What would you do in this situation?

[Shimdidly]

My wife and I are in debt about $20,000 with student loans. We live in St. George Utah. My uncle from Las Vegas called and asked if I'd like to work for him and make $10 an hour. I haven't had a job for about a year. I've been lazy and justified college as a replacement for work.

Should I go? The main reasons that it is not a black and white decision is:

1. My wife says she'll miss me (she works in St. George)
2. The current radiation situation on the west coast.

I apologize for asking this here, since this is probably atypical. I find the people that post here insightful and usually get me to see things a different way I haven't considered before. I'm feeling an unnatural level of uncertainty, and I just need to see things as they are.

[Rand]

There are few if any times that inactivity is preferable to activity. Of course, pray. Follow the prompting. But, be a laborer. Your wife may miss you, but she will respect you more if you act well the role if a good provider.

[buffalo_girl]

Several husband/fathers in our Ward have come from distant parts of the country to work either in the oil field or repairing downed power lines while their wives and children remain 'at home'. It sure isn't easy for them, but they seem happy to have the work, regardless.

Will you have housing expenses paid for if you work for your uncle? I'm not sure how much it costs to live there now, but your $10 an hour could be burned up pretty quickly if you have to pay rent plus other living expenses. The young men who have come to our area often have RV trailers in which they live.

You might also want to assess your ability to avoid distractions inherent to Las Vegas.

[braingrunt]

I'd be pretty reluctant myself under any circumstances but especially with so little inducement. (10/hr) Unless there are strong growth prospects, resume building, or networking opportunities.

A 7/hr job near home would be worth more than a 10/hr job anywhere else. There's rent and/or gas, plus your relationship with your wife is so important. I would not leave unless you feel your relationship is strong; this will no doubt stress the relationship.

We came to utah after my dad was laid off from aerospace in california. My dad was called back for, it seems, about six months. This was a sore trial all around. He visited us about every other week maybe? It was quite an expense.

[Rincon]

Removed

[jdtech]

I'm feeling an unnatural level of uncertainty...

If you have truly sought the Lord in prayer and are still feeling this way perhaps this is your answer. Life away from your family will certainly take its toll. When I have business that takes me away for even one week it is very difficult for me, my wife and the kids.

Good Luck!

(PS - I Agree that the radiation is probably not a big worry at this point...if it affects Las Vegas it'll certainly affect St. George)

[Mark]

My wife and I are in debt about $20,000 with student loans. We live in St. George Utah. My uncle from Las Vegas called and asked if I'd like to work for him and make $10 an hour. I haven't had a job for about a year. I've been lazy and justified college as a replacement for work.

Should I go? The main reasons that it is not a black and white decision is:

1. My wife says she'll miss me (she works in St. George)
2. The current radiation situation on the west coast.

I apologize for asking this here, since this is probably atypical. I find the people that post here insightful and usually get me to see things a different way I haven't considered before. I'm feeling an unnatural level of uncertainty, and I just need to see things as they are.

Take the Vegas job and get to work Bro. If you haven't had a job in a year you need to get productive. Idleness will not do you or your wife a bit of good. In fact I would bet that pretty soon your wife will not even want to see your face around the house if you continue to be a lazy professional student. Fly Birdy Fly.

[keeprunning]

Why not move for the job? Can your wife find a job there? Maybe there are other options you still need to explore.

[bbrown]

One I would consider is a Summer job elsewhere that'll pay you much more than that if it is the debt payoff you're going for. I don't know your skills/training/field, but there are always jobs here (especially in the Summer) and college kids can earn their years' tuition plus for a Summer without any particular skills or training. (Southeast Alaska, fyi) I was speaking of driving tour buses, but the more skilled you are the higher the likelihood of a Summer job that pays even twice or more the $10/hr job. Construction, cooking, fishing, etc, etc. Any chance she could move too?

I also second the difficulty of living away from your family. Sometimes it is necessary but I'd never willingly do it again (my husband had to move ahead of us for a new job --2 months apart even with a trip to visit and it was killer!).

Weigh the options, decide, then pray to know if the decision is right... Best of luck!

Oh hey, and if the decision that is correct ends up being "stay put", I'd suggest cooking from scratch as a means of saving (you've got time, right? ) and planting and working a garden. There is plenty of work that is useful, even needful, that doesn't include an employer.

[SwissMrs&Pitchfire]

Your family comes first. Don't sacrifice it for anything. Idleness is unrelated to paying employment. Work is not exclusive to monied pursuits. Stay busy with or without it. Hopefully you are using the income based repayment for your student loans (which probably means you won't have to pay anything on them now). Yes absolutely work, and do what it takes to sustain your family physically and spiritually, emotionally, etc... The duty to teach children is the father's by the way so if your not there...

