We Are Creating a Nation of Wimps - Helicopter Parenting

[A Random Phrase]

A Nation of Wimps from Psychology Today.


I could not find permission to quote the whole article, so I'd recommend going to the site and reading the whole thing. It is quite interesting.

Parents are going to ludicrous lengths to take the bumps out of life for their children. However, parental hyperconcern has the net effect of making kids more fragile; that may be why they're breaking down in record numbers.

Messing up, however, even in the playground, is wildly out of style. Although error and experimentation are the true mothers of success, parents are taking pains to remove failure from the equation.

Anderegg finds that anxious parents are hyperattentive to their kids, reactive to every blip of their child's day, eager to solve every problem for their child—and believe that's good parenting. "If you have an infant and the baby has gas, burping the baby is being a good parent. But when you have a 10-year-old who has metaphoric gas, you don't have to burp him. You have to let him sit with it, try to figure out what to do about it. He then learns to tolerate moderate amounts of difficulty, and it's not the end of the world."

In the hothouse that child raising has become, play is all but dead. Over 40,000 U.S. schools no longer have recess. And what play there is has been corrupted. The organized sports many kids participate in are managed by adults; difficulties that arise are not worked out by kids but adjudicated by adult referees.

One of the sections talks about how cell phone use is part of the problem. Later it talks about children with highstrung temperaments:

While their innate reactivity seems to destine all these children [with inborn highstrung temperaments] for later anxiety disorders, things didn't turn out that way. Between a touchy temperament in infancy and persistence of anxiety stand two highly significant things: parents. Kagan found to his surprise that the development of anxiety was scarcely inevitable despite apparent genetic programming. At age 2, none of the overexcitable infants wound up fearful if their parents backed off from hovering and allowed the children to find some comfortable level of accommodation to the world on their own. Those parents who overprotected their children—directly observed by conducting interviews in the home—brought out the worst in them.

There is a section on "Endless Adolescence."

Anyway, a person can go to the site and print out the article for their own personal use. It is a fascinating article.

If I have quoted too much, I will gladly delete all that Psychology Today feels should be deleted.

Edited to clarify the title of the thread.

[M249Gunner]

This goes along with one of my all time favorite essays-"A Nation of Cowards." Give it a read. You will like it.
(No, I didn't write it.)

http://rkba.org/comment/cowards.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[A Random Phrase]

This goes along with one of my all time favorite essays-"A Nation of Cowards." Give it a read. You will like it.
(No, I didn't write it.)

http://rkba.org/comment/cowards.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Well, it's kind of sideways of the original topic since it seems to address only defending one's life - but it does fall into the general category of being wimps. I cannot imagine the people described in the original article I posted defending themselves. They have been trained to be eternal children, relying on someone else to solve their problems and protect them.

This quote I got from your link:

In the mid-sixties there was a public service advertising campaign targeted at car owners about the prevention of car theft. The purpose of the ad was to urge car owners not to leave their keys in their cars. The message was, "Don't help a good boy go bad." The implication was that, by leaving his keys in his car, the normal, law-abiding car owner was contributing to the delinquency of minors who, if they just weren't tempted beyond their limits, would be "good."

reminds me of the modesty discussions, wherein women and girls are held responsible for men and boys' thoughts and behaviors.

Your link has very good information in it. In fact, from the copyright notice at the top, it looks like it could be reproduced in its entirety.

[Fairminded]

It's human nature to blame the victim. The attackers do so in order to justify their actions, onlookers do it because they perceive the victim as weak for being unable to prevent it, and so worthy of contempt, and the victims themselves do so because they can think of things they could've done to protect themselves but didn't.

This is an alarming problem when we live in a society where no one is willing to protect themselves and we turn to government for protection. The very people we rely on for safety will blame us for the bad things that happen to us.

[A Random Phrase]

No wonder tptb consider us too young to "play with guns" - this (U.S.) is an overprotective society, and we are passing it on through how we raise our children.

American parents have got it backwards

Imagine my surprise when I came across a kindergartener in the German forest whittling away on a stick with a penknife. His teacher, Wolfgang, lightheartedly dismissed my concern: "No one's ever lost a finger!"

Similarly, Brittany, an American mom, was stunned when she moved her young family to Sweden and saw 3- and 4-year-olds with no adult supervision bicycling down the street, climbing the roofs of playhouses and scaling tall trees with no adult supervision. The first time she saw a 3-year-old high up in a tree at preschool, she started searching for the teacher to let her know. Then she saw another parent stop and chat with one of the little tree occupants, completely unfazed. It was clear that no one but Brittany was concerned.

