Craziest Old Testament Story

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A Random Phrase
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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The young woman who came out to meet her father after a successful battle. He had vowed to offer as a sacrifice the first thing that came to meet him. Oops. She asked for time to take her friends and "bewail her virginity." I thought, "What? She's dying and that is all she's worried about?" Deeper study into nonbiblical stuff said that the "sacrifice" was that she was to be given to the temple, thus never having an opportunity to marry. Had nothing to do with killing her at all. (That may have come from Margaret Barker, but I don't remember for sure.)

Judges 11
¶ So Jephthah passed over unto the children of Ammon to fight against them; and the LORD delivered them into his hands.

33 And he smote them from Aroer, even till thou come to Minnith, even twenty cities, and unto the plain of the vineyards, with a very great slaughter. Thus the children of Ammon were subdued before the children of Israel.

34 ¶ And Jephthah came to Mizpeh unto his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances: and she was his only child; beside her he had neither son nor daughter.

35 And it came to pass, when he saw her, that he rent his clothes, and said, Alas, my daughter! thou hast brought me very low, and thou art one of them that trouble me: for I have opened my mouth unto the LORD, and I cannot go back.

36 And she said unto him, My father, if thou hast opened thy mouth unto the LORD, do to me according to that which hath proceeded out of thy mouth; forasmuch as the LORD hath taken vengeance for thee of thine enemies, even of the children of Ammon.

37 And she said unto her father, Let this thing be done for me: let me alone two months, that I may go up and down upon the mountains, and bewail my virginity, I and my fellows.

38 And he said, Go. And he sent her away for two months: and she went with her companions, and bewailed her virginity upon the mountains.

39 And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow which he had vowed: and she knew no man. And it was a custom in Israel,

40 That the daughters of Israel went yearly to lament the daughter of Jephthah the Gileadite four days in a year

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Rose Garden
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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Yeah, and what was it that Noah's son did anyway? Look at his father naked or something? That's another story that makes no sense whatsoever.

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A Random Phrase
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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The guy who was too afraid to go to battle unless a woman led them. I'll find the reference and post it in an edit.

Here it is: Judges 4
4 ¶ And Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapidoth, she judged Israel at that time.

5 And she dwelt under the palm tree of Deborah between Ramah and Beth-el in mount Ephraim: and the children of Israel came up to her for judgment.

6 And she sent and called Barak the son of Abinoam out of Kedesh-naphtali, and said unto him, Hath not the LORD God of Israel commanded, saying, Go and draw toward mount Tabor, and take with thee ten thousand men of the children of Naphtali and of the children of Zebulun?

7 And I will draw unto thee to the river Kishon Sisera, the captain of Jabin's army, with his chariots and his multitude; and I will deliver him into thine hand.

8 And Barak said unto her, If thou wilt go with me, then I will go: but if thou wilt not go with me, then I will not go
Last edited by A Random Phrase on February 12th, 2015, 9:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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A Random Phrase
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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Jezebel wrote:Yeah, and what was it that Noah's son did anyway? Look at his father naked or something? That's another story that makes no sense whatsoever.
Yes, something that - if we have the correct story - was no big deal at all. Maybe the father didn't like his sons talking about him when he was drunk and passed out?

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jbalm
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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FSM wrote:If it was all true it would appear that the God of the ot was a bit corrupted manipulative and viscous. He is very different than you are. Everyone on hear that has chimed in tonight is kind and helpful. The total opposite of the God in the ot. Surely you can see my point?
Everyone wants to believe God is on their side, including the writers of the OT stories.

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A Random Phrase
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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How about Adam being created out of dirt?

I mean, Eve being cloned out of his rib, with the y chromosome extracted and the x chromosome doubled seems doable, but the only way I see Adam being created out of dirt is if heavenly mother and heavenly father moved into the garden and ate vegetarian-style for a while until after Adam was born.

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Rose Garden
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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A Random Phrase wrote:How about Adam being created out of dirt?

I mean, Eve being cloned out of his rib, with the y chromosome extracted and the x chromosome doubled seems doable, but the only way I see Adam being created out of dirt is if heavenly mother and heavenly father moved into the garden and ate vegetarian-style for a while until after Adam was born.
Well, if you are going to go there, that's a whole other can of worms!

Talking snakes, fig leaves, the whole fact that Heavenly Father left two innocent children alone just long enough for them to get in trouble . . .

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A Random Phrase
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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Jezebel wrote:
A Random Phrase wrote:How about Adam being created out of dirt?

I mean, Eve being cloned out of his rib, with the y chromosome extracted and the x chromosome doubled seems doable, but the only way I see Adam being created out of dirt is if heavenly mother and heavenly father moved into the garden and ate vegetarian-style for a while until after Adam was born.
Well, if you are going to go there, that's a whole other can of worms!