It will be the father and the father's father who will be doing the teaching. In ancient times the fathers were the Instructors, meaning the patriarchal fathers--it will be the same during the millennium. (Education: Moving Toward and Under the Law of Consecration, BYU Studies, Autumn 1969)

In the Lord’s program for families, the parents, and especially the father, will teach the children.
Spencer W. Kimball (Ensign, Jan. 1975, p. 3)[/quote

]
Today that son is fortunate whose father teaches him somewhat in all his learning. (Ensign, Nov. 1979, p.27)

Study out all of your alternatives, make a wise decision and then pray for confirmation regarding that decision and you will know what to do.

It is a test, a hard one at that. Don't get discouraged and do not let society or tradition dictate your options.

[shadow]

The nice thing is that since you're in Vegas you can turn that $10/hr in to $30 by some creative investing (gambling). Give it a shot, plus there are so many vacant homes there that you can live rent free with no contracts to sign.

Actually, I'd suggest staying home and avoiding Mark's opinion like the plague. $10/hr isn't worth it IMO.

[Rand]

Your family comes first. Don't sacrifice it for anything. Idleness is unrelated to paying employment. Work is not exclusive to monied pursuits. Stay busy with or without it. Hopefully you are using the income based repayment for your student loans (which probably means you won't have to pay anything on them now). Yes absolutely work, and do what it takes to sustain your family physically and spiritually, emotionally, etc... The duty to teach children is the father's by the way so if your not there...

It will be the father and the father's father who will be doing the teaching. In ancient times the fathers were the Instructors, meaning the patriarchal fathers--it will be the same during the millennium. (Education: Moving Toward and Under the Law of Consecration, BYU Studies, Autumn 1969)

In the Lord’s program for families, the parents, and especially the father, will teach the children.
Spencer W. Kimball (Ensign, Jan. 1975, p. 3)[/quote

]
Today that son is fortunate whose father teaches him somewhat in all his learning. (Ensign, Nov. 1979, p.27)

Study out all of your alternatives, make a wise decision and then pray for confirmation regarding that decision and you will know what to do.

It is a test, a hard one at that. Don't get discouraged and do not let society or tradition dictate your options.

Swiss, I ask this out of respect for your insightful opinion: what about the obligation to provide for the family as indicated in the Proclamation on the Family? I would like to hear your ideas on how that fits in your comments.

[NoGreaterLove]

Make a pro and con list for three situations. Staying in college without working, finding a job closer to home, taking your uncles job. Use this list to come to a joint decision (wife and yourself) on what is best. Then go to the Lord with your decision (notice I said decision) and ask for a confirmation. If you are still confused, that is you answer. Start all over again with the process and go to Him again, until you have a confirmation. If you can not get a confirmation on all three, you need to think of a fourth option.

[SwissMrs&Pitchfire]

Swiss, I ask this out of respect for your insightful opinion: what about the obligation to provide for the family as indicated in the Proclamation on the Family? I would like to hear your ideas on how that fits in your comments.

"By divine design, fathers... are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families."

This is both a truism and direction.

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

As with the primary responsibility for teaching our children, there are many things that we cannot do in absentia. I am willing to bet every last one of us with kids at home fails on at least one point miserably. I wonder if there is enough time and opportunity to accomplish them all right now?

Work and money are a funny issue when you start to break things down and define terms. What exactly constitutes work and how is it's virtue measured? Must one sweat (by the sweat of your brow shalt thou eat)? Must work be physical or does a desk job count? Must the work be moral or can we work for, say the military in a bad endeavor? Do pornographers work? Is there virtue in that? What if we work for a bank bailed out by the feds? What if we work for the feds? What if we dig ditches but do not make enough? Are we then failing in this command?

What are our priorities? If we can choose between being there and taking help, or leaving and paying the bills, how do we not fail in either case to some extent? In which case do we fail our families more?

What constitutes faith? Should we just leave and take a bad job and pray that something better will work out or that the Lord will make it alright; or does faith require us to do what is best and expect the Lord to prosper that path without selling out?

Was Joseph Smith "worse than the infidel" when his family was not being taken care of physically by him?

1 Timothy 5:8
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

Are we to physically provide food, shelter, and clothing? Does that mean we must grow it, make it? Does that mean stealing it is better than them not having it? Do we have to buy it? Is virtue denominated in federal reserve notes? Isn't that the doctrine of money-ism or mammon? May we buy food provided by others? May we provide food from others to our families?

