"Investigator" here in peace...hi

[4times4]

I have just discovered this place, and already it feels as though I'm going to spend a lot of time here.

At the time of writing I am feeling incredibly anxious, as tomorrow I will be visiting an LDS church for the first time.

I have never (knowingly) known anyone personally before who is a member of the LDS church. My experiences of Mormons stem back to when I started watching/listening to Glenn Beck 7 years ago, although I never knew about his faith until a couple of years later. Glenn Beck has had a hugely positive influence on my life, my way of thinking and the way I treat people (that is not to say I've been brainwashed...for I don't believe everything Beck has ever said without question, and of course I never believed in God or American exceptionalism or that the Constitution was divinely inspired...until recently at least. Also, I willingly chose to watch of my own volition, and have continued subscribing to his channel and watching his internet shows.)

It's what I received from Glenn Beck, and indeed other Mormons I discovered through Beck (his co-host Pat Gray, John Huntsman Jr., Alex Boyé etc...) that stirred my curiosity in the faith.

I understand a lot of anti-Mormon attitudes and hatred directed towards Mormons, although it saddens me deeply that such people would be attacked in this way, or for that matter that anyone would be attacked for their faith. Now, it's rich of me to say that, as someone who was viciously atheistic in the past. I would despise all religious types and think them deluded and insane. But now, I find a more pragmatic way of thinking about it, in that regardless of whether or not the scriptures are truly the words of God (be that in the Book of Mormon, the Bible, the Qur'an, etc...) i can really appreciate the good works that the majority of the devoutly faithful followers of religion have done, and think this is proof that at the very least religion can not be inherently bad, lest it command its members to kill all unbelievers or suchlike.

So let me fast forward a bit (past the many years when my life was miserable and I felt completely hopeless and alone).
One day a few years ago (I can't remember which exactly) I just woke up and had a clear image in my mind of what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be (gasp!) an artist, and that this would be my way of communicating a message that i had been called to deliver (but not, at least i thought at the time, by God). A message that would counter the "counter culture" which is now the dominant culture of today (in the liberals arts, news, cinema, etc...). Or perhaps I would have only a minor role in delivering some form of message, but I would at least be on "the right" side of history (as I saw it...in accordance with natural law: against statism, against abortion, against homosexuality, etc.). But I am aiming high! I would love to create and inspire people. But not with hatred or out of spite. I wouldn't hate anyone for aborting their child, as my hate would get me nowhere, even though it is murder to me, if not to them. I've often thought about what the monument at Mt Rushmore would look like had it been completed. Now this despite the fact that I have never had an artistic bone in my body, and it didn't interest me at all. I've learned in the past few years though to never say never. Anything COULD be possible. My mind had been opened.

Now once again fast forward. Last week I encountered two wonderful people. Mormon missionaries. I must emphasise, I encountered them...they didn't knock on my door, or approach me in the street, I spotted them and, curious, decided to approach them. This was very out of character for me, someone who is very shy and doesn't talk to random strangers. But I felt as though I had to, something inside of me just urged me to talk to them, for I might never have another opportunity (I had never seen missionaries before!). It transpired that there was in fact a Mormon church not far from here, but it was (literally) off the map. In any case, i'd never seen it or heard about it, or anyone who goes there.

I should mention that these two missionaries, in the short time I spoke with them, could well be the nicest, warmest people I had met in my entire life. If nothing else, that's good PR. They were keen to proselytize to me, which is fortunate, as I am keen to learn about things unfamiliar to me (as someone who had never read the Bible, I should point out, from an outsiders point of view the Bible and the Book of Mormon appear as unlikely and as far-fetched as one another). But I explained to them politely that I had my doubts about God and Jesus, but I had never doubted *natures* God (what I, in the last two years, came to know as the distant, non-contactable God who designed "natural law") or the *Example* of Jesus Christ, indeed I inadvertently follow the 10 Commandments despite my (hitherto) life-long disbelief.

They seemed to take a shine to me, and wanted to meet me again. I accepted. On the second meeting, we talked for some hours. I was very grateful for their time. I felt as though they had gone out of their way to try and help me. I really believed what they were saying at least in as much as how their faith guided them. It is something I would really love to have for myself. Perhaps though, they were too eager to "set a date" for a time I should be taking a covenant with Jesus Christ. I politely declined, trying not to equivocate too much. I said that first, I would like to read the Bible and the Book of Mormon from cover to cover, and then, as per instruction, I shall pray on it. I am not one to make decisions quickly - it would take something really powerful for me to do that. But since then, and in fact, leading up to this point, for some weeks at least, I have experienced extraordinary "coincidences" and happenings. Premonitions that became true. The most prominent one occurred merely hours before I happened to meet these missionaries for the first time. Perhaps, I explained to the missionaries, this could have been God's way of "preparing" me? It's certainly a possibility. They asked me if I would like to pray, something i had never done before (FYI: I was raised in an atheist household although we were "religious" around Christmas time, and references to Jesus Christ were absent for the rest of the year).

