Fake friend

[The Red Pill]

A person that used to be my friend texted me a conference message yesterday. We haven’t spoken in months….I haven’t been to church for a while. And she’s telling tales exaggerating why I left and other things about my family. There are many more details that I can’t share. It hurts. Why are people so cruel?
Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Have you considered putting yourself in your friend's shoes? Could it be that she feels deeply betrayed by you and her gossiping is how she is attempting to cope with this?

Just a thought.

I can't believe you wrote that. You can be an apologist for the organization, but now you are an apologist for a member you don't even know acting poorly???

That's pathetic.

Manabear reached out and shared something personal, which hurt her...and you throw salt in her wound??

What part of "And she’s telling tales exaggerating why I left and other things about my family. There are many more details that I can’t share. It hurts" don't you understand??

[LDS Watchman]

A person that used to be my friend texted me a conference message yesterday. We haven’t spoken in months….I haven’t been to church for a while. And she’s telling tales exaggerating why I left and other things about my family. There are many more details that I can’t share. It hurts. Why are people so cruel?
Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Have you considered putting yourself in your friend's shoes? Could it be that she feels deeply betrayed by you and her gossiping is how she is attempting to cope with this?

Just a thought.

“Deeply betrayed”? What on earth are you talking about.

Mamabear's "apostasy" and the things she has been telling her friend about how she has "discovered" that her friend's religion is false.

Having a friend who once shared your religious beliefs renounce them and attack them, can feel like betrayal to many people.

[LDS Watchman]

A person that used to be my friend texted me a conference message yesterday. We haven’t spoken in months….I haven’t been to church for a while. And she’s telling tales exaggerating why I left and other things about my family. There are many more details that I can’t share. It hurts. Why are people so cruel?
Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Have you considered putting yourself in your friend's shoes? Could it be that she feels deeply betrayed by you and her gossiping is how she is attempting to cope with this?

Just a thought.

I can't believe you wrote that. You can be an apologist for the organization, but now you are an apologist for a member you don't even know acting poorly???

That's pathetic.

Manabear reached out and shared something personal, which hurt her...and you throw salt in her wound??

What part of "And she’s telling tales exaggerating why I left and other things about my family. There are many more details that I can’t share. It hurts" don't you understand??

All I suggested was that she try to put herself in her friend's shoes and think about why her friend is doing this. That's not throwing salt in anyone's wounds.

[Mamabear]

A person that used to be my friend texted me a conference message yesterday. We haven’t spoken in months….I haven’t been to church for a while. And she’s telling tales exaggerating why I left and other things about my family. There are many more details that I can’t share. It hurts. Why are people so cruel?
Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Have you considered putting yourself in your friend's shoes? Could it be that she feels deeply betrayed by you and her gossiping is how she is attempting to cope with this?

Just a thought.

“Deeply betrayed”? What on earth are you talking about.

Mamabear's "apostasy" and the things she has been telling her friend about how she has "discovered" that her friend's religion is false.

Having a friend who once shared your religious beliefs renounce them and attack them, can feel like betrayal to many people.

What are you talking about? That is not what happened.

[LDS Watchman]

Have you considered putting yourself in your friend's shoes? Could it be that she feels deeply betrayed by you and her gossiping is how she is attempting to cope with this?

Just a thought.

“Deeply betrayed”? What on earth are you talking about.

Mamabear's "apostasy" and the things she has been telling her friend about how she has "discovered" that her friend's religion is false.

Having a friend who once shared your religious beliefs renounce them and attack them, can feel like betrayal to many people.

What are you talking about? That is not what happened.

Maybe not to you, but what about your friend's perspective? Is it possible that your friend sees it this way or there is something else she feels betrayed or hurt by you over?

I'm not saying that her bad behavior is okay or justified. It's not. I just think it would be helpful for you to try and put yourself in her shows and think about why she is doing this instead of simply writing her off as a horrible person.

[Lizzy60]

“Deeply betrayed”? What on earth are you talking about.

Mamabear's "apostasy" and the things she has been telling her friend about how she has "discovered" that her friend's religion is false.

Having a friend who once shared your religious beliefs renounce them and attack them, can feel like betrayal to many people.

What are you talking about? That is not what happened.

Maybe not to you, but what about your friend's perspective? Is it possible that your friend sees it this way or there is something else she feels betrayed or hurt by you over?

I'm not saying that her bad behavior is okay or justified. It's not. I just think it would be helpful for you to try and put yourself in her shows and think about why she is doing this instead of simply writing her off as a horrible person.