What if our families are cared for because our employer receives a no bid contract from the feds? Isn't that the feds providing for our family? What if we posses a grant that entitles us uniquely to monetize the nations/states natural resources (like a fishing quota)? What about working for any department that is on the government corporate dole? What if we cash a check the feds paid us for not planting something that we weren't going to plant anyways? What if we took tax credits? What if our living is subsidized by third world laborers who can't feed their families because we use our political and economic power to oppress them so as to more easily provide for our own families?

Personally I have a list of priorities. Every day I start at the top and work my way down. If at the end of the day I failed on some account it will be a normal day. But when I meet my maker I am making sure I can A) stand there with my family intact, B) Stand there with my covenants unbroken, and C) stand there without wanting a stone to cover me...

That said the family is everything. It is A#1. The church is second to the family.

http://lds.org/ensign/2011/03/teaching- ... y?lang=eng" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Teaching the Doctrine of the Family

By Julie B. Beck

Relief Society General President

Julie B. Beck, "Teaching the Doctrine of the Family", Ensign, March 2011, 12–17

From a broadcast address given to seminary and institute of religion teachers on August 4, 2009.
Close Audio

Julie B. Beck
This generation will be called upon to defend the doctrine of the family as never before. If they don’t know the doctrine, they can’t defend it.

09603_000_009

As I meet with young single adults around the world, I ask them, “Why does the First Presidency care so much about you and provide so many resources for you?” These are some of the answers I get: “We are future Church leaders.” “We need training so we can stay strong.” “Our testimonies are strengthened in our seminary and institute classes.” “We need to meet other great Latter-day Saint youth.” “We are the hope of the future.” I have rarely heard, “So I will someday be a better father or a better mother.” Their responses are generally about self, because this is the time of life they are in.

Nevertheless, parents, teachers, and leaders of youth need to teach the rising generation the doctrine of the family. It is essential to help them achieve eternal life (see Moses 1:39). They need to know that the theology of the family is based on the Creation, the Fall, and the Atonement. They need to understand the threats to the family so they will know what they are fighting against and can prepare. They need to understand clearly that the fulness of the gospel is realized in temple ordinances and covenants.
The Theology of the Family

In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we have a theology of the family that is based on the Creation, the Fall, and the Atonement. The Creation of the earth provided a place where families could live. God created a man and a woman who were the two essential halves of a family. It was part of Heavenly Father’s plan that Adam and Eve be sealed and form an eternal family.

The Fall provided a way for the family to grow. Adam and Eve were family leaders who chose to have a mortal experience. The Fall made it possible for them to have sons and daughters.

The Atonement allows for the family to be sealed together eternally. It allows for families to have eternal growth and perfection. The plan of happiness, also called the plan of salvation, was a plan created for families. The rising generation need to understand that the main pillars of our theology are centered in the family.

When we speak of qualifying for the blessings of eternal life, we mean qualifying for the blessings of eternal families. This was Christ’s doctrine, and it was restored through the Prophet Joseph Smith. It is recorded in Doctrine and Covenants 2:1–3:

“Behold, I will reveal unto you the Priesthood, by the hand of Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord.

“And he shall plant in the hearts of the children the promises made to the fathers, and the hearts of the children shall turn to their fathers.

“If it were not so, the whole earth would be utterly wasted at his coming.”

This scripture is talking about temple blessings—ordinances and covenants without which “the whole earth [is] utterly wasted.”

“The Family: A Proclamation to the World” was written to reinforce that the family is central to the Creator’s plan. 1 Without the family, there is no plan; there is no reason for mortal life.
Threats to the Family

In addition to understanding the theology of the family, we all need to understand the threats to the family. If we don’t, we can’t prepare for the battle. Evidence is all around us that the family is becoming less important. Marriage rates are declining, the age of marriage is rising, and divorce rates are rising. Out-of-wedlock births are growing. Abortion is rising and becoming increasingly legal. We see lower birth rates. We see unequal relationships between men and women, and we see cultures that still practice abuse within family relationships. Many times a career gains importance over the family.

Many of our youth are losing confidence in the institution of families. They’re placing more and more value on education and less and less importance on forming an eternal family. Many don’t see forming families as a faith-based work. For them, it’s a selection process much like shopping. Many also distrust their own moral strength and the moral strength of their peers. Because temptations are so fierce, many are not sure they can be successful in keeping covenants.

