Choosing Glory

[Strawberry]

A close friend of mine has (as I am currently) struggled with her sister being nasty to her, lying to her, taking advantage of her etc. so my friend sought out guidance in this situation. She was introduced to Lili De Hoyos Anderson PHD - http://lilianderson.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;.

Her book, Choosing Glory is about how we live and the choices we make. Are we making telestial choices, :ymdevil: terrestial choices or celestial choices O:-) ? Her argument is that generally speaking, what kinds of choices we make in this life will greatly affect where we end up in the next.

So, I'd like to share with you a little of what she says in her book and ask your guys thoughts for my situation.

Celestial Realm O:-) - Christlike being (inner peace, creation, new birth)
Terrestial Realm - self control, deferred/delayed gratification (eternal peace, safety, prosperity)
Telestial Realm :ymdevil: - appetite satisfaction, immediate gratification (pain, violence, destruction)

Most of us want to be good people so we are patient and longsuffering with people who hurt us - who are choosing telestial behaviors :ymdevil: . We keep ourselves vunerable to abuse and the victimiser continues on their path to self destruction; essentially we are allowing ourselves to be the victum and are enabling the other person to self destruct. Tolerating this telestial behavior :ymdevil: is NOT charity - it is victimhood.

What about being forgiving, shouldn't we forgive 7X7 (Matt 18:22)? Forgiveness does not require us to accept or tolerate evil.

When the early saints were suffering severe persecution Joseph Smith inquired of the lord and received this powerful non-victum principle in which is now known as D&C 98:23-32

23 Now, I speak unto you concerning your families—if men will smite you, or your families, once, and ye bear it patiently and revile not against them, neither seek revenge, ye shall be rewarded;

24 But if ye bear it not patiently, it shall be accounted unto you as being meted out as a just measure unto you.

25 And again, if your enemy shall smite you the second time, and you revile not against your enemy, and bear it patiently, your reward shall be an hundred fold.

26 And again, if he shall smite you the third time, and ye bear it patiently, your reward shall be doubled unto you four-fold;
27 And these three atestimonies shall stand against your enemy if he repent not, and shall not be blotted out.

28 And now, verily I say unto you, if that enemy shall escape my vengeance, that he be not brought into judgment before me, then ye shall see to it that ye warn him in my name, that he come no more upon you, neither upon your family, even your children’s children unto the third and fourth generation.

29 And then, if he shall come upon you or your children, or your children’s children unto the third and fourth generation, I have delivered thine enemy into thine hands;

30 And then if thou wilt spare him, thou shalt be rewarded for thy righteousness; and also thy children and thy children’s children unto the third and fourth generation.

31 Nevertheless, thine enemy is in thine hands; and if thou rewardest him according to his works thou art justified; if he has sought thy life, and thy life is endangered by him, thine enemy is in thine hands and thou art justified.

32 Behold, this is the law I gave unto my servant Nephi, and thy fathers, Joseph, and Jacob, and Isaac, and Abraham, and all mine ancient prophets and apostles.

So, after 3 times one is justified and encouraged to stop being a victum and to communicate to the victimiser they are no longer willing to suffer this abuse. At that point one of two things will happen; either the victimizer will exclate things or they'll repent and have a change of heart.

If we are to become "even as He is" (3 nephi 27:27) then we must be intolerant of sin. We want to stop this cycle before we come to the point where we want to dish it out.

If someone hurts us and we immediatly hurt back God see's us as equally offensive and doesn't want us to bother Him about it. We should never go from being victim to victimiser - but we should take measures to stop getting hurt.

How does this sound so far? Different from what people around me do. They mostly tolerate abuse and have encouraged me to do the same.

So, here is my situation. We played musical houses in my family, I moved into my parents home, my sister moved into my home and my parents moved into another home they own. I'm still making the house payments on my home, my sister is living there for free and I'm living in a large home I couldn't have other wise afforded.

So, for 2 years I've tolerated her and her husbands lying and vindictiveness (it's recently exclated) and I'm done. I can't take it any more and am almost to the point of dishing it out. They are buying my home, have signed the papers, completed the inspection, had the appraisal done. We are just 5 days from closing. So my husband went to the house to get the remainder of what we left there and come to find out they have destroyed some of our stuff and gotten rid of other stuff and now they are claiming that what's left of ours is really theirs. For me it's like the last straw.

So, based on the above, do I say I'm taking what's mine and take it (the stuff isn't the issue, it's the lying, blatant disrespect) or do I say, well it's just 5 days from closing, I'll leave it and NEVER trust them again or put myself in such a position with them.

I'm kind of dammed if I do, dammed if I don't. If I take the stuff they may take SUCH GREAT offense at that that they'll refuse to by the house (even though they've wanted to buy it for quite some time and love it) and I'll be back to square one with selling it in this sagging market (not to mention my husband just got layed off, so we have no income). And knowing them they'll leave the house trashed (not in the condition I left it in for them) and possibly vandalize it.

I'm striving SO hard to do what is right, to be a good person. God knows I need this lesson, I'm just praying I handle it as He would.

I hope I've given you something to think about and am grateful for any insight into what Lili says in her book and my situatuion.

Blessings!
Strawberry
http://www.mycpsjourney.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality."
- Ayn Rand

[Original_Intent]

Well, I suppose what the advice is depends on the rest of the story...

What is the situation with you in your parents home? Are you buying it, just staying there, or is it a gift? If you are just getting your parents home, your sister and her hubby may feel like you are the one taking unfair advantage. (I'm not saying that is the case, I am just saying there is a good chance that they are seeing things differently than you are.)

