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Just popped in to say hello and that this is real. Several of my friend's husbands are on meds that the side effects have made it so they can't have sex. My friends are incredibly frustrated. And yet their husbands won't even discuss the problem with them.

Nan wrote:Just popped in to say hello and that this is real. Several of my friend's husbands are on meds that the side effects have made it so they can't have sex. My friends are incredibly frustrated. And yet their husbands won't even discuss the problem with them.

*** Footnote: Results may vary.

With my now aging parents who could barely talk to me about sex 20 years ago, my guess would be there's probably a lot of fellas on medication who STILL aren't comfortable talking about sex, least of all now that it's difficult/impossible for them.

iWriteStuff wrote:

Nan wrote:Just popped in to say hello and that this is real. Several of my friend's husbands are on meds that the side effects have made it so they can't have sex. My friends are incredibly frustrated. And yet their husbands won't even discuss the problem with them.

*** Footnote: Results may vary.

With my now aging parents who could barely talk to me about sex 20 years ago, my guess would be there's probably a lot of fellas on medication who STILL aren't comfortable talking about sex, least of all now that it's difficult/impossible for them.

I WISH that was true of my father--now 82--who tells me things about his marriage to my mother (died in 2006) that I often feel like putting my fingers in my ears and going, "lalalalala". He's not capable anymore (yah, he tells me that, too--ewwww), but really--do I want to know about my parent's sex life???

I had a friend when I was a young wife (as was she) who was very frustrated that her husband ignored her completely. No medication, just that he wasn't interested and "forced himself" to be with her about twice a year. She never solved that one; they divorced after about 15 years of this.

Speaking of medications: http://robertmijas.com/blog/wp-content/ ... ussell.jpg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I was thinking about this and I have to say...if sex never happened in my marriage it wouldn't feel like a marriage and I would probably want to leave and would struggle. Sex is vital to marriage so I sympathize (the best I can) to men who never get it and stick around. It must be hell sometimes.

LDS single members and widows / widowers are expected to live fulfilled happy lives without being frustrated whilst staying celibate.
Therefore, once child bearing is no longer an aim nor an option, why should married LDS members think they should have the right, their single fellow members do not have, to be unhappy and frustrated because sex is not a part of their marriage ?

Make dessert. Dress nice. Take a shower. You know things that guys like

:-B sushi_kinda imagines that one solution might be to have him had the circumcision operation, if doesnt have it. that fully bared beautiful coronas(frenulum part also out, perhaps?!), exposed to the outer worlds would have the higher threshold against the stimuli and thus might have the end result of the exponentially(?!) hightened/enhanced joy, have been the keys to the future generations multiplied and relenished on the earth....oh, how great! oh, how great! how great the wisdom/commandment given to father abraham was/is!!!! ....ahmen, ahmen and ahmen.

circumcision frenulum http://search.yahoo.co.jp/search?ei=UTF ... 20frenulum" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
http://image.search.yahoo.co.jp/search? ... reater+joy" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

To counter act the estrogen in food and antidepressants, give your man horny goat weed, yohimbe, vit D, L-arginine, think of something kinda kinky for shock factor, stroke that ego and make him feel like the man he is, no nagging. Copulation should occur

Not that I have a successful relationship now, but that did get me "some" until I got tired of the effort when he didn't reciprocate initiative

I think people's thinking is the biggest problem.

We can be such a judgemental lot. All judgements are always selfish or vain. It's those judgements that cause discontent in every relationship.
When we first marry. We are presant with the person. Really present. Enjoying the new experience of living and being with your loved one. Then judgement starts to creep in. Then hurt and insecurities and so on.

Smile.

Jezebel wrote:Smile.