Many youth also have insufficient and underdeveloped social skills, which are an impediment to forming eternal families. They are increasingly adept at talking to someone 50 miles (80 km) away and less able to carry on conversations with people in the same room. That makes it difficult for them to socialize with each other.

We also face the problem that we read about in Ephesians 6:12: “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” Public policies are being made every day that are antifamily, and the definition of family is changing legally around the world. Pornography is rampant. For those who create pornography, their new target audience is young women. Parents are being portrayed as inept and out of touch. Antifamily media messages are everywhere. Youth are being desensitized about the need to form eternal families.

We see how this can happen when we read the words of Korihor, an anti-Christ: “Thus he did preach unto them, leading away the hearts of many, causing them to lift up their heads in their wickedness, yea, leading away many women, and also men, to commit whoredoms” (Alma 30:18). Satan knows that he will never have a body; he will never have a family. So he targets young women, who will create the bodies for the future generations.

Korihor was an anti-Christ. Anti-Christ is antifamily. Any doctrine or principle our youth hear from the world that is antifamily is also anti-Christ. It’s that clear. If our youth cease to believe in the righteous traditions of their fathers as did the people described in Mosiah 26, if our youth don’t understand their part in the plan, they could be led away.
Teaching the Rising Generation

What is it we hope this rising generation will understand and do because of what we teach them? The answers to that question as well as the key elements of the doctrine of the family are found in the family proclamation. President Gordon B. Hinckley (1910–2008) said that the proclamation was “a declaration and reaffirmation of standards, doctrines, and practices” that this Church has always had. 2

President Ezra Taft Benson (1899–1994) said, “This order … of family government where a man and woman enter into a covenant with God—just as did Adam and Eve—to be sealed for eternity, to have posterity … is the only means by which we can one day see the face of God and live.” 3

The rising generation need to understand that the command to “multiply, and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28; Moses 2:28) remains in force. Bearing children is a faith-based work. President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985) said, “It is an act of extreme selfishness for a married couple to refuse to have children when they are able to do so.” 4 Motherhood and fatherhood are eternal roles. Each carries the responsibility for either the male or the female half of the plan. Youth is the time to prepare for those eternal roles and responsibilities.

Parents, teachers, and leaders can help young people prepare for the blessings of Abraham. What are those blessings? Abraham tells us in Abraham 1:2. He says he wanted “the right whereunto I should be ordained to administer; … to be one who possessed great knowledge, … to be a father of many nations, a prince of peace, and desiring to receive instructions, and to keep the commandments of God, I became a rightful heir, a High Priest, holding the right belonging to the fathers.”

Where are these blessings Abraham received? They come only to those who have a temple sealing and marriage. A man cannot become a “father of many nations” without being sealed to his wife. Likewise, Abraham could not hold the right belonging to the fathers without a wife who had the right belonging to the mothers.

The stories of Abraham and Sarah and of Isaac and Rebekah are found in Genesis. Abraham and Sarah had only one son, Isaac. If Abraham was to be the “father of many nations,” how important was Isaac’s wife, Rebekah? She was so important that he sent his servant hundreds of miles to find the right young woman—one who would keep her covenants, one who understood what it meant to form an eternal family.

In Genesis 24:60, Rebekah is blessed to be “the mother of thousands of millions.” Where do we find those kinds of blessings? They are received in the temple.

The story of Isaac and Rebekah is an example of the man, who has the keys, and the woman, who has the influence, working together to ensure the fulfillment of their blessings. Their story is pivotal. The blessings of the house of Israel depended on a man and a woman who understood their place in the plan and their responsibilities to form an eternal family, to bear children, and to teach them.

In our day we have the responsibility to send “Isaac” and “Rebekah” forth from our homes and classrooms. Every young man and young woman should understand his or her role in this great partnership—that they are each an “Isaac” or a “Rebekah.” Then they will know with clarity what they have to do.
Live the Hope of Eternal Life

Parents, teachers, and leaders: live in your homes, in your families, in your marriages so that youth will develop hope for eternal life from watching you. Live and teach with so much clarity that what you teach will cut through all the noise youth are hearing and so that it will pierce their hearts and touch them.

Live in your home so that you’re brilliant in the basics, so that you’re intentional about your roles and responsibilities in the family. Think in terms of precision not perfection. If you have your goals and you are precise in how you go about them in your homes, youth will learn from you. They will learn that you pray, study the scriptures together, have family home evening, make a priority of mealtimes, and speak respectfully of your marriage partner. Then from your example the rising generation will gain great hope.
This I Know

We are preparing our youth for the temple and for eternal families. Many threats are coming to them that can discourage them from forming an eternal family. Our role in this is to teach them so they don’t misunderstand. We must be very clear on key points of doctrine, which we find in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.”

