How do the Wheat and Tares co-exist in the same Ward?

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Tribunal
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Posts: 1496

How do the Wheat and Tares co-exist in the same Ward?

Post by Tribunal »

In the 13th Chapter of Matthew we read:
24 Another parable put he forth unto them, saying, The kingdom of heaven is likened unto a man which sowed good seed in his field:
25 But while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat, and went his way.
26 But when the blade was sprung up, and brought forth fruit, then appeared the tares also.
27 So the servants of the householder came and said unto him, Sir, didst not thou sow good seed in thy field? from whence then hath it tares?
28 He said unto them, An enemy hath done this. The servants said unto him, Wilt thou then that we go and gather them up?
29 But he said, Nay; lest while ye gather up the tares, ye root up also the wheat with them.
30 Let both grow together until the harvest: and in the time of harvest I will say to the reapers, Gather ye together first the tares, and bind them in bundles to burn them: but gather the wheat into my barn.
I have noticed that those with political views contrary to the Constitution, and those with doctrinal views contrary to the Gospel, have become more and more outspoken of their political and doctrinal views, yet they seem get the leadership callings in the ward and the assignments to organize ward activities. They seem to be the 'cool' crowd in the ward and either gain a following because they are 'fun', or drive out some with weaker testimonies or even those with stronger testimonies who don't want to be involved in their drama.

My own personal experience with this is in my ward I've observed a clique of people who serve in the elders quorum presidency, the primary presidency, and in gospel doctrine. They extend callings only to those who are in their clique, or friendly to them, and actually exclude those who aren't. They are also involved with activities outside of church like school activities and recreational sports. They pick and choose certain members to join them in activities and openly deny others. They back-stab, back-bite, lie, and gossip about people, and actively engage in campaigns to alienate people. If you try to stand up to them they come together and make you their target. I've seen many who have fallen prey to this group of people. Other members in leadership positions either don't see the drama, choose not to get involved, or they turn a blind-eye because they don't want to become their targets. It has been incredible to watch and now my wife and I are their targets because we stood up to them. The members of the bishopric and stake presidency are such 'sweet spirits' that they don't seem to grasp the degree of pain these people cause. I sent an email to my bishop and explained just a little bit about my observations and experiences, and immediately afterwards, my wife and I were released from our callings. I also no longer home teach families from the elders quorum but now have a high priest as a companion and teach high priest families. I've considered going to another ward, even outside of the stake, but because of our situation it would actually make things worse. My wife has had a few couples approach her about our situation. One couple said they tried to stand up for us but now they are being targeted. Another couple even cried to my wife because they were "bullied" into targeting us.

I've watched these people act so malicious that I cannot sustain them in their callings. I don't want to be around them. I don't want my kids anywhere near them, or their kids. And I don't want to make things worse in my ward, in my neighborhood, in our activities outside of church, and with my family, so we've stopped going to church. We've even stopped attending activities outside of church that involve these people.

To paint a picture of how ruthless these people are: imagine you serve in a leadership position in the ward and were assigned by the bishopric to put together a Christmas program in Sacrament. While you and your counselors plan the program you receive word from members of this clique that they want their children to have important roles in the program. You tell the parents in this clique that you want to be fair with all of the children involved in the program. The next thing you know you get a call from the stake president (not the bishop) requesting that you come to his office before you do anything else with the Christmas program. Turns out about a dozen families have informed the stake president that you've been mistreating the children in the ward and they no longer want to come to church. This is just one example of what these people have done to others in the ward.

I know I'm not alone and I constantly hear from friends and co-workers that they have observed or even experienced the same types of things in their wards.

So my two questions are: what are we to do with the tares among us? And second, how do the wheat and tares co-exist in the same ward?

log
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Posts: 2077
Location: The Fireplace of Affliction

Re: How do the Wheat and Tares co-exist in the same Ward?

Post by log »

Tares don't know they are tares, and are unable to discern wheat from tares.

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TheLion
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Re: How do the Wheat and Tares co-exist in the same Ward?

Post by TheLion »

Keep your faith and focus on your relationship with God. They have no control over that. This is a good test for you in terms of forgiveness, for it sounds as if you were wronged. Be an adult, act like an adult and if all else fails grow out your beard as a sign of masculine dominance; then stare them in the eyes as you say "May God have mercy on your soul if you continue to interfere with my ability to serve." Oh yeah and scowl, a bearded scowl is crazy effective. Just kidding, not about the beard though. They sound like beardless guys to me.