The French, as well as many others, believe that routinely giving your child a chance to feel frustration gives him a chance to practice the art of waiting and developing self-control. Gilles, a French father of two young boys, told me that frustrating kids is good for them because it teaches them the value of delaying gratification and not always expecting (or worse, demanding) that their needs be met right now.

Children in Finland go outside to play frequently all day long. "How can you teach when the children are going outside every 45 minutes?" a recent American Fulbright grant recipient in Finland, who was astonished by how little time the Finns were spending in school, inquired curiously of a teacher at one of the schools she visited. The teacher in turn was astonished by the question. "I could not teach unless the children went outside every 45 minutes!"

The Finnish model of education includes a late start to academics (children do not begin any formal academics until they are 7 years old), frequent breaks for outdoor time, shorter school hours and more variety of classes than in the US. Equity, not high achievement, is the guiding principle of the Finnish education system.

While we in America preach the mantra of early intervention, shave time off recess to teach more formal academics and cut funding to non-academic subjects like art and music, Finnish educators emphasize that learning art, music, home economics and life skills is essential.

[A Random Phrase]

Yet another article about this nation of wimps that we have and are creating.

http://www.wheatandtares.org/11061/heli ... epressing/

[A Random Phrase]

Some of the comments on the American parents link:

blaclogic
My boy drew a gun on a piece of paper and got sent home.

karlpopperfan
another difference: if a kid in germany cuts his finger or a kid in sweden falls out of the tree, is there a rush by the parents to file a multi-million dollar lawsuit?

An Engineer
You are right about the risk taking with the young being drawn to "dangerous" things. I watched a 15 month old grand daughter climb the back of a sofa, step onto a high chair that was backed up against it, sit down, then turn around and lower herself to the ground, The final act required a "free fall" of some 6 inches or more. The first time, the dropping to the ground was very slow and deliberate releasing her grip on the chair only when there was no way to hang on and strength was giving way to fatigue. Once her feet hit the ground, she immediately ran around the sofa and did it again. I watched her for many minutes as she repeated this activity over and over. She was "training" herself! Each time was faster and more confident. After ten minutes or so, the last 6 inch drop was made quickly and with good balance on the landing! This child was a climber and loved to climb one of the posts on our four post bed climbing to the top and removing the finial (and eventually "teething" on the post and making marks that make it impossible to ever sell the bed! We could never get rid of it with such memories engraved in it.)
This girl is now 7 and climbs trees to 15 feet and higher. The only rule is to go no higher than she can remember how to get back down.

American Parents Have Got it Backwards

[A Random Phrase]

A TED talk that is in keeping with this conversation about creating wimps out of the American people. Can wimps defend themselves? Can wimps handle what is prophesied to be in the future of this country if we don't repent? Can wimps stand on their own two feet and handle life when there is no instant gratification, no ipods, no computers, no cell phones (and so forth)?

http://www.ted.com/talks/gever_tulley_o ... _kids.html

[Fairminded]

An interesting comment from that article you posted warning that American communities don't have the sense of community cohesion and responsibility that would allow children to roam free in the security that any grownup around would be keeping half an eye out for their safety.

I grew up in an LDS community, with every single neighbor being a familiar face on Sunday. And maybe due to being a middle kid in a family of 7 I pretty much ran wild the entire time. I never got into trouble, I didn't get hurt, and I obviously didn't get kidnapped.

There was a time, however, when I was 15, that I was walking to a friend's house and got attacked by a doberman breed. Right in the middle of my own Ward's neighborhood, serious injuries to my leg and arm. I limped half a block, shouting for help, and several neighbors even admitted later that they heard me but didn't respond. If a friend's mom hadn't been driving by and picked me up to take me home I might've been forced to walk the entire way to my friend's house without anyone stepping in to help.

That was a real eye-opener, I'll tell you what.

[A Random Phrase]

I limped half a block, shouting for help, and several neighbors even admitted later that they heard me but didn't respond. If a friend's mom hadn't been driving by and picked me up to take me home I might've been forced to walk the entire way to my friend's house without anyone stepping in to help.

That was a real eye-opener, I'll tell you what.

Oh, wow! That's cold! The freedom mentioned works better with caring people around in case something bad does happen.

This country has a lot of problems letting kids roam free and try things. Uncaring. Sue-happy. Fearful. Angry and controlling. All bad things MUST be punished (no matter how accidental they might be). And so forth.