This generation will be called upon to defend the doctrine of the family as never before. If they don’t know it, they can’t defend it. They need to understand temples and priesthood.

President Kimball said:

“Many of the social restraints which in the past have helped to reinforce and to shore up the family are dissolving and disappearing. The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us. …

“… There are those who would define the family in such a nontraditional way that they would define it out of existence. …

“We of all people, brothers and sisters, should not be taken in by the specious arguments that the family unit is somehow tied to a particular phase of development a moral society is going through. We are free to resist those moves which downplay the significance of the family and which play up the significance of selfish individualism. We know the family to be eternal.” 5

The gospel of Jesus Christ is true. It was restored through the Prophet Joseph Smith. We have the fulness of the gospel this day. We are sons and daughters of heavenly parents, who sent us forth to have this earthly experience to prepare us for the blessing of eternal families. I bear you my testimony of our Savior, Jesus Christ, that through His Atonement we can become perfect and equal to our responsibilities in our earthly families and that through His Atonement we have the promise of eternal life in families.
The Family Is Eternal
Elder Robert D. Hales

“The family is not an accident of mortality. It existed as an organizational unit in the heavens before the world was formed; historically, it started on earth with Adam and Eve, as recorded in Genesis. Adam and Eve were married and sealed for time and all eternity by the Lord, and as a result their family will exist eternally.”

Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” in Dawn Hall Anderson, ed., Clothed with Charity: Talks from the 1996 Women’s Conference (1997), 134.
To Teachers
President J. Reuben Clark Jr.

“Your chief interest, your essential and all but sole duty, is to teach the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ as that has been revealed in these latter days. You are to teach this gospel using as your sources and authorities the standard works of the Church and the words of those whom God has called to lead His people in these last days.”

President J. Reuben Clark Jr. (1871–1961), First Counselor in the First Presidency, The Charted Course of the Church in Education, rev. ed. (1994), 10; see also Teaching the Gospel: A Handbook for CES Teachers and Leaders (2001), 4.
Using “The Family: A Proclamation to the World”

* •

Hang a copy of the proclamation in your home or classroom.
* •

Encourage youth to keep a copy of the proclamation in their scriptures.
* •

Link key statements in the proclamation to lessons taught from the scriptures.
* •

Study and refer to the proclamation in family home evening.

We have a theology of the family that is based on the Creation, the Fall, and the Atonement.

We are preparing our youth for the temple and for eternal families.

Among the threats to the family is divorce, which is on the rise.

Parents, as well as leaders and teachers of youth, should teach the doctrine of the family to the rising generation as found in the scriptures and the family proclamation.

Photo illustration by Steve Bunderson

Left: detail from Universe, by Sidney King; detail from Leaving the Garden of Eden, by Joseph Brickey; detail from Not My Will, But Thine, Be Done, by Harry Anderson, courtesy of Pacific Press Publishing Association, Inc.; photo illustrations by Weston C. Colton and Craig Dimond

Left: photo illustration by Christina Smith; right: photograph of Nauvoo Illinois Temple and photo illustration by John Luke © IRI; photograph of feet © Getty Images
Show References

Notes
1. 1.

See “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2010, 129.
2. 2.

Gordon B. Hinckley, “Stand Strong against the Wiles of the World,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 100.
3. 3.

Ezra Taft Benson, “What I Hope You Will Teach Your Children about the Temple,” Ensign, Aug. 1985, 6.
4. 4.

Spencer W. Kimball, “Fortify Your Homes against Evil,” Ensign, May 1979, 6.
5. 5.

Spencer W. Kimball, “Families Can Be Eternal,” Ensign, Nov. 1980, 4.

Official Web site of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
© 2011 Intellectual Reserve, Inc. All Rights Reserved

You either grow together or apart. If you aren't there, you cannot grow together. Would you rather provide well for a family that you do not know and may not posses in eternity, or provide in a compromised manner yet be there to insure your eternal place and theirs?

What do I make of it all? That a man is to see that his family has all of the necessities, by the best means possible without selling out his covenants. How we achieve that is a matter of wisdom and inspiration. Perhaps at the beaks of Ravens, perhaps Quail in the wilderness. Perhaps the Lord's welfare program? Perhaps a garden? Perhaps a job that fits into our priorities? Perhaps self employment? Perhaps some other means?

Define your priorities and work down the list never compromising "best" for "good," or even "better"

We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families.