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Ruth
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Re: How do the Wheat and Tares co-exist in the same Ward?

Post by Ruth »

Tolerance. Think of it as a college course. You're supposed to learn tolerance, long suffering, and christ-like love. If you do well,you can move on. If you fail, you're going to be repeating the same course again.

tjthompson
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Re: How do the Wheat and Tares co-exist in the same Ward?

Post by tjthompson »

What a horrible experience. I have never had to deal with that degree of isolation and malice in an LDS setting or otherwise. I think the important thing to remember is that your duty to proclaim the gospel does not extend to nonmembers alone. Preach the gospel even to the leaders of the Church in your area, including these individuals who act aggressively and manipulatively. Treat them with kindness, be a positive example, and serve them. I'm not saying you need to go out of your way to be their friend; that will probably just make your experience more difficult. But do a hidden act of kindness for the ones who you view as the ringleaders of this clique. Don't even serve them for their sake at this point; just serve them because that's the only way you will be able to stand them. And you do need to stand them -- again, not for their sake, but because avoiding church and recreational activities that benefit your family in order to avoid these individuals only gives them greater power to unrighteously dominate your life. Pull the rug out from under them by participating in the gospel (and the Church) without their approval and perhaps in defiance of whatever control they attempt to wield. Ultimately, if the wheat uproots itself and walks away from the field, who wins beside the enemy that hath done this and his earthly advocates? May the Lord bless you as you attempt to worship in an environment that seems to be incompatible with the laws of ZION. Be patient; ZION will come.

janderich
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Posts: 240

Re: How do the Wheat and Tares co-exist in the same Ward?

Post by janderich »

Your situation is very similar to that faced by the humble followers of Christ in the BofM. Note their problem and what they did in consequence of it:
And in the fifty and first year of the reign of the judges there was peace also, save it were the pride which began to enter into the church - not into the church of God, but into the hearts of the people who professed to belong to the church of God - And they were lifted up in pride, even to the persecution of many of their brethren. Now this was a great evil, which did cause the more humble part of the people to suffer great persecutions, and to wade through much affliction. Nevertheless they did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in their faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts to God. (Heleman 3:33-35)
The true members of the church of God do not need activities, callings, or recognition of any sort. Leave it to the clique and the Lord will bless you. But this is not all, begin to fast and pray in humility. Pray for those who despitefully use you. Plead with the Lord to soften their heart and yours. Do not let anyone know, do not let the world see. I say that you may grow more in one year under your current circumstances then in ten years as an active part of the current situation.

Look at the afflicted Zoramites and what one of them said to Alma:
Behold, what shall these my brethren do, for they are despised of all men because of their poverty, yea, and more especially by our priests; for they have cast us out of our synagogues which we have labored abundantly to build with our own hands; and they have cast us out because of our exceeding poverty; and we have no place to worship our God; and behold, what shall we do? (Alma 32:5)
These people built the church but had no where to worship! Also, they were afflicted most by the priests! Was their situation such a terrible one because they were rejected? Absolutely not! In fact the scripture says of Alma, "...and he beheld with great joy; for he beheld that their afflictions had truly humbled them, and that they were in a preparation to hear the word" (Alma 32:6). Now, I suspect you are not yet cast out of the church, so go and partake of the sacrament. And find the true meaning of that ordinance. Don't cause waves, just humbly listen. What a great opportunity you have, if you will, to separate the meaningless performances from the true heart of this gospel. Exercise faith, turn to God, and the Lord will bless you.

Lilli
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Posts: 361

Re: How do the Wheat and Tares co-exist in the same Ward?

Post by Lilli »

Tribunal,

It sounds like you are being very wise in distancing yourself from these people. God does not require that we put ourselves or our family around those who mistreat us. Protection of your family is your #1 duty.

But this is all well and good, for it is waking you up, now all you need to do is find out how and why this is happening in the Church and why do the leaders support or go along with it.

log
captain of 1,000
Posts: 2077
Location: The Fireplace of Affliction

Re: How do the Wheat and Tares co-exist in the same Ward?