[skmo]

Tear Down Sandy Hook

I understand grief. It's a powerful force that has to be dealt with. However, we've come so far in our "Please wipe my nose for me, it's icky" society that people expect society to spen millions and millions of dollars just because they lack the backbone to grow past their pain? Okay, you had a tragedy. I've had them, too. If I'd have had a location to direct my frustration at, had I threatened to "chain myself to the doors if they try to reopen it" I'd rightly expect someone to lock me up in an institution because I was mentally unable to deal with life.

Come on, people, Deal with life or get on medication until you can grow past your childishness.

[Thinker]

I understand grief. It's a powerful force that has to be dealt with. However, we've come so far in our "Please wipe my nose for me, it's icky" society that people expect society to spen millions and millions of dollars just because they lack the backbone to grow past their pain? Okay, you had a tragedy. I've had them, too. If I'd have had a location to direct my frustration at, had I threatened to "chain myself to the doors if they try to reopen it" I'd rightly expect someone to lock me up in an institution because I was mentally unable to deal with life.

Come on, people, Deal with life or get on medication until you can grow past your childishness.

I can think of some "activist" groups and followers who call out "hate" and all kinds of nonsense if they "take the truth to be hard."
And it seems, based on who we have elected in governmental positions, that the wimpyness continues.
Too many are too scared to think for themselves and consider and stand up for what is of God...

What is of God?
Is it of God to kill innocent children (developing in the womb) - call them "parasites" & justify sexual irresponsibility?
Is it of God to condone or go along with such murders?

Is it of God to legally deny children of a mother or father & instead force them to have the parental examples of people with homosexual fetishes that statistically prove to be harmful in multiple ways?
Is it of God to condone or go along with such legalized sexual perversion?

[A Random Phrase]

bump

[Thinker]

This thread is a good reminder for me that it’s ok - even good - when my kids are uncomfortable. As Joel Skousen explained, when your kids complain or have a problem, instead of jumping in to lecture or fix it - ask them what happened - especially if they remember feeling any intuitive/spiritual feelings. And ask them what they think would be best for them to do. Basically give the response-ability back to them - by believing in them to figure it out. Essentially, love & logic parenting.

Probably for most parents, raising children is, in a way, like re-experiencing childhood/adolescence etc again, through different eyes - more mature eyes & our children’s eyes. Empathy is an essential part of good social skills & spirituality - and it tends to come from projecting one’s own thoughts/feelings & past experience. The problem arises when we fail to see how our children are not us - they think & feel in their own way with unique strengths, weaknesses & purposes. Also, what a 17-year-old needs in parenting is different than what a baby needs. As parents, we need to grow with our kids, keeping in mind the goal of them reaching their full potential - which means eventual independence from us.

Sin bad said it well: :38
https://youtu.be/5pLzfYVrboM

[David13]

An interesting comment from that article you posted warning that American communities don't have the sense of community cohesion and responsibility that would allow children to roam free in the security that any grownup around would be keeping half an eye out for their safety.

I grew up in an LDS community, with every single neighbor being a familiar face on Sunday. And maybe due to being a middle kid in a family of 7 I pretty much ran wild the entire time. I never got into trouble, I didn't get hurt, and I obviously didn't get kidnapped.

There was a time, however, when I was 15, that I was walking to a friend's house and got attacked by a doberman breed. Right in the middle of my own Ward's neighborhood, serious injuries to my leg and arm. I limped half a block, shouting for help, and several neighbors even admitted later that they heard me but didn't respond. If a friend's mom hadn't been driving by and picked me up to take me home I might've been forced to walk the entire way to my friend's house without anyone stepping in to help.

That was a real eye-opener, I'll tell you what.

I have those neighborhood kids out there too, and their m.o. in life is to scream all the time. Well, I think it's the girls, but I hear a constant scream from them. A few times I have gone to look out and see why they are screaming, and it was just their normal play.

Years ago in California I lived adjacent to an elementary school. When the kids were there outside it was perpetual roar of screeching voices. Like the roar of the ocean, but I could tell it was kids.
dc

[Juliet]

This is also true of helicopter governments. They police every little thing people do wrong and penalize free will such that no one learns how to protect themselves from evil salesmen and no one learns how to do business for themselves. The result is a weak and dependant people.

Tryanny causes one of two things. People either don't comply and it causes war and separation, or they do comply and it causes a loss of will and eventual starvation.

Love is the only answer. But if you choose love it means solving your own problems, learning to let things go, educating people without controlling them, protecting yourself, and forgiving others. It means sacrifice.