Most of us have more things expected of us than we can possibly do. As breadwinners, as parents, as Church workers and members, we face many choices on what we will do with our time and other resources.
I.

We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives.

Jesus taught this principle in the home of Martha. While she was “cumbered about much serving” (Luke 10:40), her sister, Mary, “sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word” (v. 39). When Martha complained that her sister had left her to serve alone, Jesus commended Martha for what she was doing (v. 41) but taught her that “one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her” (v. 42). It was praiseworthy for Martha to be “careful and troubled about many things” (v. 41), but learning the gospel from the Master Teacher was more “needful.” The scriptures contain other teachings that some things are more blessed than others (see Acts 20:35; Alma 32:14–15).

A childhood experience introduced me to the idea that some choices are good but others are better. I lived for two years on a farm. We rarely went to town. Our Christmas shopping was done in the Sears, Roebuck catalog. I spent hours poring over its pages. For the rural families of that day, catalog pages were like the shopping mall or the Internet of our time.

Something about some displays of merchandise in the catalog fixed itself in my mind. There were three degrees of quality: good, better, and best. For example, some men’s shoes were labeled good ($1.84), some better ($2.98), and some best ($3.45). 1

As we consider various choices, we should remember that it is not enough that something is good. Other choices are better, and still others are best. Even though a particular choice is more costly, its far greater value may make it the best choice of all.

Consider how we use our time in the choices we make in viewing television, playing video games, surfing the Internet, or reading books or magazines. Of course it is good to view wholesome entertainment or to obtain interesting information. But not everything of that sort is worth the portion of our life we give to obtain it. Some things are better, and others are best. When the Lord told us to seek learning, He said, “Seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom” (D&C 88:118; emphasis added).
II.

Some of our most important choices concern family activities. Many breadwinners worry that their occupations leave too little time for their families. There is no easy formula for that contest of priorities. However, I have never known of a man who looked back on his working life and said, “I just didn’t spend enough time with my job.”

In choosing how we spend time as a family, we should be careful not to exhaust our available time on things that are merely good and leave little time for that which is better or best. A friend took his young family on a series of summer vacation trips, including visits to memorable historic sites. At the end of the summer he asked his teenage son which of these good summer activities he enjoyed most. The father learned from the reply, and so did those he told of it. “The thing I liked best this summer,” the boy replied, “was the night you and I laid on the lawn and looked at the stars and talked.” Super family activities may be good for children, but they are not always better than one-on-one time with a loving parent.

The amount of children-and-parent time absorbed in the good activities of private lessons, team sports, and other school and club activities also needs to be carefully regulated. Otherwise, children will be overscheduled, and parents will be frazzled and frustrated. Parents should act to preserve time for family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, and the other precious togetherness and individual one-on-one time that binds a family together and fixes children’s values on things of eternal worth. Parents should teach gospel priorities through what they do with their children.

Family experts have warned against what they call “the overscheduling of children.” In the last generation children are far busier and families spend far less time together. Among many measures of this disturbing trend are the reports that structured sports time has doubled, but children’s free time has declined by 12 hours per week, and unstructured outdoor activities have fallen by 50 percent. 2

The number of those who report that their “whole family usually eats dinner together” has declined 33 percent. This is most concerning because the time a family spends together “eating meals at home [is] the strongest predictor of children’s academic achievement and psychological adjustment.” 3 Family mealtimes have also been shown to be a strong bulwark against children’s smoking, drinking, or using drugs. 4 There is inspired wisdom in this advice to parents: what your children really want for dinner is you.

President Gordon B. Hinckley has pleaded that we “work at our responsibility as parents as if everything in life counted on it, because in fact everything in life does count on it.”

He continued: “I ask you men, particularly, to pause and take stock of yourselves as husbands and fathers and heads of households. Pray for guidance, for help, for direction, and then follow the whisperings of the Spirit to guide you in the most serious of all responsibilities, for the consequences of your leadership in your home will be eternal and everlasting.” 5

The First Presidency has called on parents “to devote their best efforts to the teaching and rearing of their children in gospel principles. … The home is the basis of a righteous life, and no other instrumentality can take its place … in … this God-given responsibility.” The First Presidency has declared that “however worthy and appropriate other demands or activities may be, they must not be permitted to displace the divinely-appointed duties that only parents and families can adequately perform.” 6
III.

Church leaders should be aware that Church meetings and activities can become too complex and burdensome if a ward or a stake tries to have the membership do everything that is good and possible in our numerous Church programs. Priorities are needed there also.