I had a friend who I helped financially in many ways, as well as being a kind and loving friend to her. After she moved we lost touch (I never ignored a communication from her, btw). A few YEARS later she sent me a text telling me I was the most hateful horrible person, blah blah, blah. I have no idea what the hateful horrible things were that she thought I was guilty of, and I didn’t try to find out.

Yes, I wrote her off as a horrible person for sending such a vile text message. I don’t care if she felt she was justified, and therefore it was okay to send me such a thing.

She won’t see this. She died last year.

[Mamabear]

“Deeply betrayed”? What on earth are you talking about.

Mamabear's "apostasy" and the things she has been telling her friend about how she has "discovered" that her friend's religion is false.

Having a friend who once shared your religious beliefs renounce them and attack them, can feel like betrayal to many people.

What are you talking about? That is not what happened.

Maybe not to you, but what about your friend's perspective? Is it possible that your friend sees it this way or there is something else she feels betrayed or hurt by you over?

I'm not saying that her bad behavior is okay or justified. It's not. I just think it would be helpful for you to try and put yourself in her shows and think about why she is doing this instead of simply writing her off as a horrible person.

“Mamabear's "apostasy" and the things she has been telling her friend about how she has "discovered" that her friend's religion is false.
Having a friend who once shared your religious beliefs renounce them and attack them, can feel like betrayal to many people”

1. I’m not in “apostasy.”
2. I did not discover things and tell her her religion was false.
3. I attacked no one.
4. I didn’t write her off as a horrible person.

[Cruiserdude]

“Mamabear's "apostasy" and the things she has been telling her friend about how she has "discovered" that her friend's religion is false.
Having a friend who once shared your religious beliefs renounce them and attack them, can feel like betrayal to many people”

1. I’m not in “apostasy.”
2. I did not discover things and tell her her religion was false.
3. I attacked no one.
4. I didn’t write her off as a horrible person.

Don't even acknowledge these folks' posts, Mamabear. Don't even waste your time replying to them.
We know you're one of the good guys. It drives me nuts how some of the folks on here slip in these written jabs like this post to you. They're not trying to help 'understanding'.
Best we can do is just ignore, not give them the acknowledgement they seek... as acknowledging their post validates it, in their minds.

[FrankOne]

A person that used to be my friend texted me a conference message yesterday. We haven’t spoken in months….I haven’t been to church for a while. And she’s telling tales exaggerating why I left and other things about my family. There are many more details that I can’t share. It hurts. Why are people so cruel?
Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Have you considered putting yourself in your friend's shoes? Could it be that she feels deeply betrayed by you and her gossiping is how she is attempting to cope with this?

Just a thought.

“Deeply betrayed”? What on earth are you talking about.

this is where the ship goes into the murky waters of irrational blame and lashing vengeance.

[EvanLM]

A person that used to be my friend texted me a conference message yesterday. We haven’t spoken in months….I haven’t been to church for a while. And she’s telling tales exaggerating why I left and other things about my family. There are many more details that I can’t share. It hurts. Why are people so cruel?
Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Have you considered putting yourself in your friend's shoes? Could it be that she feels deeply betrayed by you and her gossiping is how she is attempting to cope with this?

Just a thought.

“Deeply betrayed”? What on earth are you talking about.

this is where the ship goes into the murky waters of irrational blame and lashing vengeance.

on both sides

[EvanLM]

she sent a conference andyou accuse her of saying things? if she hasn't said them to your face then you ought to be upset with the personwho is bringing you the gossip which hurt your feelings.

how do you know they were even said. sometimes people lie about things that are not said just to hurt you.

oh well I think this thread has pretty well trashed your friend, though . . . so got even

[EvanLM]

thread trashed someone that nobody knows but were drug into the snare of satan . . oh the thrill of being mean and no accountability

[NowWhat]

Heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing what happened to you, because it happens to a lot of us, especially those who are questioning. The closest thing that happened to me that is similar is the loss of a friend a year ago: Interestingly, she is inactive, and I became her friend anyway: "I'm the black sheep in the ward," she said when she met me. 10 years later, she cut it off because we are opposites in church, politics and the vax issues. Last spring, she sought me out. Apparently she missed me, and she heard or read something about not letting relationships go because of differences. We spend a little time together now, but I no longer trust her with my heart. My husband had to listen to my heartbreak for months when it happened, so he has mixed feelings about my forgiving her.

