Anyone have advice or resources or doctrinal insights on how to raise children in these Last Days?
Looking for some solid advice and insights and even others experiences. Know of any good books, articles, scriptures?
Thanks
Raising kids
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Ruby
- captain of 100
- Posts: 117
Re: Raising kids
I find that the people who have the most advice don't have any children. ;)
I have 6 children... and no advice.
I have 6 children... and no advice.
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Desert Roses
- captain of 1,000
- Posts: 1017
Re: Raising kids
I have children...but my advice would be based on what I failed to do! The only thing I have consistently observed is that contention between parents takes the Spirit out of the home, causing children to leave the gospel because it seems pointless to them. That goes for divorce or "intact" marriages. If you and your spouse (presumably the parents of the children in question) are united in your goals, work together using gospel principles, and love your children unconditionally, you will be guided by the Spirit in what to do and how to do it, since each child is unique in his/her needs and perceptions.Ruby wrote:I find that the people who have the most advice don't have any children. ;)
I have 6 children... and no advice.
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Ezra
- captain of 1,000
- Posts: 4357
- Location: Not telling
Re: Raising kids
Prepair for what's coming by living a very simple life. Homeschool your kids so they aren't taught a precept of men edu in our socialist satanic public school. Teach them to know deception. Teach them to know the scriptures and their heaven parents will. This is Probley the most important thing you could do. It's something that is really lacking in society. Lack of knowledge of gods ways is why we are where we are at. So study to know how to make it back to the celestial kingdom. Get your food storage together And a place if safety prepared.
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Melissa
- captain of 1,000
- Posts: 1697
Re: Raising kids
Thankyou everyone for your honest replies.
Raising kids these days seems impossible to do as we all would wish. But we know that the children (spirits) born today are maybe more prepared than we realize for the heavy job they may have to do, its just a matter of aiming them in the right direction.
Anymore more advice or articles or books people are aware of would be appreciated.
Raising kids these days seems impossible to do as we all would wish. But we know that the children (spirits) born today are maybe more prepared than we realize for the heavy job they may have to do, its just a matter of aiming them in the right direction.
Anymore more advice or articles or books people are aware of would be appreciated.
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Robert Sinclair
- Level 34 Illuminated
- Posts: 11006
- Location: Redmond Oregon
Re: Raising kids
The best advice I can give you is that you love one another as parents because that is truly in their best interest.
And do book reports on the words of Christ and meditate upon them day and night until they are memorized in your hearts.
Post his favorite sayings of yours upon the hallways and doors where they can be seen and thought upon by yourself and your family.
This will surely be a help to all of you.♡
And do book reports on the words of Christ and meditate upon them day and night until they are memorized in your hearts.
Post his favorite sayings of yours upon the hallways and doors where they can be seen and thought upon by yourself and your family.
This will surely be a help to all of you.♡
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Motherinzion
- Hi, I'm new.
- Posts: 6
Re: Raising kids
Before my husband and I got married his stake president promised us that if we would always have daily prayer, daily scripture study, and weekly Family Home Evening, with children and without, we would never lose any of our children. Those three things are "non-negotiables" in our family. They happen.
Here are a few other thoughts. I am still trying to figure out parenting, but 8 kids and 15 years have given me a little bit of experience, at least to know what doesn't work for me.
When I was a child I remember my mom talking about discipline in our home and having “consequences” for our behavior that were reasonable, respectful and related (the 3 r’s). I thought that sounded good and I might try that when I had my own family; but in practice it takes too much on-the-spot brain power and creativity.
What do you do when your child pees in a heater vent, throws eggs at the garage just to see what it is like, or fills up your basement window well with water in an effort to make some hibernating toads wake up?
Once when my children were very young I tried to think of all the infractions the kids might commit and find a scripturally based punishment or consequence for their infractions as well as defining a scripturally based rule or principle for our family to abide by. That didn’t work so well either. It’s too hard to identify all of their potential infractions and humane scriptural consequences.