A smile can go soooo far especially if that's all they wear. :ymapplause:

[head banging against wall]

Okay, advice for the ladies:

Don't push, but be available and inviting. Never insult his manhood, don't make him uncomfortable or self-conscious. Make him feel at ease and that he can be totally open with you. Spend time with each other and flirt. Furthermore, be comfortable with your own sexuality. Don't take it personally if you wear something sexy and he doesn't jump all over your every time. It's not you that is the problem, he's fighting his own insecurities, fears, and weaknesses and just needs you to be there for him so he can let those things melt away in their own due time. When things do happen, be positive and encouraging about it so he will feel good about the experience and more willing and ready to do it again in the near future. By and by, things will improve over time and become more frequent. Very likely, his problem isn't that he doesn't feel any sex drive, it's that he's either self conscious, bored, or just as disconnected with you in the relationship as you are with him.

If there's a physical problem like E.D. or low libido due to meds or being overweight, encourage exercise and even seeing a doctor to get some pills and/or herbal supplements. Be gentle with him on this subject because it's a really sensitive issue for every man, and they will all have serious self-esteem issues attached to this. Make him feel like you totally trust him and love him and just want to solve the issue so you can be intimate with each other like you should be.

Above all - do not argue about sex. Never let it get to that level. Talking about things, sure. But don't let it get contentious or overly emotional. If it does, he will remember it and it's just going to be another hurdle to overcome, because he's going to feel like a total failure to you. It will only exacerbate any self esteem issues and there's a good chance he'll just go masturbate on his own time instead of coming to you. All of this is just going to fuel resentment and further distance from each other in your relationship.

Magus wrote:Okay, advice for the ladies:

Don't push, but be available and inviting. Never insult his manhood, don't make him uncomfortable or self-conscious. Make him feel at ease and that he can be totally open with you. Spend time with each other and flirt. Furthermore, be comfortable with your own sexuality. Don't take it personally if you wear something sexy and he doesn't jump all over your every time. It's not you that is the problem, he's fighting his own insecurities, fears, and weaknesses and just needs you to be there for him so he can let those things melt away in their own due time. When things do happen, be positive and encouraging about it so he will feel good about the experience and more willing and ready to do it again in the near future. By and by, things will improve over time and become more frequent. Very likely, his problem isn't that he doesn't feel any sex drive, it's that he's either self conscious, bored, or just as disconnected with you in the relationship as you are with him.

If there's a physical problem like E.D. or low libido due to meds or being overweight, encourage exercise and even seeing a doctor to get some pills and/or herbal supplements. Be gentle with him on this subject because it's a really sensitive issue for every man, and they will all have serious self-esteem issues attached to this. Make him feel like you totally trust him and love him and just want to solve the issue so you can be intimate with each other like you should be.

Above all - do not argue about sex. Never let it get to that level. Talking about things, sure. But don't let it get contentious or overly emotional. If it does, he will remember it and it's just going to be another hurdle to overcome, because he's going to feel like a total failure to you. It will only exacerbate any self esteem issues and there's a good chance he'll just go masturbate on his own time instead of coming to you. All of this is just going to fuel resentment and further distance from each other in your relationship.

Smiling is way less complicated.

Jezebel wrote:

Magus wrote:Okay, advice for the ladies:

Don't push, but be available and inviting. Never insult his manhood, don't make him uncomfortable or self-conscious. Make him feel at ease and that he can be totally open with you. Spend time with each other and flirt. Furthermore, be comfortable with your own sexuality. Don't take it personally if you wear something sexy and he doesn't jump all over your every time. It's not you that is the problem, he's fighting his own insecurities, fears, and weaknesses and just needs you to be there for him so he can let those things melt away in their own due time. When things do happen, be positive and encouraging about it so he will feel good about the experience and more willing and ready to do it again in the near future. By and by, things will improve over time and become more frequent. Very likely, his problem isn't that he doesn't feel any sex drive, it's that he's either self conscious, bored, or just as disconnected with you in the relationship as you are with him.

If there's a physical problem like E.D. or low libido due to meds or being overweight, encourage exercise and even seeing a doctor to get some pills and/or herbal supplements. Be gentle with him on this subject because it's a really sensitive issue for every man, and they will all have serious self-esteem issues attached to this. Make him feel like you totally trust him and love him and just want to solve the issue so you can be intimate with each other like you should be.