[Mamabear]

she sent a conference andyou accuse her of saying things? if she hasn't said them to your face then you ought to be upset with the personwho is bringing you the gossip which hurt your feelings.

how do you know they were even said. sometimes people lie about things that are not said just to hurt you.

oh well I think this thread has pretty well trashed your friend, though . . . so got even

I asked her not to send me church things a long time ago.
And no I’m not accusing her of saying things. She is saying things and it’s effecting my family not just me. I know she is saying things because multiple people have told me including leaders.
I didn’t trash her on here and no I’m not looking to get even.
You’re wrong.

[FoundMyEden]

A person that used to be my friend texted me a conference message yesterday. We haven’t spoken in months….I haven’t been to church for a while. And she’s telling tales exaggerating why I left and other things about my family. There are many more details that I can’t share. It hurts. Why are people so cruel?
Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Just punch them on the nose.
You'll feel better.

@ Robinhood, you made me laugh. When I was going into high school I had a friend who turned and decided to bully me. She walked through the hallway where I was studying quietly (because I would go out there to read when the classroom got to distracting for me), and she grabbed a handful of my hair and started dragging me down the hall. I threatened her to release my hair or I would punch her…which I didn’t really want to do…but I did. And she released my hair in a quick fashion. My nickname throughout high school became Muhammad Ali…for a girl that was quite a compliment… Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

[FoundMyEden]

she sent a conference andyou accuse her of saying things? if she hasn't said them to your face then you ought to be upset with the personwho is bringing you the gossip which hurt your feelings.

how do you know they were even said. sometimes people lie about things that are not said just to hurt you.

oh well I think this thread has pretty well trashed your friend, though . . . so got even

I asked her not to send me church things a long time ago.
And no I’m not accusing her of saying things. She is saying things and it’s effecting my family not just me. I know she is saying things because multiple people have told me including leaders.
I didn’t trash her on here and no I’m not looking to get even.
You’re wrong.

She sounds like a narcissistic. The best thing to do w that kind of bullying is just ignore it. I’ve had a RS president who did the same thing but would ignore me in real time.

[LDS Watchman]

Mamabear's "apostasy" and the things she has been telling her friend about how she has "discovered" that her friend's religion is false.

Having a friend who once shared your religious beliefs renounce them and attack them, can feel like betrayal to many people.

What are you talking about? That is not what happened.

Maybe not to you, but what about your friend's perspective? Is it possible that your friend sees it this way or there is something else she feels betrayed or hurt by you over?

I'm not saying that her bad behavior is okay or justified. It's not. I just think it would be helpful for you to try and put yourself in her shows and think about why she is doing this instead of simply writing her off as a horrible person.

“Mamabear's "apostasy" and the things she has been telling her friend about how she has "discovered" that her friend's religion is false.
Having a friend who once shared your religious beliefs renounce them and attack them, can feel like betrayal to many people”

1. I’m not in “apostasy.”
2. I did not discover things and tell her her religion was false.
3. I attacked no one.
4. I didn’t write her off as a horrible person.

I understand your perspective, but what about her's?

[LDS Watchman]

“Mamabear's "apostasy" and the things she has been telling her friend about how she has "discovered" that her friend's religion is false.
Having a friend who once shared your religious beliefs renounce them and attack them, can feel like betrayal to many people”

1. I’m not in “apostasy.”
2. I did not discover things and tell her her religion was false.
3. I attacked no one.
4. I didn’t write her off as a horrible person.

Don't even acknowledge these folks' posts, Mamabear. Don't even waste your time replying to them.
We know you're one of the good guys. It drives me nuts how some of the folks on here slip in these written jabs like this post to you. They're not trying to help 'understanding'.
Best we can do is just ignore, not give them the acknowledgement they seek... as acknowledging their post validates it, in their minds.

What the heck?

In the OP Mamabear explained the situation with her former friend and her perspective on what's going on. She then asked "Why are people so cruel?"

In order to help her understand the answer to that question I suggested that she try and put herself in her friend's shoes.

That's not a jab. That's not me seeking validation. That's me genuinely trying to help Mamabear gain a better understanding of what is going on.

SMH

[The Red Pill]

“Mamabear's "apostasy" and the things she has been telling her friend about how she has "discovered" that her friend's religion is false.
Having a friend who once shared your religious beliefs renounce them and attack them, can feel like betrayal to many people”

1. I’m not in “apostasy.”
2. I did not discover things and tell her her religion was false.
3. I attacked no one.
4. I didn’t write her off as a horrible person.

Don't even acknowledge these folks' posts, Mamabear. Don't even waste your time replying to them.
We know you're one of the good guys. It drives me nuts how some of the folks on here slip in these written jabs like this post to you. They're not trying to help 'understanding'.
Best we can do is just ignore, not give them the acknowledgement they seek... as acknowledging their post validates it, in their minds.