Several years ago, in my quest to develop some practical parenting skills, I listened to a lady named Nicoleen Peck talk about her parenting experiences and really liked some of what she taught. Her philosophy is based on the idea that children (and adults) need to learn and master 4 basic skills:
1. Following instructions
2. Accepting criticism, accepting “NO” for an answer
3. Accepting a consequence
4. Disagreeing appropriately.
Each of these is to be done with a calm face, a calm voice, and a calm body. She goes into detail about what each skill looks like how how to introduce them to your family in her book, A House United: Teaching Self-Government. In our house the consequences for demonstrating a lack of competence in one or more of these skills progresses from an extra job to a major maintenance (a big extra job), to 24-hours (like being grounded, but the child gets to do extra work for mom and doesn’t get extra treats or privileges for 24 hours). Before an additional consequence is assigned the child is given another chance to demonstrate competence in the skill or take “calm down time” (time spent by themselves to meditate, pray, or stew until they feel like they can respectfully and calmly handle the situation). This works pretty well (though not flawlessly) in our family.
Gene R. Cooke wrote a great book called Raising Up Family to the Lord. This was probably my first favorite parenting book. There is a lot of wholesome counsel in those pages!
I agree wholeheartedly with comments made about the importance of a couple’s relationship. The dynamic between Mom and Dad has a huge impact on the kids. Recently while reading a book about improving marriage relationships (For Better or for Best, by Gary Smalley) I was reminded of a few principles that not only improve a husband-wife relationship, but also parent-child relationships.
1. Light-up: This principle was stated by a high-council speaker in our ward once as “Be at least as happy as the dog is to see me when I come home.” When we approach and individual (spouse or child) with a cheerful countenance it helps us both enjoy our interactions better and approach them with less anxiety.
2. Compliment/appreciate: My neighbor told me that her parents advised her to pay 3 sincere compliments or expressions of appreciation to her children every day, even if it was nothing more than “thanks for washing your hands” or “I like the way you brushed your teeth.” Looking for positives, especially when there are lots of glaring negatives can help lighten the mood. Everyone likes to be sincerely admired and appreciated.
There are some other good ideas in the book, but this is already too long, so I’ll stop there. I'd love to hear more ideas and suggestions from others too!
Here are a few other thoughts. I am still trying to figure out parenting, but 8 kids and 15 years have given me a little bit of experience, at least to know what doesn't work for me.
When I was a child I remember my mom talking about discipline in our home and having “consequences” for our behavior that were reasonable, respectful and related (the 3 r’s). I thought that sounded good and I might try that when I had my own family; but in practice it takes too much on-the-spot brain power and creativity.
What do you do when your child pees in a heater vent, throws eggs at the garage just to see what it is like, or fills up your basement window well with water in an effort to make some hibernating toads wake up?
Once when my children were very young I tried to think of all the infractions the kids might commit and find a scripturally based punishment or consequence for their infractions as well as defining a scripturally based rule or principle for our family to abide by. That didn’t work so well either. It’s too hard to identify all of their potential infractions and humane scriptural consequences.
Several years ago, in my quest to develop some practical parenting skills, I listened to a lady named Nicoleen Peck talk about her parenting experiences and really liked some of what she taught. Her philosophy is based on the idea that children (and adults) need to learn and master 4 basic skills:
1. Following instructions
2. Accepting criticism, accepting “NO” for an answer
3. Accepting a consequence
4. Disagreeing appropriately.
Each of these is to be done with a calm face, a calm voice, and a calm body. She goes into detail about what each skill looks like how how to introduce them to your family in her book, A House United: Teaching Self-Government. In our house the consequences for demonstrating a lack of competence in one or more of these skills progresses from an extra job to a major maintenance (a big extra job), to 24-hours (like being grounded, but the child gets to do extra work for mom and doesn’t get extra treats or privileges for 24 hours). Before an additional consequence is assigned the child is given another chance to demonstrate competence in the skill or take “calm down time” (time spent by themselves to meditate, pray, or stew until they feel like they can respectfully and calmly handle the situation). This works pretty well (though not flawlessly) in our family.
Gene R. Cooke wrote a great book called Raising Up Family to the Lord. This was probably my first favorite parenting book. There is a lot of wholesome counsel in those pages!
I agree wholeheartedly with comments made about the importance of a couple’s relationship. The dynamic between Mom and Dad has a huge impact on the kids. Recently while reading a book about improving marriage relationships (For Better or for Best, by Gary Smalley) I was reminded of a few principles that not only improve a husband-wife relationship, but also parent-child relationships.
