Humor - what's so funny?

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FoxMammaWisdom
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Re: Humor - what's so funny?

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Cruiserdude wrote: February 1st, 2023, 1:41 pm
FoxMammaWisdom wrote: February 1st, 2023, 1:31 pm
Cruiserdude wrote: February 1st, 2023, 1:33 am
abijah wrote: January 31st, 2023, 11:49 pm Image
#2 ftw 😁
Correct answer.
We're not OCD or picky... We just prefer things done the correct way😁😁
Precisely :!:

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Fred
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Re: Humor - what's so funny?

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madvin
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Re: Humor - what's so funny?

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Breviloquent Facetiousness
1. The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun asking humans to prove they aren't a robot.

2. When a kid says, "Daddy, I want mommy," that's the kid version of, "I'd like to speak to your supervisor."

3. It's weird being the same age as old people.

4. Just once I want a username and password prompt to say CLOSE ENOUGH.

5. If I am ever on life support unplug me and plug me back in and see if that works.

6. Do you ever wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and think... "That can't be accurate?!"

7. Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

8. If Adam and Eve were Cajuns they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple and saved us all a lot of trouble.

9. We celebrated last night with a couple of adult beverages... Metamucil and Ensure.

10. You know you are getting old when "friends with benefits" means having someone who can drive at night.

11. Weight loss goal: To be able to clip my toenails and breathe at the same time.

12. Some of my friends exercise every day, meanwhile I am watching a show I don't like because the remote fell on the floor.

13. For those of you that don't want Alexa listening in on your conversation they are making a male version. It doesn't listen to anything.

14. I just got a present labeled, "From Mom and Dad," and you know darn well Dad has no idea what's inside.

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FoxMammaWisdom
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Re: Humor - what's so funny?

Post by FoxMammaWisdom »

madvin wrote: February 3rd, 2023, 1:32 pm Breviloquent Facetiousness
1. The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun asking humans to prove they aren't a robot.

2. When a kid says, "Daddy, I want mommy," that's the kid version of, "I'd like to speak to your supervisor."

3. It's weird being the same age as old people.

4. Just once I want a username and password prompt to say CLOSE ENOUGH.

5. If I am ever on life support unplug me and plug me back in and see if that works.

6. Do you ever wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and think... "That can't be accurate?!"

7. Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

8. If Adam and Eve were Cajuns they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple and saved us all a lot of trouble.

9. We celebrated last night with a couple of adult beverages... Metamucil and Ensure.

10. You know you are getting old when "friends with benefits" means having someone who can drive at night.

11. Weight loss goal: To be able to clip my toenails and breathe at the same time.

12. Some of my friends exercise every day, meanwhile I am watching a show I don't like because the remote fell on the floor.

13. For those of you that don't want Alexa listening in on your conversation they are making a male version. It doesn't listen to anything.

14. I just got a present labeled, "From Mom and Dad," and you know darn well Dad has no idea what's inside.
OK my kid is wondering why I'm choking on my laughing in the other room :lol: :lol:

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Niemand
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Re: Humor - what's so funny?

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madvin wrote: February 3rd, 2023, 1:32 pm 8. If Adam and Eve were Cajuns they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple and saved us all a lot of trouble.
I like this one.

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Fred
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Re: Humor - what's so funny?

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madvin
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Re: Humor - what's so funny?

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Puns

I never thought orthopedic shoes would really work for me. But I stand corrected.

Once upon a time there was a king who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king but he made a great ruler.

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says: "Uno, dos ..." Poof. He disappeared without a tres.

I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs. It's a step by step guide.

My friend claims that he "accidentally" glued himself to his autobiography, but I don't believe him. But that's his story and he's sticking to it.

An armed man ran into a real estate agency and shouted: "Nobody move."

Why did the Mexican take anti-anxiety medication? For Hispanic attacks.

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic. He said, "Sure. Knock yourself out!”

I got into a fight today with 1,3,5,7 and 9. The odds were really against me.

In Britain it's called a lift but Americans call it an elevator. I guess we were just raised differently.

97% of people are stupid. Glad I'm in the other 5%.

The Almighty said to John, "Come forth and ye shall receive eternal life." But John came fifth and got a toaster instead.

AND FINALLY,
I have 2 unwritten rules:

1.

2.

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Fred
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Re: Humor - what's so funny?

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Think the USA court system is out of control
Are these good or WHAT?

It's time again for the annual " Stella Awards"! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?

That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.

Here are the Stella's for this year:

· SEVENTH PLACE

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

Start scratching!

· SIXTH PLACE *

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was smeone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

Scratch some more...

· FIFTH PLACE *

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish Keep scratching. There are more...

Double hand scratching after this one.

· FOURTH PLACE *

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun

Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot.

· THIRD PLACE *

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

Only two more so ease up on the scratching..

*SECOND PLACE*

Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure

Ok. Here we go!!

· FIRST PLACE *

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down?

$1,750,000.

PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

If you think the USA court system is out of control, be sure to pass this one on.

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madvin
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Posts: 1114
Location: Stillwater OK

Re: Humor - what's so funny?

Post by madvin »

Fred wrote: February 7th, 2023, 3:27 am Think the USA court system is out of control
Are these good or WHAT?

It's time again for the annual " Stella Awards"! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?

That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.

Here are the Stella's for this year:

· SEVENTH PLACE

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

Start scratching!

· SIXTH PLACE *

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was smeone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

Scratch some more...

· FIFTH PLACE *

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish Keep scratching. There are more...

Double hand scratching after this one.

· FOURTH PLACE *

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun

Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot.

· THIRD PLACE *

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

Only two more so ease up on the scratching..

*SECOND PLACE*

Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure

Ok. Here we go!!

· FIRST PLACE *

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down?

$1,750,000.

PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

If you think the USA court system is out of control, be sure to pass this one on.
Damn lowyers.

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