How do you deal with a spouse who is Passive Aggressive?

[awake]

You know, you can OFFER love, understanding, trust, and closeness forever. And it sounds like a few of the opinions on this topic line lean toward believing that that is what should be done in a marriage to a PA spouse. What you cannot do is make another person RECEIVE anything.

I understand what you are saying KoZ. It is usually true that 'in this life' even unconditional love will not 'cure' an abusive spouse, though it may reduce alot of the conflict and abuse and will help us grow stronger spiritually, but it is no guarantee that it will solve the problems at present.

Some spouses even get 'worse', when confronted with unconditional love, because it makes them feel even more guilty for how they are treating their spouse in return and thus they get more angry and resentful at their wonderful spouse, for making them feel guilty. Go figure. But that doesn't mean we stop offering unconditional love, for love is always the answer, no matter how they may choose to respond to such love.

It seems that most abusive spouses don't repent until the next life, when they finally have to face their actions and the pain they cause and completely repent in Spirit Prison and finally 'receive our love'. Once our spouse repents in the next life, then we can finally achieve what marriage was meant to be.

I believe that Heavenly Father knew that most all marriages on this earth, or even in the Church, would deal with abuse and adultery in some form or degree, by one or both spouses. And I believe He knew that usually at least one spouse would not be willing to repent until the next life. Thus, the reason he had his Son come and teach us about unconditional love.

In the meantime, as you may have missed in my previous posts, I believe we need to protect ourselves as necessary, from an abusive spouse who refuses to repent in this life, and love and serve them and help them gradually repent, sometimes 'from a safe distance or separation' if needed, until they repent in this life or the next.

For eventually they all will repent and feel eternally remorseful for how they treated their spouse and they will want to do whatever it takes to make it all up to them.

[Kingdom of ZION]

In the meantime, as you may have missed in my previous posts, I believe we need to protect ourselves as necessary, from an abusive spouse who refuses to repent in this life, and love and serve them and help them gradually repent, sometimes 'from a safe distance or separation' if needed, until they repent in this life or the next.

For eventually they all will repent and feel eternally remorseful for how they treated their spouse and they will want to do whatever it takes to make it all up to them.

Its not that I particularly missed that comment. Its is just that I wouldn't call working with that person (loving and serving them) "at a safe distance" as a continuation of the marriage. Its hard to conceive of "marriage at a safe distance" as serving the covenant for either party or therefore, the Lord.

I too, find that many people simply cannot or will not repent in this life, and that is a shame for we all should feel the need to repent frequently. With this said, I didn't come to this question expecting perfection from anyone, for certainly I do not find it in myself either. What I have found, is that when you come to a point where no matter how hard you try to love and serve a spouse who takes up enduring opposition to what you have both covenanted in marriage, there are consequences of their own making. When you hit that crossroad, one of the questions becomes "How to deal".

I am the one who posed the OP but I am under no illusion that there is just one answer to this question so I truly thank everyone who commented for their input on the topic.

Shalom

[awake]

Its hard to conceive of "marriage at a safe distance" as serving the covenant for either party or therefore, the Lord.

If our spouse is too dangerous to live with, than separation is the best way to keep our covenants for the time being, until they repent. But the righteous spouse is still keeping their covenant, even if they don't stay in the same house so the other can abuse them.

It isn't righteous or keeping our covenants to go along with our spouse's abuse and not try to stop it or protect ourselves.