1. Light-up: This principle was stated by a high-council speaker in our ward once as “Be at least as happy as the dog is to see me when I come home.” When we approach and individual (spouse or child) with a cheerful countenance it helps us both enjoy our interactions better and approach them with less anxiety.
2. Compliment/appreciate: My neighbor told me that her parents advised her to pay 3 sincere compliments or expressions of appreciation to her children every day, even if it was nothing more than “thanks for washing your hands” or “I like the way you brushed your teeth.” Looking for positives, especially when there are lots of glaring negatives can help lighten the mood. Everyone likes to be sincerely admired and appreciated.
There are some other good ideas in the book, but this is already too long, so I’ll stop there. I'd love to hear more ideas and suggestions from others too!
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sarahmj
- captain of 100
- Posts: 188
- Contact:
Re: Raising kids
I don't have kids yet but I've been getting promptings about homeschooling. To prepare for that I set myself a goal to read or listen to 40 books or lecture series on a variety of topics this year. I figure the more I know and understand, the more I can teach my future children. In my patriarchal blessing I am told that my children want to come into my life "that they may be taught and encouraged, enlightened and prepared, that they too may stand straight and strong and steadfast before the tides of evil which sweep upon this world..."
I feel that in order to produce children capable of thinking for themselves, reaching their full potential academically as well as gaining a testimony of the Saviour and having that sure foundation, that homeschooling is going to be the way to go for me.
I feel that in order to produce children capable of thinking for themselves, reaching their full potential academically as well as gaining a testimony of the Saviour and having that sure foundation, that homeschooling is going to be the way to go for me.
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Rose Garden
- Don't ask . . .
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Re: Raising kids
I suggest going through the traits listed in the sermon on the mount, praying about them, and applying them toward your children. Each of them can be applied in some way.
Consider this one:
Some might not seem like they would apply to little children, but if you pray for inspiration, the Lord can help you see how they apply.
So with little children, you can learn not to objectify them. You can learn not to try to make them into beings whose purpose is to fulfill your desires but instead learn to find joy in showing them love continually.
These are a couple of examples of applying the principles of the sermon on the mount to child rearing. The sermon on the mount is powerful. The principles there can change who you are. Practice on your little ones. Practice on your spouse, too. He/she will appreciate it.
Consider this one:
If you are angry with you children, who were first your brothers and sisters in heaven, you will be in danger of their judgment. When the Lord says to be reconciled, I don't think he means that we have to make sure the other person accepts us. I think he means that we need to do all we can to set things right until we feel a spiritual witness that we have done our part. When we've done all we can do, we can leave the other person in the hands of the Lord and then go to the Lord knowing we are right before him. However, if you have little children, you are fortunate enough to have perfect examples right there in your home. You can be reconciled fully with them. They will forgive you when you have set things right.21 Ye have heard that it hath been said by them of old time, and it is also written before you, that thou shalt not kill, and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment of God;
22 But I say unto you, that whosoever is angry with his brother shall be in danger of his judgment. And whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council; and whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.
23 Therefore, if ye shall come unto me, or shall desire to come unto me, and rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee—
24 Go thy way unto thy brother, and first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I will receive you.
Some might not seem like they would apply to little children, but if you pray for inspiration, the Lord can help you see how they apply.
This one might seem totally unrelated to child care, but the basic principles still apply. Think of what this scripture is saying. If a person is lusting after a woman, it means he is objectifying her. He wants her to fulfill his own appetite. The correct manner of dealing with others is to love them and desire only to show them love.27 Behold, it is written by them of old time, that thou shalt not commit adultery;
28 But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman, to lust after her, hath committed adultery already in his heart.
29 Behold, I give unto you a commandment, that ye suffer none of these things to enter into your heart;
30 For it is better that ye should deny yourselves of these things, wherein ye will take up your cross, than that ye should be cast into hell.
So with little children, you can learn not to objectify them. You can learn not to try to make them into beings whose purpose is to fulfill your desires but instead learn to find joy in showing them love continually.
These are a couple of examples of applying the principles of the sermon on the mount to child rearing. The sermon on the mount is powerful. The principles there can change who you are. Practice on your little ones. Practice on your spouse, too. He/she will appreciate it.
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Obrien
- Up, up and away.