The feelings I had whilst praying, firstly with them, and then on my own, are something I have never experienced before. But feelings of "warm fuzzies" can easily be written off as just my giddy excitement, perhaps...or the fact that I felt HUMBLED...but still, is this adequate evidence of the existence of God, Jesus Christ, and the holy ghost, or just a load of BS? I would suggest, from a strictly materialistic point of view (materialism in the sense of the purely evil concept delivered by Marx and Engels that nothing exists beyond what eyes can see and that life has no meaning whatsoever) that it would have to be BS.

But if God does exist, and is listening to me, he must have known that warm fuzzies alone would not be sufficient enough of a sign that I was asking for. Thus he delivered me manifestations both in my dreams, in real life (the physical world) and in my communications that i could not simply ignore. It feels too personal to even mention, and i fear for being laughed at (assuming you haven't laughed at me so far...). And yet here i am, still questioning, dumbfounded, confused, with a headache that won't go away. It's all far too much for me to take in at once. Now I have this feeling of trepidation about visiting the LDS church, yet I really want to. I feel like everything is rushing around me, time seems to be going faster (FYI: I've always had the deepest feeling in my gut that the world was going to descend into complete chaos since just before the turn of the millennium...it's one of the reasons I gave up on my life, and almost died, thinking that life was futile, and that events in the world would eventually transpire to destroy me just like everyone else, in effect it damaged my spirit or soul or whatever you'd like to call it, just from thinking these thoughts and having these feelings).

Sorry - that was a rather long intro. I'm really grateful to whoever read it. Thank you. Any advice would be really appreciated.
Full disclosure: - I live in England (gasp!) yet i know far more about American history (i mean, since the 1700s) than that of my country.
- i've never felt like i belong here (in England. or sometimes on Earth in general)
- none of my friends or family are privy to any of what i have just written. i am sure most of them would be horrified.
- i'm almost 30
- i've never taken drugs, had sex (gasp!), smoked a cigarette; i don't drink tea or coffee, only decaff. i consume alcohol but it's something i can live without.
- i have no tattoos or piercings of any description
- i pledge to read the entirety of the Holy Bible and the Book of Mormon and then report my findings. I am a slow reader. I am keen to cross-reference the King James and LDS versions of the Bible. I never realised that in fact there are a multitude of different english translations. This is going to get confusing.
- i have previously spent several years in the care of a mental health unit. But no longer, as i am no danger to myself or anybody else.

Thank you again for your understanding and time taken to read this. Excuse the moments of levity, but if not for a sense of humour I would have lost my mind completely by now. This was, in all seriousness, very difficult to write. Only through the sense of unexplained phenomena was i moved to write any of this, and its the only thing moving me out of my bed and into a church on a sunday morning, for a change.

[Obrien]

welcome. what an interesting story you shared. I'm keen to hear a report about your first experience at church. you'll find just about anything you're looking for there, within moral bounds. May the grace of our Lord Jesus enlighten your mind and give you what you seek.

[Robert Sinclair]

You have come to a church that Jesus Christ himself set up and gave what is called the "One Stick". Come to know all you can about what is written therein. There are many, many witnesses and testaments of Jesus Christ written therein. And many of the Saints are good people and will do just about anything for you, to help you. ♡

[Rose Garden]

4times4, welcome to the forum.

I can tell you that there is a being who exists and who has a great deal of love for his children. The Book of Mormon has been one of the greatest sources for me in learning about this being, Jesus Christ. I hope you keep your commitment to read it through. The Bible is also a wonderful source of truth about the Savior. He has the power to heal all wounds of the heart, as well as of the body.

[wompus]

wow... 4times4... what an amazing story... I loved reading it.. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS Church) and even though I've been a member all my life, ie my parents were members of the church and I've gone to church my whole life... I too have had feelings like yourself.

You see the LDS faith has a belief... ie doctrine... about who we are and why we're here on earth, and we call it the Plan of Salvation.... it's beautiful and it helps answers a lot of questions about why we are here on earth... why we have trials... and where we're going... I grew up knowing all this, I went to seminary (which is before high school scripture classes that the church has for high school kids) and read and studied the scriptures... the Bible and The Book of Mormon. My parents asked after high school if I wanted to be a missionary for the church and for the first time I started questioning my beliefs... I wanted to know the truth of them myself... I had a great BOOK knowledge of the Bible and Book of Mormon and the Plan of Salvation, but I needed that spiritual testimony that these things were true.