Talking snakes, fig leaves, the whole fact that Heavenly Father left two innocent children alone just long enough for them to get in trouble . . .
:))

And snakes apparently had legs and feet just like the other animals. And animals had the freedom to follow the devil if they so chose.

Moses 4
5 And now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which I, the Lord God, had made.

6 And Satan put it into the heart of the serpent, (for he had drawn away many after him,) and he sought also to beguile Eve, for he knew not the mind of God, wherefore he sought to destroy the world.

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A Random Phrase
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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FSM wrote:I don't know where it is but do you remember when Moses came dawn from the mountain and got together with Arron I thing and commited genocide because the Jews were just worshiping a golden calf. The punishment did not fit the crime and seemed excessively to me.
Didn't he also melt down the golden calf, put it in water, and make the people drink it?

The OT is so ancient and has gone through so many hands (not just translations) that I don't know how much of it can be trusted. The Book of Mormon does corroborate some of it, though.

JohnnyL
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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Oh, there are plenty.

But people, have you ever thought to consider this: the crazy stories all can lead to a much deeper knowledge and understanding of God, us, and the world--if we allow them to.

There are answers to all of those questions that do that. Whether what is recorded is exactly what happened in its entirety for every story, I doubt it very, very much. Which means you have to try to connect dots. And even non-LDS have done really good jobs with this.

Years ago, no doubt another crazy story would be that doctors touching "issues" should wash their hands and be clean before helping in childbirth/ operating on others (a la Elder Nelson's talk: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/ ... 0_24nelson" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; . I think the footnote given is off, and should be this one, two verses above:
Leviticus 15:11 And whomsoever he toucheth that hath the issue, and hath not rinsed his hands in water, he shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.)
What nonsense!! :ymblushing:

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TannerG
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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I think that much of the Bible is either scare tactics of the zealous, or people using God to justify their corrupt behavior. Too much of it is inconsistent with the God I know.

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ajax
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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12 Craziest, Most Awful Things God Did in the Old Testament [WARNING: Some Language]
http://www.alternet.org/12-craziest-mos ... -testament" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

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Obrien
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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Wow, Rick Bricken sure has an ax to grind with God.
I think MOST of Rick's items were covered previously.
FWIW, I would not recommend going to Ajax' link, but hey, you're all grownups (well mostly).

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jbalm
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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ajax
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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jbalm wrote:
Onan 1.jpg
:ymblushing: :))

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jbalm
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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Muerte Rosa wrote:What heck is that jbalm?
It's Genesis 38:9.

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Obrien
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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Muerte Rosa wrote:What heck is that jbalm?
You need to get out more...

samizdat
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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Don't make fun of prophets, especially when they are bald.

When the 42 boys called up "go up thy bald head" to Elisha who then turns around and curses them in the name of the Lord.

2 mama bears showed up and cleaned house.

buffalo_girl
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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Let's see, the 30 children that were wiped out for teasing a prophet.

When my teenaged students became too unruly during Sunday School, I would have one of them read that passage.

KMCopeland
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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When Rachel stole some household idols, and hid them in her camel's saddle and then mounted the camel. And while Laban is rummaging through the tent looking for them, Rachel demurely asks him to forgive her for not rising to greet him, because she can't because she's experiencing her monthly. "I cannot rise before you, for the manner of women is upon me" is how she put it.

Naturally Laban never found the idols.
Last edited by KMCopeland on February 13th, 2015, 12:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Obrien
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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If you were an Egyptian in pursuit of the Children of Israel, I have to think the parting of the Red Sea was a major trip.

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jbalm
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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Muerte Rosa wrote:
jbalm wrote:
Muerte Rosa wrote:What heck is that jbalm?
It's Genesis 38:9.
First of all....ewwww

Second of all.....Obrien sorry i don't know what Lego semen looks like....where does one "get out more" to, in order to become more familiar with such things?

Perverts lol
Jennifer-Lawrence-Disgusted-Face.gif
It says "Onan" right at the bottom of the picture. How obvious does it have to be?

braingrunt
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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2 Sam 21 bothers me;

In short, God caused a famine because Saul had wrongfully killed some gibeonites. To appease God and/or the gibeonites, David did as the gibeonites requested, giving seven of saul's sons to be killed. A pitifully mourning mother comes into the story as well, making it feel extra cruel. God was appeased and the famine ceased.

Perhaps the sons were involved in the slaughter and deserved it, which is my consolation if true.

Fiannan
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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Jezebel wrote:Yeah, and what was it that Noah's son did anyway? Look at his father naked or something? That's another story that makes no sense whatsoever.
Yes it does -- rape.

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jbalm
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Re: Craziest Old Testament Story

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Fiannan wrote:
Jezebel wrote:Yeah, and what was it that Noah's son did anyway? Look at his father naked or something? That's another story that makes no sense whatsoever.
Yes it does -- rape.
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