- Posts: 4951
Re: Raising kids
I have five kids from mid-20's to 7. 3 girls, 2 boys.
rule 1 - parents should always be united. if kids see you at odds one with another, they will learn to exploit the division to get what they want.
rule 2 - you always get more of what you subsidize. for example, lets say you have a kid who has a fit at bedtime each night after lights out. if you go and excessively comfort and coddle the child you will be summoned each night. make sure they are comfortable and their needs are met, then be firm. they won't break.
rule 3 , it's always easier to spend mom and dad's money. teach them at a young age to work for what they get. that is the way of this world.
rule 4 - don't punish kids when you're angry. wait till you've calmed down so you will be in control of yourself.
rule 5 - be consistent. children willl not flourish when they are in an erratic environment. teach them cause and effect - it's an eternal principle.
rule 6 - teach them true principles BY YOUR EXAMPLE when they are young. then your kids will have a role model for their behaviour.
rule 7 - remember the golden rule, and remember how you want Heavenly Father to treat you.
rule 8 - an occasional treat is great. routine treats lead to spoiled demanding kids that are a pain in everyone's butt.
that should keep you going for now. I hear the rules for grandparents are THE OPPOSITE when it comes to treats, spoiling and coddling.
rule 1 - parents should always be united. if kids see you at odds one with another, they will learn to exploit the division to get what they want.
rule 2 - you always get more of what you subsidize. for example, lets say you have a kid who has a fit at bedtime each night after lights out. if you go and excessively comfort and coddle the child you will be summoned each night. make sure they are comfortable and their needs are met, then be firm. they won't break.
rule 3 , it's always easier to spend mom and dad's money. teach them at a young age to work for what they get. that is the way of this world.
rule 4 - don't punish kids when you're angry. wait till you've calmed down so you will be in control of yourself.
rule 5 - be consistent. children willl not flourish when they are in an erratic environment. teach them cause and effect - it's an eternal principle.
rule 6 - teach them true principles BY YOUR EXAMPLE when they are young. then your kids will have a role model for their behaviour.
rule 7 - remember the golden rule, and remember how you want Heavenly Father to treat you.
rule 8 - an occasional treat is great. routine treats lead to spoiled demanding kids that are a pain in everyone's butt.
that should keep you going for now. I hear the rules for grandparents are THE OPPOSITE when it comes to treats, spoiling and coddling.
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Army Of Truth
- captain of 1,000
- Posts: 1828
- Location: Rivers of Babylon
- Contact:
Re: Raising kids
If you have boys, I highly recommend "So You Want to Raise A Boy?" by Cleon Skousen. In it he goes over the many characteristics of boys at each age of development. Year by year he explains the traits and characteristics of a baby, boy and then a young man. His advice is spot on. I just read it a year ago. I only wish I read it a long time ago. I have 2 boys, ages 7 and 9.
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Army Of Truth
- captain of 1,000
- Posts: 1828
- Location: Rivers of Babylon
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Re: Raising kids
:ymapplause: :ymapplause: :ymapplause: :ymapplause:Obrien wrote:I have five kids from mid-20's to 7. 3 girls, 2 boys.
rule 1 - parents should always be united. if kids see you at odds one with another, they will learn to exploit the division to get what they want.
rule 2 - you always get more of what you subsidize. for example, lets say you have a kid who has a fit at bedtime each night after lights out. if you go and excessively comfort and coddle the child you will be summoned each night. make sure they are comfortable and their needs are met, then be firm. they won't break.
rule 3 , it's always easier to spend mom and dad's money. teach them at a young age to work for what they get. that is the way of this world.
rule 4 - don't punish kids when you're angry. wait till you've calmed down so you will be in control of yourself.
rule 5 - be consistent. children willl not flourish when they are in an erratic environment. teach them cause and effect - it's an eternal principle.
rule 6 - teach them true principles BY YOUR EXAMPLE when they are young. then your kids will have a role model for their behaviour.
rule 7 - remember the golden rule, and remember how you want Heavenly Father to treat you.
rule 8 - an occasional treat is great. routine treats lead to spoiled demanding kids that are a pain in everyone's butt.
that should keep you going for now. I hear the rules for grandparents are THE OPPOSITE when it comes to treats, spoiling and coddling.