As far as the "stuff" - was it stuff you had boxed up and ready to move or was it stuff you just left around the house when they moved in? If the latter, and they have been there over two years, I could see how ownership of various stuff could have gotten blurred. If you had it boxed you probably should have gotten it to your current house sooner.

I don;t really want all the dirty details, but it is likely in those details that the right response lies. You say you are tired of all their dishonesty, vindictiveness etc...you don't give details and I don;t really want them, but without them it is hard to give advise.

They also may not be excited to buy your house in this down market, and maybe feel you are trying to hold them to a prior verbal agreement?

There are a lot of unknown variables that one would need to know in order todetermine what the right thing to do is.

[Songbird]

Strawberry,
I have had much in my life that others have brought upon me through their choices and I have had to learn some very soul-exposing lessons on forgiveness. My story is not the important part except the ending. So, here is what I learned.
First, painful though it is, remember that Heavenly Father still loves your sister even though she is doing the things she does. I believe that He does not condone her actions. While He loves your sister, He also loves you. One of the hardest lessons to learn is to let go of the bitter feeling that have been raised up because of her actions. However, find comfort in the fact that you are having these lessons, because you are in the same league and the Apostle Paul and Jesus himself, in that they suffered persecution for Christ's sake. Paul counted himself blessed to be able to suffer for Christ's sake. See 2 Corinthians. We must learn to love our enemies and bless those who would curse us, (see the beatitudes). It is a hard lesson indeed. In the thick of it, the Lord requires us to forgive all men their tresspasses.

In my own experience, it took me years, and I mean years, of work to forgive some of the things others close to me have done (and continue to do), but I have found comfort in reporting to Father in Heaven and asking Him to count my tears as a testimony of my sorrows. My testimony is that while we are in pain becuase of the actions of other people, we are not alone nor forgotten, as was so eloquently expressed by President Uchtdorf this past Saturday. I have tasted of the love of our Father in my feeble attempts to forgive those who have offended me. Our efforts, no matter how feeble they may be will be accounted to us for righteousness sake. It is my testimony that God will make all things right. At one time, I would have liked and I believe I even prayed for, something to “happen” to those people who hurt me so terribly, so that they would know how I felt at their hands. Now it is different. Understanding the true mission of Jesus Christ, I have learned that wishing bad on others is not the way of the Master. The Master knows us and our trials. He understands our frustrations, but He also requires us to rise above the mire and temptation of revenge etc. It is a hard thing to be sure, but I testify that as you make the effort, you will find greater strength to withstand the temptaions. The more you work at it, the better your example for your sister and in reality, the greater the condemnation she faces if you continue in a Christ-like way while she continues to tear at you.
Now one more thing. I am sure I have mentioned this on this forum, but it can be repeated. One of my offenders is my father. (No need to go into it, just know that what he has done has heaped huge and great sorrows on my head.) Being concerned with the commandment to love and honor my father and mother, knowing that I could not do it, I went to a friend with my query. This was my question: How do I honor someone who treats me the way this man treats me? This was his answer: What kind of member of the Church are you? (Temple recommend holding, calling serving do what ever I can member). Do you love the Lord? (yes), Do you keep the commandments? (Yes). Then he said, you are then honoring your parents. He said, when you are living your life as God would have you do, then you are not bringing any shame on your parents, thus you are honoring them by living the kind of life that God wants you to live.
I keep myself at arm’s distance from my father, but I still have contact with him. Each time he does something else to add to the long list of offenses, I ask Father to note it and forgive him. It isn’t easy, but it is right. My first allegiance is to the Lord and His righteousness.
I hope that although this was long, it was helpful.

[Strawberry]

What is the situation with you in your parents home? Are you buying it, just staying there, or is it a gift? If you are just getting your parents home, your sister and her hubby may feel like you are the one taking unfair advantage.

Original intent: My sister stayed at my house for free, I have stayed at my parents house paying them nothing while at the same time paying the mortgage on my house. I'm staying at my parents while for the duration till my husband gets gainful employment (he recently got layed off) and we then move to wherever he gets the job.

It was just yard ornaments, pots, birdbaths etc that they are claiming is theirs. I do see your point, after 2 years they could feel it's theirs. I also know (no details) they have a long history of being vindictive towards me and lying and it's only gotten worse these last 2 months as they've been buying the house (for a steal I might add).

Sigh.

Songbird,
You are extraordinarily STRONG and have SUCH wisdom! I guess that will come over time for me. Thank you!

Strawberry
http://www.mycpsjourney.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Songbird]

Nice blog Strawberry...Yes, time will help but it looks like you are doing all you can right now. Keep your chin up and look to Father in Heaven.... :ymhug:

[NoGreaterLove]

Not only are we required to forgive, but we are to pray for them and do good to them.

[creator]

So, here is my situation. We played musical houses in my family, I moved into my parents home, my sister moved into my home and my parents moved into another home they own. I'm still making the house payments on my home, my sister is living there for free and I'm living in a large home I couldn't have other wise afforded.

So, for 2 years I've tolerated her and her husbands lying and vindictiveness (it's recently exclated) and I'm done. I can't take it any more and am almost to the point of dishing it out. They are buying my home, have signed the papers, completed the inspection, had the appraisal done. We are just 5 days from closing. So my husband went to the house to get the remainder of what we left there and come to find out they have destroyed some of our stuff and gotten rid of other stuff and now they are claiming that what's left of ours is really theirs. For me it's like the last straw.

So, based on the above, do I say I'm taking what's mine and take it (the stuff isn't the issue, it's the lying, blatant disrespect) or do I say, well it's just 5 days from closing, I'll leave it and NEVER trust them again or put myself in such a position with them.

Leave the stuff and move on with life... the stuff obviously wasn't that important if you left if when you moved out. Forget about it.