Members of the Quorum of the Twelve have stressed the importance of exercising inspired judgment in Church programs and activities. Elder L. Tom Perry taught this principle in our first worldwide leadership training meeting in 2003. Counseling the same leaders in 2004, Elder Richard G. Scott said: “Adjust your activities to be consistent with your local conditions and resources. … Make sure that the essential needs are met, but do not go overboard in creating so many good things to do that the essential ones are not accomplished. … Remember, don’t magnify the work to be done—simplify it.” 7

In general conference last year, Elder M. Russell Ballard warned against the deterioration of family relationships that can result when we spend excess time on ineffective activities that yield little spiritual sustenance. He cautioned against complicating our Church service “with needless frills and embellishments that occupy too much time, cost too much money, and sap too much energy. … The instruction to magnify our callings is not a command to embellish and complicate them. To innovate does not necessarily mean to expand; very often it means to simplify. … What is most important in our Church responsibilities,” he said, “is not the statistics that are reported or the meetings that are held but whether or not individual people—ministered to one at a time just as the Savior did—have been lifted and encouraged and ultimately changed.” 8

Stake presidencies and bishoprics need to exercise their authority to weed out the excessive and ineffective busyness that is sometimes required of the members of their stakes or wards. Church programs should focus on what is best (most effective) in achieving their assigned purposes without unduly infringing on the time families need for their “divinely appointed duties.”

But here is a caution for families. Suppose Church leaders reduce the time required by Church meetings and activities in order to increase the time available for families to be together. This will not achieve its intended purpose unless individual family members—especially parents—vigorously act to increase family togetherness and one-on-one time. Team sports and technology toys like video games and the Internet are already winning away the time of our children and youth. Surfing the Internet is not better than serving the Lord or strengthening the family. Some young men and women are skipping Church youth activities or cutting family time in order to participate in soccer leagues or to pursue various entertainments. Some young people are amusing themselves to death—spiritual death.

Some uses of individual and family time are better, and others are best. We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families.
IV.

Here are some other illustrations of good, better, and best:

It is good to belong to our Father in Heaven’s true Church and to keep all of His commandments and fulfill all of our duties. But if this is to qualify as “best,” it should be done with love and without arrogance. We should, as we sing in a great hymn, “crown [our] good with brotherhood,” 9 showing love and concern for all whom our lives affect.

To our hundreds of thousands of home teachers and visiting teachers, I suggest that it is good to visit our assigned families; it is better to have a brief visit in which we teach doctrine and principle; and it is best of all to make a difference in the lives of some of those we visit. That same challenge applies to the many meetings we hold—good to hold a meeting, better to teach a principle, but best to actually improve lives as a result of the meeting.

As we approach 2008 and a new course of study in our Melchizedek Priesthood quorums and Relief Societies, I renew our caution about how we use the Teachings of Presidents of the Church manuals. Many years of inspired work have produced our 2008 volume of the teachings of Joseph Smith, the founding prophet of this dispensation. This is a landmark among Church books. In the past, some teachers have given a chapter of the Teachings manuals no more than a brief mention and then substituted a lesson of their own choice. It may have been a good lesson, but this is not an acceptable practice. A gospel teacher is called to teach the subject specified from the inspired materials provided. The best thing a teacher can do with Teachings: Joseph Smith is to select and quote from the words of the Prophet on principles specially suited to the needs of class members and then direct a class discussion on how to apply those principles in the circumstances of their lives.

I testify of our Heavenly Father, whose children we are and whose plan is designed to qualify us for “eternal life … the greatest of all the gifts of God” (D&C 14:7; see also D&C 76:51–59). I testify of Jesus Christ, whose Atonement makes it possible. And I testify that we are led by prophets, our President Gordon B. Hinckley and his counselors, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

In the end, temporal things should not stop nor take precedence over spiritual things. Of course there is a spiritual component to all of our temporal life and it's pursuits, but in the end, a job I had 6 years ago in order to buy a meal I wasn't there to share, will pale in comparison to a modest meal shared amid sacrifice putting family truly first. (Better is a dinner of herbs where love is...) If we think of it in terms of accounting for our time before the judgment bar of God, I doubt we will go wrong. If we let the world define our terms and dictate our priorities I know we will.

[Col. Flagg]

$10/hr.? :p What kind of work? And, are you sure he hasn't moved to Utah? ) I'm not sure I'd re-locate for $10/hr. unless you're that desperate for work. But surely there has to be something that pays $10/hr. a little closer to home? Heck, In-N-Out Burger here in our county pays $10/hr. - which is more than a lot of places around here. :ymblushing: :ymblushing: :ymblushing: I say take the matter to the Lord and allow him to make the decision. Also, don't worry about radiation from Japan coming to the western U.S. - it gets so diluted on its 5,000 mile journey over here that health risks are virtually non-existent.