GREAT rules! I love rule #2 "you always get more of what you subsidize." So True! I had to find this out the hard way. Great advice!
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Army Of Truth
- captain of 1,000
- Posts: 1828
- Location: Rivers of Babylon
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Re: Raising kids
LoL! Yes, they are constantly fighting and 'running up the walls'. I always have to keep them busy.sen6b wrote:I have an 8 & 9 year old boys, do either of yours act like a13 year old girl with pms? That's where my 9 year old is right now. Drives me crazy!!Army Of Truth wrote:If you have boys, I highly recommend "So You Want to Raise A Boy?" by Cleon Skousen. In it he goes over the many characteristics of boys at each age of development. Year by year he explains the traits and characteristics of a baby, boy and then a young man. His advice is spot on. I just read it a year ago. I only wish I read it a long time ago. I have 2 boys, ages 7 and 9.
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davedan
- captain of 1,000
- Posts: 3064
- Location: Augusta, GA
- Contact:
Re: Raising kids
I have 5 children.
We have a family tradition of reading the entire Book of Mormon with each child before age 8 starting 1 year before baptism. This really helps them with their reading as well but it is a bit of a time commitment to read 1-2 pages each night for 1 year.
We allow for a bit of emotional honesty and availibility in the home. We try to prevent quarreling but the children feel like they can easily express how they are feeling. Which they do.
We do not live in a museum. We live in a kid house with floors that are easily cleaned and furniture that is easily cleaned.
I make a very comfortable salary, but we don't live any where near the level we could. We shop at thrift stores and yard sales, and the children receive money only for chores and allowance.
The children see their parents always involved in service in the community and in our home ward. We bring the children along
as we serve others and serve in the kingdom.
The children get together with their cousins and extended family as often as we can. We only have my wive's sister and her children that live in our town. However we make a point to visit Utah and Atlanta cousins often.
Beware of athletics. Sports is a fun activity. However, it often can be too much of a commitment. Sometimes because of all the travel and camps and leagues it can take away from scouting, girls camp and other activities designed to strengthen testimony. Also, if the child gets injured and can no longer participate, the child feels like they just lost all their friends and identity. Many go into a deep depression and some develop substance abuse problems.
Also, a child is much more likely to develop and become a doctor or lawyer than become a professional athlete. And even if they do make it, they rarely will be able to perform at the professional level for more than 5-10 years. Afterwards, many are left with chronic health effects.
We have a family tradition of reading the entire Book of Mormon with each child before age 8 starting 1 year before baptism. This really helps them with their reading as well but it is a bit of a time commitment to read 1-2 pages each night for 1 year.
We allow for a bit of emotional honesty and availibility in the home. We try to prevent quarreling but the children feel like they can easily express how they are feeling. Which they do.
We do not live in a museum. We live in a kid house with floors that are easily cleaned and furniture that is easily cleaned.
I make a very comfortable salary, but we don't live any where near the level we could. We shop at thrift stores and yard sales, and the children receive money only for chores and allowance.
The children see their parents always involved in service in the community and in our home ward. We bring the children along
as we serve others and serve in the kingdom.
The children get together with their cousins and extended family as often as we can. We only have my wive's sister and her children that live in our town. However we make a point to visit Utah and Atlanta cousins often.
Beware of athletics. Sports is a fun activity. However, it often can be too much of a commitment. Sometimes because of all the travel and camps and leagues it can take away from scouting, girls camp and other activities designed to strengthen testimony. Also, if the child gets injured and can no longer participate, the child feels like they just lost all their friends and identity. Many go into a deep depression and some develop substance abuse problems.
Also, a child is much more likely to develop and become a doctor or lawyer than become a professional athlete. And even if they do make it, they rarely will be able to perform at the professional level for more than 5-10 years. Afterwards, many are left with chronic health effects.
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cynikal
- captain of 10
- Posts: 42
Re: Raising kids
We do all the normal Mormon stuff and few weeks ago ran across the 4th Turning concept, which is how I found this sight. 4th Turning is very interesting study to multi-generational changes to society, my first design was to use it to find new things to invest in for long term gains and $ protection during the fall. It is actually very eerie as to the gained secular knowledge and the overlapping or spiritual accuracy.
