of glory in the Celestial kingdom. As I questioned this in my mind - the Spirit came upon me out of the blue and burned and testified to me "Yes...yes you can." Other times, I just felt the Lord walk with me. I felt his Spirit comfort me in the hallways of the school where I was being persecuted.

As an adult, I have continued to feel his presence. I learned much on my mission, I learned of the conviction the Lord can give those in authority in being able to discern the worthiness of potential baptismal candidates, (for example) because I experienced it. I felt the Spirit testify to me that the Lord really is all around us and everywhere if we just seek him. One time after my mission, already married, me and my wife were driving home from the beach and we decided to take a rest and pull over somewhere. It so happened that we were in the area of the temple. So we pulled over in the parking lot of the temple to stop for a minute. The temple was closed and no one was there, but the gate to the temple grounds happened to be open. So we decided to walk the temple grounds for a minute. As soon as I crossed the threshold of that gate, I immediately felt a Spirit of great peace and love descend upon me. I sat down there on a bench on the temple grounds for a good while, all the time feeling this otherworldly peace. I felt like I never wanted to leave, and it was a testimony to me of God's love, his watchfulness, and of the holiness of the temple.

Lastly, I know that God loves each of us profoundly. I have experienced it directly. There was a time in my youth when I was in great depression and sadness and I knelt and asked the Lord if he even loved me at all. Before I could even finish my sentence, the Lord answered me like a lightning bolt, and I have never felt the Holy Ghost so strongly in my life as I did then. It was overpowering and it made me curl in a ball on the floor of my room as the Lord filled me with so much great joy and love and affirmation of "YES!!!" that I could hardly stand it. The Lord loves us all so much more than we can comprehend, and it is truly wonderful and amazing.

I do not have a perfect knowledge of all things. I am a sinner and am imperfect and just another mortal on my way. But these experiences form the rock of my testimony, and by extension, I believe in all the other things that they denote. I hope that my stories have been inspiring and/or helpful to anyone who reads. Thank you, and I do say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

[Rose Garden]

In my youth I got involved in serious sin. I wanted to do the right things, but seemed to lack the power to do so. I consulted with Bishop after Bishop, with no success.

I managed to clean up my life and go on a mission but when I returned home, I very quickly slipped into old behaviors. I was so devastated by my inability to be faithful that I began to believe there was something wrong with me personally. For some reason, the atonement didn't apply to me. Though before my mission I had sincerely asked the Lord to let me die if I could not repent, here I was again. I went to my Bishop again, this time just reserved with the idea of allowing him to disfellowship me, excommunicate me, or whatever he saw fit. I knew I deserved it. Instead he said something I never expected, "I know you can repent." Hope glimmered and I began to try once again.

I did everything my Bishop asked me, going the second mile on everything. He was guided in what he asked me. Slowly I began to understand things that were so basic and foundational but that I had never understood before.

One day I was reading a book the Bishop had guided me to. I remember the words of the book because they are burned into my heart, but I've since gone back to check the book and the words aren't there. Irregardless of that fact, I read about the verse in 2 Nephi 33 in which Nephi calls Jesus "my Jesus" and the book asked, "Can you call him my Jesus?" I thought it was silly question. Of course, I could, but I wasn't going to try because it was just ridiculous! However, my repentant heart checked me and I decided to try anyway.

The words stuck in my throat. I could not say this simple phrase! It was physically impossible! I sat there on my bed where I had been studying and cried.

I realized that if anyone had asked me if I believed in Jesus, I would have sworn up and down that I did, but I did not. I realized I was afraid to come to him because I feared he would berate me as so many had before. In my mind, I played out the scene that I feared most. I imagined myself walking into the throne room of God, with Heavenly Father and Jesus there. I saw them point their fingers at me and say reproachfully, "What are you doing here!" As I played that scene out in my mind, I knew it was a lie. I prayed and told God I knew it was a lie and pledged I would overcome the fear I had of truly coming to him.

I remember crying as though my heart were breaking but for once it seemed that the crying was cleansing me. I knew the crying would come to an end. It did and then something happened that I had never experienced before. I was filled with eternal happiness. It was a happiness that I knew had staying power.

For some time after that, every time I prayed, I felt the old fear come again, but I recognized it immediately and would ask the Lord to remove it so I could truly come to him. He did every time and after a while the fear was completely gone. It no longer plagued me.

After this experience, I began to work with the Lord to overcome my sins. He showed me how my inability to make the right choices were the result of abuse I had suffered when I was a child. He showed me how my choices were hurting others. The things he taught me cleaned my heart and I began to make the right choices naturally, with no need to force myself.

I grew up in the church. I never had an experience that led me to join the church. I was unhappy that only converts to the church were asked to share their stories, because I knew I had experienced a conversion as wonderful as any of theirs. I've shared it anyway, time and again. I know there is a Savior and that he loves and understands us. I know he has the power to change our hearts and lift us up from our fallen nature. I have dedicated my life to him.

[Magus]

Thanks for sharing, Jezebel. Any testimony of truth is worth sharing and hearing about, there are so many unique situations. You never know, your testimony could really help someone who needs to hear it. As for me, I love hearing all the diversity of stories that testify of God and his goodness. It's good for my heart, good to hear and to be reminded of it. God bless you.