God, who is our Heavenly Father, is literally our Father... God is our Father and we lived with him before we were born as his spirit children... we are his offspring http://youtu.be/lCLuPk7ZKVg?list=PL4A73DDEE675FBC39" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; and he devised a plan for his spirit children to leave the 'nest' as so to speak to gain earthly bodies and to leave his presence... this life to a test... whereas the things of God would not be so obvious... but we would have to spiritually discern them... You see our spirits came from above and entered our mortal bodies... we learn about spiritual things through our spirit... through our hearts and minds. Physical things can be touched... tested and proven... like the law of gravity, what goes up must come down. Spiritual things are learned the same way but are felt through our spirits which means we must be 'in tune' to listen and learn and know of Godly things. I love this scripture in the Bible, 1st Corinthians 2:14, "But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned."

Those who pay no attention to their 'spiritual side' cannot understand the things of God because they are 'spiritually' discerned.

Well I remember the day I prayed to my Father in Heaven and asked him about the truthfulness of the restored Gospel, ie the LDS Church and about him as my father. I used to run all the time as there was this big hill behind my house and everyday in the middle of the day in the heat of the summer I would run up and down that hill... and while I ran I usually spoke to my Father... on that day I finally said... Look I need to know.. are you there... should I be a missionary for the Church and is the church true.... because if not I don't want to waste my time. Well, there was no amazing sign... no clasp of thunder... no angels... but the simple comforting peace that came to my soul and the words to my mind, "You know it's true... you've always known it's true!" I didn't need a sign... I just needed to feel the LOVE of my Father in Heaven, that he really is there and really is mindful of me.

I served as a missionary for the LDS Church (ie not in England) and it was the best 2 years of my life.... The reason why you so much like being around the missionaries is because you can feel the 'light' that is around them... That light is the goodness of God and it is discernible.... You don't need a great manifestation that God is our Father and you are his child and he loves you, that he has a work and a destiny for you... that he is guiding you.... I would say that you already know and have felt his love and you know and feel the 'light' of the missionaries and you know that words they speak are true. I love your honesty and candidness and if you're honest with yourself and have a pure heart and seek after the truth of the reality of our Father in Heaven and his son Jesus Christ as our savior and the need to turn to them you will find it!

[SamFisher]

4times4, thanks for that great post. Your political judgment is spot on, and your religious judgment is about to be validated as spot on as well. Those warm fuzzies come from the Holy Ghost. He's leading you to the truth--it's one of his roles for those who are searching. Ride the wave, brother, and expect the feeling to increase and grow as you learn to understand the nature of God, that he's real, and is waiting to bless you.

That feeling is why Mormons are viewed by the world as strange, and why so many normal, right-thinking people (who you wouldn't expect to be Bible-thumbing religious freaks, like Beck) become devoutly Christian. The gospel of Jesus Christ, as restored by a modern prophet and taught by the LDS church, is true. We come off as oddballs because that warm fuzzy feeling drives us to do good, or at least try to. It's real. What you're experiencing now are small doses, but it's a permanent gift after baptism (provided you keep the baptismal covenant you make). Good luck in your investigation. I promise you that you are on the right path.

Word of warning: This site has its share of anti-Mormons, subtle detractors, and snakes in the grass...so be careful who you listen to.

[wildernessdaughter]

4times4, welcome!

I am excited to hear about the process you're going through and the experiences you've had so far.

I can tell you that I know the joy this gospel can and will bring into your life. The blessing of having the Holy Ghost as your constant companion and the strength that comes from coming to know and trust the Lord Jesus Christ is incomparable.

As you read the Book of Mormon with an open mind and heart you will grow closer to Him. Your testimony of Him, His restored gospel and the importance of receiving the saving ordinances (e.g. baptism) will grow, too. You will feel yourself becoming a better, kinder, more positive person. The Book of Mormon is a true book. It is a powerful book. It is another witness of Jesus and his love for us.

The best thing about all of this is that you don't have to take our word for it! You don't have to take the missionary's word for it. The Lord will tell you personally through the Holy Ghost. Let him be your guide!

I look forward to hearing about your first visit to church! Don't let this forum scare you off -- there are a lot of good people here, but some who have, might we say, not the best of intentions. And we have been known to get carried away with our discussions from time to time. ;)

[worthit]

Congratulations and welcome to our group. What a great experience you have had! Keep your conversation with God going. Read scriptures more than these posts! Trust in the spirit the Lord has given you and the marvelous experiences He is about to send. You have not arrived, just entered the door. Brace yourself, for offenses will come. Be true in your relationship to Christ, and He will see you through. Thanks for your Post!

[wildernessdaughter]

Keep your conversation with God going. Read scriptures more than these posts!

This^^^^is so true!