Post by log »

But this is all well and good, for it is waking you up, now all you need to do is find out how and why this is happening in the Church and why do the leaders support or go along with it.
Is it helpful to one's spiritual health to judge others' motivations and characters rather than repent and be sanctified, possessing charity? The Savior said not.
3 Nephi 14
1 And now it came to pass that when Jesus had spoken these words he turned again to the multitude, and did open his mouth unto them again, saying: Verily, verily, I say unto you, Judge not, that ye be not judged.

2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother: Let me pull the mote out of thine eye—and behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

5 Thou hypocrite, first cast the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brother’s eye.
If one truly places the Book of Mormon above all the other scriptures and against every contrary teaching, such as JST Matthew 7:1, then one is honor bound to abide this precept.

In any event, righteous judgement can only be had by a righteous person.

embryopocket
captain of 100
Posts: 522

Re: How do the Wheat and Tares co-exist in the same Ward?

Post by embryopocket »

WWJD?

That's what my mom always used to say when they treated her bad at church. She endured and tried her best to love them. It was hard, I remember her crying every Sunday and she would tell me the horrible things that the RS sisters would tell her. After a few years of this, the Lord called my dad to the High Council in the YSA stake and she goes to YSA wards with him and loves it. She feels like because she was faithful in enduring their meanness the Lord blessed her by taking her out of that ward.

I know how tough it can be, but if you do your best to love them the Lord will be pleased.

sevenator
captain of 100
Posts: 389

Re: How do the Wheat and Tares co-exist in the same Ward?

Post by sevenator »

Love them. Yeah.

You could always go with the "cleansing the temple" method next testimony meeting.

log
captain of 1,000
Posts: 2077
Location: The Fireplace of Affliction

Re: How do the Wheat and Tares co-exist in the same Ward?

Post by log »

sevenator wrote:Love them. Yeah.

You could always go with the "cleansing the temple" method next testimony meeting.

katmr
captain of 100
Posts: 490

Re: How do the Wheat and Tares co-exist in the same Ward?

Post by katmr »

Tribunal...I don't know where you live but if I had to guess, is this maybe a ward somewhere it Utah Valley?? :)) I really don't mean that to be judgemental or generalize but from my experience and from others that I know I think maybe these kind of things seem to be more prevalent here, but maybe you live somewhere else....Anyways, I was in a ward not too long ago where some of the things you described seemed to be similar to some of the things taking place in our ward.
I'm so sorry about what you have seen taking place in your ward and the things that have happened to you. In answer to your questions, I think it is our part to make sure we are not one of the tares. We can do that by repenting and making sure our heart is right with the Lord. I don't blame you for not wanting to be around these people at all. I have experienced many of the feelings you described but it also gives you an opportunity to pray for these people who have wronged you (people that you might consider as enemies.) I think as far as your children go you just use your judgement as a parent as to what situations and activities you allow them to participate in. In some ways experiences with the other kids might be good and allow your children growth but maybe there are some things that will be damaging to them emotionally and spiritually which may not be in the best interest to subject them to. I think it is best to be prayerful about it but I think children pick up on a lot of things from parents so if your attitude is negative or unforgiving toward these people, it is easy for the kids to pick up on that. The best way to teach our children the gospel is by living it through example. I hope that you will at least re-think your church attendance because the Lord really needs honest hearted people like you and I think the adversary is probably happy that these people have driven you out in a sense. I would encourage you to stand strong in the Lord and in the Holy Place and be not moved...be not moved by these people and what they are allowing to take place.
The Lord is the one true safety that won't be found anywhere else. For myself, I am selective about the church activities that I go to because I want to make sure my heart is in the right place when I attend and also that, that is where the Lord would have me be at the time and I don't want to worship the church institution. I think the Lord is offering you an opportunity to purify your heart....give Him gratitude for the experience even though it is difficult and painful...forgive these people. Co-existing in the same ward is not easy but we have to realize we are all here with other imperfect mortals. I'm a stubborn person...that's just me, lol, but I wouldn't let these people have their way so easily. They are probably happy that their bullying paid off and that you are no longer coming. Show them that you won't be bullied and that you will continue to love them and serve alongside them...as far as sustaining them in their callings, that is between you and the Lord. It's just truly sad to me that these things are happening but I am not one bit surprised to hear it. I hope the others who are being bullied in your ward will also stand firm in their callings...that is pretty crazy about the stake president and the Christmas program!! Wow!!!! @-)

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