What the heck?

In the OP Mamabear explained the situation with her former friend and her perspective on what's going on. She then asked "Why are people so cruel?"

In order to help her understand the answer to that question I suggested that she try and put herself in her friend's shoes.

That's not a jab. That's not me seeking validation. That's me genuinely trying to help Mamabear gain a better understanding of what is going on.

SMH

Not buying your explanation.

Believe it or not, people in or out of the church are capable of doing very evil things...there is no other side to consider in these instances.

For example...I just witnessed first hand an extended family member make up...out of whole cloth...a telephone conversation...that made accusations of things THAT NEVER HAPPENED...as in blowing it out your backside outright lies...toward another family member...in an effort to defame them...and the accuser is the president in a church organization.

Now, luckily for the accused...the phone was on speaker...and multiple witnesses heard the truth. The accuser has not apologized...nor come clean.

People can just be evil, rotten scoundrels...PERIOD!

I believe Mamabear feels like she was treated horribly in the exchanges...from my experiences with people...I have no reason to doubt her.

Since you don't know a damn thing about it, why not just show empathy? But you try to twist things around and make the friend the victim.

[iWriteStuff]

A person that used to be my friend texted me a conference message yesterday. We haven’t spoken in months….I haven’t been to church for a while. And she’s telling tales exaggerating why I left and other things about my family. There are many more details that I can’t share. It hurts. Why are people so cruel?
Has anyone experienced anything similar?

It's the new and improved reverse fellowshipping program!

It works by members being cruel and unChristlike to you in such a degree that you will know, "without a shadow of a doubt", just how many good things you're missing out on by not hanging out with such people.

As I've said before, with members like this, who needs antis?

[CuriousThinker]

she sent a conference andyou accuse her of saying things? if she hasn't said them to your face then you ought to be upset with the personwho is bringing you the gossip which hurt your feelings.

how do you know they were even said. sometimes people lie about things that are not said just to hurt you.

oh well I think this thread has pretty well trashed your friend, though . . . so got even

EvanLM, nobody knows her friend on here. Anything said is anonymous. What IS happening to MamaBear though ISN'T.
I keep reading you chastise others and I don't get why you're so angry. There is no gossip as we don't know who these people are. We can only be listening ears and friends.

[farmerchick]

A person that used to be my friend texted me a conference message yesterday. We haven’t spoken in months….I haven’t been to church for a while. And she’s telling tales exaggerating why I left and other things about my family. There are many more details that I can’t share. It hurts. Why are people so cruel?
Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Have you considered putting yourself in your friend's shoes? Could it be that she feels deeply betrayed by you and her gossiping is how she is attempting to cope with this?

Just a thought.

Soooo two wrongs make a right then? Let's just say the friend feels deeply betrayed for some reason....so the logical response is to start telling anyone who will listen a story about the former friend? Huh...maybe that's why rs is like it is .....this mentality is surely on display there....I always wondered why....so thanks for the clarity...I guess I now understand. Lol....makes perfect sense..!

[HereWeGo]

With some of the replies to the OP and some of the follow up responses, I think this may apply.

[Ado]