Above all - do not argue about sex. Never let it get to that level. Talking about things, sure. But don't let it get contentious or overly emotional. If it does, he will remember it and it's just going to be another hurdle to overcome, because he's going to feel like a total failure to you. It will only exacerbate any self esteem issues and there's a good chance he'll just go masturbate on his own time instead of coming to you. All of this is just going to fuel resentment and further distance from each other in your relationship.

Smiling is way less complicated.

Then make sure to smile with mouth open.

Jezebel wrote:

Ezra wrote:No response needed.

That's good. I'd hate to interrupt.

Ok that was hilarious, guys. Thanks for the laugh :p I really need that.

Personally, I'm still stumped. What husband wouldn't want to be intimate with his wife?

iWriteStuff wrote:

Jezebel wrote:

Ezra wrote:No response needed.

That's good. I'd hate to interrupt.

Ok that was hilarious, guys. Thanks for the laugh :p I really need that.

Personally, I'm still stumped. What husband wouldn't want to be intimate with his wife?

It's an odd thing, I think it's psychological issues. My wife has a good friend, a cute friend, who's husband will not touch her. They go on vacations together, ski, bike and go to dinner and movies, but no touching. When they were first married they were "active". After the first baby it was seldom. After the second baby, about 10 years ago, he moved into the basement and hasn't touched her since. I think he has issues with seeing his babies use those parts of his wife that had only been for him, but that's just my theory. I used to watch Frasier so I'm pretty sure I know what I'm talking about :ymcowboy:

shadow wrote:

iWriteStuff wrote:

Jezebel wrote:

Ezra wrote:No response needed.

That's good. I'd hate to interrupt.

Ok that was hilarious, guys. Thanks for the laugh :p I really need that.

Personally, I'm still stumped. What husband wouldn't want to be intimate with his wife?

It's an odd thing, I think it's psychological issues. My wife has a good friend, a cute friend, who's husband will not touch her. They go on vacations together, ski, bike and go to dinner and movies, but no touching. When they were first married they were "active". After the first baby it was seldom. After the second baby, about 10 years ago, he moved into the basement and hasn't touched her since. I think he has issues with seeing his babies use those parts of his wife that had only been for him, but that's just my theory. I used to watch Frasier so I'm pretty sure I know what I'm talking about :ymcowboy:

May have something to do with the old "Madonna-Whore" complex, so it is not anything to do with our Church. Some men so idealize their mother that they cannot consciously, or subconsciously, see her as a sexual being. So after a man sees that his wife has now turned into a mother he projects his mother's image onto her and is unable to have sex.

I realize she is speaking of consent law and such but the general mentality that she is dealing with somewhat affects conservative Christians, especially Mormons in recent years:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaKnw55HV8o" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Elizabeth wrote:LDS single members and widows / widowers are expected to live fulfilled happy lives without being frustrated whilst staying celibate.

While I'm sure the world is big enough to find somebody with that ludicrous notion, this is most definitely not the general expectation placed on being chaste in this church.

There have been men who were attracted to men but marry a woman in hopes to fix it or to hide it. Or to follow the command to marry and have children.

The other thread talks about women who were abused not liking sex.....Men get abused too. And when a man gets abused, I would assume it could be more damaging or confusing simply because it's an unnatural act. (Not down playing any form of abuse on any gender).

I agree it is weird for a guy to not want sex from his wife. Or to at least be attracted and want to be with her in some way physically.

Guys can feel like less of a guy if they don't talk about and follow a football team, so how must they feel as a man when they don't want to or can't be with a woman. I'm not a guy but as a woman, it can make you feel like nothing if you can't measure in some way to what "woman" is.

Melissa wrote:There have been men who were attracted to men but marry a woman in hopes to fix it or to hide it.

Ha! Hubby # 2