[Rensai]

$10/hr.? :p What kind of work? And, are you sure he hasn't moved to Utah? ) I'm not sure I'd re-locate for $10/hr. unless you're that desperate for work. But surely there has to be something that pays $10/hr. a little closer to home? Heck, In-N-Out Burger here in our county pays $10/hr. - which is more than a lot of places around here. :ymblushing: :ymblushing: :ymblushing: I say take the matter to the Lord and allow him to make the decision. Also, don't worry about radiation from Japan coming to the western U.S. - it gets so diluted on its 5,000 mile journey over here that health risks are virtually non-existent.

I agree with this. Even a minimum wage job near home would be better money than a $10/hr job that requires another apartment, etc. Grab a job flipping burgers or whatever you can find near home and you'll be doing at least as well financially as moving for a few bucks more. Besides, many a marriage has been ruined by splitting families for money. I would not do that unless there was absolutely no other choice. Ask yourself if a measly $10/hr worth putting your family relationships at risk?

[Squally]

Be sure that what you choose to do isn't out of desperation, but is because of inspiration. Seek the will of the Lord and you will be fine, seek he will of the world and you will not. Be extremely careful taking a job away from your family no matter what the pay. Would you potentially sacrifice your relationship and family for a $10 job.

Is there any amount of salary or pay that would be worth the destruction of your family...... On another note, I have a family member that works so much that he is now destroying his eternal family and his ability to serve the Lord. Money and prestige and job are his priority and it shows. His wife and children are so far down the list of importance that they probably see him once every week or two, and even that is probably of little worth as his focus is elsewhere. His oldest is about ready to hit teenage years, and I fear for her. Divorce is being discussed with attorneys. And just a few short years ago he loved his family more than anything. But the job promotion required he sacrifice family and God at the altar. His job is his God and family now. I really hope he finds his big house with the high paying job worth it in the end.

Is it possible for a family to stay intact when the husband has to work away from home constantly, yes it is possible. Perhaps the better thing is to find a different job and handle the weightier matters.. Shall we sell our birthright for a mess of pottage? How much money power and prestige does satan have to offer before we willingly give up our eternal family...

[1984Orwellherenow]

Make him pay you in silver dollars. Duh!

(Please don't report me. The Duh is purely sarcastic. But, and a big but, I don't know what I can and cannot say yet, so please just take it as a joke.)

[waking]

As a wife, and mother, I would rather my husband work. I would hope he would find something close to home. My husband worked 2 jobs and attended school for the first years of our marriage. We both decided not to take out student loans, so we both worked and paid our tuition as we went. But, my husband would rather scrub toilets(and he did) than not work and support his family. You might not make what you want, but I think it is the husbands responsibility to work and support the family, whether in school or not. I guess I'm spoiled, but that's what I think the Lord intended. Plus, I think it is really important to set the example for your kids.

[Col. Flagg]

As a wife, and mother, I would rather my husband work. I would hope he would find something close to home. My husband worked 2 jobs and attended school for the first years of our marriage. We both decided not to take out student loans, so we both worked and paid our tuition as we went. But, my husband would rather scrub toilets(and he did) than not work and support his family. You might not make what you want, but I think it is the husbands responsibility to work and support the family, whether in school or not. I guess I'm spoiled, but that's what I think the Lord intended. Plus, I think it is really important to set the example for your kids.

Amen! My sister-in-law's husband spoke last Sunday on this very subject and it was a great talk - he spoke about how husbands and Fathers have a moral and physical obligation to try and be the bread-winners in a family and that they should feel a sense of duty over it. I know I do. There can be situations that impede this of course like being laid off or injury, but instead of letting it get you down or deciding to go back to school to try and improve your situation WITHOUT working, one should feel a sense of urgency and obligation to do all they can do provide, even if going to school. I did it from 2001-2005 (worked 2 jobs and was going to school after losing my job in January, 2001). IMHO, the only time a wife/mother should work outside the home is if she has to because of financial setbacks such as the ones mentioned above or need or if she wants to and has the time/desire and no children to rear. A man should feel ashamed of himself if he isn't doing all he can do be the bread winner and trying to improve his family's financial situation and well-being. If I were to have just said 'wo is me' after losing my job 10 years ago and gone into submission to adversity, my relationship with my wife would have become strained and the guilt and shame I would have felt would have been a lot to bear - at least for any self-respecting man.