My mission trainer/first companion (Sister A) was horrible to me from the very first day. I couldn’t figure out why. She would slam things, throw things, and when I asked her what was wrong, she told me “nothing.” She never wanted to work, always claimed she was having period cramps. I was miserable. I kept asking her if I had done something wrong, but she would never tell me. She was just passive aggressive all the time. I was learning the language and really struggling with it, so as time went on and I couldn’t get her to tell me what she was angry about, I assumed it was just the language barrier and cultural differences, and tried to stay out of her way and just never question her on anything. I was desperate to pick up the language so we could communicate better, thinking that would help. The more I learned, the more she seemed to hate me. When she was eventually transferred and we knew who my next companion would be, she went on and on about how much I was going to hate my new companion with comments like:
“Sister C is famous for being so mean and strict. She makes her companions cry. I feel so sad for you. I’ll pray for you.”
I was terrified. Of course, none of it was true. Sister C was incredible, radiated a testimony of Jesus Christ, and treated me like a true friend and equal. She expected a lot from me, encouraged me to speak when I literally had no idea what to say (language) but always did it with love and compassion. I wondered if maybe she had just had a bad experience with other missionaries, but when I saw Sister C later on at a sisters conference, and she was saying goodbye to all the companions she had had, and there was not one dry eye, I realized Sister A had been wrong. I mean, these ladies were all openly weeping. We were all exchanging our experiences about how sister C was the best companion we had ever had. How she had taught us what it meant to serve the Lord. Clearly Sister A had lied about her to scare me.
Another lie Sister A had told came out when she was transferred. The members in the area I was left in with Sister C all turned a cold shoulder to me and I couldn’t figure out what had happened. Finally one of them told me that just before Sister A left, she texted them and told a few of them that I was the reason she was leaving, how I hated her and hated the members and that I said very specific, very awful and racist things about them behind their backs. Just totally made up lies that I couldn’t believe anyone would even be able to make up. I couldn’t believe it. Sister C couldn’t believe it either. I was mortified. Thankfully, Sister C and I were able to work to rebuild the members trust and I made sure they all knew how much I respected them and their culture. I will never understand why my first companion/trainer would be so cruel and make up such damaging lies about me and other missionaries, but it happened. She opened up to me on occasion about how she was adopted and how she struggled with it, but there is no excuse for her behavior. It hurt not only me, but members in the ward who we were supposed to be building relationships of trust with. I was kind and respectful of her. I listened to her and opened up with her about my own insecurities. I tried to be her friend. Her behavior broke my heart and made a difficult time as a new missionary adjusting to a new culture and language even more scary for me. I had challenging companionships after that, but nothing to ever compare to such blatant disregard for truth and other people’s feelings.
After that experienced, I realized some people are just cruel, sometimes for no good reason at all. The few experiences I have had with mean women in the church since then haven’t surprised me. It’s always disappointing and hurtful though. I have even had a bishop pull me aside when I was given a new primary calling to warn me about a few of the moms, and to train me on how to deal with their rude behavior. It’s a problem, and there’s no good excuse for it.

[Cruiserdude]

My mission trainer/first companion (Sister A) was horrible to me from the very first day. I couldn’t figure out why. She would slam things, throw things, and when I asked her what was wrong, she told me “nothing.” She never wanted to work, always claimed she was having period cramps. I was miserable. I kept asking her if I had done something wrong, but she would never tell me. She was just passive aggressive all the time. I was learning the language and really struggling with it, so as time went on and I couldn’t get her to tell me what she was angry about, I assumed it was just the language barrier and cultural differences, and tried to stay out of her way and just never question her on anything. I was desperate to pick up the language so we could communicate better, thinking that would help. The more I learned, the more she seemed to hate me. When she was eventually transferred and we knew who my next companion would be, she went on and on about how much I was going to hate my new companion with comments like:
“Sister C is famous for being so mean and strict. She makes her companions cry. I feel so sad for you. I’ll pray for you.”
I was terrified. Of course, none of it was true. Sister C was incredible, radiated a testimony of Jesus Christ, and treated me like a true friend and equal. She expected a lot from me, encouraged me to speak when I literally had no idea what to say (language) but always did it with love and compassion. I wondered if maybe she had just had a bad experience with other missionaries, but when I saw Sister C later on at a sisters conference, and she was saying goodbye to all the companions she had had, and there was not one dry eye, I realized Sister A had been wrong. I mean, these ladies were all openly weeping. We were all exchanging our experiences about how sister C was the best companion we had ever had. How she had taught us what it meant to serve the Lord. Clearly Sister A had lied about her to scare me.
Another lie Sister A had told came out when she was transferred. The members in the area I was left in with Sister C all turned a cold shoulder to me and I couldn’t figure out what had happened. Finally one of them told me that just before Sister A left, she texted them and told a few of them that I was the reason she was leaving, how I hated her and hated the members and that I said very specific, very awful and racist things about them behind their backs. Just totally made up lies that I couldn’t believe anyone would even be able to make up. I couldn’t believe it. Sister C couldn’t believe it either. I was mortified. Thankfully, Sister C and I were able to work to rebuild the members trust and I made sure they all knew how much I respected them and their culture. I will never understand why my first companion/trainer would be so cruel and make up such damaging lies about me and other missionaries, but it happened. She opened up to me on occasion about how she was adopted and how she struggled with it, but there is no excuse for her behavior. It hurt not only me, but members in the ward who we were supposed to be building relationships of trust with. I was kind and respectful of her. I listened to her and opened up with her about my own insecurities. I tried to be her friend. Her behavior broke my heart and made a difficult time as a new missionary adjusting to a new culture and language even more scary for me. I had challenging companionships after that, but nothing to ever compare to such blatant disregard for truth and other people’s feelings.
After that experienced, I realized some people are just cruel, sometimes for no good reason at all. The few experiences I have had with mean women in the church since then haven’t surprised me. It’s always disappointing and hurtful though.

Holy moly!!! This has to be the worst one I've ever heard or read!?!