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davedan
- captain of 1,000
- Posts: 3064
- Location: Augusta, GA
- Contact:
Re: Raising kids
The 4-Turnings describes how Satan's kingdom operates and not how Zion operates.
Yes, probably good for investment strategy.
Yes, probably good for investment strategy.
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Cowboy
- captain of 100
- Posts: 376
Re: Raising kids
This is exactly what I was going to say.Army Of Truth wrote:If you have boys, I highly recommend "So You Want to Raise A Boy?" by Cleon Skousen. In it he goes over the many characteristics of boys at each age of development. Year by year he explains the traits and characteristics of a baby, boy and then a young man. His advice is spot on. I just read it a year ago. I only wish I read it a long time ago. I have 2 boys, ages 7 and 9.
Great Book!.
4 Boys, all Eagle Scouts, all RM's
2 Girls, both YW grads, both mothers
all Temple married
btw: we spanked, har har har
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Obrien
- Up, up and away.
- Posts: 4951
Re: Raising kids
+6 for Cowboy. 1 for each kid he spanked! sometimes that's just what is needed, but NEVER when you're angry or frustrated.
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Rose Garden
- Don't ask . . .
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Re: Raising kids
:)) :ymapplause:Obrien wrote:I hear the rules for grandparents are THE OPPOSITE when it comes to treats, spoiling and coddling.
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sixpacktr
- captain of 100
- Posts: 141
- Location: Middle Tennessee
Re: Raising kids
Here is what we did. It may work for you, may not. It worked for us.
We had family home evening every week. Not your traditional one, with the lesson manual, etc (well, I take that back. We did when they were little, but as they grew we left that off), but based upon what they had learned that Sunday. Our FHEs were Sunday evenings, as they were usually out on Mondays to piano or other activities. I taught mainly out of the scriptures. We discussed so that they could understand. I wanted my kids to have a rock solid testimony of the Savior, of the Restoration, and of the prophets (ancient and current) before heading out into the world.
Also spent a lot of time with my kids. Not like helicopter parents of today. I gave them their freedom and many times had a kind of maybe clue where they were, but we spent tons of quantity time together, working around the house, on cars, etc. I also went to their recitals and other activities more often than not. I also had a standing rule that they could ask me any question at all, no matter what, and I'd answer it. One daughter brought home some doozies, but she always knew I'd give her the straight skinny.
I also formed a bond with them watching TV. To this day, there are several war movies and westerns my girls love because we would watch it together and they loved them as much as I do. And all of us use quotes from 'A Christmas Story' and 'The Sandlot' a lot to describe a situation perfectly (Randy lay there like a slug, it was his only defense...).
I guess what I'm getting at is that you will find out how best to raise your kids by being around them. A spiritual foundation is a must, so that they have something to build on. The rest is just fun. I didn't even really have problems with my kids when they were teens. We probably had more fun then than before, just because they were becoming questioning rational beings.
We had family home evening every week. Not your traditional one, with the lesson manual, etc (well, I take that back. We did when they were little, but as they grew we left that off), but based upon what they had learned that Sunday. Our FHEs were Sunday evenings, as they were usually out on Mondays to piano or other activities. I taught mainly out of the scriptures. We discussed so that they could understand. I wanted my kids to have a rock solid testimony of the Savior, of the Restoration, and of the prophets (ancient and current) before heading out into the world.
Also spent a lot of time with my kids. Not like helicopter parents of today. I gave them their freedom and many times had a kind of maybe clue where they were, but we spent tons of quantity time together, working around the house, on cars, etc. I also went to their recitals and other activities more often than not. I also had a standing rule that they could ask me any question at all, no matter what, and I'd answer it. One daughter brought home some doozies, but she always knew I'd give her the straight skinny.
I also formed a bond with them watching TV. To this day, there are several war movies and westerns my girls love because we would watch it together and they loved them as much as I do. And all of us use quotes from 'A Christmas Story' and 'The Sandlot' a lot to describe a situation perfectly (Randy lay there like a slug, it was his only defense...).
I guess what I'm getting at is that you will find out how best to raise your kids by being around them. A spiritual foundation is a must, so that they have something to build on. The rest is just fun. I didn't even really have problems with my kids when they were teens. We probably had more fun then than before, just because they were becoming questioning rational beings.
